I'm quite nervous about this, this is the first time I'm writing this kind of emo-love fic and also in this format, so I not really sure what to expect. This has been sitting in my thumbdrive for over a year, the reason I decided to finally publish it was cuz I decided if I write anymore, it would seem awkward and also today is Suju's 5th anniversary and I thought if I'm ever gonna publish this might as well be today:)
This songfic is loosely based on Super Junior's It's you. An awesome song:)
Vampire Knight and Super Junior belongs to the Hino Matsuri and SM Entertainment respectively. Cuz if I owned Super Junior. I'll make Yewook real:)
Dedicated to all Vampire Knight fans who are ELFs as well. XD
ENJOY!:))
(Song lyrics are typed like this)
"Kain," she said softly as she leaned against the wall. Kain was beside her, his hands in his pockets of his Night Class uniform, he turned towards Ruka. She seemed absorbed in her own thoughts.
"Do you think it's foolish to be loving someone who would never love you back?" her voice raw with emotions, her hands clenching by her side as she took in a deep breath to steady herself, she felt like breaking.
(Even if you already have another love)
Kain took his hands out of his pocket; he could feel her anguish at being unable to forget her feelings towards Kaname. His hand instinctively reached and interlaced with hers.
Her hand was cold as he generated warmth from his hands, he will warm those cold hands of hers.
He was warmth.
Ruka glanced up as Kain smiled down at her. His orange eyes gentle and reassuring, she could feel her hand getting warmer, no doubt Kain was putting his ability to good use.
"There's nothing foolish about loving someone," he replied.
Ruka looked away, closing her eyes.
Kain felt her fingers squeezing his hand and Ruka felt a painful constrict in her heart.
"It hurts so much…" she whispered painfully soft.
His eyes softened at her bowed head, he wanted nothing more than to take away the pain.
(The moment a nail was wedged in my heart…)
"I know"
(I knew my heart would be broken…)
Ruka and Kain stood there, hands intertwined not as lovers but as two individuals whose hearts were breaking together at the very moment.
(…but I still love you)
'Aidou, Yuuki-sama will need these. Take it to her," Ruka said to Aidou as she held out a pair of her own footwear for the pureblood princess who went out bare-footed.
Aidou seemed surprised as he took it from her and disappeared to look for Yuuki. Ruka watched his fast disappearing back with hollowness in her heart. She knew she was making the right decision, the both of them were meant to be together. She had witnessed how much Kaname-sama had suffered because of Yuuki. Yuuki will be the only person in the world that could make Kaname-sama smile and the only one that would ever quench Kaname's thirst. She could never match up to her, her love for Kaname-sama will never be reciprocated.
She took in a deep breath; she reasoned that if she really loves Kaname, she'll want him to be happy and if Yuuki could make him happy, then her broken heart would be worth it. She would give them her blessings and protect them both and everyone that they loved. Everyone that Yuuki loved, she would not let anyone destroyed their happiness or come between them. She would be damned if she should fail.
"Ruka…" a familiar and comforting voice said. She didn't have to turn around to see who it was. His scent, his heat and his voice already gave him away.
She stiffened slightly when he put his hand on her shoulder.
Don't worry about me Kain, I'll be fine," She said, the steeliness in her voice disguising her sorrow.
The grip on her shoulder tightened, she twisted her head to look behind her, her eyes refusing to see his. She knew that Kain would be able to see through her once that happened; she wasn't going to let him see her in such a state. She focused her eyes on his night class uniform, the opening of his shirt, the black cloth contrasting greatly against the white of his skin. She could see the outline of his collarbone.
(I have no regret…)
"I'm always here for you…" he said simply, Ruka could feel the pieces of her heart that she had started putting back falling apart again; the glue she was using wasn't strong enough if his words were having such an effect of her. She wasn't sure why, maybe it was the fact that even if the world was changing, Akatsuki Kain will never changed. He was there where they first met Kaname, he was there when she made the decision to follow Kaname and he was there when she made the decision to attend the Night class. He was always there with her.
(…I chose you)
Ruka finally looked up at her childhood friend; his eyes were like molten gold as they gazed into her own.
(It's you)
"I know"
(It's only you)
It was a queer thing how she found out. Kain and Aidou were on the train talking while she went out for a while. She was about to enter when she caught part of their conversation.
"…Kaname-sama and Yuuki-ch-, I mean Yuuki-sama disappeared, and if we want to find them, it's not going to be easy. If they don't want to be found that there's no way we would ever be able to find them."
"Don't let Ruka hear you say that, you know that would only upset her,"
'Haish! Ruka! Ruka! Ruka! That's all you cared about. When are you going to tell that you've been in love with her since forever? I think by the time you two got together, it would be the third millennium!"
