The Glitchy Gremlins
By Sharan McQuack, Launchpad's wife
This is called the GLITCHY Gremlins because there was a Disney comic story called "The Gremlins". Also, I think, a WB cartoon by that name. Great minds think alike.
Definite thanks to Stretchsnodgras for reminding me of the names of the cast of the Hindenpanic.
Launchpad was fixing one of his planes in his hanger when Littleduck,(1) agent of SHUSH ( Supreme Headquarters of Undercover Secret Heroics)(2)appeared. As in: one minute there was nobody there. Then, there he was!
"YOU again? Sigh. Let me guess. SHUSH needs my help. I'm not an agent, remember?" Launchpad.
"I am sorry, agent Double O Duck...but we don't know who else to ask. A gremlin...or gremlins...have been attacking blimps. And the occasional small plane." Littleduck said.
"There's no such thing as gremlins!" Launchpad said automatically.
"Right. Just like there is no such thing as harpies, leprechauns, genies,..."Littleduck began.
(6)"You've made your point. I'm listening." Launchpad said.
Littleduck handed Launchpad a photo of a brown furry fuzzy whatsits attacking a blimp.
"The pilot of this blimp managed to take this photo before parachuting to safety. Other blimps and a few small planes have also been attacked, in the same area. We have been trying to keep this under our hat to avoid panic, but movie director Irwin Mallard (3) is planning a sequel to Hidenpanic and has apparently heard rumors of this." Littleduck began.
"He is going to moor a blimp in the area and film a movie based on the rumors...we are very much afraid his blimp, being a "sitting duck" will be attacked by the real gremlin, assuming there is one." Littleduck continued.
"Mr. Mallard wants to use the original cast for the sequel...including you. We want you to agree to this, so you can keep your eyes open for any gremlins." Littleduck said.
"You want me to be bait AGAIN?" Launchpad asked.
"The blimp is the bait. You are the trap the bait hides." (4)Littleduck replied.
"I'll need help..." Launchpad began.
"We foresaw that. We know how well you work with Mr. McDuck...and the movie director wants Mr. McDuck in the sequel. Fortunately, Mr. McDuck owns the movie studio and Flintheart Glomgold is attempting to buy it. I'm sure a threat to consider Flintheart's offer will get Mr. McDuck to play ball. Especially since Mr. McDuck probably sort of likes the idea of being in a movie." Littleduck said.
"You are to accept the movie people's offer to be in the film and trust that Mr. McDuck will do likewise." Littleduck explained.
"You COULD just tell Mr. McD the Truth, you know." Launchpad suggested.
Littleduck looked at Launchpad in total astonishment. Telling anybody anything they "don't need to know" never occurs to secret agents types. Never mind that's got to lead to a LOT of trouble.
Launchpad shook his head.
"I should remember most people don't seem to know that telling the Truth saves a lot of time and trouble. Most people lie and then are lied to right back!" he thought.
So... Launchpad took the movie job when it was offered. And so did Mr. McDuck...mostly because they also offered roles for Huey, Dewey and Louie who wheedled him into it.
"What are you so nervous about? You keep looking around like you expect something to come jumping out at us!" Mr. McDuck asked Launchpad, noting him keeping his eyes open for gremlins.
"A bunch of blimps have been attacked by some sort of gremlin lately, Mr. McDuck!" Launchpad said.
"Nonsense and rumors!" Mr. McDuck said.
"Isn't that what you said about sharks before one attacked us at Aphroducky's temple?" Launchpad asked.
"Hmphf!" Mr. McDuck snorted. "They're making a movie here, remember? If a gremlin shows, it'll be some idiot in a costume!"
"Thought they did that sort of thing with computer graphics nowadays." Launchpad muttered.
"Both. I spoke with Irwin. He's hired someone to dress in a cheesy gremlin costume and "attack" the blimp and we're all supposed to act like it's for real. They'll dub in a much scarier gremlin with computer graphics later. Irwin thinks it'll be easier to act with something there." Mr. McDuck said.
Then, they ran into the rest of the cast of "the Hindenpanic" :
Silent movie actress, Gloria Swansong
Quacks ,Gloria Swansong's butler
Captain Farley Foghorn who was NOT Captaining this blimp, as it wasn't going anywhere.
