A.N.: Thanks so much for the reviews of "Not Without You" and "Don't Stop Believin". This will be my angsty teen fic and honestly it's not really very original or good, still please give it a try. This idea came after the lyrics of an old song of an Argentine group. The song is Inmortal by Erreway, you can search for the song in youtube, but of course is in Spanish.
Disclaimer: If I had the rights over Glee I wouldn't be writing fanfiction in the first place, wouldn't I?
(gLee!)
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"If only I knew
How to make you look at me
Only once
I'd be your dream guy
I'd love you until the end"
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Much later in his life, he'd realise that he had loved her from the very beginning.
He was six and he was throwing the ball at Finn in the middle of the street (don't tell his mom) when a car came by the corner, they ran to the sidewalk and watched as the car passed. The car stopped at the house at the end of the street. A few days a go a guy, alone, has moved and has told Puck's mom that his family was coming soon.
A black man came out of the car and went to the other side and opened the passenger door. A little girl came out of the car. Puck gasped because she was gorgeous. Like the most beautiful thing in the world or something.
She got out of the car and as her father took their bags from the back she started to dance, ballet actually, in the middle of the street, without really caring if anyone saw her. Her long brown hair was all over her face but she looked pretty nevertheless.
The front door of the house opened and the other men (white and with glasses) came out and hugged the black men. Then he shouted 'Rachel' and the little girl came running to his arms, he took her and hugged her in the air. She started to laugh and Puck thought that that sound was the most beautiful melody in the word.
His mother decided than that was a good time to come out of the house with some of her apple pie (seriously delicious stuff) and told them to go with her to greet the new neighbours. They both nodded and followed her.
They crossed the street and walked to the residence as both man grabbed a suitcase and started to walk towards the house, the girl ran inside the house. They saw Sarah Puckerman walking towards them and stopped, putting down the suitcases and smiling.
"Hello, I'm Sarah Puckerman" She said extending her hand.
"Hi, I'm Arthur Berry" greeted the black man shaking his hand with hers.
"I'm Steve" the other man said as he shaked her hand.
"I saw you and brought this for you, I hope you like apple pie." She said as she gave them the dessert. Arthur smiled.
"I'm an apple pie lover" he admitted. "And my daughter Rachel is as well. She can't get enough of them"
"I'll give her the good news" said Steve. "Rachel honey! Come out here!"
"Yes daddy?" she said as she stepped out of the door. Her voice was amazing, angels would dream of having such a melodic and soulful voice. Her eyes were sparkling and her dress rumpled for the long trip in the car. She had a million-watt smile on her lips.
"Come say hi to our new neighbours." He motioned her to come stand next to him. "This is Sarah Puckerman"
"Hi sweety, I brought you apple pie, your father just told me that you happen to like it very much" Rachel smiled shyly and nodded against her father's leg.
"Who are them?" she said pointing at the boys behind Sara.
"This" she said "is my son Noah, and this is his friend Finn Hudson"
"Hi"
"Hey there"
"Well, I'll leave you alone so you can put the house together in peace" said Sarah
"Oh no, Steve has been here two days putting some order, the only thing missing was me, Rachel and our clothes, why don't you come in and we all eat pie?"
"We wouldn't like to bother…"
"You wouldn't, please; we'll like to get to know our neighbours"
"Well…"
"C'mon mom…I wanna eat some pie and they're offering"
So yeah, he said he wanted pie but it wasn't true, not that he didn't like pie or something. The real reason behind his whining was that he wanted to be with Rachel for a longer time and here it was his shot and his mom was saying no.
"Noah! Don't be so rude!"
"It's okay, please come in"
So, they went in. They ate pie. And he really thought it was cute that she seemed so excited about her new house. While Steve make them pass to the diner room she made her father show her the room that was hers. She ran upstairs, giggling, and they all laughed.
When she came back she was smiling from ear to ear and started to sing something that he couldn't remember. He does remember thinking, at the time, that she was really good.
That afternoon, the parents established that Rachel could spend as much time with the boys as she wanted. Puck couldn't be happier.
