My life was in two, my heart was in two, and my mind was in two. I was broken. I was still trying to get Finn back, and I also still wasn't over Jesse. No matter how I tried to justify what he did to try to hate him. I couldn't I still did love him. I created a front of hatred towards him when the truth couldn't be farther away. And I was still trying to win Finn back. Maybe Finn would fill the Jesse sized whole in my heart. I took a deep breath as the curtains pulled up. Show time.
What have I done? I wish I could
Away from this ship goin' under
Just tryin' to help, hurt everyone
Now I feel the weight of the world is
On my shoulders
What can you do when your good isn't good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many it times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me?
To get it right
To get it ri-igh-ight
Can I start again with my faith shaken?
'Cause I can't go back and undo this
I just have to stay and face my mistakes
But if I get stronger and wiser
I'll get through this
What can you do when your good isn't good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many it times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me?
To get it right
To get it ri-igh-ight
So I throw up my fist
I will punch in the air
And accept the truth that sometimes life isn't fair
Yeah, I'll send out a wish
Yeah, I'll send up a prayer
And finally, someone will see
How much I care!
What can you do when your good isn't good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many it times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me?
To get it right
To get it ri-igh-ight
I felt like curling up in a ball and crying. It was the last song our group had on the set list. The curtains fell and I bolted off the stage. I needed to be alone. I sat on the cold curb outside with my head on my knee's crying. I was beyond cold but I didn't care. That song stood for more than what it seemed. I wasn't just trying to date Finn again, I was trying to fill the void in my life, the emptiness. He couldn't fill it all but maybe he could ease my pain. That's all I was hoping for, but with Quinn in the picture, I have no chance. And who knows what Jesse's doing at UCLA. I started to cry even harder.
I felt a drop of something on me, I looked up and a rain drop fell on my face. Perfect now it was raining. I didn't make any effort to get up and go inside, why should i? To see if we won? Who cares I'll be a star anyway. To face Finn and Quinn? I'd rather not. I sat with my hands holding my head up. I heard a door opened behind me, I didn't really care who came out. It was probably Mercedes or Kurt. I felt the rain suddenly stop, but it was still raining from what I could see. I looked up to see him, holding his jacket over my head. "What the hell are you doing out here? You'll catch a cold, it's not good for your voice" he told me. I was still staring at him, he was real, here in Ohio, holding his jacket over me and he was getting wet. I slowly stood up, I was sitting for so long my leg fell asleep so I couldn't feel it, I tilted towards the ground. "Don't fall here" he said slipping his arm around me to help me walk.
I didn't realize how cold it was outside until I was shivering inside, with my teeth chattering. "Rachel oh my gosh what happen she's all wet!" Kurt said looking at me with Blaine and Mercedes next to him. "She was sitting outside in the freezing rain for a long time it seems" Jesse told them, "What are you doing here! Leave right now. I won't be insulted with your presence here" Kurt told him. I tried to shake my head. "N-n-n-no l –l-l-let je-j-Jesse s-s-stay" I managed to get out. Kurt eyed him. "Fine, but only because Rachel wants you to" he told him. "I'll be watching you white boy" Mercedes told him "I fully understand, but do any of the new direction girls have any extra clothes?" he asked Mercedes. "No" she frowned. "Then I'll have to do this" he said un-buttoning his shirt and wrapping in around me. He truly was perfection, I watched as he took his wet jacket and put it on. "Are her dads here?" he asked. "no almost no one is we stayed behind to look for Rachel" Kurt said. I tried to smile.
"No no no no no, I will be driving all of us home including you , for Rachel's sake she seems to disagree with any move I try to make to get rid of you. So let's go" Kurt said as Jesse wrapped his arm around my waist again.
"Sorry if anyone is sweating but Rachel needs all the heat she can get" Kurt said as he cranked the heat up. It felt nice; I started to lean on to Jesse. I felt him move his arm around me causing me to lean even closer until I had my head lying on his shoulder. "They look pretty cozy" I heard Blaine whisper to Kurt. "I'm starting to think She never hated him" Kurt replied. Smart boy he is. I smiled as Jesse played with my hair. "You have five minutes to walked her to her door and say goodbye and I'm watching" Kurt told him as he helped me out, even though I didn't need it.
The porch lite was dim but I could still see Jesse in it. "Jesse?' I asked. He smiled. "Yes?" he asked. "Do you still you know love me?" I asked looking up slowly. "Who said I ever stopped?" he asked. I pressed my lips to his. I missed him, missed, this, missed us so much. I could feel the hole slowly closing until it disappeared. "I love you Rachel, sleep tight, I'll call you" he smiled before Kurt honked his horn. "I love you too Jesse" I smiled as I walked hopelessly in love into my house.