Okay, so this is my first fanfiction ever. I don't know if it's any good, so I'd love some constructive criticism! This is kind-of very AU, so, yeah. Oh, also, I don't any of the characters and et cetera et cetera.

Noah hates it when chicks cry. It's kind of stupid, really. He's a badass – something like that shouldn't move him. But it did. Or, well, he didn't want to say move since that word made him sound like such a girl, but it did something to him. It made his chest get all funky and tight and it made him feel hot under his collar and not in a good way. Thing is, he never knew what to say to make it stop. Like, seriously, where the hell was the off button to the waterworks? No one ever told him where it was, or how to stop it, or how to even deal with it. You would think a man would be born with that knowledge or, at least, someone like he would be raised with it since he had grown up in a house with two women, both of whom were quite sensitive and often started leaking at pretty much everything (got pretty annoying to deal with, and then they wondered why he went out with his friends so much! Seriously). So yeah, whatever, he kind-of felt really helpless whenever a girl cried – so what? It was a guy thing; didn't make him any less of a badass. Except for the fact that, you know, he kind-of hated it a lot and always wanted to do something about it; which explained why he got all weird whenever a certain Rachel Berry cried.

First time, it was when that Jesse kid from Vocal Masturbation or whatever-there-name-was and his little minions egged her. Shit wasn't cool, since Rachel was a vegan and all. He'd never really liked that Jesse kid anyway, to be completely honest. Sure, he was kind-of perfect for Rachel, if you were into that whole birds-of-a-feather-flock-together; he sure seemed as bat-shit crazy and dramatic as she is, except for the fact that you could kind-of get over Rachel's type of crazy because she was hot and had crazy long legs and stuff that kind-of made up for it while Jesse was just plain annoying and had stupid curly hair (no idea where that came from, but shit was true). And like it wasn't bad enough that he'd already hurt her before, they went and egged her? Sure, he woulda done the same before he'd known her and kind-of liked her and shit (shut up, she was a good kisser and he hadn't really meant that stuff about not being friends), but, whatever, point was: they'd upset her, and it wasn't cool, and after Mr. Shue had told them all to calm down and that "violence wasn't going to get anywhere" or whatever (he'd said something close to that, Noah wasn't really sure what exactly because he tended to tune out whenever authority was speaking; just a habit he had). Anyway, he'd seen her crying afterwards, although she didn't know he'd seen her because she'd been in the auditorium and he'd hidden in the shadows like one of those movie heroes, you know? He'd wanted to make his presence known, though. He'd wanted to stop the tears running down her cheeks, wanted to stop that awful(ly heartbreaking) sobbing sound she was making. But she was gone before he could (like she'd let him comfort her anyway, she'd think he was trying to get in the second base zone or something and, while he wouldn't be opposed because she was hot and stuff, even he knew trying something like that with a girl who was in tears wasn't kosher). So, he'd watched her leave. And then he slashed their tires. He got into a shitload of trouble for it, but whatever, it was worth it.

He'd done it for Rachel, see, to get her to stop crying, because he hated it when chicks cried and he'd just wanted her to stop. (Although if he were to think about it, his reasoning didn't make any sense at all, because it wasn't like she'd seen him do it and been comforted, but whatever, he was sticking to that story, okay?)

