Author: J.J.
Warning: It's BASED ON THE MANGA... it's unbetaed, it contains some OOC, some use of Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), a bit of sappiness, some spoilers...
Notes: This work is based on the manga even if it makes perfect sense even if you haven't read it. After all this story is placed before the series start so it shouldn't be a problem.
About the characters... Tsuzuki and Touda are a bit different from the original because this fic is placed back in their past. I'm supposing they and their relationship changed with time.
Warning over notes: This fic is filled with notes. You will find them at the bottom. Each time you see a number between brackets it means there's a note connected to the word/sentence that preceded it. Many of them explain references to other series, to YnM manga only or YnM anime only facts for who didn't get to read the manga or see the anime, explain apparently illogical things or warn you there's an explanation for illogical facts but that you'll get it later. However I suggest you to read the notes AFTER you finished the fic unless the word/sentence connected to the note is really troublesome for you to understand. Anyway the fic should be still understandable without the notes. Notes are merely extra explanations for who wants to know more or search for spoilers.
Disclaimer:
"Yami no Matsuei" belong to Matsushita Yoko. I'm merely using her characters because I love them... especially Touda, Tsuzuki and Hisoka...
Ehy, do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?
Thanks: To Candy-chan who encouraged me to write this! Thank you a lot!
Summary: 1936. GenSoKai. A city had been burned. Completely. Touda is suspected, Tsuzuki is trying to fix things while Kotaro and Kojiro are there to complicate the mess.
"I can see you wonder, just like always you do
I know you get under your aching sad fire
"Everybody's in vain", you're whispering yourself
You're in trap again that's, no, you don't wanna be
Follow your own heart even though naive
Get ready to start! I truly believe
Taking modesty never ever helps you
Having honesty leads to the way to go
Don't be afraid of failing in the game
You don't want to care for the name
Don't worry being alone in the dark
For any where, for any time
You will find me by you."
(Megumi Hayashibara - "Brave Souls")
GenSoKai - 1936
He had never meant to get in trouble this time. Of course this hadn't mattered much. Not that it had mattered before either but this time he really hadn't mean to.
A city had been burned, completely destroyed by black fire and, with it, a conspicuous portion of the territory around it.
He was the only one in GenSoKai with power enough to do so.(2)
He would have suspected of himself too, hadn't he known for sure he didn't do it. He couldn't have done it.
Tsuzuki had asked him to not cause damage and so he would never blow up a city, no matter what, but still he was the only one capable to do so and everyone in GenSoKai knew. His records weren't exactly clean either. He wouldn't be trusted, not that he deserved it. SoRyu's attempt to arrest him and stuck him back in his prison again was perfectly reasonable. He understood it. Had he been in his place he would have done the same.
However he couldn't bear to return to the darkness of the cell in the deep of Tenku-kyuu.
Tsuzuki had asked him to not fight with other Shikigami so, even if his first instinct had been to defend himself, he had restrained himself and had simply fled. Not exactly a course of actions he liked but he hadn't had any other option left.
So now there he was, hiding in a corner of GenSoKai wondering what to do next.
He couldn't hide forever; sooner or later they would find him.
He didn't want to return in that prison. Ever.
He didn't think he could survive to it.
At this exactly not so nice though another added.
What would Tsuzuki think of him now?
The man had freed him, had took responsibility for his actions, had offered him friendship and trust and by now he had probably been informed by SoRyu that he had broken that trust, had disobeyed him, had betrayed him. He hadn't really, he would never do so but which reason Tsuzuki had to believe him over SoRyu?
Hell, he wouldn't believe himself either!
Point was it hadn't been him but that didn't matter right then, did it?
He had got Tsuzuki in troubles. Again. The man had been kind to him, the first in ages and he had got him in troubles. Tsuzuki was probably cursing the day he had helped him to get out of that prison.
He groaned.
He hadn't meant it to happen!
Would Tsuzuki trust him if he told him so? Would he trust him if he told him he didn't do it?
Why should he do so?
An annoying voice was tugging at him, telling him that Tsuzuki would trust him just because Tsuzuki was Tsuzuki. His master. His friend. He'd like to trust that voice but the voice of reason was louder and was telling the exact opposite. He groaned stuck in between what he wished and what he found reasonable.