Ruka let out a sharp gasp and immediately covered her mouth as she backed from the door and was about to bolt when the compartment door opened.
Damn vampires and their impeccable hearing abilities.
The door slide opened revealing Kain. His eyes wide as he saw Ruka standing in front of him, she stood dumbfounded, her eyes not daring to meet his. She cleared her throat as she took a fleeting glance at his face as she walked past him. A shiver going down her spine as she brushed against his side to enter the compartment, she took her seat opposite Aidou who smiled brightly.
"Ruka! We're almost reaching our destination. Kaname-sama…" Ruka glared daggers at him as Aidou rattled on. He merely smiled under the death glare; already developing immunity to it after all he had been with her for as long as Kain had. She glanced out of the corner of her eye, Kain who had taken back his own seat beside her. She suddenly felt so self-conscious, as she shifted a bit closer to the window side, away from him. Kain's eye twitched at the movement, her less than one inch move from him felt like a million miles had suddenly sprouted between them. She was distancing herself from him. This was not good, that was precisely why he did not confess to her.
He was going to have a little talk with his insufferable cousin.
In private where his screams would not be heard.
It wasn't as if Ruka didn't know about his feelings but she had always dismissed it as affections for a close friend. She had never really thought that maybe Kain felt more than just platonic feelings towards her. She never believed that Kain was truly in love with her.
Ruka looked out of the window, staring into blackness as she tuned out Aidou's meaningless ranting.
She tried to recall any instances that may suggest that Aidou wasn't kidding, but she couldn't think of any. Yes, Kain had shown concern for her but it was the same as showing concern to any other close friends. The only incident she could think of was that time, that time where she saw Kain letting slip of his emotions once…
-Flashback-
When she had woken up after giving her blood to Kaname-sama, Kain was sitting beside her. His face impassive but his eyes were burning. Burning like a fire, intense and intimidating. It was the first time that Ruka had seen him in so pain and so much sorrow.
But she had been weakened after giving her blood to Kaname-sama that she had thought little of his expression and his actions. She had been too focused to getting herself back together, and dealing with the aftermath of what she had done that Kain's actions did not registered.
As she sat up in the bed and willing herself to return back to normal, Kain had asked her,
"Do you regret?"
She had opened her eyes slowly, some how she felt there was more to the question then just plain curiosity about her thoughts on what she'd done.
She studied him for a moment as his smouldering eyes fixed on hers, his face still stoic.
"No," she answered quietly.
(Oh whatever anyone, anyone says, it doesn't matter to me)
Kain had looked away from her, staring out into the bright outside world through the window.
She almost missed his words.
"Me too,"
(… For me, it's just you)
-end of flashback-
She closed her eyes as a sharp pain pierced her heart, it must had been horrible for Kain. For him to know that the girl he loved had given away something so precious, so sacred. She couldn't imagine what it must have been like for him to know that she was giving her blood away so willingly. Kain…he must have gone through a lot. And yet…he was able to live with it and still stay by her side. Stay by Kaname-sama side.
She had never felt so terrible before, this feeling was consuming her, tearing her apart literally. It hurt worse than when she finally decided to give Kaname-sama up. Was it guilt that she was feeling? The realisation that although she wasn't there for Kain but yet he seemed to be there for her every time? But then again, Kain always seemed to be problem-free; he didn't have any big problems. Other than one called – Hanabusa Aidou.
Come to think of it, Kain had always seemed so strong that it seemed almost absurd to imagine Kain helpless. She had never seen him vulnerable before, Ruka felt if it was even possible – worse. What kind of person was she? What kind of friend was she if she couldn't even tell whether Kain was hurting inside? She sneaked a glance at him; Kain was sitting beside her, silent and contemplating as always. Her heart ached as she involuntarily clenched her fists and turned away back to the darkness and emptiness outside the train window, the endless black rushing past did little to soothe her aching heart.
(The moment my eyes began to burn…)
(It's you)
I'm sorry Kain…
She realised that she had to stop running away; it was coward of her to run away. Kain was her friend above all, her childhood friend. It was ridiculous to let their friendship fall to pieces just because Kain had romantic feelings for her. Ruka believed that they were first and foremost friends before anything else and she would not lose such a treasured friend. She was going to have to make things clear to him; she had to make him understand.
"Kain, can I…can I talk to you?"
Kain looked at her, a brief flash of panic in his eyes. But nevertheless, he followed her out to the balcony.
It was dark outside; a cold numbing wind was blowing as the trees bowed to its wishes. Ruka half-wished the wind will blow in her heart as well, numbing the pain that she knew was going to come.
She leaned against the railing, her palms flat on the smooth marble. She took a shuddering breath as her fingers curled against the stone.
"Kain, I'm sorry," she finally said.
"What for?"
