Title: Tistilal
Your pen name: Kimmydonn
Characters: Seth
Rating: T
Disclaimer: The Twilight characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. Tistilal is a part of Quileute Legend. Thanks to Miss Beckie Louise for Beta help.
Summary: Seth goes running, losing himself to the wolf, and makes a new and powerful friend.
I ran north and west, my claws tearing into dirt and snow to propel me faster. I wasn't running from anything, I wasn't running to anything. I was running simply to run. I had seen this in Jacob's mind when he had nearly gone feral for a month: the simple joy in our nature; the stretch and coil of muscles; the burn of thinner, colder air in my lungs; the wind in my fur, on my skin, against my tongue. The scenery was a blur as I went up one slope and down another. Shrubs, trees, shrubs, trees. North face, south face, north face, south face. I was near the border, but I didn't care. I wasn't going to use any of the guarded crossings. I wasn't going to be seen by a human soul.
I wouldn't have been seen by a soul at all, except that I'd been raised to believe that the animals had them, too. The raven squawking, the deer and elk running from me, the bear that nearly woke when I passed his den - these souls saw and heard me but likely as no more than a light coloured blur. They might even mistake me for a cougar; I was the right colour.
I barked a laugh at that. I was no cat. I was a wolf – a larger than life, human, shape-changing, wolf. I had been for nearly a year now. Since that redheaded vampire had come onto La Push. Since my Dad had died of a heart attack. I shook my head, fighting the memories. I'd accepted that Dad was gone. I'd accepted that it wasn't my fault he had died. I didn't need to go back to that.
As I ran, I watched the storm gather on the horizon - an early spring squall. Where had that come from? Why hadn't I seen it at the top of the last peak?
I felt a mind joining the space of mine. We were still individuals, but we were part of each other, too. Suddenly I was a little bit of Quil as well as myself.
Where are you going?
Nowhere, just running.
Running from something?
No. I remembered Dad again for a moment. I had tried to run from him, from that moment. When the reality of what was happening that day hit me, though, I stopped running. I couldn't run from the pack; I couldn't run from their grief or my own. I couldn't run from Mom and everything she needed from me in the days after his death. I couldn't run from myself.
So I had stopped running. I had hurt. I had cried and screamed. I had ripped through more sneakers and pants than a lot of the pack, but I hadn't run. And when the crap came downhill a month or two later, I was ready to take that redheaded bitch out. I took out her partner-in-crime alongside Edward, who had the honor or removing that mop of orange curls from her shoulders.
That was an awesome fight. Quil remembered with me. But you know you don't have to run, right? We're here.
It shouldn't have, but it made me angry. Maybe it was because it was Quil, not Jacob. He wasn't with me when Sam had tried to attack the Cullens in cold blood. He wasn't there when Bella needed heat to relieve her chill. He wasn't there when Nessie spent three days telling everyone how badly she wanted Bella back. And he wasn't there when Bella attacked Jacob for imprinting on her daughter.
Hey, I would have left if I could have, Quil argued. I knew he would have. I immediately regretted my angry thoughts. It wasn't easy. Even Leah, and she was looking for a way to get away from Sam, had taken a day to think about it. Even harder for Quil, he had an imprint that required he stay on the res to see her. He didn't have the drive to follow Jacob that I did. It wasn't right or wrong; it just was. I didn't blame him. Jake didn't blame him.
Thanks, man.
Yeah, it was a hard time. We did what we had to. You're with us now.
And you're with us, you don't have to go.
Go? I'm not going anywhere! I barked in laughter. Jacob would have understood right away. He had run away. He had run to find something - answers. I wasn't doing that. My life was all I could ask of it. I was happy; I was free. Now I was exercising that freedom.
Well, see you when you get home then! Quil thought with a laugh of his own. I saw through his eyes that he was running to Makah, probably going to see Claire. He winked out of my mind.
The storm was growing. Was that lightning? It was the wrong time of year for lightning. Not that it never happened in a spring storm, but that usually came with the summer heat. Sure enough, moments later I heard thunder. It was quiet, muted, and far away based on the time delay - but definitely thunder. Human ears wouldn't have heard it at all. I shook my head and kept running.
I passed over a prairie. In Science, we'd been taught that these were places scraped clear by the glaciers. In Lore, we were taught that this was where Thunderbird fought Killer Whale. I jumped from boulder to boulder, the bones and blubber that fell when Thunderbird carried the carcass away. Now all the Whales were in the sea. There were no more floods bringing them onto our land. Just as we protected our people from the Cold Ones, Thunderbird protected us from the Whales.