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Puck was the only one of the three of them to have a record player. He was also the only one to keep up with Rachel's energy. Finn was too laid back and enjoyed taking care of Puck's little sister whenever they were at his house. So while Finn took care of little Abby, Rachel and Puck would dance (she danced very professionally, he just followed her) and sing stuff.
Carole Hudson wasn't like Sarah. Sarah Puckerman had an incredible force within her, she was able to be the single mom of two kids and be awesome as well. Carole had a weaker personality and Finn liked to spend time alone with her, bringing her breakfast to bed and cuddling with his mother, then helping her clean the house and stuff. So many times it was just Noah and Rachel.
Rachel's dads loved her to death, but their jobs keep them away many times and sometimes she spent long periods of time in the Puckerman's house. Noah's home became Rachel's palace and shelter. There she could perform any new dance steps or songs she had just learned and all the family clapped in admiration, or she would eat Sarah's pie if a girl had picked on her in school while Noah comforted her. She could spend the night there, sleeping in Noah's comfortable bed, and his mom said nothing about it. Sarah loved her to death because she was Jewish and she saw the glint in Noah's eyes whenever Rachel was around.
It was love.
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He never though it was weird that she had two dads, because he only had a mom and no father. As they grew up they would say that she could share her dads with Finn and Puck, and they'd share their moms with her. Sarah and Carole loved Rachel so that agreement never bothered them.
She was cool. She knew about all kind of music and could sing pretty much everything. Later he would find out that music was the way she bonded with her dads when she had started to live with them.
You see, she's adopted. Her mother left her when she was five (bitch, she'd never understand how much she had damaged Rachel) and she never had a dad of any sort before Steve and Arthur. She was a shell when they found her in a foster house and saw her with a guitar in the corner of the room. When they came up and asked her where did she got a Gibson like that one, she told them the same story her drunken mother used to tell her: it was her father's. Her real, deadbeat and jackass dad. She told him that story in his eleventh birthday when she gave him the guitar as a present. He asked her if she was sure (he always saw the guitar in a corner of her pink room but he never saw her playing it); She told him that story and then told him that she could never bring herself to play it (choosing piano instead) and that she was sure that if he practised he'd be as good as Jimi Hendrix.
That's another thing that was so cool about her. She listened to good music. So, yeah, besides that stupid musicals music and a girly song once in a while…she listened to the good stuff too. You can blame her dads for that one too. Arthur was the one that got her into musicals and ballet and all those things that are so…Rachel. But Steve? Steve was badass. He taught Puck how to play guitar and fix cars (basically assuring him a job for the rest of the summers of his high school life), he was also responsible for Rachel knowing about cool rock music like Journey, Queen, Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd and that kind of stuff. He was sarcastic and was somewhat father figure for both Puck and Finn.
The three of them were happy kids until seventh grade. They would play and talk about everything; they would go to the cinema or play in the pool. Puck and Finn put the soundtrack to their games and Rachel would cook something to keep them happy. They never talked about why Rachel didn't hang out with other girls, because Rachel never felt the need of girl friends, except maybe when she got her first period and she wanted to talk to someone about how uncomfortable it was and she couldn't do it with the boy, but luckily Sarah and Carole took her to a girls night out and answered all her questions.
Apparently none of the girls in their class liked Rachel, especially Quinn and Santana. They were mean with Rachel but very nice to Finn and Puck, something the three of them never understood. But that didn't matter too much to them, they were always together. If there was a pair project, the teachers let the three of them be together because they knew Rachel was the only one who could make the boys work. If there was a birthday party Rachel didn't got invited to, the boys wouldn't go. If someone dared to look funny at Rachel the boys were there to help her, no matter who it was. They were the three musketeers.
They'd laugh and say 'all for one, one for all' whenever something like that happened. It was the one for all the part that broke them apart.
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Like the movie, it all went to shit when they accumulated thirteen years of life. They were teenagers now…Rachel had a teenager body now. Maybe it was the hormones, maybe the fact that they started looking at girls differently or the fact that Rachel started to look at them differently.
