Not Dwelling
A Fake Fanfic

JJ felt distinctly out of place at the orphanage. Despite Drake's insistence that it racked up "good deed" points for the year. Despite the fact that half the precinct was there, helping move furniture and stock shelves.

It could have to do with the fact that it was an orphanage, and therefore full of kids - and kids were not now and never had been his strong suite. It could have been the fact that these were kids with no family, or money, or anything much really. A distinct contrast to his own upbringing. Or it could have had something to do with the old nun who was greeting Dee like he was her own son, and turned to greet Ryo the same way.

Couldn't Drake have warned him who's orphanage they were going to? Then he wouldn't be caught in an awkward fight or flight position. Since he'd quit chasing Dee two months prior he'd actually found himself receiving more torment from his peers than when he'd been chasing the man. Everything from "Did you find someone hotter to stalk?" To "You've given up the official sport of Dee-glomping? How are you going to stay in shape?"

His showing up at Dee's old orphanage was bound to breed more teasing. Well, it wasn't really where Dee had grown up. That one had been bombed a few years back. But it was run by the same woman. And - by the look of things, Dee was something of a hero to the orphans who stayed there.

Before he could be spotted, he slipped into a side hall with his box of food, hoping to find the kitchen, deliver his charity donation, and escape with no one the wiser. Except Drake, who'd complain later but hopefully not open his mouth while he was there.

He'd apparently taken the wrong hall, because instead of the kitchen, he found himself in the chapel. It was quiet, and peaceful - somehow seeming far away from the hustle and bustle of the kids and his fellow officers. He found himself standing awkwardly near the back pew, a box in his hands and not sure what to do now. He supposed he could just leave the box in the chapel. Someone was bound to find it eventually. A second attempt at finding the kitchen was bound to lead to running into someone. And he didn't really feel like facing anyone right now.

Unless it was Drake, asking if he was ready to leave. Or Drake offering to take the box for him and letting him off the hook. Or Drake...well, heck, as long as it was Drake he didn't mind. Which was something he wasn't going to dwell on. He'd avoided dwelling on it for two months, and he wasn't ruining his track record now.

The door to the chapel opened, and he winced. Yah, just a little unsociable today. The visitor to the chapel was none other than the nun who'd greeted Dee and Ryo. JJ barely resisted the urge to wince again.

"Oh, my, I didn't think anyone else would be here. Are you lost, my dear?" The nun asked gently.

"Um...yah, I guess I took a wrong turn." JJ admitted.

"You came in with Drake, didn't you?"

The woman had sharp eyes to have noted that. He'd barely entered before he'd tried to make a break for it and ended up in the chapel. "Yes, Drake's my partner...on the police force." He hastily added the amendment.

"I see." Something about the way the old woman said it made him a bit uncomfortable and he shifted the box in his arms. "So, what brought you to the orphanage today?"

"My partner's insistence." He told her. He found it hard to tell her anything but the truth.

"Perhaps I can show you the way to where the donations are being collected? You seem uncomfortable in here."

"No. Not exactly. It's just...I can practically count the number of times I've been in a church on one hand, so..." He shrugged.

"You weren't raised going to church?"

"No. My father's opinion on the matter...well, I probably shouldn't repeat that here, or to you."

"I've probably heard worse, but I appreciate your discretion."

JJ nodded, glancing around the small chapel again. It still felt peaceful, and he was reluctant to leave it to face his fellow officers, or the orphans, outside. "The first time I was ever in a church was when I was nine." He wasn't sure if he was confessing, or stalling. "My father had a business meeting, and the nanny had a family emergency. I got bored in the office lobby, and there was a small church across the street. It was quiet, and peaceful. I really didn't know how to pray or anything, so I just sat in the back pew. My father came and found me there three hours later. Probably the longest I'd ever sat still in my whole life up to that point."

"But not now?"

"I'm a SWAT sharpshooter. I've held position for up to five hours waiting for a shot." JJ told her. "Maybe that's why I don't sit still any other time. Lots of extra energy to waste."