I was kind of glad no one shared my mind right now. I didn't often think of the old legends, but I knew the others didn't believe them like I did. It was funny that we, who were a legend come to life, didn't believe the others could be true as well. I mean, sure, there probably was a glacier that scraped this spot clear, and it probably did drop some boulders as it receded, but that didn't mean that this wasn't the perfect spot for Thunderbird to wage a battle. Didn't we pick a clearing when we had to fight? And didn't that boulder look like a jawbone? I jumped on it twice for good measure before hopping on. There was no reason it couldn't be true as well.
Run, run as fast as you can; you can't catch me, I'm the gingerbread man!
Hey, Jacob. I smiled as his mind joined mine. Quil had told him I was running, and Jake already knew to tread lightly. I took a moment to remember his flight at the news of Bella and Edward's wedding. He wasn't ready to accept his friend resigning herself to a living death. I understood that. It was like Dad's death, though, but with more warning. He couldn't fight it, so he had to accept it. He had. He had almost missed the wedding entirely. I flitted past that thought, remembering him living as a wolf and finding peace in the lack of emotion, the lack of conscious thought.
You want that? Not that you can't. Hell, you're almost there. But why?
I gave a mental shrug. I wasn't unhappy as a person, I just wanted this, too.
Well, give it another day and you'll have that. You'll also be in Canada! He barked a laugh. I joined him. It was true, I was approaching the border quickly. I was also heading straight into that storm.
That looks nasty. Are you sure you want to head into that? You don't seem to have a direction in mind.
It was true, I was just wandering, but every time I started to turn I felt drawn back to the same heading, smack into that black mass of clouds.
That's weird. I don't like it. But you know me, I'm not going to order you to turn around. Be careful, though. I need you to come back and protect me from my future in-laws.
I barked a laugh at that, too. Jacob didn't often think of himself married to Nessie, even though he had imprinted on her. It was just as well, Edward would kick his ass if he thought that around him.
And he kicks hard!
I barked another laugh. As hard as Bella?
He laughed back. Not nearly. We both remembered me jumping in the way of Bella's attack – my broken collar bone and her shame.
Face it, Jacob, the one you really need protection from is Nessie. She's going to get a little bigger and kick your butt from here to China. The little girl had already taken out chunks of fur climbing on him, bitten his ear while riding, drank an inordinate amount of his blood because nothing better was nearby, and he never complained, just asked her to stop – asked!
I don't doubt it! When Gramps made the treaty do you think he intended to include half-breed imprints?
I barked again, coughing with laughter. Ephraim Black's treaty had been broken and reforged under Jacob's watch. He'd condoned Edward's biting of Bella and then erased the treaty lines altogether by imprinting on a half-vampire. They were our enemies – yeah, right, sure they were. Enemies who's house we stopped by for lunch and cookies. Esme made good cookies. My stomach rumbled at the memory.
Jacob laughed at me. You wanna be wolf, you better get used to eating less than the best cuisine. I pulled back my lip thinking about catching a rabbit or deer to fill my belly. It was satisfying and disgusting at the same time. Being a wolf was weird.
Well, I'll let you get to it. Quil just wanted me to make sure you were coming back. And with that thought, he faded from my mind.
I watched the rolling clouds as I climbed another peak. There was another flash followed by rumble - more lightning, nearer. Only a couple miles away. I really should turn back. This was stupid. Leah would drag me by my ear if she knew I was doing this. I hoped the guys didn't call her. She wouldn't know otherwise. She was going wolf as little as possible, trying to 'fight the bitch' as she called it. I turned east, thinking to circle some of the storm. I hadn't gone more than ten strides when I hit a cliff face that had me turning west and north again. Something was drawing me to that storm.
Then I heard a rumble that wasn't thunder. I looked up at the peak I was rounding. A wall of ice and snow was coming down. I dug in paws with a yelp and sprinted for all I was worth, trying to outrun an avalanche.
Icy rain and hailstones pelted me. I squinted, trying to protect my eyes as I ran on, harder, right into the heart of this killer storm. I was insane! I was courting Thunderbird himself. My lungs burned with panting breath. My limbs burned with exertion. My skin stung from the lashing it was taking.
Then, like walking through a dark curtain, the rain and wind stopped. I floundered mid-step as the wall I'd been pushing against disappeared. I'd entered some sort of cave. A booming voice bombarded my ears.
"NO MAN MAY COME HERE!"
Okay, well first, I was a wolf, but somehow I knew that whatever could talk like that, would know what I was. Second, I was fifteen – hardly a 'man'. I phased, standing on two legs, looking for the source of the voice.
