It was February 24th and it was snowing. The sun was barely rising when you see Kurama running around the house, freaking out. His hair was a mess, his clothes were wrinkly, his green eyes were paled, and he was tired.
"Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn!!" he cried out as he grabbed a couple shoes here and there, putting them in the order. He also picked up a couple pants and folded them neatly, stacking them one on top of the other, and ran into the kitchen. "Cake!"
"The hell are you doing, Fox? It's fuckin' 8:32 am!" a cocky voice croaked. Kurama suppressed a scream and whipped around, seeing his friend Hiei.
"Hiei! Thank Enma you're here! I need your help! Go get Kuwabara and Yusuke and bring them in here. Oh, and make sure they both have money, and if they don't, give them some of your hooker money!" Hiei's forehead formed an angry vein.
"Since when the hell do I-"
"JUST DO IT!!!!!"
"Aww, what the fuck, dudes?! It's 8:30! Seriously! This early?!" a familiar voice said angrily. Kurama sighed with relief as Hiei continued to glare at his redheaded friend.
"Yusuke! Is Kuwabara-"
"Right here, man. Already gonna go out," Kuwabara said. "Just need some physical and financial support." He elbowed Yusuke, who was yawning at the time. He growled and shoved Kuwabara vehemently.
"Dude, knock it off!"
"GUYS!!" Kurama shouted furiously. "Just shut up! Kuwabara, remember to get Rockstar. JJ loves that stuff!"
"I know."
"And get her something nice! Like a male hooker!"
"We can just hire Hiei." Hiei flipped Kuwabara off.
"Asshole!" Kuwabara laughed, Yusuke yawned loudly, and Kurama sweat dropped.
"Yeah, whatever. Just go, we only have until noon." Immediately, Kuwabara snapped into attention and nodded vigorously before grabbing Yusuke and was able to sneak off with Hiei's wallet.
"Don't worry, I won't forget! See you in a bit!" Kuwabara assured the kitsune cosplaying friend before running with a questioning Yusuke in tow. Hiei glared at Kurama, who went back to working on food.
"Dude... What the hell?" Hiei asked him as another mini angry vein popped up on his forehead. Kurama didn't hear him; he was too busy mumbling under his breath loudly with a stutter.
"Kurama."
"Come on, Kura. You can do this. Crack eggs..."
"Kurama."
"Oh shit, no bowl! Idiot..."
"Kurama!"
"Oh man, what time is it?"
"KURAMA!!!!!" Kurama drearily looked up at his hot-tempered friend. His eyes feigned sadness and pleaded for help.
"Hiei, please. I'm really not in the mood to fuck around. You realize what today is?" Hiei stared blankly at Kurama. "... JJ's birthday?" Hiei's eyes nearly popped out of his head.
"Oh shit, no wonder you're stressful. My bad, dude. Look, I'll get the others up- Wait." Kurama stared at his friend. "Where's JJ?"
"She spent the night at her friend's. She's coming back at noon and I figured we could put a smile on her face without her hurting us." Hiei nodded.
"Makes sense. Look, I'm gonna go get everyone else up so they can pitch in a little. And before you point out my OCC-ness, JJ's scary when people forget about 'special' occasions like this, which is why I'm helping," Hiei told Kurama. "I'll be right back." Hiei sprinted out of the room, leaving a delusional Kurama to deal with the birthday cake. He looked around the kitchen and blinked before yawning.
"Who the hell was that?"
...
Yusuke was smacking Kuwabara in the back of his head multiple times, screaming cuss words at the bulky cosplayer in the middle of a deserted Wal-Mart. Kuwabara was ignoring him, looking around for someone.
"TJ? TJ! You here?" Kuwabara called out continously as he took the blows to the head with no reaction.
"Why the hell are we here? Why couldn't we've stayed up? Why? Why? Why?" was all the stupid annoying dribble that spewed out of his motormouth.
"Kuwabara? The hell you doing here?" a familiar rezzy voice yelled out curiously. Kuwabara perked right up.
"TJ! Oh, thank God! Hey, where can you find decorations in here?" he asked her. TJ pointed to the east side of the endless store.
"Over there. Plain and simple. Everything's half-off for the week, by the way," she reminded him, not bothering to ask why he wanted to know about party decorations. Kuwabara smiled and tahnked her before racing down to the aisle where decorations were placed. Yusuke continued to bug him.
