Updated!

A/N This is just a one shot (for now, but may add to it!) about Alex and his unresolved feelings for Izzie, following on from the end of season 8 – It contains no spoilers or references from season 9.

My first ever fan fic, so any feedback appreciated. (All characters belong to SR and ABC, I do not own them, because if I did things would be very different :)

Something Good

The mother of the boy in front of Alex was trying not to cry as she turned away from him. On the bed the boy fiddled with a cardboard sick bowl. Alex was doing rounds with a second year resident and a couple of first year interns. "Christopher Marshall, Post op, recovering well, but not tolerating food" the resident said to Alex.

"Okay, we'll need to check bloods." Alex said robotically, his mind elsewhere. He was going through the motions, but if he was honest his mind always seemed to be elsewhere these days, filled with some dark guilt ridden thought. He knew he should feel lucky, excited for the future. But somehow all he could feel was guilt, sadness and slight anger that bad things always seemed to happen to the people he cared about.

"I'm going to examine you now. Listen to your chest and feel your tummy." Alex said to the boy, as he rubbed his hands together warming them. "Take a deep breath for me."

With his fingers pressed in to the boy's abdomen, Alex suddenly froze as his eye caught something by the side of the bed.

Her anxious eyes studying Alex's every move, the boy's mother caught what he was looking at and clearly embarrassed said quickly. "I'm sorry, I've told him he's too young for those types of magazines…"

Aware of everyone's eyes on him, Alex just mumbled something in response, as he glanced back at the magazine on the side of the boy's bed, and his gaze fixed on the face of the skimpily dressed, glamorous blonde covering it. It was definitely her, those eyes, that hair, that smile, he'd recognise it anywhere it was his ex-wife, it was Izzie.

….

Later that night Alex was sat alone at the bar. There were a few people he recognized from the hospital in there, but he wasn't really in the mood for socializing. He wanted to be alone, lost in his thoughts, as he quietly sipped his beer, still in shock at seeing Izzie on the front cover of a glossy men's magazine. Surprizingly, thinking about Izzie had been a welcome distraction from all the other shit his brain had been trying to process over the past couple of months. Whether he should abandon Seattle and Arizona to take his dream offer from Hopkins. How he could be a good friend to Arizona, Meredith and Cristina and how he could stop himself from turning in to the most detested man at the hospital by screwing every intern and nurse in sight.

Alex had no idea what had happened to his ex-wife after she'd left Seattle. As far as he was aware no-one else had kept in touch with her either. He'd wanted to call her, especially when she'd first left. But he was far too stubborn and in the beginning also a tad too bitter. When Izzie had left him, she'd broken his heart, she'd killed him and he'd been dead for a long time. But up until the recent tragic twist of events, he had slowly started coming back to life.

Despite the urge to call her and his thoughts in general about Izzie becoming less frequent, Alex still tended to think about her whenever anything major happened in his life. When he had passed his boards and got the offer from Hopkins, Alex had thought about how proud Izzie would have been of him. When he'd been sat at Webber's dinner, he'd hidden it, but he'd felt sad as he knew Izzie should have been sat there too. Then when he'd heard the news of the plane crash, he'd so badly wanted to call her, to tell her what had happened and to talk to her about how he felt. Izzie was the only person Alex had ever really let in. Throughout the entire course of his life, Izzie had been the one person Alex had let his guard down with and after their break up the walls had gone up again harder than ever.

Something had stopped Alex from calling Izzie after the plane crash though, as much as he had wanted to, he just couldn't seem to find the courage. But seeing her face again staring back at him from the cover of that magazine, Alex realized he had to contact her now, and tell her what had happened and apart from anything else he was curious. Why was she modelling again? What had happened to her ambition to become a surgeon? and just how exactly, had she managed to become so damn hot again?

Plus, Alex knew Izzie would want to know what had happened to her friends. Izzie hadn't parted on great terms with Meredith and for that he also felt partly responsible. He knew if he hadn't told Izzie to go she wouldn't have left her friends and she would most probably still be in Seattle with them now, offering comfort to them, in that special way that only Izzie could.

But as he looked at his phone, Alex had no idea what he would say to her. Where would he start? Would she even want to hear from him? Would she even have the same number? So he decided on taking the easy option by sending her a text to test the water.