It didn't boom now, and I could recognize it as feminine. "Who dares come here? A descendant of Taha Aki?" she asked. I still couldn't see her. It was dark in the cave, and although that wasn't usually a problem, it was also deep. She sounded like she was at the back.
"Uh," I stammered. "Yeah, Seth. Seth Clearwater." How did she know about Taha Aki?
It was like a flash bulb went off. I saw purple after images of the walls of the cave and the outline of a feminine figure at the back. I squinted and stepped toward where I had seen her. As my eyes cleared, I noticed a fire. How had I missed that before? The smell of meat roasting reached me as well. There was no way I would have missed that. My stomach grumbled the moment I registered the aroma.
A woman, clad in raw leather, stepped from the back of the cave to the fire. Her black hair was untied and hung to her knees. Her skin was smooth and dark, darker than mine, but still fine russet. The leather was worked with black beads in the form of a bird. A raven, I thought. She stepped to the fire and crouched, turning the skewers.
"Are you hungry?" she asked.
"Ravenous," I replied honestly. I took three steps before I realized I was still naked. I stopped, untying the sweats at my knee.
She smiled, perfect white teeth between red-brown lips. I shouldn't be looking at those so closely. I definitely shouldn't be looking at how the dress pushed her breasts together. Or how her hips moved when she walked...
I blushed and yanked my pants on, not that the loose material was going to help hide anything. I was such a boy. I met her eyes then. They were completely white. For a moment, I thought she was blind, but she walked right to me without hesitation and held the skewer out. If she couldn't see me, she gave no indication.
"Please," she offered.
"Thank you." I bit into one of the pieces. It was hot and fatty. I chewed, not recognizing the flavor, but whatever it was, it was good. "This is great! What is it?"
"Whale." She said with another smile, turning from me and taking a skewer of her own.
"Where did you get whale?" I asked, biting into another piece.
"I keep it."
That didn't explain much, but I was only mildly curious anyway.
"Come, sit with me, Seth." She sat on one of the rocks, it seemed to have a curve worn out in it. The one next to her had a similar divot. I walked over and looked at the cold red and gray rock before lowering myself.
I'd expected it to be hard and cold, but it wasn't. It wasn't warm, but it certainly wasn't cold. And it was comfortable, like it was fitted for me. I smiled at the woman again before eating more.
She was quickly working through her own skewer. Grease dribbled down her chin. She tipped her head back, running her finger up to her mouth and sucking it off. I tried to remember how to breathe.
Then I realized I had grease all over my chin too. "Crap," I swore wiping it with the back of my hand. "Whale is pretty fatty, isn't it?" What a stupid thing to say. Was I trying to offend her? She'd offered me food.
"It is!" she agreed. "The blubber is the best part." She bit into another chunk and licked her fingers again. She noticed me watching this time. It was disconcerting being fixed with those white eyes. She smiled again and blushed a little. The extra red in her cheeks made me gulp. I noticed her eyes trained on my throat as I swallowed. That made it my turn to blush again.
She looked down at her skewer and quickly ate the last piece. I polished off mine. "Thank you. That was excellent." I rose, planning to leave again.
"You don't have to go." She didn't look up from the fire as she said it.
"Who are you?" I asked then shook my head. There had to be a nicer way to ask. "I mean, what's your name? You heard mine. I'm Seth Clearwater." I held my hand out to her.
She met my eyes and rose, taking my hand. She was warm. I was so used to people being colder than me. She wasn't. "I am Tistilal."
I dropped her hand as though I'd been burned. "Thunderbird?" I croaked. "Who would name their daughter that?"
She frowned and blinked. It was only then that I realized I hadn't seen her blink once. Another flash went through the cave - not a flashbulb, a flash of lightning.
"You are THE Thunderbird?" I asked, still shocked.
Her mouth was still turned down, but she nodded once.
"I thought you were a man."
She smiled now. "Do I look like a man?"
"No. Anything but." As I thought about it, the legends weren't specific. Thunderbird was more often an It than He or She. I shook my head. "No men may come here?" I asked.
She nodded again, softly this time, her hair sliding over her shoulder. "That's right. I don't... like men... normally." She turned back to the fire and sat again. "They are usually too violent for my taste."
"So..." I didn't understand. I hadn't come looking for her, as some in the legends had. She had tried to stop me in the ways the legends described - wind, snow. Why was I here? Where was here? Was this really a cave in the mountains? Or had I stepped into some other world? It was easy to believe anything right now.
