Hey Everyone. This is a one shot. I originally wrote it for one of my friends, and I wasn't going to post it on here, because I wasn't, well I'm still not, sure if anyone will read it. But atleast you get the option. It's a Mark/Derek slash story. If it's going to offend you, please don't read. And those of that you do read it, please let me know what you think! It alternates between Derek and Mark's POV.

derek

This isn't suppose to be my life. I'm not suppose to be this guy. The guy that lies to the people he cares about to protect himself. But isn't it different if I'm protecting them as well? It should be. I didn't want this to happen. I didn't plan on it. It just.. happened. I can hear my mom calling my name, telling me that it's time to go pick up my date. Tonight is my senior prom. In two weeks, I'll be out of high school, and then three months after that, I will be free to live the way I want- all the way across the country. But for now, I have to live the life I'm given to make my family, mostly my mom, and my friends proud.

Mandy has been my girlfriend since sophomore year. Since there are only 85 people in our senior class, we are pretty much the model couple for our school. Sometimes I wonder why I stay with her, but all it takes is a look at my mom to answer the question. I want her to be proud, and the life I want to live would not make her proud. "Coming, Ma." I call out as I straighten my tie in the mirror one last time before flicking off the light of the bathroom window.

As I enter the kitchen, I instantly hear squeals of happiness of joy from my mom and four sisters. They all managed to clear their schedules this one day to make sure to come home for their baby brother's prom. I offer a faint smile at them before rolling my eyes. Sometimes I wonder if they would love me as much if they knew about the life I live behind closed doors. I shake the thoughts off as they ravage me with hugs. "Watch the hair." I mutter pointlessly as they swarm around me for inspection.

"Our baby is all grown up!" Nancy brings her pointer finger up to her eye and lets it fall in an attempt to show a tear.

"Not again." I mutter, smiling none the less. My sisters always know how to make things interesting. Sadly, Mandy is just as bad as them when she gets around them. Not many people can keep up with them, but she's always managed to, which is a good thing so I don't have to listen to my sisters beg for me to find someone better. Mandy is a sweet girl. She moved here in eighth grade from somewhere in Texas. Even now, she has a slight accent on certain words. I love to go to her house just to listen to her parents talk, they haven't lost the accent at all. I'm pretty sure our mom's are already planning our wedding. I wanted to tell them that we are just in high school, and we aren't even going to the same state for college, but I figure it'd be no use. Apparently we are destined to be together. And maybe their right, maybe I should marry her. It would be the right thing to do. A part of me does love Mandy, she was definitely my first love. I'd rather die than hurt her, but it's inevitable, because she will eventually get hurt. A secret can only hold its meaning for so long before it slips. How I dread the day it slips.

But for now, I will smile every time I see her, and greet her with a hug and kiss, simply because I have no other choice. She doesn't deserve anything less. Problem is that I think.. I'm certain I love someone else as well. Someone I shouldn't love. Someone I can't love. Because I'm Derek Shepherd, Valedictorian and class president. My mom is a teacher at my school, and so everyone knows me. Somewhere along the way, I became the role model of the under class men, and for that, I pity them.

"Relax guys. I'll be back with the rest of the group in like fifteen minutes. Then you can cry all you want." I grin as I grab the keys from the kitchen counter. "I love you all." I turn around and head for the door, waving my hand above my head.

"Be careful, baby." My mom calls out the same instruction she does every time I leave the house. I've stopped acknowledging it, simply because there's no use. She knows I heard her. Besides I'm not exactly a 'wild' driver, after my dad died in a car accident, I tend to be more careful than probably is what is even needed. I have to go to Mark's first to pick him up, and then Mandy's where her and Kelli, Mark's date, got ready. It's going to be an interesting night.

mark

Derek's going to be here any minute, and I just got of the shower. The driplets of water, despite being previously wiped off by a towel, are still making their way down my body, and with the exception of a pair of very old boxers that have been washed one too many times, I am naked. I can't find my tux. Well that's my story when he yells at me about not being ready. I'm a pretty good actor, if I do say so myself. I really don't want to go tonight, and I don't understand why he is making me. It's not like he's going to be hanging out with me. Sure we're taking his car, and eating at the same restaurant, but as soon as get to the dance, Mandy is going to pull him away, and I'm going to be left alone. Okay, that's a lie. I won't be alone, but I won't be with him, and let's face it. It's pretty much the same thing. I would much rather sit my ass at home and down a bottle of Jack Daniels until the dance is over and he comes to check on me. He would come check on me, because that's the kinda guy he is.

It's not fair. It's not fair that he has completely deprived me of any chance I ever had of having a real relationship with a girl. Not that I've ever wanted one, even before him, but I would like the option. I don't have it anymore, because all I can think about is how it would affect him. If I got a girlfriend, it would break him. More than my sleeping habits already do. I can't be the gu- the person that breaks Derek Shepherd. Simply because Derek needs to be unbreakable. He has a family to take care of, and even though he is the youngest of the six of them, he does take care of them. He is the rock in the house of five women. If I broke him, I'd never forgive myself.

