Just a Random CLAMP
Parody
by Jedi no Miko
Authors notes: Be warned, I was on a sugar/allergy medicine high when writing most of this. It might be a little odd. None of these characters belong to me; they are property of CLAMP etc.
Sumeragi Subaru, his Eternal Angstness, was walking home one night from a job when he saw a commotion in the tree ahead. It was a bunch of crows attaching something that he couldn't quite make out. So, being the good onmyouji that he was, Subaru whipped out a handful of ofuda and chased the crows away. Walking up to the tree, he got a good look at the point of the crows' interest: it was a cute, chibi thing with large violet eyes and tiny black demon wings. And it was crying. Not being able to handle tears falling from those oh-so-purple orbs, he picked up the little thing and tried to comfort it. Finally the tears stopped flowing and the creature smiled up at him. "Thank you for saving me," it said.
"It's nothing," replied Subaru. He studied the thing for a minute. He had never seen anything like it before. "What are you?"
"I'm a Dragon of Heaven," it replied. "My name is Kamui."
"Sumeragi Subaru."
"Nice to meet you," he smiled.
Subaru nodded in response. He started walking towards his home, still carrying Kamui.
"In return for saving me," said Kamui. "I'll grant a wish for you." He beamed up at the man.
"I don't have a wish, at least none that you can grant." Kamui's face fell visibly making the onmyouji feel bad for reasons he didn't understand. "But if you'd like, you can stay at my place for awhile. Maybe I'll come up with something."
Kamui's face lit back up. "Thank you Subaru!"
Subaru sighed. Why did he get the feeling that this Kamui was going to put a major damper on his depressive anti-socialness?
The next morning Subaru woke up late. He saw that little Kamui was already up, so he went looking for him. What he found was not what he expected. Out in the garden watering the plants was a boy of around 16. With demon wings. The boy turned around and gave him a warm smile. "Good morning Subaru. I thought I'd help out by taking care of the watering for you."
"K..kamui!?" Subaru sputtered in an embarrassing display of emotion.
"Yes?"
"You…look different," he commented, regaining his composure.
"That's because at night I don't have the power to keep my true form."
"Ah." Subaru was already beginning to regret his decision to let Kamui stay. The Violet-Eyed One was humming along with a couple birds, looking so adorable that Subaru had to smile. And the Sumeragi didn't smile. Smiling meant being happy, and being happy meant that he couldn't be angsty, and being angsty was his favorite form of being. But he found he couldn't do anything except smile at Kamui.
Damn.
Meanwhile, another dragon with angel wings was watching the proceedings with great interest. "So you've found yourself a human have you Kamui. And what a delicious looking human it is."
"What does 'delicious' mean daddy?" one of his companions asked.
"Daddy" turned to the white haired…it. "It means very good to eat Kazuki."
"Ah."
"So are you going to do something evil to Kamui, Fuuma-sama?" chirped the ever-happy Keiichi.
"Of course," Fuuma replied. "Ohohohoho."
"Hee! Won't this be fun Kakyou-kun?" Keiichi asked the fourth member of their Kamui-watching party.
"Hokuto!" the dream-seer sobbed. Keiichi just grinned. Kazuki gave them both odd looks. Fuuma sweat-dropped.
Author interlude: I'm calling Nataku 'Kazuki' throughout this entire story because fits better with 'Keiichi' and 'Kakyou'. Note the beginning consonants all begin with the letter K. (This is like some twisted version on Sesame Street.) Also note that all three have the same hair color; at least it appears that way in the manga. Just wanted to point that out. End of interlude.
So while Fuuma and the blonde trio where plotting, Kamui and Subaru were making lunch. "See," explained Kamui, "I use to only drink milk. Then a friend of mine got me hooked on strawberry pocky, so now all I eat is that."
Subaru nodded. "We can pick up some more when we go to the store."
Kamui smiled and stood patiently by the door for Subaru to put on his shoes. The man studied him. "Are you going to wear that out?"