He took another long sip of his drink again as he debated what to say. Alex had never been good with words, or at expressing his feelings, so in the end he settled for three simple words.

Dr Model eh?

He then slowly and calmly placed his phone face down on the side of the bar beside him and picked up his bottle again.

If he had even expected a reply, he certainly hadn't expected one so quickly, as within seconds he heard the familiar beep to signal a new message. Causing adrenaline to flood his body and his heart rate to suddenly speed up, as with trembling fingers he turned his phone over to see for the first time in years there staring back at him was: 1 new message Izzie. He opened it.

Board certified surgeon actually : ) x

As he read it, Alex smiled. It was typical Izzie, she had put a smiley face and kiss at the end to indicate the playful tone of her message. He remembered only too well, how he had always known he was in trouble if there was no kiss at the end of one of her messages.

He then paused as he pondered just what to send back to her in response, before he eventually sent.

Impressive, brains and beauty. Where are you working? X

Again she replied immediately.

New York Pres. x

Alex took a double take as he re-read her message. New York! How, the 'freakin' hell had she ended up there? He was also, more than a little surprized to find out she had even passed her boards, let alone was working at such a good hospital. If he was completely honest, Alex had half expected to hear that Izzie wasn't even practicing medicine anymore. So, he wasn't sure just how he felt about finding out she was doing so well. Happy?, relieved?, jealous?, bitter?!

He sent back his reply quickly, as they then exchanged a few texts.

Good hospital! You enjoying it? X

Honestly, I love it! How about you? Still in Seattle? I bet you're on your way to hitting the big time. X

Still in Seattle for now, but got a ped's fellowship at Hopkins x

OMG! Alex! Hopkins! That's awesome! X

Alex smiled, he knew she would react like that. He'd always known that no-one would be more excited for him than Izzie and he felt a warm glow spread across him, as he remembered just how much she'd loved him, and as he looked at her message again, he could almost hear her squealing, excited voice projecting out of the phone at him, as he sent back

Thanks. Sounds like you're not doing too badly yourself though either! X

She didn't reply straight away and for a moment he wondered if she actually would text him again, as he started to think he should have included a question at the end of his last message. He certainly didn't want their conversation to end there. He then breathed a small sigh of relief when his phone finally beeped again.

So, when do you start at Hopkins then? x

Alex paused, he'd actually, just for the short time they'd been texting, completely forgotten all about the current mess his life was in. Was he even going to Hopkins now? Where did he start to explain that in a text? How could he possibly sum up the past few weeks of his life in one message?

As he finished his drink, Alex realized he didn't want to text Izzie back. He wanted to speak to her, to hear her voice, to actually talk.

He threw his phone back in to his pocket and quickly tossed some money down on the bar, before stepping out on to the street and in to the nearest cab.

Back in his apartment Alex dumped his bag by the front door, grabbed another beer from the fridge and sunk back on the sofa.

Adrenaline filled his body again as he reached for his phone, scrolled down to Izzie's number and pressed call. She picked up after a few rings.

"Alex, I was just thinking about you." Her voice sounded subtly different. She sounded slightly less uptight than he remembered. But it was definitely her. It was definitely Iz.

"Izzie, hey. Umm…..I thought it would be better to actually call and speak to you. Because I didn't want to tell you this in a text, but I thought you should know, that something happened here, something bad!" As he spoke, he realized his voice was trembling slightly, as he hesitated and she interrupted him.

"I know," she said gently.

"What?"

"I know. Derek contacted me, Alex, he told me what happened."

Alex was lost for words, as she carried on talking, her voice having now taken on a slightly more awkward tone, as she said. "Alex, I'm so glad you rang. I wanted to call you and Meredith, believe me I did. But I didn't think you'd want to hear from me. Somehow, it seemed too late."

"It's not too late, Iz, I'm sure Meredith would still like to hear from you." Alex replied. He knew that whatever had happened, Meredith had missed Izzie almost as much as he had over the past few years.

There was an uncomfortable silence then, before Izzie said softly. "Alex, when I found out. I was so worried that you might have been on the plane."

Alex felt a lump form in his throat, as he blurted out. "I was meant to be."

"What?"

"I had some stupid argument with Robbins about leaving and she took my place and now, well, she's not doing too well and it's all my fault. I was the one that was supposed to be on that damn plane, not her." He said, as he realized his voice had risen slightly and was starting to shake and he exhaled and swigged his beer. It had felt good to actually say out loud, what he had been thinking non -stop for the past few weeks. To let out some of the trapped emotion he'd been holding on to.

