So in order to escape the heavy mellodrama that has been Grey's of late I have written a light hearted one shot.
It is inspired by Where The Boys Are although I haven't actually seen that episode. Really, I just liked the idea of a fishing trip.
I don't really think it's that good but what do I know? Please review and tell me what I have done wrong/ right.
Now, since too much self deprication is unhealthy, it's time to toot my own horn. I am really proud of Burke's line about Derek's hair being his persona. I think I got the way Burke talks almost perfect there.
I do not own Grey's Anatomy or any of the characters.
"Come on Alex," George begged. "Please, just do me a favor. It's Burke and Shepard and Sloan. I don't want to be the only intern."
"Then why are you even going?"
"Doctor Burke and I happen to be friends."
"Then why do you need me along?"
"Because I don't want to be the only intern. Come on. I'll do all your charting for two weeks."
"Fine. Stop whining and I'll go with you." Alex couldn't believe he had just agreed to a fishing trip with O'Mally.
"Excuse me, what is he doing here?" Shepard exclaimed as he climbed into the rental van and caught sight of Sloan crammed between sleeping bags in the back seat. George shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Alex sighed. He had chosen to sit next to O'Mally in the middle of the van, a position that placed him between Sloan and Shepard, who was climbing into the front.
"Hey Burke, you didn't tell me Derek was coming." It was hard to tell whether Sloan was happy to see his ex-best friend, or just happy to be causing trouble.
"That's because the whole point of this trip is to get the two of you back on speaking terms and to do that I had to get you both to come along," Burke explained.
"You told me the whole point of this trip was to catch fish," Derek deadpanned.
"Well that is an added bonus but this is more than just a fishing trip. This is a journey of reconciliation."
Burke punctuated the sentence by starting the van. They drove in silence for a few minutes before Shepard heaved a exasperated sigh and said,
"Do we actually have to reconcile or can we just pretend to get along and catch some fish in the mean time?"
"I suppose that's up to you Shepard. Now we have..."
"Burke, why we parking in front of the Fairmount?" Sloan interrupted.
"We have one more person to pick up."
"Wait a minute isn't this..." Shepard trailed of into a fit of laughter.
"She won't come you know," Sloan stated flatly.
"She already agreed to it," Burke countered.
"Did she know there would be fishing involved?"
"I'm guessing she didn't know Mark and I would be involved."
Both Sloan and Shepard burst out laughing.
Alex shot a confused glance at O'Mally and felt a prickle of apprehension run down his spine. If this conversation was headed where he thought it was, he was in for a very awkward weekend. The click of heels on pavement behind him drew confirmed his fears. He turned away from George and stared out his window at the gorgeous woman cautiously approaching the van.
"Preston... what is going on?" Addison Montgomery sounded utterly bewildered and more than a little annoyed.
Alex watched the exchange between Burke and Addison taking place outside of the van and hoped it would some how result in her staying behind. After their near kiss in the nursery things had been awkward between them to say the least. In hopes of getting whatever he'd screwed up between them back to normal, he had gone so far as to drag her into a supply closet and tell her he wasn't interested in her. That was a blatant lie by the way, how could he not be interested in her on the grounds of sheer sex appeal alone, never mind her incredible personality.
Still no matter how much he wanted her, spending a weekend together at this point was only going to be painfully uncomfortable for both of them. Thankfully, it looked like he was going to get his way. The conversation between Burke and Addison was heating up. Well maybe not heating up... Burke, as usual, was composure personified. Addison however, was speaking loud enough that her remarks were audible to everyone inside the van.
"No, I don't see why I have to come along.
I'm not interested in reconciliation.
Preston please, you are not that great a friend.
Friends don't lie to each other.
You lied by omission! You said people from work. Mark and Derek deserve special mention. And you did not say anything about fish!"
Alex was just beginning to relax, Addison was clearly winning the argument, when Sloan shot Shepard a mischievous grin and asked,
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
"I'm thinking that Addison... in the wilderness... in those shoes... is going to be the funniest thing I've ever seen."
"Worth having to spend the weekend with me?"
"Definitely."
"I hate you both." Addison's words were a little muffled because Sloan was sitting on her lap. "You realize this is completely illegal. You can't just pick people up and force them into vans against their will. I'm going to sue."
"Cheer up, Addison. You'll feel better when you see all the beautiful fish."
"No Derek, I will not feel better. I hate fish."
"Well you used to like them."
"No, I used to pretend to like them because we were married and I was obliged to be nice."
"Well in the spirit of the journey, I forgive you for lying to me."
"Why are you in such a good mood? Did I not kick you hard enough?"
"No, my shins are sufficiently bruised... but I forgive you Addison... in the spirit of the journey." Shepard laughed.
"What journey?"