Second time was because of Jewfro. Noah's been aware of his weird obsession with Rachel for a while now, and honestly it kind of pissed him off because you didn't treat a girl like that, just wasn't right, and if anything, Puck liked to do the right thing, so maybe he made sure to shove into him a bit more every now and then, just as his own little punishment of-sorts because he really didn't like the way he leered at Rachel sometimes and, while the kid was pretty harmless, leering and comments and what-not could go a long way with chicks, because girls were sensitive and all that and, you know, it wasn't that he cared that much about Rachel, he just knew that one day the idiot was going to make her cry, and we'd already established how much Noah hated that sort of crap. And then, that day came. The creep had been harassing her, asking her about her panties or some shit, and she'd been insisting that he leave her alone; there hadn't been anyone else around and he could see that she was about two seconds away from bursting into tears (whether they would be real tears, or fake ones just to get Jewfro to back off, Noah wasn't sure, but fuck he wasn't going to wait and see). The idiot retreated as soon as he saw him, but Noah wasn't about to let him get away. He ignored Rachel's exclaim of "Noah, violence solves nothing!" and took pleasure in the boy's immediate and frantic apologies as he slammed him up against the locker as hard and painfully as he could without doing any serious damage (he wanted to stay out of Juvie, okay? Place was shitty, and he didn't take kindly to people stealing his waffles. They were his fucking waffles). He ducked to whisper his threat so that Rachel didn't hear what he had to say and go off on him on threatening people or some other shit.

"I see you so much as look at Berry again and I'll pull your underpants so far up your ass you'll feel it for months," he growled, low and dangerous. Jacob whimpered and nodded his understanding. Smirking rather diabolically, Puck released him and stepped back, watching him scamper off.

"Really, Noah, that was completely unnecessary. I was just about to utilize my excellent skills as an actress and attempt to make him feel for me through tears, and I am quite sure I would have been very successful, so, really, your random act of violence was—"

He cut her off, rolling his eyes in exasperation. Seriously, was a thank you too much to ask? "You're welcome, Berry." And then he left her gaping after him.

Jacob didn't bother her again for a while after that.

Third and fourth time was thanks to Finnessa-the-douche (seriously? Rachel had such made taste in men, always went for those who'd inevitably break her heart, didn't she?). When he'd found her in the hallway, not quite close to tears but still upset, it was because Santana had been a PMS-y bitch, as per usual, and now Rachel was suffering the brunt of it. She questioned his motives, of course (because he couldn't be nice to her without having some sort of secret agenda, apparently) and he gave her some sort of schpeal about being nicer to people, and then that he'd changed it to just Jews (he'd almost slipped up and said you, but caught himself in time). He honestly hadn't meant to end up in her bed, making out with her again (although he wasn't exactly complaining, because he loved that biting thing she had a tendency to do). It had just sort of…happened. Seriously, he didn't know how. She'd started crying again and he'd done the one thing he could think of doing at the time; kissed her. And then, well, they sort of got carried away and he came to his senses just in time, spat out something about not wanting to hurt Finn, and then high-tailed it out of there before she looked at him with those stupid (gorgeous) doe brown eyes and he went back to kissing her anyway, even though he knew she still loved Finn, and would always love Finn (and he kind-of hated it and it was why he'd stopped kissing her; not because he didn't want to hurt Finn's feelings because he'd get over it eventually, it was just fucking high school, but rather because he knew she'd always run back to Finn's arms again, no matter how awesome his make out sessions and guns are).

But then Finn went and broke up with her because she'd told him about them kissing (something about always being honest since the Santana fiasco or something, probably) and there she was, crying, again, in the middle of the hallway, and he was there, again, trying to make her feel better - because he hated it when chicks cry, remember? It was why he drew her into the then-empty choir room, picked up his guitar, and started to sing to her. Well, shit, it wasn't like he was going to hold her and tell her everything was going to be okay. Noah Puckerman just wasn't that guy. And he knew she loved music (wow, what a fucking fantastic observation, kudos, Puck, for figuring that out – fuck, he really hated his own brain sometimes), so, singing to her it was. And, somehow, it worked. She smiled – actually smiled at him, and he told himself that the weird twisting in his stomach was because of the shitty cafeteria food and not because she was smiling at him because he was not some sort of pansy that got butterflies or some other girly crap. (If it had to be something, could it at least be bats? Bats were kind-of badass).

At any rate, there was one thing that he couldn't deny any longer, and that's that chicks crying isn't his Achilles' Heel

Rachel Berry is.