Famous astronomer Professor Sir Gander
Disaster film director, Irwin Mallard
Mr. Webword (?) The beak transplant duck - Duckworth mentions his name when he boards the ship
John D. Rockefeather , a mere billionaire
Singer/crooner/ entertainer Bert Quackerack
The short (unnamed) Duck who tried to hijack the plane to London was NOT invited. Neither was Flintheart Glomgold (disguised as Sheik Rootin Tootin of the Oil Rich State of Dallas Abbawa)
And, of course : Huey, Dewey and Louie; Mrs. Beakly, and Duckworth.
To be quickly joined by a gremlin...of sorts. It was fairly obvious just a two legged talking dog, made up to look like a gremlin, when you saw him up close. Everybody acted like he was the real thing, but no one was scared...until he tried to sabotage the blimp.
Even then, only Mr. McDuck and Launchpad and the Trins realized that the gremlin really intended to slash the blimp's side and force it to land. (Blimps are made in compartments like the Macy's Day balloons. IF there is a single hole in a single compartment, the rest of the compartments have enough helium to keep it safely afloat.)
But, as a "running gag" Mr. Rockefeller had brought another hive of bees with him. A computer generated swarm of bees was supposed to attack the blimp at one point. The Triplets thought it would be a good idea to sic the bees on the "gremlin". The possibility of the bees also attacking THEM somehow didn't occur to them. That what REALLY happens when three well-meaning ten year olds try to help!
But at least the "gremlin" fled the blimp in a small plane he "docked" outside the blimp.
"Great! You don't have a plane with you, so you can't even chase him!" Mr. McDuck said to Launchpad.
"I was kind of expecting trouble, and while I don't have a plane, I did arrange for ...something else." Launchpad replied.
Soon, Mr. McDuck and Launchpad were flying along in the weirdest looking blimplane you ever did see. (5)
"WHY didn't YOU just dock a NORMAL plane to the blimp?" Mr. McDuck asked.
"And let the "gremlin" know it was expected and that somebody had the means to chase it if it showed? It wouldn't show, then!" Launchpad replied. "Besides, this thing is QUIET. We can follow him and he'll never hear us coming!"
They followed the gremlin to a gigantic plane/helicopter. More like a flying island kept aloft by giant helicopter rotors.(6) Launchpad docked the blimplane.
"Well? I suppose we find two "bad guys" our size, knock them out and take their clothes!" Mr. McDuck sneered.
"That always works on TV and in the movies. But this is real life and the clothes might not fit and the bad guys might come to or somebody might find them...Why don't we just find the laundry room and find some clean "bad guy" uniforms in our size?" Launchpad suggested.
Since the place was a maze, there were plenty of signs giving directions. So they followed the signs to the laundry room and snuck in. They raided a dryer and "borrowed" two still warm-from-the-dryer janitor's uniforms.
"Now...where shall we hide our street clothes?" Launchpad asked,
"As my nephews might say..."duh"." Mr. McDuck replied.
And Mr. Mcduck hid their street clothes in the bottom of the huge "to be washed" pile. Mr. McDuck folded his into his top hat, Launchpad stuffed his into his leather jacket.
"Why janitor's uniforms?" Mr. McDuck asked.
"So we can go anywhere without anybody looking twice at us and without anybody expecting us to know anything!" Launchpad explained.
"Well- we better split up! This place is huge and besides, janitors usually work alone. Somebody might get suspicious if they see two "new" janitors together!" Mr. McDuck said.
"Good idea!" Launchpad replied.
So they split up. They found much to upset them. Enough weapons for WWIII. Giant maps. Laboratories full of mad scientist gear. But no sign of Bad Guys... until they both ended up in the same place: a huge auditorium where the bad guys were gathered to listen to their leader.
The Bad Guys were all dogs. But appearently they had ducks working as janitors, they did not notice our heroes. Who suddenly realized, with some embarrassment the "gremlin" had been a two-legged talking dog...mother naked.
A large dog in a costume and a mask was addressing the Bad Guys.
"No longer will we dogs be second class citizens in a world controlled by ducks! We will overthrow our duck oppressors and rule the world!" the Top Dog said.
"We are the future! Hail Hydrant! Immortal Hydrant! From US flows the future!" The bad guys chanted together. (7)
Then Top Dog went into a spew of HATE again ducks, the duck controlled world, a spew of we-the-formally-oppressed will rise up and smite our oppressors and oppress THEM, that sort of thing.