"The journey of reconciliation," Sloan and Shepard chanted in unison.
"As Burke calls it," Sloan added.
"Oh, good God Preston. Does Christina know you say things like that?" Addison groaned.
"Addison," Sloan exclaimed in mock horror. "This is not about Christina. This is about 'the journey.' Please try to put away your hostility and focus on 'the journey."
"Shut up Mark. When are you going to get off of me?"
"As soon as you promise you'll come fishing," Sloan was quick to offer.
"Fine. I'll come on your trip but I'm not doing any fishing," Addison sighed.
"Look Addison, locally grown organic produce. Burke said to get stuff for salad."
"Look Derek, salad in a bag! You don't even have to wash it!" Addison's voice oozed false enthusiasm. They had stopped for supplies at some grocery in the middle of nowhere and split into groups in order to do the shopping faster. Alex had somehow been paired with Shepard and Addison. He was pretty relieved that Shepard was there. At least bickering with her ex-husband had Addison distracted enough to keep things from getting too awkward between them. She actually hadn't said a word to him all day.
"Addison you can't expect Mark and Burke to eat salad from a bag. Didn't living with Mark for two months teach you anything about eating healthy?"
"It taught me that Mark is obsessed with his body image, that he has an unhealthy fear of gaining weight and that no matter how many different ways you cook it, textured soy protein will always be disgusting. Now are we buying this salad or not?"
"We are buying fresh ingredients with which to make a salad."
"Fine Derek, have your way. I'm not going to stick around and argue with you."
"Where are you going?"
"You're out of your mind if you expect me to get through this weekend sober. I'm going to buy booze. Alex, are you coming?"
"Huh?"
"I don't think the liquor store takes credit. I have a little cash but I don't know how to buy cheap alcohol. I thought since your an intern with no money you'd have some experience."
"Oh. O.k." It wasn't exactly what he'd imagined their first conversation in days would be. He would have liked to manage something other than guttural monosyllables but she'd caught him a little off guard.
"So what exactly are you after," he said, scanning the shelves for anything cheap.
"Enough alcohol for the six of us for under eighty dollars. It should be quite a challenge," Addison replied. Alex caught himself smiling at the bemused expression on her face. She obviously realized she was completely out of place in this kind of situation. She was dressed like she belonged in Manhattan, which he guessed she did.
"It shouldn't be that hard," he said. "But why enough for the six of us?"
"Believe me. When Mark and Derek remember how much they hate each other I won't be the only one who wishes they were drunk."
"They seem to be getting along pretty well so far."
"That's because they're ganged up on me. So... what's our strategy."
"Ever heard of a Forty?"
She raised an eyebrow.
"It's probably the cheapest way to get drunk known to mankind," he explained. "You get forty ounces of strong beer for four bucks. It's like getting three beers for the price of one. We could get fifteen of those and have enough left over for some really cheap whisky or something if I pitch ten dollars for tax."
"I never realized you could get so drunk for so cheap."
"What did you drink when you were at school?"
"I didn't. I didn't really start drinking until..." She trailed off but he guessed from the pain that pooled in her eyes that she had been about to say 'until my marriage started breaking up.' He had never thought of her as a person who would need to be comforted.
"You shouldn't let them gang up on you like that." He didn't know how this was supposed to help. He didn't have much experience with being supportive.
"I know I shouldn't. It's just nice to see them actually getting along. I mean it's kind of my fault they fell out in the first place isn't it. They were best friends until I..."
"Hey, it takes two right. You shouldn't go too hard on yourself."
She squinted at him a little at that, like she couldn't quite figure out why he would want to be nice to her. He liked that he could catch her off guard like that even if it was only a moment before she regained her composure.
"We should probably get going. We don't want to keep the fish waiting," she muttered.
As they made their way across the parking lot she added,
"I'm sorry if I'm being a drag... or a total bitch. I make your life hell everyday at work. I don't want to ruin your weekend as well."
"Are you kidding? You don't make my life hell. I love working with you and your not going to ruin my weekend."
Burke's 'journey of reconciliation' theory held up until mid afternoon, Saturday. Shepard and Sloan were in genuinely good moods and seemed to be getting along. Addison had complained about feeling like she'd spent the night lying on rocks instead of an air-mattress but she'd cheered up after a cup of coffee. Burke and George were enjoying the fishing. It was a nice day.
Addison, a safe distance from the fishing, was lying on her stomach doing a crossword puzzle. She was wearing sweatpants and a long-sleeved T-shirt borrowed from Derek. Although the clothes were too big, her hair was a little messy and she wasn't wearing any make-up, Alex thought she still looked pretty amazing. He was paying way more attention to the way the sun caught the highlights in her hair than he was too his fishing.
Suddenly Addison sighed and dragged herself to her feet.
