"The Waterboy" fan fiction: Colonel Sanders vs. a rabid Obama fanboy
A spoof of the college lecture scene from Adam Sandler's film 1998's "The Waterboy." Col. Sanders argues with an Obama fanboy who resembles Bobby Boucher.
START
Bobby, wearing a frayed old homemade OBAMA 2008 t-shirt, enters the classroom with his sole black friend, whom he takes great pride in.
BLACK FRIEND: So, uh, why'd you pick this class anyway? It's pretty hard.
BOBBY: Beautiful view.
Bobby gleefully points out the window to a sculpture. It is a hideous piece of postmodern "art," the sort of tripe that litters the walkways of most universities.
BLACK FRIEND (Skeptically): Right…
A professor who resembles Col. Sanders walks into the class.
SANDERS: All right, all right… Yall shut up now! Now last week we talked about cultural anthropology and its effects on human behavior. Now, is there anyone here who can tell me why Mohammedans are abnormally aggressive?
BOBBY (whispering to his black friend): I know the answer to this question.
BLACK FRIEND (whispering to Bobby): Raise your hand.
SANDERS: Anybody? Anyone? Yessa, yousa.
BOBBY: Uh-Obama said… Muslims are ornery cuz they got all that sand but no sandwiches.
The class laughs, so does Sanders.
SANDERS: Obama said… Muslims are ornery cuz they got all that sand but no sandwiches… Wow! (the class laughs again) Anybody else? Yessa, yousa.
RANDOM STUDENT #1: Muslims are aggressive because they must adhere to the 109 violent passages of the Koran.
Bobby shakes his head 'no' at this revelation.
RANDOM STUDENT #1 (cont.): Following it word for word is one of the 5 pillars of Islam as outlined by Muhammad himself, and endorsed by modern day Caliph Abdullah Abu-Akbar today.
SANDERS: That is correct, Abdullah Abu-Akbar…
BOBBY (cutting him off): But Obama said…
SANDERS (cutting him off): Abdullah! Abu-Akbar!… is where anger, jealousy, and aggression come from.Is there anybody here who can tell me where healthcare comes from?
Bobby raises his hand again. The black friend tries to pull Bobby's hand down.
BLACK FRIEND (whispering to Bobby): No man…
SANDERS: All right, let's hear what Obama has to say on the subject.
BOBBY: Obama said that healthcares is from magic rays of sunshine that come down when you're feeling blue.
Class laughs again.
SANDERS: Well folks… Obama's wrong again!
BOBBY: No Colonel Sanders you're wrong (class reacts, shocked)… Obama's right! (class laughs)
Bobby gets up and heads for the door.
SANDERS (laughing): Obama's right… OBAMA'S RIGHT! Something's wrong! He must follow Abdullah Abu-Akbar…
Bobby's mood changes to rage as scary, ominous music plays. Bobby charges Sanders as Sanders stands still, wide eyed.
BOBBY: RREEEHEHEEEHE ALLAH AKBAR!
Bobby tackles Sanders. As soon as he makes contact, Bobby and Sanders both explode, killing them and everyone in the room as well, including Bobby's black friend. He had been hiding a suicide belt under his faded OBAMA 2008 t-shirt which had been given to him by "French and Belgian" nationals. The belt was supplied to them by ISIS, the purchase of which was financed by oil rich gulf state X, which has been propped up for most of its existence by the U.S.o.A. And with this "explosive hug," the circle of the death continues…
END