"For…everything," she breathed out, letting the wind carry her words away.
Kain was standing silent beside her.
(I don't need anyone else, it's only you)
When he didn't said anything, Ruka continued, "I-I heard that day, in the train. Kain, I-I can't."
(Even when my heart is set on fire…)
Kain closed his eyes, he had expected this but hearing it, hearing it from her, hearing the words in her sweet voice hit him harder than he was prepared for. He realised that he wasn't ready to go on yet, he hadn't even try.
(I've fallen too deep)
It was now or never. He was not going to lose her, this was it. He had to make Ruka understand, that no matter what he wasn't going to change.
(…my dry lips wear out)
"Ruka," he said as he turned towards her, Ruka was still staring out into the dark world. He closed the small space between them, ignoring the small flinch he received from her. Gently, he cupped her chin and turned her head towards him, her eyes finally seeing him. His pulse quickened as he gazed into her eyes, he fought against his instincts to take her there and then. No, he had to do this right, kissing her would only make matters worse.
"I love you, I always had," he said, loud enough for her to hear only.
Ruka's eyes widened as she stared back into his eyes, those amber eyes she had always seen, looked so different tonight. They were soft and gentle and held a sense of vulnerability in them that simply rendered her speechless. Kain's eyes were supposed to radiate resilience and strength and not weakness, or like a lost little boy. She had to look away if not those emotions she was suppressing so hard will overflow if she stared into them any longer.
"I can't, you…you deserve better,"
(It's you)
"I deserve you,"
His words pierced her, I deserve you these words seemed to mock her. She did not deserve him, she wasn't whole. She couldn't, she wouldn't be able to love Kain whole-heartedly. She didn't even know if she would be able to love Kain was much as he loved her.
Ruka closed her eyes, her fists shaking by her side. She felt like falling, falling into nothingness. She refused to cry, she will not cry.
"Why? Why me?" she asked fearfully.
(When you ask again, it's only you)
Kain smiled serenely, she didn't think it was possible for him of such stature to have such a tender smile. But it was his smile.
Kain's smile…
"Why not?"
Those words were like a dream to her, it wasn't real. How could two words shot down everything, all her doubts, all her worries? It wasn't possible, but yet. She could feel her cold heart warming with those two words. Kain was like the sun…
Kain was warmth.
(I don't need anyone else, it's only you)
"Kain, I-I can't forget him, it will be unfair for you. You deserved someone who can love you with her whole heart. He will always have a part of my heart,"
She was breaking, breaking, breaking.
Not yet…
Those tears will have to wait. She would not caused Kain anymore hurt than what she had already inflicted.
('It's too late' but for me it's just you)
(…I'll wait for you)
The next thing Ruka knew, Kain was pulling her into his arms. He was taking all of her; she closed her eyes, allowing a moment of weakness as a single tear escaped. Kain…Kain was too good.
I will not break; I will not break in front of him.
Kain buried his face in her hair, breathing in her scent. He tightened his hold on her, never wanting to let go. He was afraid that if he let her go, she may not come back. He had lived enough without her and he didn't think it would be possible to carry on without her any more. He needed her, he loved her. Even if she doubts herself to love him, he was doubtless. Kain will love enough for the both of them.
(When you tell me thousand and million times…)
(It's still only you)
"That's more than enough for me."
Ruka opened her eyes as she gulped. "Kain…" she choked out.
(I can't give up, I can't let you go)
"Just stay, stay with me," Kain whispered, he didn't think it was possible to sound any more desperate. He had never let anyone see this side of him, but Ruka had an ability to bring down his defences and he allowed it. Ruka would be the only one to see him like this. He was hers.
Now and forever.
(Why don't you know?)
Ruka brought her arms to wrap around his large frame as she clutched at his jacket. Kain was alright with her. He was alright with her imperfect heart, her stubborn self. She believed him; Kain will not lie to her.
But could she ever accept him? Can she ever love him? Would she be able to forget Kaname-sama?
"Just stay, stay with me,"
She heard the heart-wrenching plead from him, she couldn't bring herself to hurt him any further. She nodded against his chest as he hugged her even tighter. It was a strange feeling for Ruka, she was so jumbled up inside but yet in Kain's strong and warm embrace, she felt secure and at peace.
It was such an irony.
(For me, it's you, it's you)
When Kain finally released her, he brought both of his hands to cup her cold and wet cheeks. He gingerly wiped away the tears.
Like always, his hands were warm.
"I will never change,"
(Even when I'm born again…even as time goes by…)
(It's still you)
Kain will never stop loving Ruka.
(Only for you)
Thanks for reading! remember to review I would really appreaciate it!
And HAPPY FIFTH ANNIVERSARY SUPER JUNIOR!
Until sapphire-blue balloons cover the world...:)
Coolios!