He wanted to talk to Tsuzuki. Knowing what the man was thinking would be better than wondering and even if Tsuzuki didn't believe him... at least he could apologize to him for causing him troubles. He wanted to talk to Tsuzuki. He wanted Tsuzuki there. It was all he wanted.
"Touda!"
He bolted up hearing his name cursing himself for the careless he had lost himself in his thoughts, a careless act that could have cost him his life. It wasn't like him to allow someone to get so close to him undetected but that person was a special case. He couldn't consider him as an enemy. Not now, not ever. He stared at his master who was now at few steps of distance from him, panting and leaning against a tree, looking exhausted as if he had been running for hours. He couldn't sense any other presence around them.
"Touda!" Tsuzuki called again walking toward him hurriedly, still panting. Tsuzuki grasped him for his shoulders as soon as he was close enough. "Are you well? Did they hurt you? Are you..." Worried amethyst eyes stared at him, searching for injuries. Touda blinked, taken aback. Tsuzuki... was worried about him? Wasn't he mad at him?
"I'm fine..." he replied and immediately found himself trapped in a tight hug.
"Thanks Kami-sama! I've been so worried! SoRyu said he had no idea where you were and I..." Tsuzuki didn't finish his sentence, he just snuggled closer.
"I'm fine," he repeated, still confuse. "Tsuzuki... what are you doing here?"
Why had Tsuzuki come? Was he there to arrest him? Or... or... maybe... to... to help him?
"What am I doing here?" Tsuzuki repeated in an almost outraged tone. He was released and found himself to face his master in one of his 'serious moments'. "SoRyu sent me a message about this huge mess and the fact he plans to arrest you for something you didn't and everyone seems to expect I just wait in Meifu doing nothing! It was more than normal that I dumped everything and ran here to see what in the world was going on!"
"SoRyu said I didn't do it?" he asked, stunned.
"No, I know you didn't do it," Tsuzuki clarified.
"How?" How Tsuzuki knew he didn't do it when he himself couldn't think to another one who could do it? Tsuzuki looked at him confused.
"I know you, that's how I know. You didn't do it." It was such a firm statement it impressed him. There was an absolute trust he had never received before. It made him feel... weird, weak, and helpless, like a child in front of a parent. How could this man trust him so fully?
"I didn't do it, Tsuzuki. Really. I don't know who did or how but I didn't do it. I didn't mean to get you in trouble for this." He had no idea why he felt the need to justify himself, to explain. He only knew he had to do it.
"I know, Touda, don't worry. I know." Tsuzuki's voice was so sure... So sure of his innocence when he himself couldn't be sure of it. It offered a support he had never received, an unexpected consolation. He needed it. "I know it hadn't been you. I never though it had been you," Tsuzuki repeated soothingly as if sensing his need. "Don't worry. The only thing that matters is that you're fine." He nodded obediently assuring Tsuzuki once more that he was fine.
"Tsuzuki... How did you get here?" he asked then. Tsuzuki barely knew GenSoKai and had no sense of direction whatsoever. He had been careful to not leave tracks when he had escaped. How did Tsuzuki managed to find him? And why?
Tsuzuki smiled than motioned to one of the trees around them. From it a white bird came fling toward Tsuzuki's hand and once there it converted back into Fuda after Tsuzuki told it 'Good work my little friend'.(3)
"Tsukaima. You know I'm good with them," Tsuzuki explained. Good was an euphemism. Tsuzuki had an impressive gift for Jujutsu and Touda knew it. So did half of Meifu's population. Sadly, this was more a problem than a help to Tsuzuki, since too many were scared by his ability, considering it abnormal in such a young Shinigami. In Touda's opinion they were a big bunch of idiots and he hated them because their fear hurt Tsuzuki.(4)
"You... shouldn't have come..." Abandoning everything... When Tsuzuki had already so much work and problems... all to come checking over him...
"Why does everyone think that? You're my friend and you were in trouble! If I had been in troubles and summoned you, you would have come no matter what, don't you?"
Touda nodded. Of course he would have come, no way he would disobey to Tsuzuki's summon. All he had wanted from the moment the man had freed him was to be of some use to him and that had been denied to him. Tsuzuki wouldn't, couldn't summon him. Because his power was too deadly, because he owned other Shikigami more suited to his needs, because it would cause any sort of troubles in his relationships with SoRyu and Suzaku.
