Have you ever known that you made a mistake? Have you ever wished you could turn back the clock or freeze time? So that you could be happy forever. Forever. That is some word. He said that we would have forever. But, I guess that fate had a different plan. Fate? No maybe just Allison. She was against us from the beginning. She knew too much and she knew how to use it against people. She knew how to make life miserable. She didn't care as long as hers was great. Some friend right? She was an evil bitch. But, I still miss her. Somehow after her disappearance hate and love blended together into grief. Grief for who I don't know. It was easier to forget about it in Iceland. It was like I got a chance to be a different person. I didn't have to think about her there. I didn't have to miss him there. I got to be a different person. A whole new Aria with no baggage. Here that's different. Every time I open my eyes it's the ninth grade again. I can picture Allison standing in the yard calling up to me as he wraps his arms around my waist. But, when I turn around he isn't there anymore. I find myself sitting on a box crying. I can't bring myself to unpack. I can't bring myself to admit that I am back here. I am just not ready for it yet. I look at myself in the mirror and I see the pink highlights that I since dyed back to black. I see the smile that I used to carry. But, I get snapped away from that picture by the sound of my mother's voice. "How does it feel to be back home?" She asked from the doorway. I turned to let her see my tears.
"Can't we go back?" I asked her. She just smiled at me like she always did before she caught me in her arms.
"This is going to be good for all of us." She said as she hugged me tight. "You will see that." She said softly. "Why don't you call the gang?" She asked as she pulled away. "I am sure they will be happy to know that you are back." She said with a smile before she disappeared down the hall. I thought about the old gang as I looked out the window that over looked the front yard and the house across the street. It was Hanna's house. I remember sitting in that front yard with Allison and her gossiping about the local boys as Spencer and Emily discussed sports. I knew that we could never be that way again. Allison of the glue that held us together. Holding something over each one of our heads. Things used to be so simple.
"Aria can you give me a lift to lacrosse tryouts?" Mike asked as he walked into my room. My younger brother didn't understand how hard it was for me to get back into the Rosewood way of life. He missed this place. He wanted to be home. I looked at him standing in my room with a goofy smile on his face.
"Yeah." I said weakly as I nodded my head. I just walked down the stairs with my head hung low and Mike pushing me towards the door.
"Where are you kids going?" My dad asked as he looked at us.
"Aria is going to take me to lacrosse practice." Mike said as he grabbed my keys off the table for me.
"Oh well be back for dinner you two." He said with his little smirk of a smile. How come everyone in this family is so damn happy? My heart is buried under these floorboards. Along with everything he ever gave me. Along with all the happy days. Along with all my smiles. Life just will never be the same. And I wish I could just go back. I find myself slowing down as we passed his house. He was outside working on his bike. His blue eyes looked right into mine before I speed up and drove away.
"Are you alright?" Mike asked as he looked at me.
"I will be." I said as I looked at the road letting little tears fall. "I should be." I whispered softly as I pulled into the Rosewood High School parking lot.
"Do you want me to call the house?" He asked me.
"No, I am going out for a bit. Call my cell." I said as I looked at him. I was planning on going to one of the college bars around, but I knew that my mother would smell the liquor on my breath. So, I drove to the lake and walked to the point where the sand met the water and I just stood there. I had so many good memories from the lake. They seemed so far away as I looked out at the water.
"Really Aria him. He is so … creepy." Allison said as she looked at me. I was telling her about the neighbor boy that I was slowly falling for. I looked at him standing on the other side of the shore with his family. His shaggy brown hair. His bright smile. And those bright blue eyes that were looking right back at me. He had asked me out the night before and there was no way I could say no.
"Plus he is a whole year older than you." Spencer said as she looked at me worried like she always used to.
"So? Ian is older than you." I said as I looked at her. Shit I can't believe that I let that slip out.
"There is a difference between crushing on and acting on." She said as she looked at me. "What if he wants to … well you know?" She asked as she made awkward hand gestures.
"Spence it's one date. I don't think that he will want to do that on the first date." I said with a smile. "Give the boy a chance." I said with a laugh.
"Aria he is a high school boy all he wants is sex." Allison said as she looked at me.
"And we are eighth grades who want boys." I said with a laugh as I looked back over at him.
"Whatever don't listen to us." She said as he walked over to us.
What a difference a few years can make? Sometimes I wonder if I should have listened to them. Was he worth this? But, I don't want to give up all the truly great memories of that relationship.
It was our third date. We were sitting on the shore of the lake watching the fourth of July fireworks. His arms were wrapped around my waist. I was looking up at the sky, but he was looking at me. "Look how beautiful they are." I said as I looked at the fireworks.
"They don't hold a candle to you." He said with a laugh as he pulled us down on our backs. He just smiled at me before leaning in for a kiss. Our first kiss. I heard once that you are supposed to feel fireworks if it means anything. And trust me I felt the fireworks as I kissed him. It was magical and perfect just like the movies. "You're my firework." He said as he looked up at the sky. I just moved closer and out my head on his chest. I fell asleep just like that that night. Next thing I know he was carrying me into my house and placing me on the sofa. "Good night Aria." He said as he placed a kiss on my head.
I missed him so much. But, I could forget that night in September. We had been together over a year and then this. This shit happened and no I am just a lonely hurt girl.
Allison had reminded me that I had left my purse at his house. I should have known that was a red flag she never wanted me to spend time with him. I walked up to the bedroom door before I heard some strange noises. Noises I knew well. Noises I wished I didn't. I opened the door to see her butt naked on his bed. On him. I couldn't believe it. I saw my purse right on the floor next to them. "Jenna." He breathed as I opened the door more. I just couldn't believe it. I wanted to cry, but I didn't I just got mad.
"Sick bastard!" I yelled before I run away. I ran to the living room before I tripped. Stupid heels I just kicked them off and started running again. I ran until I was safe in my house. I fell to the ground right in the doorway. Mike was the one to find me. He didn't ask what happened. He didn't ask why I had no shoes on. He did ask anything. He just took in his arms and let me cry. And cry. And cry.
I never felt so used before. It took me weeks to be able not to cry. Even then I was dead on the inside. I was just going through the motions. I should have put it together in my head that it was an Allison plan when she acted so fake the day after. She acted as if it was no surprise. I was starting to move on when she disappeared. Then everything went crashing down again. Now here I am sitting on the beach tears rolling down my face waiting for the sunset. Waiting for a new beginning. Waiting for my life to start again.
A/N: I don't own Pretty Little Liars. But, this is pairing just speaks to my heart and I can't stop giving them a chance. Please let me know what you think.
~ Dragonfly