Mr. Mom
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANYONE THIS WAS JUST DONE FOR PURE ENTERTAINMENT. HOPE YOU ENJOY IT.
SPECIAL SHOUT OUT TO SUPERGRAVYMAN
Demi was sitting on her lazy boy recliner watching Grey's Anatomy when Selena walked into the room and sat on her lap. She wrapped her arms around her wife and Selena closed her eyes and snuggled into her sighing contently.
"Are the angels asleep?"
Selena raised both eyebrows. "Are we talking about the same children? You really need to spend more time at home, babe. Our children are the spawn of Satan," joked Selena.
Demi laughed and kissed the top of Selena's head. "I doubt that. They have such a sweet mommy. There is no way they can be bad."
Selena begged to differ, but decided that she had more important things to discuss with her wife at the moment. "Dems, I have to go on location for two weeks. The director wants to record some scenes in Rome. I have to ask mom if she can watch the kids or if not we temporarily need a live in nanny," said Selena.
Demi shook her head. "No, I'll stay home with the kids. Dad says that I have been too stressed out lately and blowing up at everybody and their momma, so he ordered me to take some time off to relax. What better way to relax than spending quality time with our kids?"
Selena knew that there was no way in hell Demi would get much relaxing done if she stayed home with their three children, but she decided that it was time that Demi spent more time with them. She was always at the studio or on tour. When she was home, Selena did most of the work. "You're right, babe," she said smiling mischievously, but Demi couldn't see since Selena had her head buried in her neck.
A week later Selena stood at the door to her house with her luggage packed as she waited for the limo to pick her up. She bent down and kissed her eight year old daughter, Allison, on the cheek and gave her a big hug. "Help your mom. Please don't drive her crazy. It took me way too long to break her in and I don't want to have to start over with a new best friend," joked Selena. She then moved on to her five year old son, Alexi. "Do your homework and no fighting with your sister. If I hear that you got detention again you are grounded until you're thirty," said Selena as she ruffled his hair. Demi was holding their two year old daughter, Arianna, in her arms, so she kissed her baby on the forehead. "Mommy is going to miss you sooo much angel," she cooed trying not to cry. Last she leaned in and captured Demi's lips lovingly before resting their foreheads together. "I love you," she whispered. "Always and forever."
A knock on the door announced that the limo was finally there so Selena headed for the door. "Demi, don't forget that Alex has football and boy scouts and that Sonny has soccer and ballet. I put the times for everything on the calendar in the kitchen," she said as she looked at her family before heading out the door. No sooner had the door closed than Selena peeked her head back in. "Don't forget the PTA meeting on Wednesday. They want to discuss cutting the arts. Tell them that we want to make a large donation. We wouldn't be anywhere without acting and music," she rambled.
"Selena! I got it. You're going to miss your flight. I love you."
The door closed again and Demi heard the limo drive away. She turned towards her children. "Okay, who's up for pizza and a movie?" she asked grinning.
"I want to watch PPP, Camp Rock 1 & 2 and Ramona & Beezus," said Allison.
"No, I want Transformers and Iron Man!" yelled Alexis.
Soon a heated argument had begun, so Demi stuck her fingers in her mouth and let out a loud wolf whistle. "Go get your pajamas on. We're watching Princess Protection and Transformers 2." Her kids raced up the stairs. Demi kissed the top of Arianna's head. "I hope you're the normal child."
She ordered a large pepperoni pizza, grabbed a jar of pickles from the fridge (Sonny loved pickles just like her mommy) and a six pack of cokes. She could hear a stampede coming down the stairs and soon her two eldest children were fighting over her lazy boy recliner. Demi groaned and took the spot herself. She pointed to the couch on her right. "Sonny sit over there," and then to the chair on her left, "Alex, you there." She started the movie and got up to get the pizza when the bell rang. They all enjoyed a lazy Sunday evening watching movies and pigging out. At nine she herded everyone upstairs ordering them to brush their teeth and get to bed. She went into Sonny's room to kiss her good night and then into Alex's to tuck him in and turn on his night light. Ari had gone to sleep about two hours earlier, so she stepped into the nursery to check on her before making her way into her own bedroom and falling quickly to sleep.
At four in the morning she heard Ari crying and yelling for her mommy, so she groaned and got out of bed. She walked into the nursery and picked her baby up. "What's the matter sweetie? It's okay I'm here now." She slowly rocked her until she fell back to sleep, so she went back to her bedroom. It seemed that her head had just hit the pillow when her alarm was going off signaling that it was 5:30 am and time to get up. The kids had to be at school by 7:15, so Sel had written breakfast in at 6 on the schedule that she left Demi. She had to get the troops ready for school, so she headed into their rooms before taking a shower. Alex jumped out of bed and was ready by the time Demi got dressed, but she found Sonny still in bed. "Allison, get your lazy butt up now!"