Therefore, I'm left to meaningless one night stands with meaningless girls, except for the nights when I know he's coming over. Sure he's heard about my .. reputation, but ever since last year, he has yet to see any signs of it. Too bad he doesn't extend the same courtesy to me. I have to watch him and Mandy on a daily basis. But I'm stronger than Derek, well, maybe I'm just more stone faced than he is. You can read Derek's every thought just by looking into his eyes. Mine don't extend the same courtesy, and I hope they never will.

I can hear Derek's horn only barely over the music playing in my room. I pick my phone up off the bed and walk to the window that looks out over my driveway. I can make out the shadow of his frame through the window just as his voice rings through my ears. I can't help but smile as I offer a wave in his direction. As soon as I hang up the phone, I walk back over to my closet, completely ignoring the droplets of water that have yet to stop dropping onto my carpet. Maybe it's not too late to talk to him out of going. I have to laugh at myself because I know it is. It's all Mandy has talked about since Christmas. Hell, probably Homecoming.

In another's eyes
I'm someone who
Loves her enough
To walk away from you
I'd never cheat
And I would never lie
In another's eyes


derek

I honk the horn, and in a matter of a seconds my cell phone is ringing. Mark. A small smile graces my features as I accept the call before bringing the phone to my ear. "Shepherd's Cheufery.. What can I do for you today, sir?" I grin as I lean over my steering wheel to meet his gaze. I can see him looking at me through his window, and I offer a small wave.

"I'm not ready yet, Shep. You can come in if you want." I look down at my watch and shake my head. I was suppose to be at Mandy's ten minutes ago. He is worse than she is. I simply nod at him before ending the call and grabbing my keys from the ignition.

"You so owe me, Sloan." I chuckle as I make my way into his house, offering a small wave to his mom in the living room, who is nursing a cocktail. She'd never been one to believe there was a certain time to start drinking.

"Hey sweetie! What you all dressed up for?" God help her. She doesn't even know it's her son's, her only child's, prom night. Mark probably didn't even tell her. Mark works full time at a local department store to pay for everything. He refuses to ask for money from his parents, from anyone really.

"Oh. You know. Just felt like dressing up, I guess." I shrug my shoulders. If Mark didn't want to tell her, then I shouldn't either.

"Oh. Alright then. Have fun, baby." She smiles gleefully as she walks over and places a light kiss on my forehead. I'm guessing that isn't her first drink of the evening.

"Thanks, Mrs. Sloan." I smile convincingly before making my way upstairs to Mark's room. I knock first, and once I hear him acknowledge me, I open the door. A polite attempt that Mark has never given me the courtesy of. My cheeks blush slightly as my eyes find his barely clothed body. In only a pair of thin boxers, Mark stands in front of his closet, his hands placed firmly on his head in a huff.

"Thanks for the warning." I smile fakely at him as I close the door behind me.

A grin forms on his face as he turns around to face me. "So I have a problem." His cheeks flush slightly as he walks over and sits on the edge of the bed only inches in front of me.

"What's that?" I ask as gently as possible as I take a seat beside him. Careful to put a small distance between us.

"I can't find my tux." He pouts his lower lip effectively, and it's all I can do not to laugh at him.

"You lost your tux?" I ask as calmly as I can manage, even though I'm slightly freaking out. Mandy is going to castrate me for this, not to mention Ma and the girls.

"Kinda." He grimaces, obviously waiting for me to lash out on him. In most cases, I probably would, but I can't. Because It's prom night, and we're late, and a heated fight would only make us later.

After taking a deep breath with my eyes closed, I open them and make my way in front of him, leaning down to be eye level with him, balancing myself with my hands on his bare knees. "When's the last time you had it?" I ask gently, hiding any evidence of freak out that might possibly make it's way to my voice.

"Is it really bad if I said I don't remember?" He pouts, placing his hands on top of mine. "We don't really have to go, do we?" I look into his eyes to find that he's completely serious.

"Please tell me you have a tux, Mark." I sigh, looking away from his gaze.

"We can hang out here, Derek. Just us. Why would I want to go to a school dance so you can have eye sex with Mandy."

"Same reason I have to go and watch you grope Kelli." I frown as I tighten my hold on his hands. "It's just a dance, Mark."

"It's always just something, Derek. It's just school, it's just a weekend retreat. It's just a family vacation. When is it going to be just us?" I can't stop the tears brimming my eyes as I meet his gaze again. Life wasn't suppose to be this hard.

"I don't know." I sigh, being truthful. "I just can't let everyone down though, Mark. I just.. I can't." I release his hands long enough to rub his knee caps softly. "Please do this for me. I.. I don't think I can survive it if you don't go."

