Orochimaru: "So, you're saying that, if I join your little club, I get unlimited coffee AND dounuts?"
Madara: "exactly."
Orochimaru: "I'm in!!"
few years later
"That's it! I'm outta here!" Orochimaru was huffing around, flinging his stuff into his little purple suitcase. "What the hell is your problem Orochimaru?" yelled Diedarai. He could see no need whatsoever for all this ruckus. "When I joined the Akatsuki I was promised dounuts and coffee! I haven't seen a dounut or even an ounce of caffeine of ANY sort since July!" "Orochimaru," Itachi said calmly. "We can't exactly march into any village we want and demand coffee and dounuts. People don't like us. We're the bad guys, remember?" Orochimaru glared. "A promise is a promise! I'm sending in my letter of resignation to Pein immediatley!" with that Orochimaru grabbed his suitcase and marched down the hall to Pein's room.
After a long discussion, consisting mainly of Orochimaru ranting, it was decided that Orochimaru would no longer be a member of the Akatsuki. However, he did in fact have to turn in his ring, which Orochimaru hesitated in doing for a moment. Those rings are pretty pimpin'.
On his way to his new hideout Orochimaru planned his new future. "Screw them, I'll just get a boy toy to MAKE all my coffee and dounuts for me, in my own lair! Hahahahahahaha!" He was quite pleased with himself.
Shortly thereafter, a young medical nin answered Orochimaru's ad. It said stable job and good pay, so he figured "why not?" As Kabuto reached the place that was listed on the ad, he looked about with uncertainty. It was a bit, well, gloomy. There was a cave, just a cave. Not even a welcome mat. He decided that, if he got the job, he would make this place feel much more homey. He knocked on the doo..erm..cave wall and Orochimaru greeted him with a smile and welcomed him in. They sat down and Orochimaru asked Kabuto to describe himself, his personality, likes, dislikes, prior training, ect. As Kabuto talked, Orochimaru stared at him, not hearing a word spoken. "Your pretty. I like you. You're hired" Orochimaru said. Kabuto was startled. "But I was in the middle of…don't you want to know…huh?" He was just a bit confused. And…pretty? What the hell?
"Just two more questions and then you're officially hired." A smirk spread across Orochimaru's deathly pale face. Kabuto was scared. "First, can you make coffee and dounuts?" Kabuto stared at Orochimaru in confusion. Was he serious? "Uh yeah, actually, I can." He said, still lost. "Awesome!" Orochimaru was getting excited. "Now, for the second question." Orochimaru's smirk now consumed his whole face. That added to the already sinister look in his eyes, made Kabuto feel like running away. "What would you like to know" Kabuto asked hesitantly. Orochimaru looked him dead in the eyes. "What is your opinion on…bondage?" Kabuto smiled. "When do I start?"