All the girls in school were getting curves, except Rachel but still she was the only one that got their attention. And soon Finn and Puck were getting weird dreams about her. And they both wanted to get more attention from her than the other boy. It was a silent battle that none of the three of them acknowledged. Yes, Rachel too. She realised that she hated whenever Quinn touched Finn's arm or when Santana hugged Noah goodbye a little too tightly. But the girls could try all they wanted; Finn and Puck's eyes were glued to Rachel.
It was strange. You cold say that she was the one who grew up first, the mature and sensitive one. But in she was the last one whose feelings grew into something more. Puck was the first, a moment came when he couldn't stop thinking about her, when he would look for an excuse to see her and hear her voice. Then Finn came along, saying that her voice touched him in a special way and crap like that. But Rachel, damn, she couldn't see it. To her they were still the best of friends. After subtly trying to make her chose between one or the other, they both decided to use the 'make-her-jealous' method. Finn chose Quinn as a girlfriend and Puck chose Santana as his…'whatever'.
The problem started there. Rachel didn't choose, she got mad at both of them for ditching her all the time for the girls and stopped talking to them. And they were both so idiotic that they tough that maybe if they ignored her they'd get her attention. They were wrong, so fucking wrong. She kept on with her life and they eventually got used to be around all these cute girls and nice guys who would end up being jocks and cheerios.
But then they noticed that their plan wasn't working and decided to be friends with her again, she didn't have any other friends and spent time alone nowadays. So they went to her house with I'm-sorry-chocolates-and-flowers and knocked and she opened the door and they saw her and gasped. It was the first time they had really saw her in a few months. She was different now, she had grown. She was a beautiful young lady now. And they remembered why all of that had started in the first place, they both felt some very strong feelings for her, but finally realised that she wasn't feeling something similar for any of them both.
That summer, two things happened. First, Finn and Puck started to realise how much different Rachel was from every other normal teen from their school. And when they went out with her they were a little ashamed of the fact that they were seeing hangin' around with her. She noticed this and started bitching about it all the freaking time, and it started to annoy them a little. Even thought later in the night they'd be happy at the fact that maybe she cared so much because she wanted them.
They decided to balance the situation. If Finn was going out with the gang then Puck would stay with Rachel. But this destroyed their friendship even more, because this left the other guy wondering what the other was doing alone with Rachel. It sucked. And Rachel still felt left aside.
It all blow up a week before starting high school. Finn had gone out with Quinn and Puck was in Rachel's house watching a musical with her (fine, he was looking at her). Then she started complaining about Finn not being there and Finn ditching her for Quinn and Finn this and Finn that. Sick of hearing her say Finn's name and not his, he did something to shut her up. Something he had wanted to for a while now. Something he needed to do. Something he had been craving to do for such a long time.
He kissed her.
It was delicious. It was amazing. It was explosive. Her lips were soft as she responded to the kiss. Her mouth opened and when his tongue was in her mouth she moaned and it's oh so hot. He had one hand on the back of her head and the other in her cheek. She put her arms around his neck, ignoring the sound of the door opening and closing. They broke apart as a gasp in the room interrupted their private moment.
"What the Fuck?" Finn shouted.
"Finn" said Rachel standing. Puck wanted to take her back in his arms but she stepped closer to Finn and Puck stood up behind her. "This…is not what it seems"
"Actually dude, you kind of interrupted something" Admitted Puck
"Noah! Shut up!" Rachel turned around angrily. Puck opened his mouth to response but before he could say anything Finn's fist came to his jaw. They started to fight on the Berry's living room. "Finn stop! You two STOP IT!"
They stood up; Finn turned to Rachel and looked at her. His eyes showed how hurt he was. He turned around and let himself out of the house. Rachel shot a glance at Puck and ran towards the entrance of the house. She stayed at the door frame and watched Finn walk away.
"Finn! Wait! It didn't mean anything!"
Puck was standing in the living room when he heard that. It was like if a thousand daggers had been stabbed in his chest. Feeling even more hurt than Finn, he took his stuff and left, passing beside Rachel at the door.
