I started this story over a year ago, but never finished it. Watching season 5 makes me long for some of those simple, romantic scenes with Oliver and Felicity, so even though there's a million fics based on this idea, I still wanted to add mine to the pile. If you enjoy reading this, I would really appreciate a review.
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She makes her way upstairs, having taken Ray home. She's not sure when she'll see him again, but it feels okay to know that it won't be for a while. The pressure and guilt she's been feeling the last few days has dissipated, but it's left a gnawing feeling in her gut about the way she's treated Oliver. He really had just been trying to help, and it's not his fault she's brought her own issues into their relationship. The car ride home had given her time to think, and now she's filled with an overwhelming need to see him, to apologise and make it right.
When she enters their bedroom he's lying on their bed, and oh god, shirtless (he knows what that does to her).
"Hey," he calls softly, putting away the notebook he'd been writing in, something she had encouraged him to start doing after they'd left Star City, and turns to face her, giving her his full attention.
"Hi," she replies as she takes her jacket off.
"How'd it go with Ray?" he asks.
"Fine. Until I told him I sold his condo."
They both chuckle shortly, before launching into new sentences at the same time. They both stop instantly, smiling at each other awkwardly.
"You go first." She tells him.
He shakes his head, and gives her that beautiful smile that she'll never get sick of seeing. "No. You."
"I think we should … clear the air."
She doesn't miss the way his head snaps up from its relaxed position, the smile dropping from his face instantly, and her heart clenches at the pinched look in his eyes. She suddenly wishes she hadn't taken such a pause, and rushes to get her next few words out.
"I need to apologise." She lowers herself to the bed beside him.
He furrows his brow at her with that look he gives her when he's confused.
"I was completely unfair to you today, and I'm so sorry that I said such horrible things to you."
The regret is clear in her expression, and Oliver reaches over to grasp her hand reassuringly.
"It's ok." He soothes her with his comforting, soft tone, but she shakes her head back at him.
"No it's not, Oliver. I can't believe I said those things to you. I was so out of line."
He opens his mouth to respond, probably to reassure her again, but she cuts him off.
"Please, just let me …"
He nods, telling her to go on.
She takes a deep breath, focusing her mind so that her words don't come out wrong this time.
"I lost myself in you, and I was never that girl. That girl who just loses herself in a guy, that is not who I am."
She focuses back on him, her eyes serious. "I don't regret our time away, and I'm sorry I threw that in your face. That was awful of me. I am glad that we came back here, but I loved every minute of being away with you. And that's what scares me. That's why I freaked out on you."
He shuffles closer to her, resting his large, warm hand on her thigh. "What do you mean?"
His eyes are full of love and support, and she can't resist reaching over to brush her fingers over his cheek. This beautiful man is hers, and sometimes she still can't believe it.
"Growing up, I never wanted to be the kind of girl who would rely completely on a guy, probably because of my dad leaving."
Oliver nods in understanding, silently urging her to go on.
"So that's what I made sure I did as I grew up. I lost myself in computers, and I didn't get close to many people, until I met Cooper. I was so swept up in having him care about me that I forgot about keeping myself safe. After everything happened with him, I promised myself that I would never let it get to that point again. That I would never completely give myself to someone, because I knew I would just end up getting hurt."
Oliver's eyes soften even more, and she can see the understanding in his expression. Nevertheless, she keeps going.
"And then I met you, and sure, it was complicated, but it was also amazing. Then we went away and everything was so perfect that I didn't care about the fact that I was leaving my job and everyone else behind. You were all I needed and it felt so natural, that I never thought of the promise I made myself years ago."
She takes a deep breath. "Until I got Ray's message, that is. I just felt so guilty. Then I realised just how much I rely on you, and how natural it is for me to do that. And all of a sudden I was so freaked out by how I've been relying on someone else all this time." She sighs heavily. "I felt like the shoe should have dropped by now, because it always has before. So I freaked out on you, and that wasn't fair. It's not your fault I have so much baggage."
Oliver leans over to press a soft kiss to her cheek.
"Thank you for telling me that. I don't want you to feel bad, or feel like you should be waiting for something bad to happen. And I have plenty of baggage too, Felicity, you know that. So that doesn't matter to me."
"Does that mean you accept my apology?" She asks softly.
"Only if you accept mine."
This time she's the one who furrows her brow in confusion. "For what?"
"I know I've been a bit overbearing the last few days, and that didn't make things easier for you. I'm sorry for not listening when you told me to stop, even when I knew how stressed you were."
She reaches over to brush a thumb over his cheek. "I know it's only because you care so much."
He smiles and brings her hand towards his lips, kissing it gently.
"I'm glad you made us talk." He admits. "This is new for us."