He sighed before standing up, causing me to reluctantly back away from him to a beanbag in the corner of the room. I watch, only slightly amused, as he leans over, stretching his muscles, to look under the bed, and pulls out a black dress suit bag that I assume is his tuxedo. "Don't remember, huh?" I grin widely at him as I lean back to get comfortable against the wall.

"It was worth a shot." He blushes slightly before laying the bag on the bed to unzip it. "Prom it is." He mutters, barely above a whisper, and I can't help but to just smile at him.

Once he is fully dressed, and is fumbling with his tie, I allow myself to stand up and approach him, swatting his hands away from his tie for me to fix it. "You never could handle a tie." I smile as I focus my attention on his chest, careful to avoid his eyes that I'm sure are begging for me to stay home with him. Once it's up to par with my standards, I gleam proudly before leaning past him to get his jacket, helping him put it on. As my hands roam over his chest to soothe out the minor wrinkles, his hands finally latch onto mine, stopping me in my methodical tracks.

"Derek..." My eyes meet his, and I suddenly forget what I'm doing. Before I know it, my face is being cupped in his hands, and I can't speak the words I know I should to stop it. Just as I give in to temptation and lean into his touch, my cellphone starts ringing in my pocket. "Ignore it." He demands, almost breathlessly, and despite every fiber of me wanting to obey, I pull away to get my phone.

Mandy.

I look at him, trying to apologize with my eyes before I bring the phone to my ear. "Hey baby. I'm at Mark's. We'll be there in a few minutes. Love you." I hang up before she can answer, and my eyes are down casted to the floor so that I can't see the probable hurt in his eyes. "We should go." I sigh as I make my way towards his door.

"Always the martyr." Mark whispers before following me out as well. "Happy Anniversary."

In another's eyes
I can do no wrong
And he believes in me
And his faith is strong
I'd never fall
Or even compromise
In another's eyes

mark

At school, I'm known as the ladies man, and it's not exactly a lie. While Derek has been in an ongoing relationship with Mandy, I have been more of a love em and leave em kinda guy. It's safe to say that I've slept with most of the girls in our class, and a fair share of the juniors as well. Kelli, my prom date, is one of the few girls I know that I haven't slept with, and I doubt I ever will. She's one of my best friends, and she knows my habits. Of course, she doesn't know about Derek, because, well, it's not that it's a completely new development, it started last year, it's just we are in complete denial about it when we aren't alone. I am NOT gay. I'm not. I just.. I care about Derek in more than a friend way. He's told me time and time again that he loves me, but I just, I can't say it back to him. I don't know if I really know what love means. Maybe that's why he hasn't told anyone. Maybe a part of me doesn't want him to. I know it's wrong and it's selfish, but I.. I don't want anyone else to know because they will degrade it, or try to analyze it. They'll ruin it. I like the way things are. Most of the time.

"Mark.. I." Derek is trying to break the silence between us not that we're almost at Mandy's, but it's no use. Not really his fault that the world is constantly coming between us.

"Just drop it, Derek." I sigh, placing my elbow on the car door to rest my chin against my palm. I didn't even want to go to prom at all. Derek insisted though. And a week ago, Kelli broke it off with her boyfriend, and so I was there- the replacement guy. Because that's what I do best. Substitute. Against my obvious desire to be left alone, he reached across the middle section between our seats, and grabbed onto my hand.

"I have some news." He all but squeals with excitement, and I try to hide my smile as much I can, not wanting him to know that he got to me.

"Let me guess? You're proposing to Mandy tonight?" I roll my eyes looking out the window, even though I can't quite bring myself to pull away my hand from his grasp.

"Mandy has to be home by midnight. So, we can go out afterwards if you want." All attempts at keeping a straight face at that moment failed, and a large grin overtook my features.

"Yeah?" I'm sure my eyes are sparkling in giddy happiness, but I don't care. It's the only thing I have to look forward to the entire night.

Before I know it, we are at Mandy's house, and we are being dragged inside by Mandy's mother. Apparently copies of Derek's mom's pictures just won't suffice as enough for her baby's prom. I try to keep my eye rolling to a minimum as I greet Kelli with a hug. She is actually fun to hang out with, so it's not like tonight will really be all that horrible. I just.. I really didn't want to go. "You know you owe me big time, right?" I whisper into her ear with a big smile on my face as the camera flashes in our eyes.

"You know I love ya, Markie." She laughs as she wraps my arms around her waist for another picture.

"You want me." I laugh because I've made several drunken attempts to seduce Kelli, and they have never worked. Apparently my man whorish ways are completely luvable, but not lovable. By the time she finished explaining what the difference was, my buzz was always completely gone. So I eventually stopped trying.

"Oh baby." She laughed, turning around in my arms to wrap her arms around my waist for another picture.

