Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi

Eli's POV (when he first meets Clare)

I look to the right, there is a dark haired girl trying to grab something out of a taller one's hands. Such behavior has forced me to pay attention to them as they walk, arguing innocently, down the sidewalk. Fighting on the side of a busy road; why would you ever even think to do such a thing? Some one could get hurt. Cars often cause fatal accidents, don't they know that? I know that.

Julia. The thought of her bursts into me. Each letter a new needle, puncturing main arteries everywhere. It takes all I have not to get out and scream at these two pedestrians. I would have gone through the day with out thinking of her; without the aches and confusion. Ignorance is bliss. I've heard this a thousand times. Yet, I'm still curious. I want to know whats caused the dispute thats turned my mind toward my lost love. I turn the music up, try to drown out my thoughts, try to forget about the girls. But I find my head turning back to them.

They're spinning in a fit with their hands above their heads when something flies out. The small object that has obviously caused the dissagreement has landed before my front left tire. I hear whatever it is crack. The sounds of shattering glass. Foolish questions race through my mind. Is my tire punctured? It didn't seem big enough to cause problems. Was this object valuable? Judging by the taller girl's shreak, I was guessing so. Finally, should I stop or, like an asshole, keep driving? Julia would have wanted me to stop.

Morty does not creak as I press on his brake pedal. He may be an antique hearse but he is well tuned. Traning my eyes close to the ground I push open the door. This is unbelievable; what was I doing? Did I want to egg the argument on further or was I about to yell at these two for fighting and nearly causing an accident? My mind was still undecided.

I feel their eyes follow me down. I don't dare to look at them yet, instead I stare steadily at what I have now noted to be glasses. I stand once more and allow myself to flick my gaze quickly up the tall one's body. Taking as much in as I possibly can. Black flats and leggings, a long flowered dress, and a jean jacket are home to a slim body with hair that stops high above her shoulders in muted brown curls. Beautifully smooth skin covers a face that holds a pair of round eyes clad in a deep shade of blue. It is as though the dark haired one does not exist any more.

Slighty pushing the hand with the mutated glasses towards her and smirking I let the words "I think they're dead," cleverly flow through my lips. Her hand reaches toward mine and clasps the broken edge of the glasses carefully. Turning them over in her hands with a dissapointed expression she trips over the words, "It's okay I uh, I don't need them anymore."

I watch it explode through her. There is no doubt in my mind that she is searching for the answers to the quetions blossoming inside. Having just met me there is no way she should, or could ever understand who I am. The hearse, my clothing, the rock music... It must all seem so devilish to a girl as clearly well rounded as this one. Seconds pass that feel like hours before she chokes out, "Got... laser surgery."

As if I hadn't noticed them before I lean closer to her face. Permiscuously peering in to her eyes was obviously making her uncomfortable. A good sign. Something simple, that's all she needs to hear.. How about, "You have pretty eyes."

I watch as those same eyes light up, a smile cracks open, and she peeks down my body. "Thanks... I'll uh, see you around?" She looks up hopefully, training her alluring portals on mine. I contemplate giving her my number, e-mail, address... I decide against it because again, I can only think simple. That is all she needs to hear.

"Yes, you will." Hearing her breathe catch with out another word I spin on my heal and step in to Morty. It is only after the door has closed that I have realised what I have done. It is only then that I let a tear slide softly down my check. How could I have possibly let myself do that? Why did I not hand the glasses to her and go along? Why did I even set foot out of the car?

To put it simply, I know better than that. Than to let a girl get to me in such ways. To have beauty shake through my outter force field. I could never be with another person in the way I was with Julia. It's my fault she's gone... My fault. I could have just been easy on her. I could have stopped yelling. I could have made her stay and appologized to her. She'd still be here with me, still be safe.

I lost my entire world; washed it down the drain.

Depression knocks on the door to my mind so I pull in to a parking space, not caring how far from the door it may be. I slam my head down on the steering wheel. Tears begin to flow freely and salene sticks to my cheeks. My beautiul, loving Julia. How could I ever let you go? So much love between us, so many words said that weren't meant... So much pain.

She must have went through so much pain. That car, that cursed car. If I ever find out who was driving... That thought is all it takes because soon black dances across my vision and I slam my fist aginst the car door. A scream rises in my throat and bursts through a barrier I hadn't known I'd set up. Myfaultmyfaultmyfault. It chants through my skull like a disease. Not a soul in the world deserves what happened to Julia... What I caused to happen.

I couldn't do that to some one else. I would scream then she would yell and stomp out the door. Stomp out of my life. Stomp to her death. Her blood was on my hands and my concious whether I liked it or not. I couldn't dive deep into my mind and cause the world to stop rotating. If I could send earth spinning the opposite direction just to go back in time and stop her I would be able to breathe deeply again. Instead I have to live with her being gone, because of me, forever.

I remember the long sleepless nights like they were yesterday. Mainly because they were. I sit in my room and focus on her. Focus on who she was and what she was supposed to be. There's a part of me, very small, very crazy, that believes it will bring her back. It never works. I try so hard. Why does it not work?

*tick tick*

I look to my left and a boy, I think, is standing there. I slide out of the car and take his outstretched hand. "I'm Adam! Want to tell me why you're still sitting in your car?"

"Way to get to know a guy?" I start sarcastically, "Hi I'm Adam! Well I'm Eli! Wow, were going to be great friends!" I end mockingly.

"Mmm... Well, school is going to start soon. Just thought I'd let you know." He's obviously not easily offened. I like that.

"Thanks man."

We start towards the school, no more conversation is needed. I've made a friend. If you count the girl I met earlier and the chick who was beside her, I guess I've made three. It might not be so bad here. I'll never forget Julia, ever, but I can still have friends. I can still try to be alive.

Just like that. It almost knocks me over. I've been slapped in the face with an invisible hand. Could it be..?

I think to Julia, I think of protection, and then I think that's what this girl, this girl with the enlightening eyes, needs. Protection. I would be that for her. She seemed so innocent. If I couldn't save Julia, then I would save her. No one was going to hurt her. Ever.