A/N: Tegan's POV. Thoughts. I think this is going to turn into nothing but a chapter or two of smut.. Not sure yet, you know? I'm still kind of wanting to write something with some substance to it.. Eh, we'll see.. Please read, enjoy, and review! Thanks.. (oh, and sorry about where I leave ya with this one.. Will update ASAP!) Title taken from a song by Thompson Square.

Are You Gonna Kiss Me or Not?

-ITookTheBlame

I am completely exhausted.

Eating out of vending machines or at gas stations and not getting much sleep does things to me. It leaves me feeling unfocused and detached from reality. Add to that a hectic, never-in-one-place-for-too long life on the road and you get a very extremely tired, somber person who is ready to fall into bed and sleep for days.

I open the door of my hotel room and, for the first time in what feels like forever, I feel a small genuine smile tug at the corners of my mouth.

The only light in the room comes from a small lamp on the bedside table, but it provides just enough light for my eyes to take in my surroundings. My eyes adjust to the dim lighting and the small smile that was forming grows. As I step into the room and close the door behind me carefully, I take a deep breath and feel myself start to relax.

Still in the clothes and shoes she wore on stage tonight is Sara, stretched out on the full size bed, fast asleep. Her limbs are sprawled all over the place, and she is laying on her back, her chest rising and falling slowly as she breathes deeply. On the floor next to the bed is a book, and on the bedside table is a bag of Goldfish crackers.

She is nothing if not predictable.

I peel my jacket off and toss it with no regard as to where it lands. Next to go, kicked off one by one, are my shoes. One flies to one side of the room, while the other one lands.. Somewhere. I guess I'll find it in the morning. My t-shirt goes up and over my head then hits the ground, and I make fast work of my jeans then step out of them. Bra, boy shorts, and socks later, I am in the bathroom, turning on the water.

"Shit."

Realizing my toiletry bag is in my suitcase, I turn around and peep out of the bathroom over at Sara, who is still sleeping peacefully and soundly. If she's as tired as I am, she will be out for at least a few more hours.

I shrug to myself then run, naked as the day I was born, over to my suitcase, throwing it open and searching franticly for the bag that has my toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant, body wash, and shampoo in it.

"Where the fuck is it?"

I continue to dig through my bag wildly, tossing clean clothes all over the place.

"Where the fuck is what?" I hear Sara ask groggily.

The rustling sound of sheets causes my eyes to go wide and, without thinking, I stand up and blurt out the first thing that pops into my head.

"Uhh.. I'm naked."

Sara sits up slowly and starts to laugh.

"I can see that." She says, one eyebrow raised as she cocks her head to the side. "The question is why are you naked?"

I feel myself start to blush as Sara doesn't avert her eyes, instead choosing to look me over slowly.

"I was going to take a shower, so I got naked, you know, like.. well, like everyone does when they're about to take a shower. I realized that I forgot my toiletry bag so I ran to get it right quick, only now I can't find it."

She seems amused by my rambling, which only causes me to blush all the more, as I attempt to cover myself with just my hands.

"My stuff is already in the bathroom, just use it if you want to." She tells me, smiling as she sinks back into her pillow.

Holy fuck! Sara was.. was Sara just? No.. no way. There's no way she was checking me out.. is there?

"Thanks."

I bolt for the bathroom, closing the door behind me, and let out a breath I had no idea I had been holding.

What the fuck just happened?

The water has been running for awhile now, and I stick my hand under the warm spray and sigh contentedly as I step into the shower and pull the door closed behind me.

I should have been all like 'See something you like?' It could have played out like some scene from a movie.. well, like a porno movie.. but still…

Lost in thought, I close my eyes, letting the warm water cascade over my aching muscles. I feel them start to loosen slowly as I tilt my head forward so that my forehead rests against the tiled walls. My shoulders and lower back are aching, so I'm hoping the hot water will help ease the pain and stiffness.

What the fuck is wrong with me? That's my sister.. my twin.. And if she was willing, I would be more than able to.. No.. no, that's not right.. She wouldn't.. but then why the hell was she looking at me like.. like she wanted to..

My thoughts are interrupted by the sound of Sara's voice.