"You are a descendant of Taha Aki. I heard you before you came. You don't frighten me." She was still looking into the fire rather than at me.
I crouched beside her chair now, my head level with hers. "You were frightened of them."
She looked to me, our noses nearly touching. I took in more of her scent now, ozone and rain – she smelled like a storm. "Yes."
"Why? You are so much stronger than them."
"Not like this. Not here. Here I am a fragile. I don't even heal as easily as you. I'm not sure I heal at all." She wrapped her arms around herself, as though suddenly cold. She turned back to the fire again.
"Why weren't you scared of me?" I was glad she wasn't, but curious, too.
She turned back to me with a smile, leaning so our noses did touch. I wasn't surprised at all when a shock went through me, like when Leah would drag her feet on the carpet – a little zap. It had a different result though. My heart sped and I inhaled sharply.
"I can see your mind, when you are wolf. You are so kind. You love your family, your friends. You are willing to accept those who are different from you, even those who would be your enemy, if they prove not to be a danger. You don't simply abide them, you befriend them." She backed up slightly. "I am not so loving."
"Whale," I said, looking at our dropped skewers.
She nodded. "Even now that they are off the land, I still hunt them to eat. I shouldn't, they are no longer my enemy."
"But they're your food. I hunt for food too." I grabbed one of her hands, wanting to ease her mind. Another zap shocked me. "There's nothing bad about that."
She smiled again. "I like you, Seth." She lifted a hand to my hair, scratching through the short scruff sending sparks of static through it. "I am glad I let you come in."
"I'm glad you did, too." I knew I shouldn't, but I had to. I leaned in and kissed her.
The shock was greater. More like licking a battery – yes, I was dumb enough to do that once. My heart stuttered.
Thunderbird didn't pull away as I'd expected her to. I was sure this was exactly what she was frightened of. "What is this, Seth?"
"Umm." I wasn't sure what she was asking. Did she not know what kissing was?
She put her hand to her chest, then slid it to her stomach. "It's like, fluttering." She shivered. "I'm not sure I like it." She wrapped her arms around herself. "This isn't how humans react. I've seen them. I've seen them do more, but they don't..." She swallowed and blinked. I was blinded again momentarily.
"It's all right, Tistilal. I won't do it again."
Her breathing slowed and she bit her lip. "Okay." She took my hand in hers squeezing it. Then she laced her fingers in mine. "You have to go."
"No, I don't." I shook my head and squeezed her hand. "I don't need to be anywhere else."
She smiled. "You have to go. Your friends are coming. I have to stop them, or you do."
"Does this place go when you do?"
She laughed. It boomed. I listened more closely and heard the higher notes over the lower, like her laughter had reverb – weird. I could handle weird. "No, Seth. But I am very large when I change shape. You can't be anywhere near."
"Oh, right. How about I get rid of them then?"
"All right." She didn't take her eyes off me.
I turned away from her but could still feel her eyes on me. Okay, Seth. Pretty girl's watching you take off your pants. Keep it together, all right? I ripped down my sweats and phased as fast as I could.
Seth! Where are you? Leah was in a panic.
I'm fine, Leah. I'm in the mountains. Just decided to take a few human minutes. You guys mind backing off? I tried to keep my thoughts bland - the black cave, the storm, taking shelter. Really, I don't need you coming for me. I'll be home soon.
You're sure you're all right?
Leah could see my mind; she knew I was in perfect health. Really. I just want some time alone. You, of all people, can understand that. My irritation was clear in our shared mind.
Yes, I can. All right, we'll stop tracking.
Jacob and Quil had been in the pack mind as well, but Leah was leading the search; she was the most worried. They weren't humoring her. They wanted to make sure nothing had happened to me, which, given I'd run straight into a storm, I couldn't really blame them. But I really was fine, and I really did want them to go.
We're going... Geez.
I phased back and turned. I needed to learn to sniff before I acted. Tistilal was right there. "You did it. They're leaving. They don't know about me?"
"You couldn't hear them?"
She shook her head. "Not like this. We are similar. I only hear you when I'm in my other shape. But I can tell when someone is approaching, whichever shape I have."
"I'd like to see your other shape. You know, when it's not trying to pelt me with hail." I chuckled.
She laughed again too. The echoing boom rumbled in my chest. "I will never pelt you with hail again," she promised. She lifted a hand slowly and placed it on my chest, over my heart. "I would never hurt you."
Her touch made me stir and that reminded me I still had no pants. I backed up slightly, looking for the cloth at my feet. The sweats were behind her, of course. I had no luck.