She nods with a smile. "I know. We need to keep doing it, too. I don't want to get to the point where it's easier to walk away."
He nods in agreement. "I'll make sure to work on that." He promises.
She smiles, before nodding to his notebook that now lies on the bedside table. "What were you writing about?"
She had convinced him to start writing his thoughts down a few days into their trip, and he had often shared them with her, helping her to understand what was going on in his mind.
"Oh, just about the last few days." He replies vaguely.
"I didn't make you feel too bad, did I?" She murmurs, feeling that guilty feeling creep back into her stomach.
"No, no." He shakes his head vigorously to reassure her. "Just my own feelings about it."
"Like what?" She asks curiously, having no idea what he means.
His eyes fall to the bed for a moment, before lifting again to meet hers.
"Sometimes I wonder why you chose me." He reluctantly admits, since they've just promised to work on communicating. He lowers his eyes to avoid hers, because he's still getting used to being so vulnerable in front of someone, even if that someone is her.
She gapes at him, unable to even comprehend what he's just said. "Oliver …" She whispers.
He shakes his head, not wanting to hear the pity in her voice.
"No, I mean, I know you and Ray had a lot in common, and he was smarter than me, and –"
"Oliver," she says again, more firmly this time. "Look at me."
He reluctantly brings his eyes to hers, and is overwhelmed by the love he sees there.
"I will never regret choosing you." She grasps at his hands. "Ray and I would never have lasted. He's a wonderful man, but we were too alike in some ways. He didn't challenge me. I think if we'd stayed together we would have driven each other crazy with boredom." She laughs.
He smiles at that, before sobering at her next words.
"I have never felt the way I feel about you with anybody else."
He looks deep into her eyes, and is startled by the level of emotion and sincerity he sees there. Even after so many months, he still can't believe she's his.
"I did lose myself in you, but I've realised that's not a bad thing." She admits.
He pulls himself closer to her, and leans forward to connect their lips together. She responds immediately, her hands rising to cup his cheeks. They shift their body so that he's on his back and she's straddling him, his strong arms coming up to lock around her back, holding her securely against him.
Their kisses soon turn slow and languid, her body falling against his strong chest, her forehead pressing against his.
He plants a few more soft kisses on her lips before pulling away reluctantly.
"We should go to sleep." He says, trying to be the reasonable one.
"Nooo." She whines, dragging the sound out in protest. "We've hardly seen each other this week, which was my fault, and we had a fight, so now we get to have the makeup sex."
Oliver tries, but fails to hide the grin that crosses his face. "I know, Felicity, but you've barely slept in the last few days, hon. I'm surprised you haven't crashed already."
"I'm fine." She argues at the same moment that a yawn escapes from her mouth.
"Go on," he urges her from the bed with an affectionate pat on her behind. "Put your pjs on."
She obliges, but not without a few grumbles that makes her boyfriend chuckle from his spot.
"I promise, we can have all the makeup sex tomorrow." He whispers in her ear as she returns to his side and snuggles against him again. He presses a soft kiss to her neck, making her shiver.
"Don't tease me when I'm too tired to follow through on it." She mumbles against his bare chest.
He chuckles against her hair, a hand snaking down her waist to rest on the smooth skin under her shirt. A gasp escapes her mouth and her body jerks slightly as his hand makes contact with her hip.
He pulls away from her slightly, concern immediately covering his face.
"Felicity, what's wrong?"
She takes in a sharp breath as she uses her own hand to investigate the site Oliver had just brushed over. Oliver immediately lifts her shirt to discover a large developing bruise.
"What's that from?"
"It must be from when Curtis and I jumped into the building." She sighs. "We hit the table and then the floor pretty hard. I'm not used to crashing through windows with someone other than you." She quips, trying to relieve the tension.
His mouth upticks slightly, but sobers again quickly.
"Why didn't you say anything earlier?" He asks.
"I didn't notice it was there." She replies. "I'll be fine, Oliver, it's only a bruise."
"Are you sure there's nothing else?" He asks, his hands sweeping gently over her midsection, searching for further injuries.
Her hand covers his larger one, stopping his exploration. "I'm fine." She promises.
His face softens, and he leans forward to kiss her gently, carefully pulling her back onto his chest.
"As long as you're okay." He murmurs.
She tilts her head upwards. "I'm with you, how could I not be?"
The beaming smile she receives in return is well worth it. This beautiful, loving, flawed man is hers, and realises that everything else is worth it, if it means she gets to be with him. They may be facing a lot more now that they're back home, but she still has him by her side.
"I love you, Oliver." She whispers.
He leans down to kiss her again. "I love you, Felicity. So much." He breathes.
His words, and the pure truth on his face as he says them, spread a warm feeling into her chest, soothing any cracks in her soul from her past. In that moment, she knows she can trust him with her heart.