"Noah! Where are you going?"
"Why do you care? This doesn't mean anything, doesn't it?"
Finn left and ran to Quinn's house. Puck took his first drink that night with Matt and Mike and then ran to Santana's arms (and mouth). Rachel ran to her room and cried herself to sleep.
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Freshman year was a difficult one for Rachel. Puck and Finn became friends again but left her alone, thinking of her as the 'thing' that was poisoning their friendship. They both became jocks and they were definitely the most popular freshman guys in school. They had the hottest cheerleaders as their girlfriends and they were friend with the older guys in school.
But poor Rachel felt alone. She had never bothered to make friend outside of Noah and Finn, and now she seemed incapable of making friends. Either she didn't like the people or they didn't like her. They thought she was too determinate, too smart and secure of herself. She joined Glee, thinking she'd find people with whom she shared similar interests. Wrong, those people didn't stand her either. It seemed the only people who could stand her were Finn and Noah, but they didn't want anything to do with her anymore. She told herself that she should focus on her dreams, on school and Glee. She did, and started to ignore the pain she felt whenever Noah and Finn ignored her in the halls or how empty and lonely she could feel some times. Finally after some months of school they started to talk to her again, but it wasn't the same as before, they wouldn't see each other after class and they wouldn't do much more that catching up in the hallways.
Halfway through freshman year something happened. Glee hadn't made it to sectionals, but she wanted to see what this competition was all about. That Tuesday she went to the school were Sectionals were held in order to see their next year competition. Two rows from her was a woman who was so similar to her that got her attention. The woman turned around and they locked eyes. She was out of the room in five seconds. The woman followed her.
They only talked a few minutes. Shelby was now the coach of Vocal Adrenaline and had her life back on track, and admitted that she wanted to form a relationship with Rachel. But she was too hurt and ran back to the street, took a cab and left the place. She got home and laid between her fathers, trying to find some comfort in her new family but she didn't manage to sleep at all.
The next day she came to school without showing that big smile, she didn't pay any attention to class and couldn't bring herself to eat anything at school. She knew that people didn't like her but did they really have to be rude with her? Couldn't they just ignore her?
Last period she couldn't stand the headache and asked for permission to go to see the nurse. She took all her stuff and before making her way to the nurse's office she stopped by her locker to leave her stuff. She would ask the nurse to let her sleep until the classes were over. She closed her locker and turned around to see Jacob Ben-Israel leering at her.
"Hello, miss Berry" He whispered.
"Um, hi Jacob" answered her, always polite even if she was feeling like crap and freaked out by this guy. She looked around her noticed, as she expected that the hallway was deserted.
"I've noticed that you're not the same today, is everything okay with you? He asked nicely. Dying to hear someone, anyone, being nice to her she forced a smile and answered him.
"I'm okay, thank you, just feeling a little…off"
"Maybe I can turn you on"
"Excuse me?"
He took a step toward her, looking at her lips. "C'mon. You want it too"
Before she noticed he was forcing his lips against hers. She pushed him away and looked angrily at him. "Don't touch me! Get away from me, you disgusting…"
He took her by the arm and pushed her against the row of lockers. "It's meant to be, my princess"
She closed her eyes, not wanting to see his disgusting face, and then she heard a gasp and opened her eyes. Just as she opened her eyes, Noah took Jacob by his shirt and smashed him against the opposite row of lockers.
"Didn't you hear her say no, Jewfro?" Asked Puck with venom in his voice. "Listen loser, she is off limits you hear me? You don't get to touch her; you don't get to even look at her! Do you understand?" When Jacob didn't answer Puck shove him harder against the locker "DO YOU?"
Jacob nodded. "Go the hell away from here!" Jacob ran away and Puck turned around to see a broken Rachel. Their gazes met and she quickly ran to his arms, hiding her face in his chest. The bell rang, indicating those students were going to fill the hallways soon. "C'mon, let's get you out of here"
He took her to his house; they lay in his bed, cuddling for an eternity before she sat in the bed and looked at him before she whispered "Thank you"
"Anything for you, my princess" This time, she didn't feel disgusted by the pet name.