"So why do you think I wouldn't come when you're in trouble?" Tsuzuki asked gently. "You didn't think I would abandon you, did you?" Touda didn't answer at first. "Did you?" Tsuzuki prodded but, by now, the damage was done. His master knew already the answer. He lowered his head.
"I... I wasn't sure, Aruji-sama... I'm sorry," he admitted, instinctively slipping into the formal mode he should use to address to his master. He hadn't meant to disappoint Tsuzuki, really. He knew Tsuzuki cared; he knew he was the only one who did. It was just it was so logical, so normal for... for everyone to suspect of him he had assumed Tsuzuki too could...
The hands on his shoulders tightened their grip.
"Oh, Touda..." Amethyst eyes were staring at him and there was pain in them. Touda wished he could take back his words but knew it was pointless. Tsuzuki had blindly trusted him and he hadn't. He had failed him. He had hurt him. That was shameful. He'd been an idiot. He'd been... He found himself being hugged tightly again, Tsuzuki's arms wrapping around his neck. "It's okay. I'm here now. No need to be sorry. You didn't know. It's okay. Now you're not alone anymore. We're friends. I won't let you alone." Tsuzuki whispered soothingly. Touda stood still at first, unsure about which should be his reaction. Protocol would say he should kneel and apologize for his lack of trust. He doubted Tsuzuki would have appreciated him following the protocol. He leaned his head against Tsuzuki's.
"Thank you... Tsuzuki..." he said simply. The hug tightened for a second as if what he said had been the most important thing Tsuzuki had even heard then he was released and Tsuzuki was looking at him again, an affectionate smile on his lips.
"It's okay. We're friends. Don't worry about it. We're friends." Tsuzuki's words were soothing, sincere and honest. He could only stare at that man, who had offered his friendship and trust to him effortlessly, asking nothing back in exchange.
"I won't ever doubt you, no matter what," he said simply, in a matter of fact tone. His weren't just words, it was a vow he would keep until his death. He would trust Tsuzuki, help and support him in whatever decision the man would take because to him nothing else mattered except this man. His master. His friend.
Tsuzuki's smile widened.
"Thank you," he replied and it looked like a huge weight had just been removed from his shoulders. Gentle fingers brushed Touda's cheek. "You look exhausted. Did you ever sleep? No, you didn't, did you? You should try resting a bit now, do you know? You can lean on me, I won't mind."
Touda didn't feel like resting. He just... didn't feel safe enough. Even if Tsuzuki trusted him he was sure SoRyu and the others didn't and... It didn't matter. If Tsuzuki wanted so, he would do so.
"Okay," he agreed but it just felt weird to sit there, leaning his head against Tsuzuki's shoulder. It was something he wasn't really used doing. Oh, he had slept around Tsuzuki sometimes, when the man had dragged him around or when they had spent the night on Tenku-kyuu roofs and it was usually more relaxing to fall asleep while staring at Tsuzuki as he talked, studied Jujutsu books or watched stars than to do it alone, in his room, always wary of every sound, but he had just never done it standing so close to him. This sort of close contact wasn't something he was used, especially after coming so close to being imprisoned again. Tsuzuki merely wrapped an arm around his shoulders and started sliding his fingers across his hair in a gentle, soothing, almost hypnotic manner. He liked it. His body unconsciously relaxed as he leaned more against the Shinigami's warm body. He could inhale Tsuzuki's scent, a bizarre mix of vanilla, sugar powder and sweat. The idiot had run all the way from Tenku-kyuu to where he was and even now he could feel that his breathing was a bit faster than normal. Really, Tsuzuki sometimes cared too much... he though as he felt tempted to smile. He could hear Tsuzuki's voice, chattering of not really important matters in a low yet lulling tone laced with affection and fondness, giving to the whole situation a look of normality as if that was nothing more than one of their 'going around through GenSoKai'.
Gentleness, warmness, scent of sweets, care and affection. That was Tsuzuki to him. Being close to him meant being trusted, understood and protected. The man was a safe place in a world that had almost destroyed whatever he was once. His safe place. He closed his eyes and left himself fall asleep. The last he remembered was Tsuzuki's voice saying he didn't have to worry because he would take care of everything.
Tsuzuki stared at his sleeping Shikigami a fond smile on his lips. Apparently Touda too had his vulnerable moments after all. The smile didn't last long. He had said he would take care of everything. Point was he had no idea how.
