--IMPERFECTION--
ONE-SHOT! It couldn't be: Hermione Granger, imperfect? She was Head Girl! A Gryffindor! Number one in Class! She was even pretty at times! Draco never knew, however, the deep, dark secrets the frizzy haired mudblood kept to herself…until he stole her diary. SELF-HARM & MENTIONING OF RAPE!
AN: AU to HBP.
...So I had to get this out. It was stuck in my head. It's depressing, but there's a shine of hope at the end. Possibly a cliche? Yes. A Good Read? Fuck Yes. Go read & Please review.
If you could only see your heart belongs to me,
I love you so much,
I'm yearning for your touch,
Come and set me free,
Forever yours I'll be,
Won't you come and take this pain away.
-K.C, "last night"
September 1, 2006
------Introduction------
"What the hell is wrong with you Granger?" Silence. "Do you fucking hear me Granger?" Again, his comment was met with silence. He crossed his arms against his chest and glared at her. "Are you fucking deaf?"
"I heard you," she muttered, tucking a brown lock behind her ear. She was staring at the ground.
"Good, because I'm not going to be taking up these fucking duties all by myself, do you hear that Granger?" he growled. Hermione nodded. His superior look faltered a bit as he gave her a once-over. She had grown over the summer, standing about five feet, six inches, but she was thinner. Her brown hair looked a little dirtier than last year, and her nose, interestingly, was pierced. She looked like death on legs. "What the fuck is wrong with you this year, Granger?"
She brought her eyes up to his, but still she didn't say anything.
"Why aren't you speaking?" he asked angrily. "Huh, mudblood?" He thought that word would get her. He waited for anything: a slap, an embarrassing blush, a scowl…but he got nothing. He sighed. "Whatever, just be on time at your patrols, okay?" he pushed the parchment into her chest and walked away.
October 31, 2006
------Halloween Evening------
"YOU STUPID MUDBLOOD BITCH!" Draco roared.
Hermione Granger was flying down the hall when she had bumped into Draco, sending him sideways. She had stumbled, nearly falling to the ground herself, she quickly regained her posture and took off down the corridor once again. Her eyes were leaking with tears as she made her way to the Head Girl quarters. It was before dinner, and the halls were empty as students were heading down to eat.
"Fucking bitch," Draco muttered, straightening his robes and running a hand through his hair. He made sure it was perfectly in place, and glanced around to see if anyone had seen that horrible moment of complete humiliation of him falling. Seeing no one, he decided to head down to the Halloween feast.
-----
Having not seen Hermione at dinner, he disposed of Pansy, Goyle, Crabbe and Blaise in front of the Slytherin common room, and decided to venture to the library, knowing it would be closing soon for the night.
He questioned his sanity…why the hell was he looking for Granger? It was Halloween, he should be out terrorizing the first-years, or shagging some impossibly hot girl from Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff, but instead, he was looking for ugly Granger, who would not shag him, or let him terrorize her. But still, he had this feeling that he needed to find her, at least piss her off a bit…he would feel content. She was so prissy; he knew she would be in the library, studying to maintain her painfully perfect grades. He had this image of Hermione Jane Granger illustrated in his head: she studied whenever possible, which meant always to be perfectly prepared for class the next day; at night, she's maintaining her perfect position as Head Girl and keeping peace within the Hogwarts student body; and, when she's not doing that, she's just sitting around being perfect, reading, and looking pretty.
Did he just think she looked pretty?
He definitely had to look for her. He had to embarrass her…he had to do something to take his mind off of thinking these half-decent thoughts of her. He angrily opened the library door.
Hermione was there, as per usual, and sat at a table by her lone self, her eyes puffy, and her robe swung over the chair she was sitting in. Her Hogwarts sweater was on, and the sleeves were rolled down all the way and her frizzy hair was somewhat tamed. Draco thought about walking over and scaring her, when he had seen the little blue book sitting beside her chair innocently. He had smirked, and quietly stolen it without her knowing. Her name was printed across it in curly, silver letters. He right away knew it to be a muggle artifact—wizard diaries had anti-theft spells on them. Smiling to himself, he exited the library, Madame Pierce, the fox-looking hag, glared at his manic smiling form with distaste. He looked at his wizard watch as he left the library. His watch told him to "Relax a bit—twenty minutes!" before heading out to patrol duty. He smirked as he headed down by the Great Lake, wanting to enjoy the nice weather before winter came. He perched himself at the edge, and cracked open the Mudblood's diary.
