Title: Untangling the Family Tree
Rating: K+
Summary: Kenny Tennyson tries to make sense of his family tree, with a little help from his parents. AU, B x G. Partly inspired by the episode, "Big Fat Alien Wedding."
Author's Note: The Kenny Tennyson in this story is Ben & Gwen's son, not Gwen's brother.
6/26/08 update: Here is the link for the family tree diagram that I referred to when I was writing this story. I hope it will clear up some of the confusion!
en (dot) wikipedia (dot) org/wiki/Image:CousinTree.svg
I might draw the Tennyson family tree sometime in the near future if I'm bored. :)
7/26/08 update: I recently watched the episode, "Ken 10," and when Kenny calls Gwen "Aunt Gwendolyn," Ben tells him she's actually his first cousin once removed. Heehee! On a related note - I don't like how Kenny is characterized in that episode. I believe he'd have a much better attitude if Gwen were his mom.
Kenny shook his head in dismay as his Great-Grandpa Max brought out a tuxedo. "No way I'm wearing that monkey suit!"
Undeterred, Great-Grandpa Max laid it on the bed. "Give it a try, sport."
"Don't be ungrateful, Kenny," his mom chided him gently. "Great-Grandpa Max bought this especially for you. You have to wear a tuxedo for Jomi's wedding. You're the ring bearer."
Kenny made a face.
"Just be glad it isn't the same ancient one I had to wear when I was ring bearer at cousin Joel's wedding," his dad added. "That tux was awful."
Great-Grandpa Max shook his head sadly. "That tux was a family heirloom, Ben. I wore it, your dad wore it, Gwen's dad wore it, and you wore it…"
"And destroyed it!" Gwen finished, laughing.
"Hey, it couldn't last forever," Ben said good-naturedly.
"You should thank your dad for destroying it, Kenny. It really was awful," Gwen told him. "It looked like something from the Great Depression."
"Hey! That tux was brand new when I got it, when I was 10," Max protested.
"I rest my case," said Gwen.
Kenny buried his face in his hands. "I have to dance at the wedding? But I don't know how to dance! I'll look like a mega-dweeb in front of everyone!"
"Don't worry, Kenny. I'll teach you how to dance."
"You know how to dance, Dad?"
"Yup. Had to learn in a hurry when I was ring bearer at Joel's wedding."
"How did you learn how to dance so fast?"
"Your mom taught me. She was in cotillion when she was a kid."
"What's cotillion?"
"It's where you go to learn manners and dancing and stuff."
"Ugh!"
"Your mom liked it."
"Did Mom really teach you how to dance?"
"Yeah. She's a great dancer. But I figured it might be less embarrassing for you if I teach you rather than your mom."
"Thanks, Dad," Kenny said gratefully.
"I heard that!" Gwen called out from the next room.
In the end, both of his parents helped him learn how to dance.
"I can't even figure out how Jomi is related to me," Kenny grumbled. "Why does she want me to be in her stupid wedding anyway?"
Ben laughed. "Jomi is fond of you, that's why. Besides, I was ring bearer at her parents' wedding. It's a family tradition now. Let me try to explain again how you're related." He began drawing their family tree.
Kenny nodded half-heartedly. He had accepted long ago that his family tree was confusing as all get out. It was because his parents were first cousins. Nothing wrong with that, but it made keeping track of how everyone was related to him far more complicated.
"Okay. Jomi's dad is Joel. Great-Grandpa Max and Joel's dad Gordon are brothers, like Grandpa Carl and Grandpa Frank are. That means Joel is first cousins with Grandpa Carl and Grandpa Frank."
"Like you and Mom are first cousins."
"Yup. And because Joel is first cousins with my dad, your Grandpa Carl, that makes him my first cousin once removed. 'Once removed' means we're one generation apart."
"And Mom?"
"Your mom is also Joel's first cousin once removed because he's first cousins with her dad, your Grandpa Frank."
"What about Jomi?"
"Well, Jomi and I are of the same generation. She's my second cousin, because her dad and my dad are first cousins. That makes Jomi your second cousin once removed."
"Double second cousin once removed," Gwen corrected him, "because she's also my second cousin."
"What your mom said," Ben amended.
Kenny stared at the family tree and the chart his dad had drawn for him for a long time.
He made a face. "Dad, doesn't this mean that you're my first cousin once removed, since Mom is your first cousin and I'm her son?!"
Ben laughed again. "Yes, technically I am your first cousin once removed. And so is your mom, since she's my first cousin, and you're my son."
"And it also means I'm my own second cousin!" Kenny exclaimed.
"Your sister is your second cousin, too," his mom added cheerfully.
Kenny groaned and held his head in his hands. "I have a headache."
His parents just laughed and gave him a big hug.
The End