"O.k. I tried. I really tried. This isn't working for me."
"What are you talking about Addison?"
"I'm just saying, Derek, that there's a reason people don't live in the woods anymore. The woods are boring."
"Well you could try actually fishing."
"Right, fishing, there's an exciting activity."
"Come on Addie, give it a try. You get to hold a long bendy rod."
"Well, since I don't have a tiny penis to compensate for, that doesn't really appeal to me Derek."
Sloan just about lost it at that. "Wow Derek, you walked right into that one."
"Shut up Mark. I obviously don't have a tiny penis."
"I don't know Derek. You seem a little defensive about it."
"I am not defensive! Addison, tell him I don't have a tiny penis."
"I'm not getting into the middle of this Derek. I am going to go get drunk. Anyone who cares to join me is more than welcome."
The entire party proceeded to follow after her. Alex hoped a change of scene would calm every one down. Shepard was shooting dirty looks at both Sloan and Addison.
"So, in the spirit of alcohol and reconciliation, I think we should compare tattoos," Addison drawled.
"I have a tattoo of a dragon on my back," George mumbled.
"A dragon?" Alex tried to hide his disgust.
"Yes, a dragon. It's not like it's huge or anything and I wouldn't even be telling you if I was sober and… I'm gonna shut up now."
"Yeah, but why a dragon?"
"There's a slight possibility that I may have been president of the dungeons and dragons club in high school," George confessed turning a little red.
"Wow, we would have got along great in high-school," Addison burst out. "I was the hugest geek."
"She had braces," Shepard giggled. "She was a band geek with braces."
"What's wrong with band?" Burke sounded a little offended. "I was in my high school marching band."
"Not the marching band type of band geek," Addison explained. "The 'I have every Stone's album on vinyl and I'm wearing David Bowie underwear' type of band geek."
"Yeah, but that's really cool," Alex found himself saying.
"Not, where I went to school," she responded. "Anyway, I think it's time for Mark and Alex to compare tattoos."
"Why?" Sloan was starting to sound a little tipsy.
"Because, how are you going to reconcile with him if you don't show him your tattoos?" She was obviously pretty drunk.
"Why do I have to reconcile with Karev?"
"Because you were a jerk to him and then he wreaked your coffee. Clearly there's some reconciliation to be done here."
"But Addison, I don't have any tattoos, remember?"
"Oh… right. Well does Alex have any?"
"Why don't you ask him yourself?"
"Alex Karev, do you have any tattoos?"
He rolled up his sleeve and showed her the faded mark on his shoulder.
"It's not a real tattoo," he explained. "I let this kid back home do it with printer ink and a Swiss-Army knife. It was supposed to be my initials but I chickened out."
"Why?"
"Well, it was kinda painful."
"No, why did you let him do that? That's completely unsanitary."
"I was ten and I wanted to prove I was tough. So how about you? Any tattoos?" He couldn't resist asking.
"Oh, I don't have any. I did smoke for a while in high school though."
"To be cool?"
"No, I was a geek remember. It was more of a 'fuck you' to the old man I guess. I wasn't too fond of him."
He thought of his own father and the things he'd seen done to his mom. He supposed that might have something to do with his need to be tough. He didn't want to think about Addison going through the same type of childhood he had.
"Why weren't you fond of him," he whispered.
"I don't want to talk about it."
At this point Shepard cut in on the conversation.
"You should tell him Addison. It's really quite funny."
Alex wanted to hit him.
"Derek, don't be a bitch," Sloan warned.
"I said, I don't want to talk about it, Derek."
"Go on Addison, everyone wants to hear. Why did you hate your father?" Shepard persisted.
Addison shot him an angry glare.
"He cheated on my mom," she whispered.
"Like father, like daughter," Shepard smirked.
Sloan immediately punched him in the face.
"Well isn't this great? Don't you feel like were reconciling?" Addison remarked sarcastically.
"I feel drunk," George mumbled. The mood had turned a little sour, since Shepard and Sloan's minor fist fight.
"Addison, you do realize you bought a lot of alcohol don't you?" Sloan sounded a little tipsy.
"I'll have you know Mark Sloan, that a lot of thought went into the purchase of this alcohol. Right Alex?"
"Right." His own voice sounded slurred. "It's sort of our gift to you. Our contribution to..."
"The journey," Derek, Mark and Addison chorused bitterly. Sloan and Shepard both had bruised faces.
"One time me and Ronny and Donny and my dad went to the cabin and my uncles were there too and my one uncle got so drunk we had to tie him to a tree so he wouldn't wander off," George mumbled. "I think I'm gonna... gonna go to bed."
"No George, stay!" Addison pleaded. "It's only seven and if you go now you'll miss me kick Derek's ass á la truth or dare."