Her eyes followed mine, stopping briefly as she followed my gaze. "Oh." She picked up my sweats and handed them to me. "Here you are. I don't normally wear clothing, but I know humans do." She turned from me back to the fire.
"Yeah."
She turned back to me suddenly. "Why?"
"Um..." How was I supposed to answer that? Because we weren't animals? "Were you ever just a human?"
She shook her head. "I was more human once, but never simply human. And that was so long ago I don't really remember it. Your people weren't people yet. They were still wolves."
That was a long time ago. I moved to sit beside her again. "Well, I've never really thought about it. It's embarrassing to be naked."
"Why?"
Crap. My little cousin, Claire, asked questions just like this. How did Quil deal with it?
"Because that's the way it is."
"Would it be less embarrassing if I were naked too?" she asked.
Okay, that was not a Claire question. "No! I think that would be worse." I blushed.
"Why?"
"Because... just because, okay."
"I don't understand. I will keep this on," she said, patting her leather wrap. "And you can keep that on." She patted my knee. "But when I'm in my other form, you will see me naked. Will that be embarrassing?"
I was still stuck in the conundrum. "No, animals are always naked."
"And they aren't embarrassed," she surmised.
"Not that I've known."
"So why are humans?" She looked at me and smiled. "You don't have to answer. I have always been curious. That's why I watch so often. I have learned many things, but some are still very confusing to me. I have seen women and men naked together. They don't seem embarrassed. They seem... very happy."
I blushed harder. What on earth had I gotten into? "They would be," I muttered.
"Why?"
I cringed. "Because it feels nice."
"What does? Oh. This." She kissed me, just a peck. I still felt like I'd been zapped.
I took a couple quick breaths. "Exactly."
"They like that flutter? It felt... very strange."
"You know, maybe I should go." I stood up. "Don't want my pack coming back for me."
She looked down, folding her hands. "All right." She blinked and lightning flashed once again.
"I can come back?" I asked.
She looked up with a smile. "Of course you can. I hope you do. I want to learn more, Seth. You are the first person I've spoken to. Well, in a very long time, anyway." Her head tipped down as her smile faded.
Another flash of lightning and I heard rain start outside. I blinked, trying to push away the afterimages.
"I will. I promise." I put my fingers under her chin, ignoring the quick spark it caused and tipped her face up. There were two tears, one on each cheek. "I will come back, Tistilal." I kissed each cheek. Her tears weren't salty. They tasted like rain.
She wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me down to her. I knelt before her chair and stroked her hair and back. She sent little zaps over my face as she laid little kisses on it. "I will miss you. I've never had a friend before."
I squeezed again before backing up enough to look into those white eyes. "I've never had a friend like you before. I won't be gone long." I kissed her again, expecting one of these bolts to stop my heart, and not caring if it did.
She kissed me back this time. Lightning flashed several times as she blinked away the tears that fell onto my face. Her hands ran over my shoulders and I shivered at the shocks it caused. I kept one hand on her cheek, just inside her hair, and the other on the arm of her chair, not trusting my fingers not to roam.
"I can understand why they like the the fluttering now," she whispered as the kiss broke. "Hurry back, Seth."
"Wild horses couldn't keep me away."
"I hope not. I'll kill my brother." My eyes went wide and she giggled. "Only joking. He is a horse-god, but he doesn't tend to interfere."
"G-god?" I stammered.
She put a finger to my lips. "Don't be afraid now," she whispered. Then she kissed me once more. "Go, and see me again."
The next moment the cave was dark again. Tistilal was no longer in front of me. I pulled off my pants and tied them in place before phasing. Leah's mind was waiting for me.
I'm coming, I'm coming.
She rolled her eyes and phased out. Apparently she was simply checking on me, nosy bitch. Once out of the cave and in the dim light I realized I'd been there most of the night. The sun had set and dawn was still an hour off by the look of the horizon. I was glad for my wolf eyes when I saw her then.
She perched on the top of the mountain, her wings folded on her back. She looked like a black eagle, the hooked beak, the talons digging into the snow and rock. She was huge, her head as high as a full grown pine. Her head was easiest to see as she still had white eyes. Lightning flashed when she saw me and blinked. She spread her wings, stretching them wide; it looked like she could touch the next peaks. Then she beat them once, hopping from her perch. Thunder roared in my ears, wind ripped through my fur, and she was gone, part of the clouds overhead. As promised there was no hail, only a little gentle rain, the wind, and thunder and lightning.
I will be back, Tistilal. I will miss you until we meet again.
I WILL WATCH FOR YOU, SETH. HURRY BACK.