"But you weren't." Izzie then replied boldly. "It wasn't your fault, Alex. You couldn't have known what was going to happen and you have to let those thoughts go. You're here, alive, with a fantastic future ahead of you, Alex. You're going to one of the top hospitals in the world."

"I'm not sure if I'm even going now." he replied slowly.

"You have to go, Alex. It's Hopkins. You can't stay in Seattle." Izzie said firmly and just like that, it didn't matter that they hadn't seen each other for years; they had slipped back in to their old roles. It was as though they were married again, or at the very least friends again.

Alex felt his voice quiver even more, as he replied. "Iz, it's complicated."

"No, it's not, Alex. Honestly, leaving Seattle was the best thing that I ever did. I'm not saying that I don't miss the people sometimes, Meredith and Cristina and…..you of course! But when I was there, I just seemed to stumble from one disaster to another and after everything that happened, all the incidents and the tragedies and then getting sick, it changed me and I was dragging everyone around me down, I was dragging you down. I was always one step behind everyone else. I was always made to feel bad for caring about my patients, so I changed who I was. I changed in to a person that in the end I barely recognized. Now, I care about my patients and I'm proud….I concentrate on the surgeries and nothing else and I finally feel like I'm back on track and where I belong. You have to get out of Seattle now, Alex, it will destroy you otherwise."

Alex twisted his beer bottle and took another long swig as he listened to her. He knew she was talking sense, and deep down he knew what he had to do. He had just needed to hear someone tell him that, and if he was honest, he knew that Izzie was the only person he would really listen to.

After a small reflective pause, Alex then changed the subject, as he said playfully. "So, anyway, you never did answer my question. How comes I'm in the middle of making my post op rounds today and I spot your face by the side of the bed of some horny teenage boy?"

Izzie let out a small awkward laugh, as she said. "It wasn't meant to go that big….I hoped no-one would see it. But, I did some modelling last year to clear the debt from my medical bills, it was nothing, but trust you of all people to see it….. " she hesitated then, before adding with a flirty giggle "I've still got it though, the body that put me through med school!"

At that Alex laughed too, as he replied. "Well, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little surprized Iz.. ….About New York Pres too, how did that happen?"

"Oh, long story," she said, slightly dismissively.

"I've got all night," he replied.

"Well, actually it was down to Derek."

"Shepherd?" Alex said, sounding surprized.

"Yeah, I contacted him after I left, because I thought I was getting sick again." She hesitated, as she sounded more and more uncomfortable and went on to say. "I knew coming back to Seattle for treatment wouldn't be an option, so Derek put me in touch with his old boss in New York."

Alex suddenly felt nauseas, he'd tried not to think about Izzie getting sick again after he'd told her to go. He needed to know the truth though, as he said slowly. "Did you get sick again?"

"No, turns out it was a false alarm, but Derek kept checking in on me and he called in a favour to get me a job at his old hospital, where I completed my residency and have just started my fellowship." Izzie said, her voice back to the upbeat chirpy tone, that she had originally answered the phone with.

"That's great, Iz. I'm really happy for you." Alex replied as he realized he truly meant it.

"Geez…It's like freaking 5am." Izzie said. They had carried on talking and laughing all night, neither wanting to end the call, catching up on the last three years of thier lives. Alex had filled Izzie in on all the ups and downs and everything she had missed at Seattle Grace Mercy West. Izzie had told him all about her adventures in her new hospital.

Alex was still on the sofa, but he was considerably more relaxed than he had been when he'd first made the call hours earlier as he lay back with his legs stretched out and said "Have we really been chatting for over five hours?"

"Yep, oh crap, I need to jump in the shower, I need coffee. I'm due in to work. I'm performing a huge surgery today, solo." Izzie said excitedly.

As she carried on talking about the surgery she was doing later that day, Alex suddenly felt a rush of pride that she had managed to beat the odds and actually make it as a surgeon, when everyone around her had been so sceptical and doubted her ability after her illness. Everyone, except Derek Shepherd it would seem!

