Prologue~ Letters
Suicide. Its questions play through the mind of every teenager. What would it be like? Would it hurt? Would I enjoy the pain? Would it send me to hell? I've thought about all of these things, and it wasn't until I had made my preparations and got this paper and pencil that I thought about you, mom.
To you, mom,
I hate to put you through this, but I have to. It will all be explained later; I promise, but for now, I can't tell you. Too much has happened for me to tell you in such a short time. You'll be home soon, and it saddens me that you will have to see me like this. No parent should have to see the end of their child, but there's no other choice. It's for the greater good. Please, I beg of you, don't blame yourself for this. It's nobody's fault but my own. I want to apologize for never telling you about my problems. I know you could've helped me through it all, but you have to understand that I dug myself a hole so deep, the walls started caving in. I want to leave you with the best of memories, so don't cry over me. Think about how you taught me to ride a bike and all the home videos we made. I think the thing I'll miss the most is our weekend movie nights. I don't want you to do that by yourself. Call up Sally and ask her to come over Saturday. Please, it'll help. Please remember Mom: this is not your fault. Please don't cry over me. Keep your job and stay in touch with the family, and help Josh if he needs it.
To my Love, Josh,
You understand. You've seen me cry myself to sleep. You've woken me from the nightmares that make me scream. I hate that I lied to you; I'm sorry. But you knew that I would never keep my promise. I tried so many alternatives, but none ever worked. I was given an option, and I made my choice out of selfishness. Please, don't be angry with me. I said things that were never true and made agreements that I'm about to break, but I ask for your forgiveness. Forgive me and move on past mourning me. I want you to make Championships for me. You've been practicing so hard, I know you can do it. Don't give up. I'll still be there cheering you on. And even if you don't make it, which I'm sure you will, I'll be there for you. I'll alwaysbe there for you. Be all you can be, and don't let anyone take you down. There will be a lot of regret if you let the enemy drag you under. I always have and always will love you, Josh. Keep that in mind whenever it seems like the world won't give you a break. I love you.
To you, My Friends,
You did not know of my problems. And I'm sorry that I cannot give any of you an explanation of why I must do this. It is extremely important that I cannot be located ANYWHERE. A lot of things depend on this occurrence. A lot of bad things will happen if I am. I know this is all very confusing, but I have designated special people to inform all of you with every detail to my story. It angers me that I must do this to all of you. I had plans. Goals. A life set out ahead of me. Josh and I were engaged. But my selfishness is unimportant to the needs of all of you. I wish I could say more, but time is of the essence. I leave you will my love, my regrets, and my apologies.
Forever and Always,
Anna Jones 3
Anna folded the note into thirds and placed it on the kitchen table where her mom would set her purse when she walked through the door. She put the breakfast dishes in the dishwasher and threw out all of the leftovers. A black kitchen bag snapped at the air as she opened it and poured all of her favorite snacks into it and threw it in the trash compactor. Anna picked up her shoes and her school bag from the living room and put them in her closet. Images of her mom raced through her head as she got the supplies from under her bed. She grabbed at the golden, heart-shaped locket around her neck. It had a picture of her and her mom from when they went to the state park last summer. Anna and her mom traveled all over the country every summer and took billions of pictures everywhere they went. Anna and her mom sat down for hours looking through them, trying to pick out the best picture from the summer, and then shrunk two copies to fit inside her and her mom's matching lockets.
Anna clicked the locket open and strained to see the picture in the unlit room. A sound from outside the house sent Anna into a panic. Her head snapped up, and she threw herself off the bed. Dashing to the window and throwing the curtains open, she saw her mom's black suburban pulling into the driveway. Anna skidded over to the bedside table and grabbed the coil of rope. She held onto one end and threw the bundle over the rafters. As soon as it thudded to the ground, she began tying knots. Downstairs, she could hear her mom jingling the keys into the deadbolt. She locked her door, pushed her dresser in front of the door, and kicked her desk chair under the rope. she stepped up to the chair and stuck her head through the noose lazily swinging form the ceiling. Taking a deep breath, she tightened the rope until it was constricting her throat. Her hands shook as she cuffed her hands behind her back. She barely got one hand cuffed before she heard her mom scream her name. She dropped the cuffs and kicked the chair away.
Pain gripped at her neck, but it didn't break. Instinctively, she reached up for the rope, but pulled her hands away. Her mom thumped up the stairs and ferociously yanked at the door handle, jostling the dresser on the other side. She furiously pounded on the door, screaming her name and in frustration. The agony of Anna's mother bit into her heart, strengthening her regrets.
"Anna? Anna! Baby, please don't do this! Let me in, I can help you! Anna! ANNA!" her mom carried out the last syllable of her name; it articulated with her sobs.
She could imagine the tears flooding her mother's eyes. She managed to muffle out a strained "Mom!" through her struggled gags. She prayed that her mother couldn't hear the awful sounds she was making. Nothing would torture her more than to watch her daughter die or to know that she was so close to saving her, but had failed. Outside the room, her mother's footsteps clomped down the stairs and grabbed the house phone. Three beeps echoed up the staircase. Anna's vision slowly began to blur as she heard sirens approaching the house. She forced a tear down her cheek before her vision faded to black. Anna's hands dropped from her neck and dangled at her sides. Her body was limp and swayed with the remaining momentum of the rope. Sunlight beamed into the room onto her corpse from the parted curtains on the far side of the room. Her illuminated body spun in the mirror until the rope tightened, then she spun in reverse until the sequence repeated. The room was silent except for the creaking of the rafters.