"Do this often?" I laugh as I continue to just smile at the camera, letting her do all the work.

"More than you think." She whispers into my ear, causing a slightly shiver to run down my spine, but I quickly shake it off. I glance over at Derek, who was now avoiding my gaze, and I suddenly become much more interested in the way the pictures look. I wrap my arms securely around her, much tighter than before, and soon enough Derek is making his over, mumbling something about group photos. I offer him a small smirk as his cheeks blush an unnatural hue of red.

It's seven o'clock, at least half an hour has passed, and we've finally made it back to Derek's for another round of poses. Five women. Good grief. I cast a warning look to Derek that lets him know that he, too, owes me big time for this. As soon as we enter, the Shepherd clan go nuts. Not that it isn't good to see them, because it is, they can just be a tad overwhelming. They ask me about every girl they've ever met, and why I'm not with her, only giving enough time for me to open my mouth before asking about another one. Finally, once they'd answered all the questions themselves, they turned their attention to Mandy. Precious Mandy. Leaving room for Kelli to make fun of me.

"Wow Sloan. You really don't keep your sleeping habits hidden from anyone, do ya?" She laughs, and I can feel my cheeks redden as I look towards Derek, my ultimate secret.

"What can I say, Kells? I'm just that irresistible." We both share a laugh, and the subject is dropped.

I'm not sure I've mentioned this, but I absolutely love Ms. T. Wanna know why? Excluding the fact that she's practically raised me, she's given me the chance to hang out with Derek without Mandy at his side. Sure there are cameras all over the place, and the girls are only in the next room over getting something to drink, but being near him calms me down. He has his hand grasped firmly on my shoulder, it's a completely generic and friendly grasp, but it's all I can do to hide the crimson rising in my cheeks. Sometimes I wonder if she knows somehow, but then there's no way she could. We are just best friends. I think that's Derek's biggest fear. Disappointing his mom, but I don't honestly think that's possible.

"Our reservation is in fifteen minutes." I whisper through smile-locked teeth to Derek after about the hundredth picture taken.

"Do you want to be the one to tell them that?" He remarks, stretching his smile just a little further causing another round of awwws to spread throughout the room.

"Their your family." I insist, never ruining my infamous smile. I'd grown to become a perfectionist with my smile. A smile can hide the end of someone's world, or at least the destruction of it. And my life? It's a battle zone.

"That's not what you said last summer when we had a family reunion in Florida." I almost laugh at the memory, but fight the urge off. I actually slept with two of his cousins, but Derek doesn't ever need to know that. It's not like it meant something. I don't even remember their names. It's safe to say I won't be going back to that reunion again, at least not for another good five years. Girls had a tendency to get needy after you take their virginity. In my defense, I didn't know before! They didn't act too innocent!

"Get over it, big baby." I finally let out a small laugh once the cameras cease to stop flashing, as if they'd somehow heard our conversation.

"Well, I guess you better leave for the restaurant now, baby." Ms. T cooed as she walked up to me and Derek, kissing his forehead before mine.

"Alright Ma." Derek mumbles, obviously embarrassed at his mother's display of affection.

"You staying out tonight, baby?" She asked sweetly, but I could tell she wanted a truthful answer, and after a moment of no response from him, I decided to chime in.

"Yes ma'am. He's crashing at my house." I offer her by best smile, and even though she sends us a look of warning, she nods her head.

"Alright. Be good." I simply kiss her cheek before pulling Derek by the forearm towards the kitchen to get the girls.

"Talk much?" I ask once we are out of ear shot.

"I didn't know what to say." He smiles playfully. "Hey Ma. I'm renting a hotel with Mark. Be back tomorrow! Yeah. That wouldn't raise a flag at all."

I couldn't help but stop in my tracks before we reached the girls. "You got a hotel?" My eyebrows wouldn't quite stay still as the forcefully moved upwards in a suggestive manner.

"Shut up." He grinned slightly, "Happy A, Mark." He added before walking the remaining distance to the girls, I assume telling them it's time to go. I couldn't wipe the smile off my face the entire walk to the car, that is until Mandy took my seat at shotgun, and left me to sit in the back.

If I forgot to mention it before, I really HATE Mandy.

In another's eyes
I'm afraid that I can't see
This picture perfect portrait
That they paint of me
They don't realize
And I pray they never do
'Cause every time I look
I'm seein' you
In another's eyes

derek

You know, I'm a good driver. Damn it, I'm a great driver. I'm reliable, I'm focused, and I'm about the most careful damn person I know on the road. But it's a little hard to concentrate when you're girlfriend is rubbing your upper thigh with her hands, and your.. well.. for lack of better wording, mistress, is in your back seat, giving their date similar attention. He knows I can see him. I know he does. He probably wouldn't even do it if I couldn't. He doesn't even like Kelli like that! I would know! I know everything about Mark. He doesn't know that I know about a lot of things, but I think he forgets how much girls love to talk. My fingers knotted themselves into fists every time Mandy would mention another one of his memorable nights with some random girl. It makes my stomach launch an evil resistance to the contents inside, and it literally makes my face red with anger. Why the hell does he do it? I have never said anything though, because he would just throw it right back into my face that I have Mandy, a girl that I'm suppose to love, if I don't already. When I'm alone with her, I think 'ya know, I could love Mandy. I could spend the rest of my life with her, and be perfectly content'.

