Hey guys! Welcome to the first chapter of "The Troll Groom"! I know, I have been procrastinating a lot on my other stories and I'm really sorry. However, I've had this idea in my mind for months and I just had to make it happen. So anyways, I hope you all enjoy!

P.S. I will be typing with the troll's quirks mainly so the dialogue doesn't get confusing about who's talking and stuff. Don't like, don't read.

NOTE: I do not own "The Princess Bride" or "Homestuck"

John's P.O.V.

I watch excitedly as my favorite part of "Con Air" plays on my tv. Even though I've seen this movie so many times, I still tear up at this very scene. I wipe my eyes with the tissue that I've been clenching tightly for a few minutes and watch Nic Cage handing that precious, dirty bunny to his little daughter. I hear my bedroom door open and look up, ready to tell my dad that eating cake when I'm sick is not a good idea, when I see Jake standing there. "Hi Jake!" I greet him enthusiastically, happy to see him and not my dad. "Johnny boy! Good to see you, old chap!" he grins and closes my door behind him.

I sit up excitedly as he walks over to me and sits down at the edge of my bed. "So, young lad, how have you fared?" he asks. I shrug and adjust my glasses, smiling sheepishly. Suddenly, I start coughing and cover my mouth with my hands quickly. Jake grimaces "Not too well, it seems." His smile returns quickly as he pulls out a dark green parcel out of his jacket pocket and places it on my lap gently. I wipe my hands with a tissue and pick up the parcel curiously. "What is this?" I ask him. He grins "Oh, just a present from me to you." My smile grows "Thank you so much!" I say eagerly, and look back down at the item in my hands. He chuckles "Oh, it was no problem, really."

I tear off the wrapping somewhat carefully and in my hands rests a gigantic book that has a frayed, dirty golden cover but no title. I look up at him curiously. Jake laughs again "Oh come on, John, don't give me that look!" I quickly snap out of my daze. "Right, sorry. So... what is this book?" He reaches over and pats the book while saying "This, my dear friend, is the most amazing story that I'm proud of owning. Well, once owning." "Wow..." I breathe in, slowly thumbing through the pages. I catch glimpses of words and phrases every now and then, sometimes even in different colors and fonts. Wait, are those actual numbers being used instead of vowels?

I also notice a lot of swear words and furrow my brow as I look up at Jake. "Is this an adult book?" I can't help but ask. He laughs loudly and shakes his head. "Haha, no way, young lad!" He leans a bit closer to me as he talks, his voice taking on an excited tone "This book you have in your hands has so much to behold! Adventure, excitement, justice, pursuits, ghosts, torture, disabilities, revenge, escapes, god tiers-" "God tiers?" I interrupt, but he keeps talking. "-friendship, pure hatred, jealousy, true love!" He finishes with a loud sigh, a hand to his heart, and a dreamy look at the ceiling.

"Um... Jake? Please tell me that all that doesn't happen in the same order?" Jake laughs mysteriously and shrugs. "I guess you'll have to read it and find out," he says, standing up and straightening his jacket. Jake walks over to my door and opens it, turning to me. "By the way, young lad, I highly recommend you read it all in one go. It truly is worth it." And on that note, he walks out of my bedroom, closing the door behind him. I sigh and turn my attention back to the book in my hands. I delicately open it up to see a page completely blank except for what must be the title, written in exquisite calligraphy: "The Troll Groom". Interesting, a romance book actually not about a girl for once. I smile and flip over the acknowledgements until I reach the first chapter on page five, and I begin reading immediately.

Hope you guys enjoyed this brief and very vague introductory chapter! I've been writing this story in my binder at school for so long, I just had to make this a reality. Future chapters coming soon! With love, GemCrafted.