Before they knew it they were making out heavily on Noah's bed. Rachel didn't know if this was the correct thing to do, the only thing she was sure about was the fact that being in Noah's arms felt right, it felt perfect.
Puck could only think of how much he had wanted this, for so long and so painfully. It had took all his strength to ignore her, to kiss Santana's lips thinking they were Rachel's, resisting the urge to sent Finn and their friendship to hell just to hear her say his name and now…She felt so good, so soft, so warm underneath him. He kissed her passionately while running his hand up and down the side of her thigh.
He pushed up her blouse and started to kiss her stomach. Her hand started to caress his back underneath his shirt. Soon their clothes were on the floor and Puck broke the kiss and looked her in the eyes. "You sure baby?"
"Have you ever…?" She asked insecure.
"No, you're the first" He didn't need to ask her, he knew he was the first.
"Do you want me?" She whispered. He looked at her for a moment before answering.
"I love you, Rachel"
It was a beautiful moment, they were both smiling at the anticipation of it and when he finally entered her it hurt just a little, but he kissed her softly and murmured 'sorry' in her ear. They continued and at some point Puck was about to cry, the emotions he felt inside her were so overwhelming that they were sending him over the edge. To feel her so close to him make him so incredibly happy and when she started to say his name all he could think about was how much she felt like his and how much he needed her.
Afterwards they cuddled. She put her head in the crook of his neck and her body is curled around him. He sniffed her hair before asking her. "Did I hurt you?"
"Not at all, you were so gentle"
"Can you spend the night here? Would your dads let you?"
"My parents are away on a trip and they trust you. Do you have some comfortable clothes for me?"
"Yeah sure" He said, standing up. "Do you want anything to eat? 'Cause I'm starving"
"Wonder why" She chuckled. He handed her his jersey and a pair of his bowers while he put some clothes on and walked to the door.
"I'll be right back" She smiled and realised that she didn't feel the pain that the encounter with her mother had caused. Then Noah's phone (on the nightstand) started to vibrate and she realised it was a message, not wanting to read it she ignored the beep. She heard footsteps and soon he was entering the room with a tray in his arm.
"Aww…this is amazing!" He grinned at her comment.
"Green tea with honey for you and some coffee for me. And..." He said while sitting next to her in the bed. He looked at her, with his number on her chest and he felt immensely happy, he was distracted by her squeal.
"Oh my God! Oreos and peanut butter, like the old times"
"Hell yeah"
"You got a text message" she announced while taking a Oreo and putting some peanut butter on it. He checked it and felt a knot in his stomach. Finn. "Who is it from?"
"Finn"
"Oh"
"Rachel…"
"Let's not talk about it, okay?" she asked while kissing him. He broke the kiss to look at her in the eyes.
"You sure?"
"Please, Noah. I just want to be with you now, no worries, no Finn"
That idea sounded so incredible that he didn't push the issue. They spend a wonderful weekend together. His mom and his sister were thrilled, they loved Rachel. He didn't call Finn at all that weekend; he didn't want to think about his best friend while he was fucking the girl he knew Finn loved. Sunday afternoon they were making out in her couch (trying to use all possible time before her dads showed up) when suddenly he bought up the issue of their relationship.
"Baby"
"Yes, Noah?" she said chuckling at his pet name for her.
"How are we gonna tell Finn?"
"How are we gonna tell him what exactly?"
"That we're together now, because I think he's not gonna like…What?" He asked at her shocked expression.
"We are together? As in a couple?"
"Sure, baby. What do you think we were?"
"Friends. Like me and Finn"
He stayed quiet for a second until an idea came to his mind that made him so angry that he shouted at her. "So you and Finn fuck every weekend too?"
"What?" She asked offended and standing up. "What are you talking about?"
"This doesn't mean anything to you?"
"Noah, it was beautiful and especial, just like I wanted it to be, but you and me…"
"What Rachel?"