"Since when are we playing truth or dare?" Burke wondered.
"Since I thought of the greatest dare to give Derek," Addison smiled.
"Whoa no. No. No. Absolutely not Addison," Shepard spluttered.
"Come on Derek. It's a really good one."
"That's what I'm afraid of."
"Well I think we should play," Mark said. "I the spirit of reconcilation. It can be your apology to Addison."
"Fine. What's the dare?" Derek sighed.
"Before I tell you, you have to promise that if we put it to a vote and four of us want you to do it, you have to agree."
"O.k. As long as it's nothing sexual."
"Promise?"
'Promise."
"Derek Shepard, I have two words for you… Wait maybe it's one. No, it's two."
"Spit it out Addison," Sloan urged.
A wicked grin spread across Addison's face. "Hair. Cut," she snickered.
"Doctor Montgomery," George tried to inject some authority into his voice. "As Meredith's friend I can not allow you to cut her boyfriend's hair."
"A deal's a deal." Sloan quipped. "Who votes Derek has to cut his hair?"
Alex raised his hand as Sloan's and Addison's shot into the air. George sat on his own hands.
"Preston, how do you vote?" Addison asked officially.
"I don't know. Shepard's hair is like his persona. Cutting it off could affect his performance in the O.R."
"But," Sloan cut in. "If Yang were to find out about your belief in 'journeys of reconciliation' and other crock like that, she'd probably be forced to break up with you."
"Irreconcilable differences," Addison chimed in. "Isn't that a lovely phrase, Derek?"
"I'm sorry Shepard. It seems my hands are tied," Burke shrugged.
"See. That wasn't so bad," Addison whispered, ruffling her fingers through Shepard's significantly shorter hair. "Mark and I did a good job."
"I need a drink," Shepard moaned.
"Me too. I'm sobering up," Sloan added.
"Well, we've got plenty left," Addison remarked. "What happened to Preston and George?"
"Think they're passed out," Alex said.
"Well that's too bad for them. I guess they'll miss our drinking game."
"Addison don't you think you've had enough?" Derek asked.
"No. I think I can drink you under the table. In fact, I'm willing to bet I can."
"O.k. Name your terms."
"You and Mark vs. Alex and I. If we loose, I'll let you cut my hair."
"You're on," Shepard exclaimed.
"I hope you can hold your liquor, Karev," Addison whispered.
The four of them, each in a folding canvas chair, were gathered around a flatish stump that they had decided could serve as a table. Alex wasn't sure exactly what game they were playing, but Addison seemed to be calling the shots.
"First rule is... the biggest whore at the table, stump, thing, must drink double."
"Are we judging whore by the number of sexual partners or by the number of times said whore has cheated on a partner?" Shepard said pointedly, glaring at Addison. He was evidently bitter about the haircut.
"That was a low blow Derek... but in the spirit of the journey, I'll forgive you. Besides, it's Mark either way," Addison responded cheerfully.
By the time everyone had a couple shots Addison, Sloan and Shepard had agreed to go back to being friends. Shepard even had his arm around Sloan for a while until having to drink twice as much as the rest of the table caused Sloan to pass out. Shepard didn't last long on his own. Alex's head was swimming by the time the time they finished the game and Addison was clearly very drunk.
"Looks like it's just you and me Karev," she drawled.
He decided to keep his mouth shut. He wasn't a very chatty drunk although apparently Addison was.
"Can I tell you a secret?"
He nodded.
"Half the hospital wants in my pants," she breathed into his ear, whispering although there was no one left awake to hear her. Then she collapsed, giggling in his lap. "McManWhore," she nodded at Sloan, "wants in my pants.
You... You say you don't but I kinda think you do," she continued.
"And the other day I caught Yang checking me out."
"She's engaged to Burke you know," he managed to slur. Addison was running her fingers through his hair now, still chatting happily.
"She was still checking me out. And Stevens was checking me out too. And Bailey felt me up in the on-call room." She dissolved into fits of giggles. At this point he realized she was joking with him.
"You almost had me, Montgomery."
"Call me Addison."
"Addison..."
"Yes, Alex?"
"You're fun when you're drunk. We should get drunk more often."
"Are you asking me out?"
"You're the one sitting in my lap. I'm just saying you're fun when you're drunk. I like it. I mean I like it when you're not drunk too. At work. You're never drunk at work." Now he was the one who was rambling. "You're just fun... when you're drunk... you're a fun drunk."
"You have no idea how fun I can be," she breathed in his ear, letting her lips brush softly against the side of his face. A thrill went through him at the touch.
"How fun can you be?" he whispered.
She slid from his lap and began to back towards his tent, pulling him after her by the fingertips.
"I think I have to show you," she whispered.
The End.