Problem is, I don't know that I want a life that I can just be content with. Not after I've felt so much more already. Maybe she doesn't even want to marry me. Maybe I'm assuming too much as it is. Maybe she just feels obligated to it because it's what is expected of us. But I could never ask her, because I could never hurt her. Well, that was up for debate considering some of my actions, but I would never want to hurt her. I don't know that she would understand my feelings for Mark, I don't know if i understand my feelings for Mark. All I know is that they exist, and it's incredibly hard for me to be normal around him without crimson taking over my cheeks, and chill bumps up and down my arms, and my voice an octave higher than it is any other time.

Why does he do this to me? I get pulled out of my thoughts as we make an abrupt stop in the parking lot of the restaurant. I look around the car to find that everyone is holding onto the roof of the car. "Oops."I offer a small smile at them before pulling out the ignition. "We're here." I mutter, keeping my gaze away from the backseat of my car.

"Trying not to die here, Derek." Mandy growls slightly as she brings down the mirror to check for makeup imperfections.

"I'm starving." I pat my stomach, lying. I lie. I just ate before I got ready. But it seems like a good excuse to want to get out of the car as badly as I do.

She glances at me for a moment with pure curiosity, but shrugs it off as she opens her door. I glance back towards Mark, reluctantly, to find that he is already out of the car. I sigh to myself, starting to doubt the 'genius' plan I had to bring him along tonight. I practically forced him to come, and all we can do is torture each other. It's almost a game now, who can cross the most boundaries and get the best reaction? As of right now, I think it's safe to say that I'm losing the battle. But I refuse to let that remain the rest of the night. After all, Mandy is my girl friend, surely I can get away with more than he can. Right?

mark

This is a lot funner than I thought it would be. I'm pretty sure Derek just ran a red light because he's in such a hurry to get to the restaurant. Now he knows how I feel. Everyone needs a reality check. I thought I got pushy when I was around Mandy, this is class A entertainment. It's only slightly hard to keep my eyes distracted from Mandy's hand that's been extended to Derek's lap the entire ride. Needy much?

Kelli is letting me get away with a lot more than I usually can with her. Maybe it's because it's prom night, and I totally saved her ass from being dateless. Yes, that's right. I have a heart. Ha. Okay. Maybe it wasn't really because she didn't have a date so much as Derek wouldn't leave me the hell alone about it, but still. She doesn't know that.

My hands have now been implanted firmly in the roof of the car for a good five minutes, and we are finally at the restaurant. I quickly jump out of the car, and go into the restaurant. As soon as I get both of my feet inside the door, Kelli pulls me away to an empty hallway that leads to the bathroom. Her eyes are wide open in shock, and that worries me. What could she have possible figured out since that car ride. Except that we came very close to dieing, but I already know that.

"I can't believe I didn't see it before. Oh my god! Markiee!" She squeals as she pulls me into a tight hug, offering my neck small strokes.

"See what?" I ask, trying to hide that I'm completely freaked out about her behavior. She even stretched out the 'iee' for several seconds. This can't be good. Not for me anyway.

I watch as her eyes glance around us before they meet my gaze. "You and Derek!" She squeals again, and I can't stop my eyes from bulging. I know I have to stay calm, but crap. Crap, Crap, Crap.

"What are you talking about, Kelli?" I ask, trying my best to keep my voice at a normal pitch. She can't possibly know. She can't.

"Aw come on, Mark. You can tell me. I don't care. I mean, Mandy might not be pleased, oh my god. How does she not know?" Her eyes dance in wonder, and it's all I can to keep the redness form rising in my cheeks.

"You got it all wrong, babe." I insist. Even if I wanted to tell her, and a part of me does, I can't. It's not just my life. It's Derek's. He has so much going for him. I grab onto her hands, and give her my best charming smile. "I like you." Okay. So that's pretty much a big lie. She probably knows that, but I can't stop myself from saying it.

"Nooo Mark. That's not it. You like Derek! Holy crap. How did I not notice this before? How long has this been going on? Oh my god. The girls are going to be so disappointed. Who would of thought the man whore of our school was into guys! Oh my god." She continues to ramble, and I can't stop her, so I do the only thing I know to do to shut her up. I kiss her. She doesn't respond for a moment, but she eventually returns the kiss. Once I finally pull away, the first person I see is Derek, and he practically has tears in his eyes.

