All elvhen credits to FenxShiral
Tavinte = Tevinter
Ma Serannas = My Thanks/Thank you
Falon = friend
sethlin = thin blood. Elven term for 'knife-ear' (From DA wikia)
In Mar Lath'in Dys Nuisa - In Your Heart Shall Burn
Icy wind whipped through her fur as Soufehla stared down at the large encampment below the hill she was standing on. The torchlight flickered precariously as the winter gust blew without rest, and Soufehla counted the number of people standing on watch. There could be no doubt; it was the main procession of the Circle Mages from the Redcliffe castle.
Her tail flickered, her gaze fixed on the tents billowing beneath them when her wolves nudged her pelt with their noses. She swiveled her head around to watch her pack, feeling their steady yet curious gazes on herself. The alpha wolf licked her snout, and she returned the affection before looking down at the Mages. They weren't too far away from Haven – they were perhaps a day's march away at most. Leliana's scouts would notice them in half a day or less, probably.
She whirled around, heading back into the forest with her pack racing behind her. The Mages would arrive sometime after sunset – and knowing the Commander, he'd have them organized and ready to march out to the Breach in a day or two at most. Everything will be settled then – she would close the Breach and perish along with it, or miraculously survive the feat and return to her clan.
She'd have to wish farewells to all the people she's met in the Inquisition soon. She'd known them for barely few months… but… empty void gaped where her heart should have been as she thought of parting with these comrades she's fought alongside.
She'd never meant to get so attached to these strangers, hadn't ever thought she would. But after the harrowing experience of the crimson future, she'd no choice but to lean on those around her, who offered her companionship, gentle smiles, and simple laughter. To be completely honest with herself… Soufehla knew her heart hadn't been so carefree in years, despite the apocalyptic world events that she seemed to be smack in middle of.
Soufehla shifted back into her elven form, stopping for a moment to jot down a report for Assan to carry to Deshanna, a warning of the corrupted future, and an update on the situation regarding the Breach. If she survived, she'd be able to meet Assan in the Free Marches. If not, well, she hoped her report would be enough to keep her clan out of the harm's way even when she was no longer in this world to protect it.
After sending her Assan off with a somber farewell, Soufehla pounced onto the alpha's back, racing back towards Haven.
"Do you think I'll survive plugging a hole in the sky?" She asked, leaning low over her wolf. But her wolves did not respond, only ran deep into the night as silent as the moon shining overhead. They knew as well as her what the odds were.
"…honestly, I don't know if I even want to survive." She mumbled, barely audible over the pounding paws against the snowy ground.
Her wolf's heavy tail thumped into her back, nearly throwing her into the heap of snow headfirst.
"Fenedhis! That hurt!" She complained as she tightened the grip on the wolf's fur. He only puffed out an exasperated breath, the hot steam whipping past as it rushed out of its snout.
"You really didn't have to whip me for it…" She trailed off, and she swore she could feel him rolling his eyes at her.
"Fine! I'm sorry." She sighed, laying her head down onto the wolf's pelt as he ran like the wind. The silvery winter night of the dark forest flew past her, the black shadows and white snow mingling together.
She'd grown soft. She'd been too lenient on herself, enjoying the countless debates with Solas and listening to his tall tales of the Fade realm. Listening to Varric's unlikely stories of adventures and heroes, watching Sera prank everybody in the Inquisition, sharing a drink with Blackwall, Iron Bull, and Krem… and watching Josie fuss over her… she'd even hoped to have a chance to speak with Leliana about the Hero of Ferelden… there was so much she'd wanted to ask. And Dorian… would she ever find a friend like him again? A man like none other she's ever met…
And the Commander. He was a… remarkable man. A man who'd allowed her to look beyond her lust for vengeance. An ex-Templar… truly, what an unimaginably… weird time she's had away from her clan. Heartwarming, but weird. Really weird. She snickered, making the wolves around her rumble.
She sat up, looking high into the sky with the shining moon and the stars. The green glow from the Breach winded through the heavens, reminding her of the aurora she saw when she was a little girl.