Demi covered her face and groaned when she heard Ari crying again. Her yelling had probably woken her up. She settled Ari on her hip and made her way downstairs to fix breakfast. Demi poured two bowls of lucky charms, gave Ari a bottle and settled down to drink her coffee and read the paper.
"I don't like marshmallows," said Alex looking at his bowl in disgust. "Mommy always gives me coco puffs," he whined.
Demi glared at him. "Pick the marshmallows out," she suggested.
They finished breakfast without any further incidents, so Demi led them all out to the car. She put Ari in her baby seat and made sure the other two were wearing their seat belts. Before long they were outside the school. "Okay, hop off. Have a nice day and don't get into trouble."
Demi got back home and sat on her lazy boy with Ari on her lap. "Ok, sweetie, momma has to clean the kitchen. How would you like to watch me and mommy on Barney?" She placed her youngest daughter on a blanket in front of the TV and left her in the company of the big purple dinosaur. She cleaned the kitchen quickly and decided to get started on the laundry. She peeked in to check on Ari before heading to the laundry room. Ari was fine except for the fact that she obviously needed a diaper change. Demi tossed the diaper towards the trash can, but did not notice that she missed and that it had landed in the open washer. The phone rang and she rushed out to answer it. "Hey, baby. No everything is great. The kids are at school and Ari is watching Barney. Miss you too. The bed is too big without you." She blew a kiss into the phone and hung up. With a smile on her face she went back to the laundry room and began putting the wet clothes in the dryer accidently tossing the diaper in with them. Happy with the amount of work she had gotten done she decided to go watch Barney with Ari. "Ahhhh! No, Ari. Bad, baby!"
Either Alex or Sonny had left their crayons in the living room because now Ari was happily drawing figures on Selena's clean white wall. Demi rushed forward and picked Ari up gently taking the crayon from Ari's chubby hand as she placed her back on the blanket. She grabbed the crayon box and put it in the top drawer of the TV cabinet. Noticing that Barney was over she hit the play button again as she turned towards the wall. "Maybe Sel, won't mind. At least Ari used green. Wait what am I saying? Selena will kill me if she sees this." Demi grabbed a bucket and a sponge to clean off the wall. Just as she was finishing, the dryer buzzer went off. She put the cleaning supplies away and turned towards the dryer surprised to see smoke coming out of it. "What the fuck?" Demi opened it and groaned at the mess inside. Ari's dirty diaper, which had mysteriously ended up in Selena's new state of the art Maytag dryer, had melted. All the clothes were ruined including the exclusive, one of a kind, Prada shirt that Sel had just gotten. Demi realized that she probably shouldn't have put the shirt in the dryer in the first place. She threw everything in the dryer in the trash trying not to scream in frustration. She checked her watch noticing that it was already nine, according to the schedule it was time for Ari's nap. Demi fixed her a bottle and rocked her to sleep before placing her in her crib.
Demi sat down exhausted in the rocking chair next to Ari's crib. She woke up two hours later feeling dazed and disoriented. Ari was standing in her crib looking at her with a big smile. Demi grinned as she saw her baby. She looked just like Selena, dark black hair and beautiful brown eyes. "Come on sweetie, let's get you changed and we can go shopping." Demi dressed her daughter and headed downstairs to grab the list that Selena had left. She picked it up and counted seven pages worth of supplies. "You have to be kidding me." She raised an eyebrow at Ari who giggled at her mom's expression and headed out to the car.
As she sat in the car outside of the grocery store she noticed that she had fifteen minutes to pick the kids up, it was already two. It had taken three hours to buy everything on Selena's list. She looked at the calendar that she had transferred onto her blackberry. Sonny had soccer at 3 and Alex had football practice at 3:15. Basically, she just had enough time to get them fed.
After a quick macaroni and cheese lunch, Demi rounded the troops back up and headed to the soccer field. "I'll be here at 3:45 to take you to your ballet class." Next she dropped off Alexi at his football practice. "Your scout's meeting is at 4:45, so see you at about 4:20." By the time she left football field it was time to swing by and get Sonny. "How does Selena not go crazy doing this three out of the five days of the week and then games or recitals or camping trip on the weekends?"
Sonny got in the car and crossed her arms angrily. "What's wrong sport?"
"Coach says I'm not starting on Saturday, because I'm too aggressive. That I need to take a chill pill, before he gives me back my spot. They can't win without me mom. I'm like the best on the team," said Sonny angrily.
Demi turned towards her daughter. "Allison, you need to learn to be a team player. I'm sorry, but I agree with your coach. You need to take a chill pill."
Sonny glared at Demi. "I wish mommy was here. She would be on my side," said Sonny.
Demi didn't respond as she quietly drove Sonny to her ballet class. When they arrived she looked at her daughter with teary eyes. "I'm sorry you feel that way Allison. I'm always on your side."