Kamui blinked at him, then looked down at himself. He was wearing the CLAMP Academy uniform that he always did. "Do you think I should change?" Subaru nodded. Kamui closed his eyes and focused his magic. The clothes changed from the uniform to a short black dress, knee socks, and shoes. Subaru was about to comment, but decided not to. The outfit did look good on him. Besides, most the time it was hard to tell that Kamui was male anyway. "Shall we go?" the dragon asked. Subaru nodded.
Fuuma watched as Kamui and Subaru left the house and walked down the street. Now would be the perfect opportunity to torment Kamui. Using a couple of beer cans, he caused the store they were heading for to blow up. Kamui stood and gaped at the hole. Subaru, being an onmyouji, was use to random things blowing up and stood there calmly. That is, until the evil laughter started. He looked up to see a person standing on a lamp post with angel wings and John Lenon glasses. Sitting in the tree next to the tree post was a bio-engineered it, a comatose dream-seer, and a hyper-genki high school boy. Subaru could tell it was going to be a long day.
"Fuuma!" Kamui cried.
"Hahaha. How'd you like that Kamui?" Fuuma jumped down and grabbed the other dragon.
"Ooooh, you're so evil Fuuma-sama, right Kazuki-chan? Kakyou-kun?" sighed Keiichi
"What does 'evil' mean?"
"Hokuto!"
Fuuma sweatdropped. But he quickly recovered, and decided that he hadn't impaled Kamui in awhile. Kamui was not too keen on this idea, especially since he was wearing a dress, so he started to cry. Seeing the Violet-Eyed One cry set Subaru off, and he proceeded to attack Fuuma. Well, this pissed Fuuma off and he tried to poke out Subaru's right eye. Bringing events full circle, Kamui got mad at Fuuma for daring to hurt Subaru. Needless to say, the street was much worse for wear by the time the three were done. Only the blonde trio remained unscathed as they were still sitting out of the way in the tree.
"What in earth happened hear?!" a startled voice called out. Everyone turned to see an attractive redhead in a revealing black dress and demon wings perched on top of one of the few surviving buildings.
"Karen-sama!" Kamui cried happily.
Karen looked down at Kamui and smiled. "What are you doing here on Earth Kamui?"
"Looking for you."
Karen frowned. She jumped gracefully to the ground and stood before the Violet-Eyed one. "You are?" Kamui nodded. "I'm sorry Kamui, but I'm not returning to Heaven. You should go back before you get in trouble."
"Why aren't you going back?"
"Because she's here with me," said a deep voice from the same building Karen had just been on.
"Se..Seshiro!" Fuuma cried out. "What are you doing here?"
Seishiro smiled as he leapt down next to Karen and wrapped his arm around her waist. "This," he said simply before kissing the woman.
Kamui and Fuuma stood speechless for a moment.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Subaru glanced into his dinning room and shook his head. He had been right about Kamui ruining his anti-socialness. Everyone had come back to his house after Kamui and Fuuma's meltdown. Apparently, Karen was the Dragon of Heaven of fire and Kamui's mentor. She had disappeared from Heaven a few months ago, and Kamui had come to Earth to try and find her. Seishiro, her lover, was a Dragon of Earth, and one of the most powerful at that. It was forbidden the two to be lovers, so they had decided to come live together on Earth. (Apparently Dragons of Earth lived in the demon world, even thought they were called 'angels' and had angel-like wings. The Dragons of Heaven lived in Heaven, but were called 'seals' and had demon-like wings. It made very little sense to Subaru, so he decided not to dwell on it too much.) Fuuma was a cousin of Seishiro's and another Dragon of Heaven who apparently lived to torment Kamui. The three blondes were his underlings Kazuki (who called Fuuma 'daddy' for reasons he did NOT want to know), Kakyou, and Keiichi. And now they were all staying at his house because Kamui wouldn't leave until he had tried to grant Subaru's wish, Karen wouldn't leave Kamui by himself, Seishiro wouldn't leave his lover, Fuuma wouldn't leave such a golden opportunity to torture Kamui, and the K3 went wherever Fuuma did. So he was stuck with four dragons and three blondes.
Damn.
To be continued (maybe)…