Would she be able to return to her clan, return to her old life before the Breach? The acute loneliness which all but skewered her when she parted with her only friend a few years back had been crippling. Even if she were to survive the Breach would she be content to remain with her people, who despised her very existence?
Her wolves skidded to a stop nearby the frozen lake and she looked around before hopping off.
"…Ma Serannas." She murmured, nuzzling her wolves, stroking their pelts.
"Vegara adahlen, ara'falonaan. Ina, then'ara'sal'in. Ina urvun Ar'nuvena. Ina in Revas'an." Go back to the forest, my friends. Live, to your heart's content. Live the life I wished for. Live where freedom dwells.
Her wolves whined and whimpered, spinning around and head-butting her. The alpha wolf stared at her, his gaze boring in.
"Thank you, really. Without you guys I would never have lived past my childhood. Thank you." She smiled, petting their furry pelts. "Now go, go and be free as you were meant to be. You too. You have a duty to protect the pact, don't you?"
The grey wolf suddenly stood on his haunches, towering over her. Within moments she was flat against the ground, trapped beneath the massive wolf.
You better come back alive to us, Sister.
Soufehla started as a rumbling voice echoed inside her head.
"Did you just… talk?! In my head? Wha… how?!"
The wolf growled, pawing at the ground.
"Fenedhis, fen! You can't just spring that on me and expect me to take it in stride! I know this is emotional, but still! You can talk?! Since when? How?!"
The wolf snapped his fang together.
"Fine! Be that way, be… be mysterious and infuriating, you… ugh! I'm going to come back alive and nag and nag until you tell me!"
The wolf snorted amusedly, satisfaction shining in his dark eyes as he released her.
"You got snow all over me." She muttered, standing and shaking the flakes off.
He just cocked his head with a wolfish grin.
"and… thanks. I'll see you again, falon."
The wolves howled, their chorus sending a startled flock of birds bursting from the trees. With that final farewell they parted with her. She watched them vanish into the thick trees she'd now grown familiar with, stared for a long time before she turned and walked back to the Haven alone.
"*"
"***"
"*"
She padded past the rows of tents, taking care to avoid the guards and to keep quiet, unwilling to disturb the tired Inquisition soldiers getting their well-deserved rest. But low groans and grunts floated to her elven ears, and she turned to pinpoint where the sounds were coming from.
…was that… the Commander's tent?
She hesitated only for a moment before intending to simply walk past. She had no business disturbing the Commander at this ungodly hour. But the groans grew louder even as she padded away, to the point where she knew even the shemlen guards on duty would be able to hear them soon.
...Creators, what am I doing…?
She sighed, padding over to the dark tent and slipping in like a wisp of breath without alerting the guards. She glided across the small space within to see the familiar man writhing in his bed, twisting and clawing at the sheets.
She needn't look twice to realize he was having nightmares. Terrors she also experienced so often whenever she visited the Fade at night. With another silent sigh she concentrated her mana into her cheeks and blew it out, creating a fluffy, shimmering curtain with magic. It floated over to the thick fabrics of the tent to muffle the sounds. Beyond its boundaries not a sliver of noise would slip out.
With that done, Soufehla grabbed at the flap to sneak out of the tent when the Commander screamed. She winced, her sensitive ears ringing from his sudden outburst. Creators, whatever painful memories haunted his past, it must be something severe to make a man like him wail so.
I did not break a decade ago in Ferelden Circle. You will not break me now.
His broken voice from the crimson future whispered within her mind, and she stopped. What had he survived a decade ago, that was comparable to that dark future?
"What're you doing?! Annlise, stop!" He howled, making her flinch once more. Mythal guide her, how had he managed to hide his nightmares till now? Without her magic surely the entire Inquisition would have been awoken. He roared and twisted, horror etched onto his creased face, eyes screwed shut as a flimsy defense against the incomprehensible terror he battled.
Soufehla tittered for a moment before she snuck closer to the bed, focusing Rejuvenation onto her hand as she knelt down by his side. She couldn't remember the last time she used her healing spells on someone other than herself. But he was of the Inquisition, a comrade of hers who'd grown on her despite it all. Knowing the dread of frightful dreams so well herself, she could not abandon him in that merciless realm of Fade.