He wasn't good at fixing problems. How he had lived his life was a clear proof of this. In a fashion he had handled things better when he had ended up in Meifu. He hadn't planned it, really, and maybe the only reason he was managing better was that he had been lucky so far.
He didn't think he was ready to face things on his own. He still depended a lot on Natsume-sempai(5) and his Shikigami's help. He was doing fairy well in Jujutsu or so it had been told to him and he was always trying to do his best because he didn't want to be a burden to anyone but that just didn't seem enough.
No matter what he did, many of his co-workers still saw him as... 'different', which was an accomplishment in Meifu where almost everyone was different in a way or in another.
Apparently he was more different than people in Meifu were allowed to be.
He scared them and, even if Natsume-sempai had tried to protect him form the rumours, the man hadn't succeeded.
It wasn't normal for a Shinigami that young to learn Jujutsu so fast. It wasn't normal to have so much Ki. It wasn't normal to control twelve Shikigami.
Add to this his long list of psychological problems...
No, he wasn't the best person to help others but it was obvious no one else would try to get Touda out of troubles. Part of the whole thing was surely Touda's fault. The Shikigami was all but social and he had a tendency to be too blunt for his own good, especially with the wrong people. You just don't go telling SoRyu that you don't give a damn about what the KouTei KouRyu said.
SoRyu owned the KouTei KouRyu his children and that was enough to make him blindly loyal to him.(6)
And he really, really should stop not paying attention to what Rikugo said. Rikugo hated to be ignored.
And he won't even go into his interaction with Suzaku... even if Suzaku had her part in making it as difficult as possible and generally she was the first to lash out. Byakko had told him Fire Shikigami were like that. They liked to argue and to be 'territorial' over their master.(7)
The first and only time he had caught them arguing it looked like they were going to burn the whole GenSoKai and things had almost ended up really bad. After he had a talk with them they had tried to behave themselves but the temperature in the room still changed drastically toward unbearable levels of warmness if the two of them were left alone.
As for throwing Byakko in the pond... well, he knew Byakko could be annoying when he wanted to but really...
He wasn't sure he wanted to know how Touda had been before being imprisoned. Genbu had said to Tsuzuki once that he was a good influence over the Fire Shikigami because before people were afraid to simply walk around him. He had also said to Tsuzuki to not be too surprised about this. It was merely a genetic trait, something very common in all the members of Touda's race only they weren't normally that powerful.(8)
Whatever it was the reason, it kept a wall between Touda and others and Tsuzuki was sure that being alone didn't make the Shikigami happy, even if probably he didn't even realize it.
However that wasn't the problem right now. The problem was that he had to prove it hadn't been Touda the one who burned down a good part of GenSoKai with black flames and although Tsuzuki was sure Touda had nothing to do with this, he needed something more concrete to persuade SoRyu and he would have to search for it alone.
He couldn't ask for help to Natsume-sempai, it wouldn't be fair to involve him in the problem.
As for his other Shikigami...
Tsuzuki frowned his expression saddening. They weren't his Shikigami anymore. Not really.
They said they couldn't believe him. They said they couldn't trust him over this matter. Tsuzuki understood how he, a mere young Shinigami with mind problems, could not be trusted.
However he couldn't keep them under him any longer.
If they didn't trust his judgement how could he ask them to fight for him? Why should they risk their lives for someone they didn't trust?
He had never understood how he got twelve Shikigami. Now he started to think they had bonded themselves to him merely out of pity and that he didn't deserve them.
He had been so happy, so full of pride to have them.
He had never meant to argue with them, to push them back but it wouldn't be fair to keep them chained to him if that wasn't what they wanted and he had said SoRyu and the others so. He wasn't sure they had understood he meant it and he wasn't sure that was the right way to free his Shikigami but that was something over which he would worry later. For now he would simply refrain himself from summoning them.
So he was there, alone in the middle of somewhere, trying to fix a problem bigger than him, likely bigger than Tenku-kyuu.
Well, not really alone, he reminded himself as Touda squirmed closer to him in his sleep. Poor Touda, he should have been really worn out if he had managed to persuade him to lean on him so easily.
Differently from the others, Touda wasn't really the affectionate type and maybe that was why he got more cuddling from Tsuzuki than anyone else.
Tsuzuki was firmly persuaded that he needed it but left to himself Touda would never get any so Tsuzuki offered it to him without waiting for requests or something.