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June 15
Dear Diary,
The black sky was disgusting today, and I just realized how very much I hate London's weather. One day, it could be brilliant sky, with white clouds and a baby blue background, and the next; it feels like the whole fucking world is falling apart on top of my umbrella. I hate the weather here so, so much. It added to my mood however that day, I suppose. I was completely bored. On a happier note, Donnie came home last week, he's grown so much, and he just turned twenty, too. Mum hates him, but Dad loves having him around, and he makes good company on boring evenings. I don't know why Dad won't let his little step-brother stay at the house more often. Mum and Dad fought over him again tonight. Donnie smokes too much pot. He was nice enough to keep it away from me though, so I didn't complain. I'm all about an individual's bodily rights.
------
June 21
Dear Diary,
Fucking Ron called me fat.
He's the fat arse!
But…maybe, I could use a diet. Just try it out.
I mean, not because of him! But…it might be nice, a healthy choice.
Oh Merlin, maybe I am fat, why else would he call me fat? Harry even had the audacity to snort. Was he calling me a pig too? I don't know, they're boys…shouldn't they notice my obesity more than anyone else? They're always around me…they would know.
Just a small diet…I could lose a stone.
------
July 1
Dear Diary,
Donnie and I fought for the first time today.
He told me to stop bragging over being made Head Girl.
He thinks I go to a regular boarding school him being a muggle and all. I didn't mean to brag, I just got the letter today. It hasn't sunken in yet.
------
July 16
Dear Diary,
He slapped me! That fucker slapped me, and then I punched him in the nose. I told my mum. He was kicked out for awhile, but Dad let him back in after he apologized. "You both need to stop acting like children," Dad said. Donnie has a black eye.
------
August 28
Dear Diary,
Crookshanks RAN AWAY! MY BABY IS GONE! Donnie laughed at me and I told him to shut the fuck up. I hate him so much.
------
August 30
Dear Diary,
Donnie…he…took advantage of me. Merlin, I can't even write the word. He…raped me. I was so weak. I did everything I could to fight him off; I couldn't even reach my wand to protect myself. He grabbed my arms and held them above my head. He told me it was my own fault. That I'm always trying to best him at everything, that my parents love me so much, and I rub it in his face. I did NO such thing! I told him this, but I did not beg for him to let me go. I continued fighting, until the very end…I wasn't going to let him get the satisfaction of hearing me cry. It hurt like hell, and I couldn't control the bleeding afterwards. When he left, he left for good. He told my parents he couldn't stay in the house with a "little slut like Hermione." My Dad…oh Merlin, he was so mad at me. I stood at the top of the stairs, my body turning inward in pain as I leaned against the banister. My Dad looked up at me, disbelief written on his face. "WHAT DID YOU DO?" he bellowed. He didn't see my tear-stained face, or the blood running down my legs and into my shoes. I didn't ask for him to, either. I didn't ask for his help when he was clearly accusing me of corrupting his step-brother. I just locked myself in my room, and sat in the tub. The water was so bloody, so filthy. The only word that I could think of was mudblood. I was mud. I was blood. I could feel myself breaking on the inside, I could feel my hopes, dreams, and aspirations flow out of me as I thought how ruined I was. How dirty I was. How weak I was. I might not have given him the satisfaction of seeing or hearing me cry when he was hurting me, but I was allowing for the tears to come now.
I tried to kill myself in the tub.
I failed. I can't fail, I can't. I'm not supposed to be a failure!
His hands began to shake. He had his suspicions…he had the feeling that Granger had some type of problem. She was quiet, and when he called her a mudblood, she didn't insult him back, or cut him off, she just took it. She was thinner…too thin. He had taken notice of the blossoming girl last year, realizing that she wasn't a skinny-thing, she had a body…but now…this year…she looked like she weighed under a hundred pounds…too thin for someone her height.
He was hell-bent on finding embarrassing entries to laugh at and later use against her. The first twenty entries were boring, but then the Donnie character was introduced, he realized that's when Hermione started to fade away, and this…this…other girl came in. When he had read about her attack…he had dropped the diary, and thrown up on the grass beside him.
-----Her Hate & His Love-----
The corridor was dark, musty with the ancient smell of concrete, and was incredibly cold. She hated patrolling this late in the night, but she was a respectable student! Actually the most respectable student at Hogwarts and regardless of her personal feeling she had to do her job. She turned a corner, her dimly-lit wand slightly lifted to show her the way.
She had been having a day straight from hell. She was being reprimanded by her friends because of her "detached" attitude, Ron had asked her out (of which she declined) and Harry had accused her of hating them. She was feeling disgusted with herself. Night after night, she was plagued with nightmares, horrible nightmares of which she couldn't control. Each one replayed the incident with Donnie. How he had overpowered her, Hermione Granger, number one in her class. How he had ripped her apart, the Head Girl of Hogwarts. How he had made her insane, little innocent Hermione…she had ran from Harry and Ron after they called her emotionless. She loved Harry and Ron, but when they were wrong, they were so wrong. They did not know half of what she was feeling. She was far from emotionless. When escaping to her dorm, she had bumped into Draco, who swore at her. She was a little mudblood bitch, she knew that. She welcomed that.