"You seem pretty quiet now."

"This place reminds me of that church."

Sister Lane tilted her head to study him. "When was the second time you were in church?"

"I attended three funerals when I was sixteen."

"That's alot of funerals for a sixteen year old."

"There would have been a fourth, but I was in protective custody at the time." Why was he confessing all this to her again?

"Your friends?"

"Nearest and dearest." His grip on the box tightened. It had been a long time since he'd let himself think about it. 'The only one not dead...committed the murders.' He finished to himself, but did not speak the words aloud. Years had dulled the pain, but the betrayal - and the guilt - never quite went away.

"You feel guilt for being the one to survive?"

Ouch. The woman was good at reading people. He wasn't sure what to reply, so he didn't.

She placed a gentle hand on his arm. "If you survived, you survived for a reason. Nothing is without purpose."

"I'm only where I am because of that. Becoming a police officer was never among my plans until after..." More to the story. So much more. A shoot-out. More deaths. The cold feeling of a hot gun in his hand for the first time. He blinked back the memories.

"Then perhaps some good came of it. Your partner brags you're a very good officer."

"Wait. Drake's mentioned me to you? Er...so you know who I am?"

Sister Lane's eyes crinkled in amusement. "I find Drake's description of you more flattering than Dee's was. More fitting too. But sometimes it's easy to miss the obvious."

JJ felt his cheeks heat in embarrassment. "Oh, Dee mentioned me too?"

"Not for several months. Interestingly enough, Drake's spoken of you more often over the past months."

'Not dwelling. Not dwelling.' He chanted to himself. "I didn't know you knew Drake so well."

"He's been a friend of Dee's for a long time. Dee always brings only the nicest people to meet me. And Drake is such a kind boy."

He was tempted to laugh at anyone calling his partner 'boy', but given the nun's age, she had her rights in that respect. "Drake's the nicest guy I know. Too nice for his own good sometimes."

"Really? He says much the same about you."

"Polite and nice aren't the same thing. I was raised to have perfect manners. He just doesn't see the difference." JJ shook his head.

"Oh, I'd say he's seeing things clearly enough." Sister Lane smiled again. "Your arms must be getting tired. Why don't you let me show you where to put that box?"

JJ nodded. "Yes, Ma'am."

"Do call me Mother. All the children do."

"Hey, Mother!" Drake's voice interrupted them. "Ted finally arrived. And he wants to know where to put some clothing donations. JJ! There you are! How'd you end up in here?"

"Hey, Drake-sempai. I took a wrong turn."

"Then why didn't you wait for me? I was going to introduce you to Mother. But when I turned back, you were gone."

"I was trying to find where to put the donations." He hefted the box.

"It is heavy? You should have let me take that box." Drake took it out of his hands without waiting for an answer.

"Hey, I can handle it." JJ huffed.

"Well, get the door instead." Drake held the box against his side with one hand and ruffled his hair with the free one.

And he wasn't going to dwell on the fact that if anyone else had done that he'd have complained about the time he'd taken to do his hair. But with Drake, he just reached up a hand to smooth it back. He noted it, but he wasn't dwelling on it.

And the fact that he no longer felt awkward or out of place now that Drake was by his side? He wasn't dwelling on that either.

He did notice that Sister Lane had a knowing smile on her face as she led the way to the kitchen. But he wasn't going to dwell on it. Nope, not dwelling at all...

Fini

Obviously this follows Like, Like Love. While I don't think I'll delete any of the Fake Fanfics I've posted, I have to admit I don't think I could write continuations to any of them either. Re-reading Fake, I find my viewpoints on how I'd write some of the characters have changed. And if I wrote the fics now they'd probably be vastly different.

I do however still love Fake. And DrakexJJ as a pairing. And I like the history I plotted for JJ when I wrote Camping Trip. And that's what JJ references to Penguin in the above fic. So, you haven't seen the end of me yet and can expect new Fake Fics from me in the future.

Salmon