Maybe it was just a fleeting hug as they incidentally crossed paths but it provided the Shikigami human contact.
And even if Tsuzuki doubted Touda would ever return it, he had sawn the little changes in his behaviour, the fact he didn't tense anymore as he was touched, or that he was relaxed when Tsuzuki was around, or the fact he now stood closer to him, or the way he talked back at him sometimes, still a bit wary but definitely more natural and yet without the coldness he used with others.
As Tsuzuki said, they were friends and they could argue and call each other names and still be friends.
JJ's Notes:
1. 'Brave Souls' is the English version of 'Give A Reason' the opening of 'Slayers Next'.
2. No idea if Touda is really the only one who can control the black fire. In this fic he is.
3. Yes, Tsuzuki talks with Tsukaima. He did so in Vol. 1 and 6. I find it cute.
4. I assume that in the beginning life as a Shinigami should have not been easy for Tsuzuki and that's why he had learned to hide himself.
5. In 'Yami no Matsuei Character Sketchbook' there's a page with pictures of a certain Natsume-san. My poor Japanese knowledge only allowed me to understand this guy was Tsuzuki's caretaker (no idea if he was his mentor when Tsuzuki was alive or when he was a Shinigami and I'm not even sure if I understood this right). Anyway I decided to use this name for Tsuzuki's first partner. I made him up of course and I pictured him as someone who was in Meifu by longer than Konoe and well, had been the strongest Shinigami Enma-Cho had before Tsuzuki. After all in Vol. 3 Tsuzuki said he learned Jujutsu from his sempai who worked in the second district and it make sense that a promising Shinigami like Tsuzuki had been left in the care of someone powerful and expert. In addition to this they had likely been partners for long time considering that Tsuzuki joined Enma-Cho around 70 years before the series start and Tatsumi, Tsuzuki's third partner, around 50. This leaves 20 years in which Tsuzuki had two partners only and I'm assuming he spent a good part of those 20 years with his first partner.
6. When SoRyu fought Kurikara the KouTei KouRyu gave him part of his energy. The power that overflowed from SoRyu's body gave birth to Kijin and Tenko.
7. I've no idea if Fire Shikigami are really like that. I just assumed so, okay?
8. No idea how Touda was before his imprisonment or how his race is either. I'm just making it up.
JJ's Extra Notes:
No, SoRyu wasn't being evil arresting Touda. He's responsible for GenSoKai well being and Touda was the only one who could have done that mess. He would have done the same with every other Shiki. The only difference would have been that another Shiki would probably have the benefit of doubt.
Dictionary:
-sama: "Lord" or "Lady"
Aruji: "Master" or "Owner"
ChiJou: Land of the Living
Enma: "Demon of Darkness". Ruler of the Land of Dead
Enma-Cho: "Office Enma". In the 5th district of JuOhCho. It's ruled by Enma himself and controls only Tokyo's territory. It hosts the Shokan-ka
Fuda: Short for 'Ujikofuda' ("Charm for Shrine Visitors"). Rectangular paper "charm" used to cast some spells
GenSoKai: "Illusory world". It's where Shikigami reside and it's a mirror copy of ChiJou located in JuOhCho network
JiGoku no Kuro no Honoo: "Black Fire of Hell". Touda's fire
Jujutsu: Magic Art
JuOhCho: "Ten Kings Office". Meifu's bureaucratic organization ruled by Enma. It's in charge of judging the deceased in Japan
Kami: God
Ki: Aura
KouTei KouRyu: "Golden Emperor Golden Dragon". The highest authority in GenSoKai
Meifu: Land of the Dead
Sempai: "Older Workmate" or "Older Classmate"
Shiki: Short for 'Shikigami'
Shikigami: "Ceremonial God". Summoned creatures with two forms (usually one is animal looking while the other is human looking) that live in GenSoKai
Shinigami: "God of Death", "Death God". Nickname for the Shokan-ka workers
Shokan-Ka: "Summoning Division". Division in Enma-Cho that deals with summoning the dead to appear at court. It enters in action only when the souls of the dead don't go spontaneously to Meifu
Tenku-kyuu: "Sky Palace". Tenku's title
Tsukaima: "Familiar Magic" or "Messenger Magic" or "Useable Magic". A summoned creature created with a Fuda specifically for a determinate purpose (pursuing targets, carrying messages, attacking enemies, spying)
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