"Why the fuck are we here?! Kuwabara!" he pestered. Kuwabara continued to ignore him as he strolled down the aisle, throwing just about everything in sight, even the Halloween and Valentine's Day decorations, into the cart. "KUWABARA!"
"Urameshi, I'll tell you when we go outside so you can scream in terror," the husky-voiced cosplayer told his friend in an attempt to shut him up. Yusuke growled but said nothing as the two continued to move down the aisle with ease.
...
"All right, Hiei has woken you all up because today is a special, once-a-year occasion," Kurama announced to all the tired and crabby cosplayers that gathered in the kitchen. Yukina was rubbing her eyes before raising her hand for a question. "Yes?" Yukina yawned and glared at him that greatly reminded the stressed out kitsune cosplayer of Hiei way too much.
"Like all the other mothers here, I never get any sleep, so is this special occasion honest and truly special, or will I have to kick your ass for waking us all up at 9:00 in the morning?!" she asked vehemently. Kurama sweat dropped.
"Well, ahem, it's JJ's birthday today, so I just thought that maybe we could do something special?" Yukina's glare intensified.
"So basically, we're doing something special, this isn't really special?" Kurama gulped.
"... It'll be special to JJ."
"... All right, I'm in," Yukina chirped happily, smiling big. Kurama blinked and shook his head as he caught his breath. Everyone one had gasped.
"Wait, JJ's birthday is TODAY?!" Jin shouted excitedly. Nervous sweat trickled down his cheeks as he looked at Kurama with pleading eyes. Kurama nodded at him, answering his question. The Irish-accented cosplayer fainted, hitting the ground with the loud thump!
"Wow, that's amazing. I didn't know that," Keiko said, tilting her head slightly.
"Yeah, I didn't know that either," Mukuro commented nervously. Shizuru groaned and rolled her eyes.
"Well, we aren't gonna get any work done just saying we didn't know about today. Let's just get it done! But where's Kazuma?" she inquired. Kurama turned his attention to her.
"He's at the store with Yusuke, getting decorations for the party. I'm making the cake, but I need help with everything else." Genkai raised her hand; Kurama called on her.
"What exactly is 'everything else'?" she asked curiously. Kurama laughed nervously.
"Oh, you know... Cleaning up around here, decorating... That sorta stuff. It shouldn't be too difficult," he reassured the elderly cosplayer. Genkai glared at him before turning her attention to Hiei.
"Couldn't you and that boy have done this by yourself? He has the speed of multiple cheetahs, for Christ's sakes!" she quipped in a sassy tone. Hiei gave her a nasty look as Shizuru got in between the two strong fighters.
"Alright, no fighting, you two. Remember, it's JJ's birthday, and Kurama is asking for our help. KURAMA is ASKING for OUR HELP," she reminded them, emphasizing her last sentence. Everyone, who were beginning to make a raucous, settled down and began to break up into teams about who would do what.
"OK, Kurama obviously needs help with the cake and other foods and such. So, I suggest Sanji, Takeshi, and Okobu help him with the food," Yukina said firmly as she stood in the front of the crowded anime folk. "As for the cleaning crew, I'll be in charge for that, as well as Shizuru, Botan, Keiko, Mukuro, Youko, Usagi, Makoto, Atsuko, Rukia, Orihime, and Tatsuki for that. Everyone else, here's a list that I made up while telling you guys who does what," she announced as she handed Renji a list.
"What the hell? 'Pick up Katsuro at day care'? What, we're BABYSITTERS for ONE kid!?" he shouted angrily as he crumpled up the list and threw it at Byakuya. Yukina gritted her teeth and grabbed Renji's shirt collar and started to violently shake him.
"Look, you! I'm trying to be nice by giving you a nice list! There's more on that list! Like babysitting everyone else's kids, for instance! And feeding Xtik and Barry! Would you rather clean up this mansion, or cook all the food that's needed for the party?! HMMM!?!??!" Renji gulped quietly as nervous sweat dribbled down to his neck.
"A-all right... No need for screaming. All of us can help by d-doing stuff on t-the list, r-right?" he asked the other anime cosplayers. They all nodded, stunned at sweet Yukina's nasty temper. Almost instantly, Yukina went back to looking innocent as she released her vice grip on his shirt.