"Okay, I need to stop talking and get in to that shower now." Izzie said. Alex then pictured her on the other end of the phone and he couldn't help but wish he was there with her. If he knew Izzie, she would probably be lounging on her bed wearing some form or other of hot pink panties, with a tight top and her thick blonde hair would be spilling messily over her shoulders. She would be looking naturally beautiful and 'hot'. She was Izzie, she was always 'hot', he thought, as he suddenly felt his blood rush south and a subtle stirring in his pants at the thought of her stepping in to the shower.

Sounding more serious, Izzie then snapped him away from his fantasy, as she said. "I've really got to go, Alex. But promise you'll think about what I said. You have to go to Hopkins. You might not get this chance again."

"Iz." Was all he could say meekly in response.

"Alex, when I left, you told me that you deserved better than a life with me. Well go and get that life and don't feel guilty, go to Baltimore and be happy, be a rock star."

Alex was silent then, as her words hit him. He'd been angry and hurt when he'd told her he deserved better than her. But speaking to her again, Alex realized that no matter what happened in his life from this point on, he would never find better than Izzie. Izzie always was and always would be, the love of his life.

Izzie broke the silence again, as with emotion coming through in her voice she said. "It was great speaking to you, Alex. I really am glad you called...I've missed you."

"I've missed you too. Take care, Iz" Alex replied gently, as he hung up and wiping his cheek with the back of his hand, he realized it was damp with the soft trickle of fresh tears and he was a little taken aback at the emotion just speaking to her again had stirred in him. Thinking, how the last time he had allowed himself to even shed a single tear, was the day Izzie had left him for good.

But before he could get too emotional, Alex heard his phone beep again and he looked down to see another text from Izzie.

I forgot to ask, when you saw my picture, what did you think?

Honestly? He sent back

Honestly! She responded straight away.

I thought you looked hot!

After sending the final message, Alex smiled and he made his way in to his bedroom to try and get a couple of hours rest before he started work.

Alex,put his hand up to his mouth and yawned, as walking though the hospital the next day on his way to get a coffee he spotted Derek Shepherd in the distance walking towards him. As he got closer, Alex simply gave Shepherd a friendly nod. After what he'd found out Shepherd had done for Izzie, Alex saw him in a whole new light. Of all the people he'd worked with over the years, Shepherd would honestly have been one of the last ones that Alex would have expected to have looked out for his ex-wife. Maybe Shepherd had done it because Izzie had been Meredith's friend and he'd thought she'd had no-one else, and seeing as he'd saved her life twice he should at least try and help her make it a good one. Or maybe he had just seen her potential to become a great surgeon. Whatever the reasons though, Alex would be eternally grateful to Shepherd for being there for Izzie when he hadn't been. He wasn't sure if he'd ever speak to Izzie again but at least he could feel content now that she seemed happy.

He hadn't been dreaming, he had actually spent the entire night on the phone to his ex-wife and speaking to her again it had honestly felt as though he had only seen her yesterday. He knew that it had probably been a mistake to speak to her for so long and to think about the past, that it would inevitably open up old wounds and lead to sad thoughts about what could have been. But somehow, Alex didn't see how it could have been so wrong, when it had felt so right to be talking to her again.

…..

Leaving work later that evening, Alex stopped by the room of Christopher, the boy he'd operated on the day before, the boy with 'the' magazine that had prompted him to contact Izzie. Christopher was asleep, as Alex quickly checked his chart and glanced across to see the magazine in question was still lying beside his bed. Alex's eyes focused for a brief moment on his ex-wife's beautiful face, as he thought of her, before placing the chart back at the foot of the bed and walking out.

After speaking to Izzie, Alex had actually felt happy for the first time in weeks and everything seemed a whole lot clearer in his head, as he realized she was right. He knew what he needed to do, he always had. He needed to start over, to get out of Seattle, sure he would miss everyone, but he'd meet new people, hopefully nice boring people with no dramas surrounding them. His career was what was important to him now. He had been given a chance to really make something of his life and he knew he had to take it. He already had more than enough regrets to last a life time, he didn't need any more.

Plus, a little voice buried deep inside his head kept saying 'Baltimore is a damn sight closer to New York than Seattle'. As without really thinking about what he was doing, Alex found himself pulling his phone out of his jeans pocket and quickly typing out a text to Izzie.

So, how'd the big surgery go then? x

Smiling, he walked out of the hospital entrance, as he excitedly put his phone back in to his pocket, thinking about just what it would mean if it beeped again.

...