I almost did it this time, she thought wistfully as she lifted her wand towards an empty painting. She almost killed herself. She felt her life leaving her body and she was giving in completely, when Ginny of all people barged into her common room, shouting for her. Hermione pulled herself together, albeit terribly. She healed herself, pulled her sleeves down, and exited her dorm, her face pale and her lips gaining back a little color. Ginny had smiled at her.
"You're late for patrol, dummy!" she said teasingly. Hermione, early in the year, had established some type of weird dependency-friendship with Ginny. They needed each other sometimes.
She didn't need her then, though.
So here she was, doing her duties. She heard a rustling noise behind her, like a robe that was sweeping the floor, and quickly turned the corner when she heard a voice.
"I didn't see you at dinner."
Hermione jumped, her hand flying to clench at her throat.
"Merlin fucking hell!" she cried, whirling around to see her very blonde and very late Patrol Partner and fellow Head, Draco Malfoy.
"Language, Granger…" he drawled. Hermione fidgeted.
"You scared me Malfoy! I thought you were a demon of some sorts," she whispered, her voice cracking, like she had not used her vocal cords in ages. She did not notice Draco's surprised expression.
"Aren't you a little too old to believe in demons, Granger? Or are you some religious-freak?"
"Nay to both, Malfoy…just…stop talking to me!" she snapped, turning back around to continue down the corridor. Draco cleared his throat again.
"I said: I did not see you at dinner." She ignored him. "I'm talking to you!"
"What do you want!?" she screamed. Draco wanted to cry. Hermione was using her voice. She was fighting him back. A little bit of her old self was shining through. He pulled out her diary, and immediately she paled. "How did you get that?" she asked, deadpanned. She hadn't even notice it missing. Draco took in a deep breath,
"I stole it from you earlier today, while you were in the library." Hermione pursed her lips. She didn't know what to say…she didn't know how far he had read into it. "I read it all…" he answered her fear. She took a step back, shaking her head from side to side, and her body trembling.
"You'll tell everyone," she accused. "You'll tell everyone…" she cried. Draco grabbed her by the arms, pulling her towards him, the diary landing on the ground with a sickening thud. "NO!" she screamed. "NO! PLEASE!" As she began to cry, he pushed the sleeves of her robes up and then the sleeves of her school sweater. There, decorating both of her arms, were long, disgusting cut marks bunched together on her wrists. They were so vicious looking; it seemed as if she had cut for hours in the same spot. She tried to yank herself out of his grasp, ending up falling to her knees and pulling away from him. He knelt in front of her, bringing the tattered wrists to his lips and kissing both of them, one at a time.
"Why Hermione?" he asked.
"Why do you even care?" the disbelief was evident in her voice.
"You're supposed to be perfect, Granger, the epitome of perfection…" he whispered.
Hermione gave an empty laugh, "I'm not perfect Malfoy. I'm disgusting." He shook his head.
"Hermione, love, you're beautiful." She sobbed at his comment. "I'm so sorry," he pulled her into an embrace. "I'm sorry he did this to you."
"Don't—" Before she could decline his display of kindness, Draco had leaned in and kissed her softly on the lips. He could taste her tears. He could taste her.
She opened her mouth under his for just the briefest of moments, yearning for his warm tongue, and soon found herself pushing him away. Her cheeks were on fire.
"Stop!" she cried. "Just stop…" she scrambled to her feet, taking a few steps away from Draco as he stared at her in shock from the floor. "You're trying to take advantage of me, aren't you? You see poor, helplessly raped Hermione and think—let me show her how to love. Is that what you wanted?" Draco's mouth slid open in astonishment as he saw the old Hermione shine through. The angry witch placed her hands on her hips and scowled. "Well fuck you Malfoy! Only you can get under my skin enough to make me feel so much anger!"
He tried to stop her, but she continued. "Merlin, Malfoy! That kiss was so—gross!" she stomped her foot.
He wanted to smile, but hid it as he stared up at her from the ground. He knew she had liked it.
"I hate you," she said venomously. Her cheeks turned a beet red. "I-I-I—really do!" she turned on her heel and continued down the corridor.
"I need you," Draco said after her. He could have sworn he heard her gasp, but the bushy, bossy haired witch continued to walk away.
Little did he know, Hermione had a small, hopeful smile on her blushing face.
Draco knew with all his heart that he could help her through this. He was determined to save her from this pain that was so unjustifiably thrown at her. Hating him gave Hermione that energy to fight back and empower her life. She needed his hatred. He needed her love.
Why would he help her, one might ask?
She was too perfect in his eyes to be ignored. That's why.
One shot. No future chapters and such. I can barely deal with the pile of stories I have to update now. But I thought this would be a nice one-shot to get out.