"I.. I.. uh.. I have to go to the bathroom." He mutters, sliding behind Kelli to get past us. Shit. I try my best not to watch him walk away because that would completely ruin everything I've been working on.

"You kissed me." She said breathlessly, seemingly unaware of Derek's heartbroken expression, which I find odd considering her accusations only a moment before.

"I did." I grin, easily slipping back into my famous ways. "Want me to do it again?" Her eyes are slightly hazy as she grabs onto my hand, pulling me into the girls bathroom. What the hell? This isn't the first time I've tried to sleep with her, but in a public bathroom. In her prom dress? Seriously?

As soon as the door shuts, her lips are latched back onto mine. I don't know why I'm doing this. To prove to her, to prove to myself, maybe. All I know is that it's happening, and I can't bring myself to stop it. I do like girls. It's not like I'm attracted to other guys. It's just Derek. Even after a year, I can't bring myself to admit anything to anyone besides him, most of the time not even to myself.

Her hands are quick, and before I know it my jacket is being tossed onto the sink counter. I reach behind me to lock the door to find that it's already locked, and a small laugh escapes my lips right into hers. "Plan this, did ya?"

She pulls away for a moment, but only long enough to roll her eyes at me before she kisses my neck, receiving a quiet moan despite my attempts to keep it in. I have to stop this somehow. I just. I can't. Derek is here. "I.. I can't." I finally mutter, pushing her away gently by her waist, being sure to make sure she keeps her balance. My eyes travel to the ground, because I know now that she was just testing me. I failed.

She smiles softly at me, cupping my face in her hands, before leaning in and placing one last kiss on my lips. "You're secret is safe with me, babe." She grins before pulling away, walking to the mirror to fix her lip gloss that was now all but gone.

I can't even bring myself to tell her she's wrong, so I simply walk over to grab my jacket, and leave. There would be no point. I open the door to find Derek standing there, his eyes casted down to the floor. "Derek.." I whisper, shaking my head, trying to tell him it wasn't what he thinks, exactly. I didn't go through with it, but it was too late. Before I can muster the words, he is gone. Damn it. I sigh as I make my way behind him to the waiting area where the hostess was standing to take us to our seats. This is going to be fun.

In another's eyes
Starin' back at me
I see a sinkin' soul
Tryin' desperately
To turn the tide
Before it dies
In another's eyes

derek

The table has been silent ever since we sat down, with the exception of the girl's random comments about stuff that I don't care to listen to. Kelli keeps giving my sympathetic looks, and I don't really get why, but they make me feel better anyway. It's almost as if she knows what I'm going through. But I highly doubt it. Especially since she just had sex with him in a public bathroom- when I was standing just outside the door. I'm slightly surprised by the distance between the two of them. Sure they are sharing a booth, but she isn't even leaning into him or anything. It's as if nothing even happened, and that might hurt even more. How can he just use her and her not care? The more I think about it, the angrier I get. Apparently it shows, because now both of the girls are giving me odd glances. Mark is texting on his phone, and when the table goes silent, his eyes shoot up to see what happened.

"What?" He asks, that curious grin he always has is plastered on his face, and I just want to kick him. It's his fault that I'm in such a bad mood. Mandy should be mad at him! Not me!

"Nothing." Kelli offers him a small smile, and my stomach starts churning all over again. I watch as he goes back to texting without ever even looking my way. That's right. I would be pretty damn ashamed too.

"I'm going to the bathroom." Mandy whispers before scooting out of the booth, and I can't help but wince. I don't think I'll ever be able to go into a public bathroom ever again.

Kelli watches her walk away before turning towards me. "Just for the record whine fest, I didn't screw Mark in the bathroom." My eyes shot up at him, and he looks at her surprised, but a look of relief takes over his features. I try my hardest not to smile, but I can't help it.

After taking a moment to regain my composure, I shrug my shoulders. "Why'd you tell me that?"

She lets out a small laugh and shrugs her shoulders. "Just FYI. Thought it might help you breathe better. You're becoming even paler than usual."

I look towards Mark, and his cheeks are now flushed, and my smile just gets bigger.

"Turns out, he's kinda already into someone else. Shocker for you, I know." She continues, but my eyes never leave Mark's. All I can do is hope that my eyes don't well up- again.

I can't quite bring myself to speak, because I don't really know how much she knows, or how much I want her to know. She is one of Mandy's best friends. Mark simply shrugged his shoulders as he looked at me. 'She guessed.' He mouthed to me, and I can't help but laugh. That is, until Mandy walks back over, and I suddenly start freaking out.

"I'm very good at keeping secrets, Shepherd. No worries." Kelli winks at me before Mandy sits down, and I can't help but let out a sigh of relief. Even still, I know something has to change. The only to keep a secret between 3 people is if two of them are dead.

