They were opposites in many ways. He was a law-breaker; she was a prefect. He was reckless; she was cautious. He played pranks; she was the victim of them. He loathed Snivellus; she liked Severus.
He was in love with her; she was not in love with him.
You may say the way things work is not fair, and you would be right. The way things work is most certainly not fair, for when he stopped caring, she suddenly cared.
But he was negative, and she was positive, and opposites always attract.
"Oops, wrong compartment," a very flustered Lily Evans said, backing out and making to slide the door closed behind her. Her face was flushed, her eyes were bright, her was hair soft and silky and smooth. She was beautiful.
And James was about to tell her, too. His mouth was open, his tongue was curled to form the first word. But then he remembered, and his heart sunk.
"No problem, Evans," James said calmly. She closed the door. He returned to his game of exploding snap. Sirius spoke up.
"You called her Evans."
"So?" James did not see what the problem was. Or rather, he did not want to face the problem. "I've always called her Evans."
"You've always called her Evans because you've always fancied her, you mean."
"No, I've always called her Evan's because that's what I've always called her."
Sirius opened his mouth, but Peter spoke first. "We all call her Evans. It's just a nickname" And when Sirius opened his mouth again, Peter quickly added, "Give him a rest, Padfoot. He's just stopped fancying her."
And although that stopped the argument, it was necessarily true. James had not stopped fancying Lily, although he was trying to. In fact, he had not thought of her once the whole day, which was a record so far, until she had come bursting into their compartment on the Hogwarts Express. He had forgotten how gracefully she moved, how pretty she was, how amazing her voice sounded. Lily Evans was perfection, and it was going to take him more than one summer to forget that. In fact, it would take about three years without the necessary prodding. But he could pretend, couldn't he? He could do whatever it was Lily had told him once... deflate his over-large head or something of the sort. And he could pretend he had moved on. Hadn't Marcus Flambry told him just recently that Eleanor Figgs had a major crush on him? She was pretty, and funny, and smart, and, and, and... nothing compared to Lily. Lily, with her gentle laugh, Lily, who could make anyone's day brighter, Lily, who he wasn't supposed to be thinking about.
James let out a very frustrated sigh.
"Something wrong, Prongs?" Remus questioned, putting down his book.
"Nah, I just have rubbish cards, that's all," James said, gesturing to the game of Exploding Snap he was playing with Sirius and Peter. Remus raised an eyebrow. James rolled his eyes. Merlin, he really needed to stop thinking about Evans.
Lily felt the ache. Not for the first time, nor for the last. But since the end of 5th year, Lily had been feeling those particular pangs of loneliness. Mary had a new boyfriend, Hannah was sitting with some Ravenclaws, and Severus, well, she was never talking to Severus again. At least, she wasn't talking to him until she decided to forgive him. Which, Lily was quite sure of it, would be never. Her days of conversation with that slimy Slytherin prat were over. In fact, Lily was spending so much time hating Severus that she had barely spared an evil thought for Potter.
It was funny that everyone thought of her as such a nice person, when in reality, she spent quite some time plotting peoples' deaths. But that did not change the fact that Lily was lonely. She could, of course join Hannah and the Ravenclaws. But Mortimer Boot was there, and he was a git, and Clara Doris was also there, and kind as she was, the girl was a little too obsessed with Potter and his "gorgeous" hair. Lily did not want to talk about Potter.
She could also join Mary and her boyfriend, Reg. Though it wouldn't be too bad- Mary and Reg were thankfully not the public-display type of couple- it would still be decidedly awkward. She would constantly feel like she was intruding upon their peace.
And then there was Sev. Had Lily already mentioned that she was never talking to him again?
She had ruled out all the options. There were no possibilities left, really. So after the Prefect meeting and a rather embarrassing trip to the Marauders' compartment, Lily had settled down by herself with a copy of Transfiguration Today.
She wished someone would just walk in and sit down. Someone she could talk to that wasn't a cat.
The compartment door slid open.
Lily's breath hitched in her throat. This was too much to be a coincidence, this was-
James Potter walked in.
Lily scowled.
"Evans," James said by way of greeting. He moved her cat aside and sat down.
"Please, for both our sakes, leave me alone," Lily said grumpily.
James stood up. "Fine," he said, "I won't talk to you if you can't say anything nice."
"I-" Lily began, caught by surprise.
"Leave it," he said. "I was going to apologise, but if you don't want to hear it, that's fine by me. You know, were never anything but rude to me."
"I could say the same."
"I wasn't rude! I brought you flowers and chocolate! I ask you on dates! I bought you birthday presents and gave you my notes because you lost yours! I may have been pig-headed and annoying, but I was never rude! I was nice! And you, you never gave me a chance, you hated me because I hated Snivellus, and I was right, wasn't I? He was awful to you in the end!"
"And you were awful to him!" Lily snapped, her face burning red.
"And you are awful to me! You hate me just because I was rude to your Snivelly boyfriend back on the Hogwarts express in first year! Rejection hurts, Lily, and you rejected me too many times to count! I came here to apologize for annoying you. I came here to tell you that I've moved on. I no longer fancy you, Lily, and it's a wonder I ever did!" An he stormed out of the compartment and was gone.
Lily blinked. He no longer fancied her. He was she was horrible. He no longer fancied her. James Potter no longer fancied her. Had she done something wrong?