"OK then, it would be wise to go take of the babies first, then the others in any order," she advised as she sent the many cosplayers out on there way. Byakuya picked up the crumpled list before running next to Renji's side.
"Well Renji, how you feel?"
"Shut the fuck up, Byakuya."
...
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?!!? ARE YOU FUCKIN' AROUND WITH ME, OR ARE YOU SERIOUS!?!?" Yusuke screamed in a girly voice as he jumped into the cart full of bagged goods. Kuwabara rolled his eyes.
"Yeah, I'm being serious. She's been talking about it for the past week, and I didn't even know," he said softly as the duo took off rolling down a tar hill with the Wal-Mart cart still in hand.
"Dude, that's totally fucked up. I mean, why the hell would Shizuru be eating cookies with Yukina? Fucked up..." Yusuke shuddered as Kuwabara nodded.
"Yeah... Oh yeah, anyways, I was gonna tell you that it's JJ's birthday today. Yusuke's eyes widened before reducing in size.
"Wait, who told you this?"
"Kurama."
"Oh dude, I gotta tell you something." Yusuke motioned Kuwabara to lean down near Yusuke's sitting body position so he could whisper him something secretive. Kuwabara listened intently as his eyes began to widen slowly with every word that was whispered into his right ear.
"Aw, fuck! Dude, we're gonna have to hurry up then, before noon! JJ gets home then!" Yusuke groaned.
"Aw, great! OK, pick up the pace, dude!" Kuwabara obeyed, running quickly down the street with no intent of stopping.
...
ONE AND A HALF HOURS LATER
Kurama and Sanji cautiously took the homemade birthday cake out of the oven, carefully placed it on a wiped-clean counter top, before sighing in relief. Sanji's hair was ruffled and sweaty, as was Kurama's. Sanji's apron had many egg stains and frosting stains scattered about on the normally white cloth, while Kurama's cheek sported a green frosting stain. Takeshi, with a rubber glove on his hand, sampled the cake and moaned in satisfication.
"Yum, this is awesome! Good going on the frosting, Okobu," Takeshi complimented. Okobu beamed.
"Yeah, well, you guys were there to support me through and through, plus, you guys were much bigger helps than I was in this whole scenario," he said shyly. Kurama smiled.
"You were important on this, Okobu. There'd be no frosting on the cake, and it would taste blah without you, and Sanji, your expertise in this art is top-notch. The cake looks delicious!"
"It is delicious!" Takeshi interjected as he sampled the cake one last time. Sanji smiled and laughed before taking a drag on his lit cigarette.
"Heh, yeah. Hey, where're the cleaning group people? It's almost noon, and this is a surprise party! Plus, we wouldn't want the other food to get cold," he said as his eyes gazed at the many other cooked delights that covered the counter tops. Kurama shrugged.
"Don't worry, they'll be here. Just watch," he pointed out. "For now," Kurama murmured while he put down four bottles of beer on the counter, "let's have a toast."
"On the results of the food?" Okobu wondered aloud. Kurama nodded.
"Yep. To the food."
"To the food!" the other men shouted victoriously as they opened their bottles and began to take a sip of it. Suddenly, as the chefs celebrated, a loud crash and breaking of glass and other fragile things could be heard.
"WAAAAIIIIIIIIIT!! DUDES, DON'T GO THROUGH WITH THE FESTIVITIES!!!" a husky tone shouted anxiously as a Wal-Mart cart crashed into the clean kitchen. It hit the counter top, forcing all the food that Takeshi, Okobu, Kurama, and Sanji had specially prepared for JJ to fall to the ground, making a huge mess in the kitchen. Kurama's jaw dropped, Sanji's cigarette dropped to the ground, Takeshi's eyes popped open, and Okobu remain motionless as they stared at the ruins of what was the perfect meal.
"Are we late?! Did you go through with it?!" Yusuke asked frantically as he jumped out of the cart before slipping on the fallen cake and hitting his head on the counter. Kurama's eye twitched.
"It... It's ruined! Yusuke, Kuwabara! YOU GUYS RUINED IT!!!" he shouted angrily as hot tears of anger rolled down his cheeks, partially washing away the frosting on the redhead's cheek. He grabbed a frying pan, which was filled with hot grease, and smacked the both of them with it. "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THAT, YOU HEARTLESS BASTARDS!!!!" Sanji shook his head violently before kicking the weapon out of Kurama's hands.