I think it's time to tell her. I will tonight. After prom. She deserves to know. I've betrayed her enough. I offer a small smile at her, and I think a part of her knows that it's over. Maybe she will be relieved. She deserves better than me. As long as Mark is in my life, she will never number one. Hell, probably not even number two. I think the guilt has eaten anything that was left of our relationship.

mark

I've been trying to send the same message ever since I sat down at the table. I've been trying to warn him that she knows, but most importantly, I wanted to tell him that I couldn't go through it. Not today and not with them there. Today is one year to the day of our first sober kiss. We call it our anniversary, simply because it's the only thing we have to hold onto. We don't go on dates, mostly because I think that would be a little too real for both of us. It was like two months after our first real kiss, which happened last March. We were at my house, and we'd downed a bottle of Jack Daniels, each. I don't remember the kiss so much as the feeling I had the next morning. I was happy. It took us a month to accept that it happened. and another month before it happened again. Which is today. It's why I wanted to stay home. But no, Derek has to make everyone else happy.

It's safe to say that I'm pretty surprised when Kelli just put it out there, Saves me from having to convince him. I knew I was friends with her for a reason. He finally meets my gaze, and his eyes are bright again, and it distracts me until Mandy comes back. Leave it to her to ruin my happiness.

I look back down at my phone to find the eighth edition of my text to him, and clear it all out. I quickly type 'I love you.', but as I look up before sending it, Mandy is kissing him, and my happiness fades away, and I quickly close my phone, letting the unspoken words fall away. The first time doesn't need to be in a text anyway. I just got carried away. It was stupid of me.

I don't know how much time passes before I feel Kelli's lips on my ear. "It's normal for it to hurt, ya know?"

I look at her for a moment before nodding my head. "Being normal doesn't make it any better." I offer a sad smile her direction before my phone starts vibrating.

"I love you." The words are written clearly on my phone, and my eyes shoot up at him, a smile shamelessly plastered on my face as I nod my head at him quickly before shutting my phone, hiding it from anyone's view. They can't take it away from me.

And what they don't see
Is killing me
It's blessing and a curse
That love is blind
'Cause in another's eyes
I'm afraid that I can't see
This picture perfect portrait
That they paint of me

derek

We're at prom now, and Mandy has had me out on this dance floor for at least two hours. Surely this thing is over soon, right? The only thing keeping me going is that soon I can drop her off, and I can hang out with Mark, who, luckily, has been sitting with Kelli and a bunch of girls. Apparently Kelli isn't a fan of dancing. Wish she was my date! I hate dancing. No matter what kind it is. The music suddenly cuts off, and the principal is on the stage only a couple of feet in front of us. Mandy finally stops dancing to turn towards him, squeezing onto my hand so tight you'd think she was holding on for dear life. Apparently we were suppose to be King and Queen. I really hope not. That'll only make the break up that much worse.

My eyes travel to Mark for a moment while Mandy is occupied with listening to the principal, and he offers me a comforting smile. I keep reminding myself that we'll be graduated by the end of the month, and it won't matter anymore, but I swear the days just keep getting longer and longer, and the weeks are never ending.

Before I know it, I hear a loud squeal from Mandy. Apparently she won, because she throws herself into my arms, kissing me quickly before running towards the stage. I'm only slightly surprised she didn't fall on the way as she is helped by the principal onto the stage.

"And the prom king this year is.." There is a fake drum roll that makes me want to hit whoever is in charge of sound in this place before the principal's heavy breathing echoes in the air. "Derek Shepherd."

I can hear a load roar of applause go throughout the gym as I offer by best smile, and make way up beside Mandy. She kisses me again before the place the crown on my head.

As we make our way to the dance floor for the traditional dance, I scan the room for Mark, but I can't find him anywhere. Finally I see him heading for the exit, and as much I want to, I can't leave Mandy stranded, not when the whole school is watching.

As soon as the song is over, Kelli is at our side, pulling me towards her. "He just called a taxi. You might want to hurry." I offer her a small smile as I kiss her cheek, and turn back towards Mandy.

"I.. I gotta go, Mandy. I'm sorry." I lean in to kiss her cheek as well. Even though I didn't want to, I met her gaze to find that tears were spewing from her eyes. "I'm sorry." I repeat the sentiment as Kelli pulls her into a hug. I reach into my pocket for $20 to pay for their cab fare before I turn around and make a sprint for the door.

mark

I have to say that Kelli is by far the best date to a dance I've ever had. She doesn't like dancing, and she's perfectly content sitting at a table talking about nothing at all. Sure when no one is around, she tries to drill me for answers, but I don't blame her. I probably would too if I was her. Most of the time, she's even managed to make me forget that he is out there dancing with someone else. I say most of the time because every now and then I can feel his eyes on me, and I have to look over and smile at him. Because that's what he needs. The reassurance that we're okay.