"…you make me do the strangest things, Commander." She muttered, pressing her fingers to his sweaty forehead. His hair was plastered to his face, but very curly and silken to the touch. It was a little difficult to keep her hand there as his thrashes grew more desperate until the whites of his eyes showed and his fists balled until knuckles whitened. Anxious that he would jerk awake at any moment to catch her trespassing, slowly, quietly, she began to sing.
She recalled the silken, soft words from her childhood. The words her mother's friends sang for her as she cried in the deep forest night, frightened of violet lightning painting the dark, stormy sky. With her mind filled of her clan's gentle embrace and kindness she'd basked in during those times, Soufehla breathed those gracious words dear Deshanna once sang for her for this man struggling under the unknown weight of his past, her fingers stroking his hair, her magic restoring the spent energy his body direly needed.
"Elgara vallas, da'len Sun sets, little one,
Melava somniar Time to dream
Mala taren aravas Your mind journeys,
Ara ma'desen melar But I will hold you here.
Iras ma ghilas, da'len Where will you go, little one
Ara ma'nedan ashir Lost to me in sleep?
Dirthara lothlenan'as Seek truth in a forgotten land
Bal emma mala dir Deep with in your heart.
Tel'enfenim, da'len Never fear, little one,
Irassal ma ghilas Wherever you shall go.
Ma garas mir renan Follow my voice-
Ara ma'athlan vhenas I will call you home.
Ara ma'athlan vhenas I will call you home."
The Commander's thrashes diminished and she watched his rigid muscles relax as she recounted the soothing lyrics from her hazy memories. His breaths finally evened out, and his contorted face smoothed out into peaceful slumber.
"...I will eat my own foot before I'll ever admit I did this." She sighed, straightening and withdrawing her hand from his forehead. Soufehla turned to pad away from the bunk before she hesitated.
"…ugh. This never happened."
She stepped back toward the Commander to draw his thrown blanket over him, noticing a dagger resting on his end table as she tucked the edge of the blanket around his shoulders. Afterwards, she watched his chest rise and fall in a smooth, calming rhythm for a moment before slipping out of the tent to head back towards her own cabin.
"*"
"***"
"*"
"…a beehive."
"A beehive? Really? You know, I've never seen one in person before."
"Of course you haven't, you spoiled noble Tavinte. Well, Haven is exactly like a beehive."
"I'd hardly call myself spoiled, love. I've been trekking to Maker knows where for Maker knows what without a single servant waiting by my side to peel the grapes for me."
"And for what purpose do you follow me around?"
"Why, the heretical Herald of Andraste must have the evil Tevinter Magister by her side!"
"And what is your true nefarious objective?"
"So you can admire my marvelous wardrobes, of course."
"Hmph."
"Speaking of wardrobes, must you insist on wearing those dreadful furs? You look like a wolf pup being suffocated by a pack of bears."
"First of all, there is no pack of bears. They don't travel in packs. Second of all, it keeps me warm. Those belts of yours hardly keep you from freezing this far down South, does it?"
"Ah, but it looks appetizing. That's what matters, love. And are you certain bears don't form a pack? Because I happen to remember the Seeker pummeling five bears right in the middle of our camp in Hinterlands the other day."
Soufehla snorted at that, crossing her arms.
"I'm sure they just wanted to greet Cassandra as a fellow bear, with her punching a tree and everything. And I really doubt the Commander is interested in your fancy leathers. As your friend Dorian, I will cast Ice Grasp and end your misery early on. Go ahead and thank me like a proper civilized Altus, Tavinte." She snickered.
"Such savage words. Did no one ever teach you manners?" Dorian huffed, throwing a side glance at her.
They managed to go for entire two heartbeats before they burst out laughing, bending over to wheeze for breath.
Solas rolled his eyes and sighed.
"Yeah, yeah, very funny. Have we filled the quota for racial jokes for today?" Varric rolled his eyes at them, barely audible above their gasping laughter.
"Sure, why not." Soufehla wiped at her eyes, an easy grin springing up on her lips. After the night with the Commander smiles came to her easier than before, even if it was still unfamiliar on her face. But her companions roared with approval and spent every waking moment attempting to make her smile or laugh, shaking away the cobwebs from her unused smiles.
