And for Light…

Chapter 1: Once

Author's Ramblings: I was browsing my unfinished fic library and found this particular piece, finished and waiting to be polished. As a good friend of mine (whom I've never seen but love to talk to) I should not keep this sort of little gems hidden in my hard drive. So I hope you enjoy it.

They had decided that while waiting for something to happen that lead to this very moment, they would take destiny into their own hands and just get it over with. Tony had come into the office with this ridiculous notion of making her fall in love with him, but she had stated that it would only get on their way, and that they needed to decide what was more important; the company (and his life) or whatever relationship they could share. As usual the company out weighted every single point either of them could point of a we as a couple. She fought tears, he knew, but she kept pointing out how her leaving because of a one night stand could make the company go bankrupt in such difficult times as these ones; when they were fighting to keep the company going without the weapon making. He'd also had to fight them, on a more personal level, because he knew that more than half of the circumstances and the points Pepper had expressed were his fault, and that she had just obeyed orders all along.

"Listen, Tony; I know that perhaps we could have been wonderful together, and I admit I've dreamt of you settling down with me and children and stuff, yes they were unrealistic dreams but what about the company? What about Stark Industries? You won't run it alone, I'm sure; you are too..."

"Selfish? Idiotic?"

"…Busy with your projects, you have your own schedule to follow even when I fool myself saying I make your schedule; I know you follow whatever is inside your head."

She didn't mention his heart because at this point she wasn't sure he had one, even when an arc reactor, technology that wasn't supposed to even exist was keeping the pieces of shrapnel from piercing the organ. Tony swallowed hard, wishing to turn away but completely unable, and Pepper lowered her gaze to the papers she was currently holding. Desperation bubbled within the man's chest and Tony walked to the desk, as casually as panic would allow.

"Let's try it once, Potts." His voice was broken, and suddenly he realized that he was holding back tears. This was one of the most beautiful things that had ever happened to him (if not the most) and he was loosing it like water in closed fists. "Just, we try once, I make you mine once and if you don't enjoy it… if I don't make you fall in love with me this once, I swear I'll never bring it up again." She almost protested but then he circled the desk and kissed her, helping her up from the chair. As slowly as desperation would allow he held her to him, and practically dragging Pepper, Tony pulled her to his bedroom, leaving a trail of clothing on their wake.

What happens next is beautiful, really beautiful. Her naked skin was beautiful, her eyes, her whole body rolling and bucking against his. Even sweaty and panting, and moaning... He doesn't conceive any other woman in this very bed after her.

So it's hard to understand why he woke up the next morning, tangled up in sheets and pillows and no Pepper. He felt naked, utterly naked, even hours later while wearing his suit and standing before the board of directors in that damned conference he had called and wished to attend for three silly weeks. He had already discussed his ten year plan to make Stark Industries better, his flat out ideas to make her world harder and uphill with paperwork and meetings, and calls... And all he could see was her frame, turned to the side and staring intently at her Blackberry as she answered some message.

She didn't care, at all.

The thought of firing her, crossed his mind (more than once) but he didn't. He needs her to run the company while he daydreams in his workshop.

They never talk about what happened after that, as if a secret law was set between them; Article 2147; The really important things are never to be discussed as set in paragraph nine, section 13... He tries to forget her, and when he fails miserably he just places Pepper in the to-do(-forget)-list and stops thinking about her, and the glorious span of her skin, and the way she fitting him so perfectly while spooning, or how warm her insides are... At first his brilliant mind is turn into chaos; statistically speaking he should be part of many interns of the nearest psychiatric ward, but he resorts to play away with his armor; he changes many settings, takes them all for a spin only to return and reboot the whole system to the original settings while pressing ice packs to several body parts. Rhodey notices the change, and how the millionaire had seek refuge in the military man's company, but doesn't say a word. Then as his heart shrivels and dies Tony started to talk to Potts, avoiding at all cost touching her, even when she extends her hand after a rather difficult day, he just ignores it; what proves to be one of the most difficult tasks in his whole life time. He had several relapses, every one of them killed by the ice cold water of his showers or the ice packs on his shoulders and back. All he wished was to actually grope her, all over, but he has to convince his brain and body that it wasn't allowed to. It's a mess of emotions and sensations that overflow his metaphorical glass and his literal brain to the point of madness…

And then finally things start to make sense again and all hope had shed around him leaving the tree of his body bare. Everything is clearer now and he'd realized that those songs on the radio were right and one can only notice what really matters when it's gone. Irony of things is that he'd never lost it, did he? Pepper still works for him, he can talk to Jarvis without cursing, he can eat on his own in any cafe or restaurant, and his drinking had come to a minimum. He finally starts to banter away with her again, as if nothing had ever happened.

Not once did he bring a girl home.

He can touch her now, and even carry her around and laugh. But it wasn't until a late night paper signing when her hands crossed with his while reaching for two separate things, that Tony realized that he had been fooling himself. Her big eyes stare at his, and Tony still loves her. He had killed his desire for her, momentarily, but she still owned his heart.

"Sorry, Potts." He said softly, reaching for the bottle of beer he'd intended to drink a few moments ago, while she shakes her head and reaches for the stapler. He smiled, takes a deep swing of his beer and looks down at the new paperwork in hand.

In order to forget her he would have to go far, far away.

And he does. Claiming some important business calls he takes off for a whole week into the desert that had confined him, and busies himself with destroying weapons caches, disbanding terrorists and saving a couple hostages.

Two months pass before their eyes, each doing whatever they do to forget and Tony comes back home, still thinking that he doesn't conceive another woman in his bed.