"I would never date you"
He remembers gathering his shit while she tried to explain, but he didn't listened to her words. All he cared about is that she had confirmed what he had thought all alone: that she would never see him as a boyfriend. She was just too amazing for him. She was talented, spoiled, bossy, demanding and simply just perfect, but he could never ever dream of reaching her. She was just an illusion, something that would never be his.
He had loved her and happily made love to her, but in the end it all went to shit. He doesn't remember going to Santana's house, he doesn't remember stealing some alcohol from her dad liquor cabinet and he doesn't remember kissing her and taking her to bed. He does remember calling her Rachel and trying to picture her face at the moment, but it didn't worked. He remembers the heartbreak because he feels it everyday since that Sunday afternoon.
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That Monday at school, Rachel felt the need to talk to Noah. She knew him well enough to know what he had though when she had said those words to him. She needed to explain to him that she was incredibly scared to loose his friendship (and Finn's) once more. She closed her locker and turned around and then…
…Something very cold got her wt from, head to toe. She opened her eyes to see Noah standing in there, Slushie cup in his hand, looking at her with a horrible smirk in her face. Santana came up behind him, wrapped her arms around his waist and laughed loudly. "Good baby! Feeling cold, manhands?"
She remembers running to the bathroom and crying for what it seemed like hours. Suddenly she heard the door open and foot steps.
"Rachel?"
"Finn?" Curiosity got the best of her and she stepped out. He looked at her, the Slushie had dried and she was almost entirely purple-colored. "What are you doing here?"
He extended her hand and smiled at her "Come with me".
He guided her towards the locker room, which was empty because everyone was in class, and handed her a towel so she could use the shower. After that she put her clothes back on and went to find Finn, he smiled at her and handed her his jersey. She changed and the jersey fit her like a very oversized dress that fell until mid-thigh.
He helped her sneak out of school without been noticed. When hugged her and helped her get into a cab, she smiled at him and murmured a 'thank you', he returned the smile and said 'I gotta go to class', turned around and left. That was the last thing they said to each other during freshman year.
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Weeks later, when she had already learned to bring a spare change of clothes to school and to expect some kind of attack, he came to talk to her. She was crying (and trying to hide it) because Santana and Quinn had made a mean joke and decided to go to the bleachers.
"Hey"
"What do you want?" She asked coldly.
"Hey, I came in peace"
"Just leave, Noah"
"I just…wanted to help you…"
"Help me? You already did a lot by starting this Slushie tradition"
"Listen" he said while putting his hands in his pockets"I'm sorry about that, but I was …hurt. You hurt me and I wanted to hurt you" He wanted to start the speech he had prepared to tell her, but she stood up and looked at him coldly.
"You know that Finn helped me? The day you left me soaked in Slushie? He took me to the locker room, made sure I could use the showers alone and lend me his jersey, and then he helped me sneak out so that I could go home"
"What? So now he's the perfect gentleman or you knight in shiny armour or whatever?" He asked, more pissed at himself than anyone else. He had handed Rachel to Finn in a silver platter.
"I don't know Noah; all I know is that I was right when I decided that I didn't want to be in a relationship with you, ever." Something inside him broke when she said those words. "I hope I never have to deal with you again because, seriously, I rather be ignored by my former best friend than being attacked by a guy that professes to love me" When he didn't said anything her expression changed from an angry one to a hurtful one. "Or maybe it wasn't true that you loved me. Then I guess that…this never really meant anything to you and Finn is the only one in this school who at least cares about my feelings. Either way it doesn't matter. At least let me tell you, you did mean something to me, but that's in the past now"
She left him alone in the bleachers while she went to class with her head high and a fake smile on her face. He just sat there looking at the empty field while thinking that…he had just lost Rachel Berry forever.
A.N.: So…that's the first part, which leaves two more to go. Next chapter we have sophomore year and… Glee club, 'babygate', Finchel and…more angst!
Please review and let me know if you liked it or you prefer me to go back to my "cute and fluffy" oneshots.