"You two are worse than Hawke. Seriously, who'd have thought?" Varric muttered, watching the bustling Haven along with them.
"But both of us put together is still better than one Sera." Soufehla quipped, earning yet another approving chuckle from them all.
They sat huddled together on a small hill beside the training fields, watching the buzzing Haven with wary eyes. As Soufehla had predicted the Circle Mages had arrived after sunset last night. Haven had erupted into frenzied commotion since then, with countless messengers racing here and there, soldiers marching around with some unidentifiable purpose, and new Circle Mages complaining, whining, and wailing endlessly about Haven's accommodations. Between the continuous noise and the bright torch lights illuminating the village like midday sun, Soufehla had given up early on her sleep and had fled to the hills long before dawn. Solas, Varric, and Dorian soon followed after her to avoid the commotion, and to avoid someone yelling at them to do something. She prayed to the Creators that they wouldn't get sucked into that whirlwind of chaos.
Even as she watched the herbalists ran between the huts with few trail leaves drifting behind them, and Bull was roaring at his Chargers next to the Inquisition stables every time a messenger delivered something new. Requisition officers seemed to have fire set on their feet, never once slowing or stopping as they practically flew around the small village. Leliana's spies and scouts were riding out or returning every hour or so, and what little remaining Orlesian noble shems flocked like frightened chickens. Some were screaming for their sethlin to bring their carriages to flee the place altogether.
Excited livestock added to the volume of the noise resonating from Haven, and with the amount of activity barreling through the village Soufehla was quite astounded that the walls hadn't collapsed already.
And as if this havoc wasn't enough of a turmoil, Sera was busy as a bee (ha! That was a good one, right? Creators, what's become of me?) pranking anything and everything that even remotely breathed. Cassandra and Blackwall were somewhere yelling at Inquisition soldiers, and Leliana was practically chained to the War Table with dozens of crows perched around her, fluffing their feathers. Josie was buried under heaps of papers at her desk, and the Commander has been yelling at other recruits since the arrival of Mages over by…
Oh no
Said Commander was striding towards where they huddled in the snow, his steps far too purposeful for her liking. She hadn't noticed him since the glare of rising sun was blinding her, giving the golden man the rare chance to get too close before she could escape. Soufehla folded into herself to squeeze between Solas, Varric, and Dorian, trying to seem invisible.
Right. As if that would ever work.
The golden Commander bore down on them, his amber eyes glaring down as they all swallowed and shuffled closer to each other.
"And what do you think you're doing here?" His deep voice rumbled, and she found that she couldn't quite look him in the eyes.
Dorian nervously cleared his throat, as did Solas.
"Well?"
"We have observed the situation and unanimously agreed that it'd be best if we were to avoid disturbing the hardworking members of the Inquisition." Solas answered.
Thank the Creators for his skills with words...
But the Commander wasn't one to be deterred so easily. He folded his arms and glared down at them, making them all cough and wiggle awkwardly.
"Hey Curly, loosen up a bit. You can't hardly yell at the Herald of Andraste and her trusted followers for searching for some quiet and peace just for a short while."
Soufehla thought Varric's chest hair might catch fire from the Commander's irritated glare.
"Alright, alright! We'll help! The things that gaze does to me cannot be resisted." Dorian finally yielded, standing to pat off the snow.
"Varric, assist the requisition officers. Solas, I believe the healers were looking for you. Dorian, I entrust you to handle that Sera. If she breaks one more thing I will personally hold you responsible."
Dorian's face grew ashen and Soufehla could not help but snort, which she immediately regretted as the Commander's gaze focused onto her.
"And for you," he rumbled. "I expect you to be warm and rested within your cabin."
"But…" she started.
"Lavellan," he near growled out her name, making Varric and Dorian snicker. She also heard Solas swallowing his laughter into a chuckle.
"I meant now." The Commander snapped and her friends scrambled away, though as always Dorian somehow managed to put that stylish strut into his steps.
"I am more than rested, Commander. If I'm shut in that cabin for much longer I may wither up and die of boredom." She tried again.