"We have already destroyed several blimps and planes that came too close to this secret headquarters and might have discovered us!" Top Dog said.
But the realization that the "gremlin" had been a minor bad guy dog, naked, had given Mr. McDuck an idea. He went backstage of where the Top Dog was ranting, snuck up beside him...and pulled Top Dog's pants down in front of everybody.(8)
Naturally, chaos broke lose. Everybody was laughing and pointing and yelling and nobody listened to a word Top Dog had to say (even after he pulled his pants back up)...
Mr. McDuck took advantage of the chaos to find and "borrow" a couple of flashlights...and to find the fuse box and "borrow" the fuses...while Launchpad kept the bad guys who might of stopped Mr. McDee busy.
"Head back to where we came from! We can get out street clothes back and get out of here!" Mr. McDuck screamed at Launchpad.
"OK! The Blimplane is "parked" right outside of there, too! Besides, I got an idea!" Launchpad said.
"NOW, we're in trouble!" Mr. McDuck mumbled.
"Hey, my ideas have worked BEFORE, you know!" Launchpad replied.
So they went back to the laundry room and grabbed their street clothes. But by this time, the bad guys had replaced the fuses, realized they were intruders and were after them.
"We'll put our street clothes later! Let's scram!" Mr. McDuck said.
"Not until I give them something to remember us by!" Launchpad said.
And Launchpad sabotaged the washers and the dryers so they ran amok.
"NOW, let's scram!" Launchpad said.
They got to an emergency exit, used it, and scrambled into the blimplane and off at full speed.
Meanwhile, the Bad Guys were looking for our heroes everyplace where they thought our heroes might be...the weapons rooms, the secret plans rooms...somehow the laundry was not a place they thought of.
The washers were spewing water and suds all over. The dryers were running hotter and faster till they started turning the water to steam...the steam built up...
KABLOOOM!
Our heroes watched as the bad guys parachuted from the wounded giant copter, or sped off in small planes and copters.
"You DO have a talent for that. You crash them even when you're not flying them!" Mr. McDuck said.
Launchpad sighed and counted to 17 by twos. "A: if that was true, would you have hired me in the first place? and B: I "crashed" that one on purpose!" Launchpad replied.
Naturally, SHUSH agents were nearby awaiting developments and caught quite a number of the Bad Guys.
Littleduck materlizied out of nowhere. "Congratulations on your good work, Agent Launchpad!" he said.
"AGENT Launchpad?" asked Mr. McDuck.
"I'm NOT an agent! And I thought you wanted to keep me working for you guys a secret!" replied Launchpad.
"After this, if he wasn't stinking rich and doesn't need the money nor the aggravation, I'd offer Mr. McDuck a job as an agent, too!" Littleduck replied.
"I'm NOT an agent!" Launchpad said.
"Right. We'll send the usual check via direct deposit to your bank account. Plus a fat bonus for blowing that thing up." Littleduck answered and then left.
"Mr. McDee..." Launchpad began.
"I don't want to know. " Mr. McDuck replied.
The End.
(1) See "Double, Double o Duck".
(2) I still have the first five issues of "Nick Fury and his agents of SHIELD" (Supreme Headquarters of International Espionage, Law Enforcement Division)comic books. (In very bad shape)
(DAVID HASSELHOFF playing Nick Fury? I look about as much like Nick Fury as David Hasselhoff does! And I'm a GIRL!)
(3). Any relation to Drake Mallard, aka Darkwing Duck?
(4)I am SO tempted to make some nasty comments about the whole Darkwing Decoy nonsense...DW was such a pompous putz who could not throw a punch without looking like he was waving bye-bye and could not detect that it's cold in the Artic...but some people out there apparently LIKE DW. So I won't.
(5) Attention: Negaduck9! The whole Disney afternoon stuff (lambdapsiphi. com/ daft/ daft ) is gone from the Negapage! Could you PLEASE put it back? Pretty please with sugar on top? It had lots of Darkwing Duck stuff, too!
(6). I swiped this idea from the SHIELD heli-carrier.
(7)To all who also remember Hydra: I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY!
(8) Which, if I had access to Ugly Twerp's Time Machine, I love to do to Adolph Hitler during his earliest important public speech.
(Hey, dude, I'm Jewish. And my Grandpad Lybus had 11 siblings, & only he and one other sibling survived the Holocaust. And Grandpa came to the USA BEFORE the Nazis came into power.)