Waking in the middle of the night drenched in a cold sweat, Tony shivered as the nightmare slowly faded. It was always the same. It had been almost a year since he'd lost Michelle, but every night that day played out in his nightmares. Every night. The explosion followed by him pulling her from their burning car only to have a second explosion throw them across the yard. Waking up in the infirmary at CTU and finding out that Michelle hadn't made it. He knew he couldn't do anything to change it. He knew it was a dream, but didn't he hear somewhere that you could control the actions of your dreams? Who the hell came up with that line anyway?
No matter what happened, it was always the same, it would always be the same. He'd lost the one person in his life that meant more to him than life itself. Michelle was his love, his life, his reason for living. She was gone now. Killed in an instant. And why? To draw out Jack. He had tried to be mad at Jack for Michelle's death but, in the end, it wasn't Jack's fault. Tony knew that. He knew that it was his fault that Michelle was dead. If only he could have gotten to her faster. If only he would have reacted faster. But, no. He didn't. Now she was dead. He would never forgive himself for that.
And now he was dead too. Well, not really, but everyone thought he was. Everyone close to him thought he was dead. How could anyone have known that his body was switched and the imposter was cremated so that no one would be the wiser? He wasn't thrilled with the group that revived him, but what could he do? They offered him a chance to get back at the ones responsible. They gave him a chance for revenge. Revenge was all he left to fight for.
He knew that Michelle would hate the man he'd become. That was one of the reasons he'd never gone to the grave. Well, there was that and the fact that he was supposed to be dead. It's not like he could just walk through the cemetery and take a chance that someone would recognize him. His whole existence now revolved around the need to stay hidden. He knew she'd hate him now, but it didn't stop him from wishing she was there with him. Especially at night. He'd been through so much in his life, and Michelle had been the only one that could keep the nightmares at bay.
What he'd give to have her curled against his side right now. Her head on his shoulder and her arm draped across his chest with her hand over his heart. To have his arms wrapped around her holding her close. God how he missed her!
Slipping out of bed and facing the window and dark night beyond, he rest his head against the cool glass and shivered. Shifting his eyes to the stars above, his eyes glistened as he whispered to the heavens, "Baby, I'm sorry. I don't know how, but I'm going to make this right. I hope somehow you can forgive me for what I've become but, without you here, I'm dead inside. I don't know how to go on." Planting his hands against the window frame, Tony closed his eyes as the tears fell. "I have to make this right. If anything happens to me, I can't go through the rest of eternity without you. Life without you isn't life. This is hell."
Returning to his bed and wiping a hand across his eyes, "Baby, have faith in me because if you don't, no one else will." Laying his head on the pillow, he pulled the second pillow against him and wrapped his arms around it hoping that maybe this time the dreams would leave him and he would find peace.