Sonny got off without looking at her mom, but then went around and opened the driver's door. She leaned in and hugged her mom's waist. "I'm sorry mom. I was just mad. I love you," said Sonny before running into her class.
Demi smiled and wiped her tears as she headed back to the football field for Alexi. Her son thankfully wasn't in a bad mood. He just wouldn't shut up about his upcoming camping trip. "Mom, why don't you go with me this time? It's after mommy gets back," he said smiling expectantly.
"Of course I'll go. It will be so much fun. Why don't I join you at your meeting, so that I can get the details?"
Demi actually had a great time at the meeting and decided that she would participate more often. By five thirty she was outside the dance studio to pick up Allison. "Okay guys let's go. I don't know about you two, but me and Ari are starving."
Demi fixed fried chicken, mashed potatoes, corn on the cob and made a chocolate cake from scratch. It should be done baking by the time they were done with dinner. They all sat down to what Demi hoped would be a peaceful dinner. She was feeding Ari in her high chair, so she didn't notice Alexi stuffing his mashed potatoes in his napkin, since he apparently didn't like potatoes in any way, shape, or form. Demi stood up to get the cake and noticed smoke coming out of the oven. She rushed to open it and had a coughing fit as the smoke hit her face. Her beautiful cake was ruined. Trying not to cry she used a knife to take the burnt parts off.
Allison stuck a piece of bubble gum in her mouth and started blowing bubbles since her mom was busy in the kitchen.
"I'm telling mom you're chewing gum at the table," said Alex.
Sonny looked at her brother. "Go for it, I'll just tell her your mashed potatoes are in the napkin in your pocket," countered Sonny.
Alexis quickly reached for the napkin and tossed it behind him without noticing were it fell. "I don't know what you're talking about," he said as he tried to pop Sonny's gum. Sonny put a hand in front of her gum to shield it from Alex's finger, so he countered by causing her to smack her own face with her open palm. The gum got all over her face and her hand. Being the daughter of two actresses and therefore a complete drama queen she began to dance around the dining room chanting "ew ew ew." As she swung her arms wildly she somehow smacked Ari on the head causing her to cry and the bubble gum covered hand to stick to her head. "O O," said Sonny as she looked at her little sister wide eyed.
Demi walked into the dining room with the burnt cake just as Sonny said "O O."
"What do you mean "O O"? What happened?" She stopped in her tracks and nearly dropped the cake as she saw Ari's beautiful black locks covered in a pink substance. "Please tell me that's not bubble gum."
Sonny nodded and hid behind her chair. Demi groaned and picked Ari up to calm her down. "Each of you have a piece of cake and then get to bed. You're grounded."
They eyed the cake carefully and grimaced. "Fine, don't eat the cake, but get to your rooms like yesterday!"
Demi looked at Ari's hair again and picked up the phone. "Dallas, I need your help. Your evil nephews got gum in Ari's hair and I need to cut it out. You can even it out for me, so it doesn't look as bad."
Dallas really came through this time, thought Demi as she ran her fingers through her sleeping baby's head. Selena would still notice that it was shorter, but at least it didn't look bad. She placed her in the crib and kissed her chubby cheek. Demi made her way downstairs to her office and sat at her desk. It took her another two hours to figure out Selena's checkbook and her bill paying schedule. Exhausted she went into the living room and dropped down on her lazy boy immediately jumping up again and rubbing her butt with a grimace. The mashed potato covered napkin ended up on her pants. Demi bit her bottom lip in an effort not to scream. She cleaned her lazy boy and changed into clean pajama bottoms. She dropped on her bed and covered her eyes. "It's only Monday and I'm ready to move to Antarctica. How the hell does Sel deal with this everyday and her job?"
TWO WEEKS LATER
Selena walked into a very quiet house and frowned. She wondered where everyone was. Demi knew that she was coming home that night. Soon she noticed a dim light in the dining room such as the one cast by a candle. She walked in there curiously and found a table set for two. Demi walked out of the shadows with a yellow rose in her hand and handed it to Selena.
"Dems, it's beautiful, but where are the kids?" she asked as she walked into Demi's open arms.
"They're upstairs with Sophia."
Selena pulled back raising both eyebrows. "Is this Sophia someone I should know about?" she questioned feeling slightly jealous.
Demi laughed since she knew exactly what Selena was thinking. "Sel, Sophia is our new nanny. Baby, you do way too much and I don't help you nearly enough. From now on, we will truly be partners raising our little demons. When I'm away at tour or you're away filming, Sophia will step in to help. She will basically be on call."
Selena hugged Demi and laughed. "Our little demons, huh? I thought you said that they couldn't possibly be bad," teased Selena.
"They are horrid little creatures that get into every type of trouble imaginable, but I love them as much as I love their mommy." She leaned in to kiss Selena tenderly and then led her to the table to share their dinner. She poured them each a glass of wine and then lifted her own to make a toast. "To you baby. I don't know how you do it. Honey, you're my hero."