"Want some company?" She asks, and I open my eyes to see the shower door open.

Cold air hits my skin and I shiver, my eyes raking over Sara's naked form as she steps into the shower with me and closes the door behind her.

"Sara, wh-wh-what.. what are you doing?"

She holds up a bottle of body wash and a bottle of shampoo.

"Same thing you're doing.. I'm taking a shower." She says, her eyes locked on mine, full of so many emotions that it's hard to focus on just one thing that she is feeling.

Usually, with just one look, I can tell exactly what she's thinking and feeling. I can even sometimes feel what she's feeling.

I watch as she puts the body wash and shampoo down on the shelf behind me, watch as her muscles flex, and her breasts move slightly. I steal a glance, then another, at pale flesh stretched over toned legs and arms.

She reaches out and with one hand on my shoulder, she maneuvers me so that she is now standing directly under the warm spray of water.

All I can do is stare, stare and blush, as she closes her eyes and dips her head into the falling water, wetting then reaching up to run her fingers through her short hair.

I smile, my brain starting to function again, and the first thing I can think of is how this all could play out, how I could still turn this into a scene straight out of a 'mature audiences only' film.

"See something you like?"

Sara smirks, and I watch the movement of her breasts as she continues to run her fingers through her hair.

"Tegan.. my eyes are closed." She points out, and I swallow the lump that has formed in my throat.

Shit, that was smooth.

"Oh, yeah.. Right. I mean, like.. you know, earlier.. when I was.. and you were.."

My voice trails off, and suddenly I feel very awkward and shy.

Sara opens her eyes and smiles at me.

"You mean earlier.. when you were naked.. and I was enjoying the view?" She asks, and all I can do is kind of shrug and hang my head.

Guilt, shame, and confusion rise up within me, and just as she always does.. she must sense what I am feeling, because she is feeling it too.

Her index finger slides under my chin and I allow her to guide my gaze so that it meets hers.

"Can I kiss you?" She asks, her voice barely above a whisper. "Because I think you want me to, you just don't know how to tell me that that's what you want.. and I want to kiss you, but not if you don't want me to…"

Gone is the confidence she usually exudes, and the smirk has disappeared as well.

Standing before me now, she is vulnerable. Her guard is down, the barriers she so meticulously built between her and the world have crumbled.. And she is asking my permission to do something that I have wanted her to do for so long..

"You can't.. you can't do this then take it back.. you can't kiss me unless you mean it, because this? This is going to change everything, Sara.. and.. and there's so much I haven't told you.. There's so much, I feel so fucking much.."

I feel myself starting to become undone, feel emotions rise and fall like waves rolling onto a shore after years of rolling in an endless sea, in search of a place to fall, to crash, to call home.

Tears sting my eyes.

I watch as she reaches out and takes both of my hands into hers, feel her pull me to her, and I go willingly. Wrapping her arms around my naked body, she comforts me, assures me in the only way that she knows how.

"You're not the only one who feels it.. I feel it too.. Lost, like you will never know love and never know truth. But this is it for me.." She says, pulling me closer, holding me tighter still. "This is the only love, the only truth I've ever known. You.. me.. this pull.. You're not the only one who feels it." She continues, and I pull back slightly so that I can look into her eyes.

Her words sink into my heart, swirl around inside of me until they have found every empty space and filled it, found every wound and healed it.

"I know.. I know this isn't the best way to tell you.. I just, I want you.. I have for so long. The past few months.. Fuck, I've been going out of my mind.. trying to make sense of something I just can't make sense of.. This doesn't make sense, you know? But I.. I love you.. I always have.. You're.. you're my fucking soul mate.." She says, rambling, trying to explain something that, to me, doesn't really need an explanation.

She's so fucking adorable.

For a few minutes, we just stand there, holding each other and looking into each others eyes.

I smile at her, which causes her to smile shyly back at me.

"Are you gonna kiss me or not?"

My question causes her to laugh a little, and I recognize her laughter as that little nervous laugh she does when she's not exactly sure what else to do.

The moment turns serious as her hands go from around my waist to around my neck, and I feel her pulling me closer so that she can close the gap between our lips.