"OK, calm down. We'll go to plan B and order Chinese food and order an extravagant cake with the works," he told him in a soothing voice.
"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED IN HERE?!?!!" Yukina screeched in a shocked tone, startling everyone in the kitchen. The Cleaning Crew stepped into the kitchen, noticing the huge mess that had accumulated. Okobu sweat dropped.
"They did it," he said instantly, pointing at Kuwabara and Yusuke. "Don't hurt me!" He jumped into the mountain of mashed potatoes and hid there, escaping the koorime's wrath.
"YUSUKE!!! KUWABARA!!!! WHAT THE HELL!?!!" Yukina cried out as she grabbed the two delinquents and shook them with rage. "YOU RUINED EVERYTHING!! YOU MADE A HOLE IN THE WALL IN THE LIVING ROOM, CRASHED THE ENTIRE FIRST FLOOR OF THE HOUSE, AND RUINED THE FOOD!! JJ SHOULD BE ARRIVING ANY MINUTE, AND THE OTHER CREW DIDN'T EVEN COME HOME YET!! WHAT DO YOU SUPPOSE WE SHOULD DO-" She was interrupted by the sound of panicked shrieking and the stomping of feet. All the girls from the Other Group came running into the kitchen and jumping into the Wal-Mart cart.
"Arghh, move your fatass, Usagi!" Yoruichi said angrily. Kuwabara and Yusuke sweat dropped at this sight. Yukina dropped the two men and turned her attention to the cart.
"What happened?!"
"Those snakes; Xtik and Beryl or whatever; got out of the cage while the boys went out to pick up the babies! We FREAKED out-" Yukina stopped Yoruichi mid-sentence.
"Whoa, those snakes are out?!" All the women that squeezed into the cart nodded. Yukina's angry expression changed to that of a frightened child. "Oh my gosh! Move over!" she cried, jumping on top of the mob of girls before trying to squeeze herself in.
"Yo hoes! Guess who's back!?" a familiar voice called out from the living room. "Whoa, what the fuck-?!? KURAMA!!! HIEI!!! KUWABARA!!! YUSUKE, EVERYONE!!! WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH THE LIVING ROOM!??!" Everyone in the kitchen stopped breathing before Kurama let out a horror-movie girl scream and fainted. Yusuke gulped and exchanged glances with a frightened glance. Hiei hid behind the mountain of girls that were stacked in the cart as JJ walked into the kitchen. "Whoa... Dudes, what the fuck?" she asked quietly as she stared at the entire kitchen. The sound of hissing could be heard as two snakes slithered into the kitchen. JJ didn't even look down at her pets; she picked them up as she glared at Kurama for an explanation. Kurama gulped audibly.
"Well, uhh... You, uhh, see, we, umm... We knew it was your birthday and..." He slowly began to tell JJ in chronologic order what happened while she was away, that Kurama wanted everyone to pitch in for her birthday plans, how Yukina forced everyone into groups, why the mansion had become such a mess in record time, and why he was crying.
"And that's what happened." Okobu dug his way out of the mashed potatoes with a guilty look on his face.
"Yeah, we had complete control over this, and we're all ready to take full blame for it," he told the teenager sadly. Sanji nodded as he took out another cigarette and lit it.
"Mhm, we just wanted to put a smile on your face for your big day." Suddenly, everyone seemed to get into order as they faced JJ with a worried look on their faces.
"Yeah, we're sorry for messing up the mansion. We'll pick it up and try to get you a gift so you'll remember today forever because you spent your birthday with us." Yusuke and Kuwabara held up their pointer fingers in protest.
"But guys, there's a reason we trashed the kitchen and living room to get to you. We wanted to tell you something-" JJ stopped the two boys with a wave of her hand.
"No, wait. I just wanna say that this was unnecessarily sweet of all you guys, and I'm glad you cared so much for my birthday, but really, there is something you all need to know." Everyone paid close attention to JJ as she delivered the news. "Umm... Well, this is sort of a bad time to tell you that tomorrow, the 25th, is my birthday, isn't it?"
Everyone except Yusuke and Kuwabara fell.
Happy Birthday to Me because I'm so damn conceited!!