Maybe it's a lie, but I would just about give anything to make him happy. I don't even remember when it was that I realized how deep I was in this, but I know it was somewhere between Christmas and New Years. I mean he's always been my best friend, and I'd always gone pretty far to save his ass, but this is a completely different feeling. I'm scared to tell him though, because what if I'm wrong, what if I don't really love him? Wouldn't that do no harm than good? Derek isn't one of those people that want to be lied to to feel better, and for that I'm thankful. I don't know if I'll ever get up the courage to tell him how I feel. But somehow, I'm not even sure if it matters to him. He tells Mandy he loves her, so obviously it doesn't mean too much to him.

I want to be happy for him so badly, and I try so hard to be, but I can't stand to see him with Mandy. Derek deserves to be prom king, even if he doesn't want to be, He's friends with everyone, and knows even more. But I can't sit and watch their dance. I just can't. So I make my way towards the door, hoping that he will follow me, even though I know he won't. Obligations rule Derek's life, and I'm just not one of them. He probably won't even notice I'm gone, at least not until later. Tomorrow I can act like everything is fine, but I just can't tonight. I need time to convince myself of it first.

Kelli was pretty mad when I walked away, but she doesn't know what it's like. She hasn't watched them in a jealous rage for the past year. I can see out of the corner of my eye her heading towards the dance floor, but I don't care. I'll be gone before she gets him detached from his girlfriend.

I haven't sat on a curb waiting for a ride since freshman year, and it is effectively as humiliating, if not more, today than it was back then. Why can't that damn taxi driver get here a little faster? Derek is going to be out here soon, and I don't know if I can face him.

Damn it.

"Mark!" He calls out my name, and I wince, hoping that he doesn't see me. But only seconds pass before I see his shadow hoovering over me. He lets out a loud sigh before sitting next to me. "You were leaving me." I glance at him for a moment, and his eyes are welling in tears, and I feel guilty, just like I knew I would.

"I'm sorry."

And they don't realize
And I pray to God they never do
'Cause every time I look
I'm seein' you
In another's eyes

derek

I spot him as soon as I walk out of the building. I could spot him anywhere though, even if the outside was just as crowded as the in. I can feel him. Even from behind, I can tell he's not happy. His shoulders are slumped over, and his head is bowed down into his propped up knees. I call out his name but he doesn't answer until I sit down.

"I'm sorry." I know he is because he looks just as broken as I feel, and it's mostly my fault. If I don't lighten it up in a minute, I'm going to end up crying, and that is not something I want to do here.

"Me too." I whisper into the night air, nudging his shoulder with mine to get a smile, and it works.

"I just.. I don't know how much longer I can watch you two, Derek. You keep saying in time, but how much time do you really need?" His voice cracks, and I want nothing more than to pull him into a tight hug and kiss all of his concerns away.

"Let's get out of here. Okay?" I ask, pulling the keys out of my pockets.

"What about the girls?" He asks, smiling despite his probably best efforts not to.

I shrug my shoulders, omitting the fact that I gave them cab fare. "They'll be okay."

He nods his head at me before standing up, offering his hands to lift me as well, and even though I don't actually need his help, I grab them anyway.

It's a quiet walk to my car, but once we are inside, I look over to see him smiling, and that itself makes leaving worth it.

mark

As soon as he gets out onto the main road, he grabs onto my hand, and I can't bring myself to pull away if I wanted to. He chose me. Over school, over Mandy, over everything, and it seems too cruel to punish him for anything else that'd happened. If anything, I tighten the grasp.

Before I know it, we are at the hotel, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't impressed. It was nice. There's no telling how much this is going to cost him. "You.. You didn't have to do this, Derek." I mumble, realizing there's no way he could possibly afford this hotel.

"Relax, Mark. I've been saving." He squeezes my hand one last time before getting out of the car, and I can't help but watch as he walks into the building.

Less than minutes have passed, and now we're settling into the hotel room. Which has a joining living room to the bedroom. Once we drop our bags, I watch as Derek goes to sit on the bed, making sure to leave enough room for me as he looks at my way, rubbing the spot before him. I don't even think I consciously started walking, I swear I'm just gliding over, and before I know it, he has my face cupped into his hands. Running soft lines with his thumb against my jaw.

"Thank you." He whispers as he places a kiss onto my neck, and even though this definitely isn't the first time, my palms instantly become sweaty as I place them on his waist.

He smiles at me before finally kissing my lips. "I love you, Derek." I mumble against my lips, and even though he deepens the kiss, I want him to return the sentiment, and so I pull away. "I love you, Derek." I state more forcefully as my hands nervously fumble with the buttons on his jacket.

"I love you too, Mark." He smiles at me as he lets his jacket fall off his shoulders, his body following it's lead as he lays down on the bed. I quickly follow suit as he pulls me down with him ...