He had said that rejection hurt. And although she hadn't exactly been rejected, she knew what he meant. It was the feeling that she wasn't good enough. He didn't fancy her anymore. What had she done wrong?
Not that she was complaining, of course.
After leaving Lily, James didn't feel like joining his fellow Marauders again. He headed down to the back of the train, where he knew there would be an empty hallway, with big, open windows, perfect for watching the scenery sail by.
He felt awful. The horrible, hurt expression on Lily's face was absolutely unbearable. The way she had sat there, helpless, gaping at him with open mouth and wide eyes. But the first step to giving Lily up was convincing everyone that he had already given her up. Which he hadn't. But he was trying. Honestly. And ranting to her felt good, especially when it was mostly true.
But, merlin, he had been so heartless. Was that what it felt like to no longer fancy someone? He has assumed so.
But he could still picture her astonished face, and, for the good of everyone, maybe Lily Evans should stop being so enchanting.
That would fix a lot of problems.
September 1st, 1976
Dear Diary,
It's lovely to be back at Hogwarts. I've really missed this castle, and I'm thankful to be back, especially since summer holiday was such a bore, considering I couldn't talk to Severus. The train ride was nice, but nothing eventful occurred. The feast was marvelous. It's so nice to be back in the dorm! Well, I'm getting awfully tired, and I want to be well-rested for classes tomorrow (NEWT level, can you believe it?), so I suppose I should get to bed.
Love, Lily
"Lily." Severus Snape addressed the Gryffindor with pleading in his voice. She was eating her breakfast- strawberry jam and toast- when he had approached, and was now resolutely ignoring him.
"Lily, please," he begged, and when she still did not respond, he sat down on the bench next to her.
"Get away from her," snapped Hannah, who was sitting on Lily's right.
Severus ignored her. "Lily, I said I was sorry; does that not mean anything to you?"
"I said get you slimy Slytherin ass away from my friend; does that not mean anything to you?" Hannah snarled.
Severus paid no heed to Hannah warning and persisted. "Lily, we've been best friends since were were nine years old. You can't just throw it all away."
This time, Lily answered him. "Friends don't call friends mudbloods, Severus." She was staring fixedly ahead, determined not to look at him.
"But Lily, it was a mistake."
They had had this conversation too many times to count. It was always the same, and Lily was done with it. She turned to Hannah and said conversationally, "I used to have this friend, but then he called me a mudblood in front of the entire school. That's him over there, the greasy one who loves the dark arts." Hannah laughed.
"Lily, just listen to me!" But she was talk to her friends, pretending like she did not know that he was right next to her."I love you!" he wanted to yell, "I love you, and you hate me! Do you know how much that hurts?" But he did not yell it, because she could never have any idea. She could never know, she would never know. She hated him. All because of one word.
September 2nd, 1976
Dear Diary,
The first day of class was good. There's a new Defense teacher, Professor Kelton. He seems suspicious, but I don't know why. Maybe it's just my imagination. Breakfast was good today. I had toast and jam. Nothing much happened.
Love, Lily
"Mr. Potter, you are late," Professor McGonagall said, glaring at him over the rim of her spectacles.
"Sincerest apologies, my dear Minerva," James said lightly, eliciting a quiet chuckle from his fellow classmates. He turned to the usual desk he shared with Sirius, but found Remus in his spot instead. "Traitor," he mouthed, turning to locate Peter, only to find that he was already sitting next to Hufflepuff Reg Cattermole. Peter shrugged his shoulders sympathetically.
Professor McGonagall was watching him closely. "Very funny, Potter," she snapped, "but maybe ten points from Gryffindor will improve your punctuality. And please take a seat. There is one near Miss Evans, I see."
James sat down next to Lily, a familiar "Alright, Evans?" rising in his throat. But then he remembered that he was not supposed to fancy her, and that he had even told her that he did not fancy her. "Hi," he said.
She glared at him.
"As I am sure many of you are out of practice, we won't attempt any actual spellwork today. Instead, you and your partner will compose an essay together on the basic fundamentals of Transfiguration, to be handed in on Monday. Now get to work," McGonagall told to class.
Lily groaned.
"Look, I'm sorry-" James began, but Lily sent him a look.
"Save your breath, Potter."
"I was inconsiderate of me, throwing that all at you when you had done nothing wrong, and I wanted to tell you that-"
"We have an essay to work on."
"I know, but-"
"Potter."
"Alright."
Lily opened her book. "I'll explain the theory and you'll explain how it's possible, okay?" she said, flipping through the pages at lightning speed.
"Lily, I really am sorry, and I've decided to take your words from last year to heart. I'm no longer going to hex people because I can, or mess up my hair because I think it's cool." But as he said it, his hand went subconsciously to his head.
LIly ducked down to hide her giggle, and James took the opportunity to continue apologizing.
"Really, Potter, I don't care what you say, because you'll always be an arrogant, brown-nosing brat."
James fell silent after that.
September 3rd, 1976
Dear Diary,
Alright, I have to stop lying in all my entries. I have to write an essay with Potter. We sat next to each-other in class, and for some reason I feel guilty. I don't know why, but I think it's because maybe, so of the stuff he said to me on the train was true. He's still a pompous git, though.
Love, Lily
AN: So, I know this chapter was a little patchy, but it was just meant to start off the story and introduce some main ideas. All shall be explained soon. An fear not, for Lily's diary entries shall not be making a frequent appearance. Please please please please please review!
~Sunwisp