"…Lavellan, we cannot know how you will be affected." He gave a weary sigh, dropping down to sit by her in the snow.
"The best of the Mages are ready, but…" he trailed off, looking toward the Breach glowing as always in the heavens. The scarlet sunrise shined through the eerie green, dyeing the brightening morning sky with an unsettling mix of glow that held an ethereal beauty.
The achingly chilly morning air rushed into her lungs, and Soufehla breathed in deep. The day was magnificent, the most magnificent morning she's ever seen. White cotton clouds floated by lazily, and golden sunlight basked the land while the pure white snow sparkled like gems in its light. The scene all but tore her away from Haven buzzing with activity, the serenity of this calm morning becoming one with her.
"Last time, your mana was depleted to the point that you nearly died." The Commander continued on, also looking out to the dazzling frozen lake.
"One more minute, one more second of rest could be the difference between life and death. Lavellan, there's still much left to do until we march. There is time. Go rest."
"…how about you, Commander? You must rest too." She murmured, gazing out to the far horizon. The mountains stood taller and prouder than ever before. She remembered his screams ringing in her ears, saw the fatigue clinging to his form.
"There will be time to catch my breath after the Breach is sealed." He sighed, rubbing at his neck.
"I thank you for the concern, but I am as rested as I can be. It is… easier, to bear the passage of time if I'm with the others."
They sat together, a calm silence enveloping them. The turmoil of Haven faded away into the winter wind until nothing but the two of them and the scenery they looked to remained.
"…are you worried?" His quiet voice rumbled.
"I am… conflicted." She smiled. "I am but one elf, but they say the world needs me. They say I must seal the Breach in the sky."
"…no, you're not one elf." He murmured.
"Commander?"
"You're not just one elf, Lavellan. You're a woman… I mean, a combat Mage and…" He trailed off, frustrated sigh escaping him. She couldn't help but laugh.
"Yes, Commander. I am indeed all those things."
"Maker's breath. What I mean to say, is that you are our comrade. I will… no, we will not fail you. We will make certain that you come back from this mission alive and whole, Lavellan."
"…even though I cause so much trouble?"
"Even still," he smiled down at her. "I would see you live, Lavellan."
"…thank you, Commander." She smiled, the smile he'd returned to her.
They returned to the comfortable silence, gazing far away. She felt the heat radiating from him, their arms almost brushing against each other's, and yet not quite touching. His blood called to hers as always, and a thought struck her.
She pulled out a bottle of lyrium from her belt pouch, watching the glimmering liquid sparkle in the morning sunlight.
"Did you know? I have never used lyrium before, Commander."
"Not once?"
"Never. It is the substance which gives power to Templars. I did not want such a thing within me. I used to gather it up and trade for things I needed in shemlen villages instead."
"But you've battled countless times since the Conclave. You must've…"
"No. I gave it all to Solas and Dorian whenever they needed it. I… the lyrium…"
She fell silent, unable to continue. She returned the liquid to her belt pouch, a thousand thoughts rushing by. Could he understand the hatred that entwined around her? The sickly, corrosive thing that clung to her with dreadful claws? No matter how she cleaned herself, it marked her. She could not bear the thought of sharing the same substance with the Templars, allow such a thing to enter her bloodstream.
"I pray to the Maker you can survive this without using lyrium as well." He murmured, and she finally met his eyes. His lyrium sang its sweet, nauseating song, calling to her magic. But his golden eyes shined for her in the bright sunlight and she smiled with him.
"I will try."
They looked out to the shining blue frozen lake once more, her sharp eyes picking up the hints of fish swimming under the thick layer of ice. Perhaps she'd be able to return to this place to fish in the spring with her newfound comrades. Grilling them over the hot campfire during the night while ale and tall tales flowed freely. Laughing and singing as her clan mates used to, perhaps she'd be able to sit on a log right by the fire and enjoy the companions of the Inquisition without the Breach glowing in the sky.
"Humor me." Commander started, drawing her attention back.
He fumbled in his cloak until something was gripped in his gloved hand, which he handed to her. He spread his palm out, and she saw the blue glowing vial resting there.
A Templar's lyrium. A draft meant for the dogs of the Chantry.
She nearly snarled, hackles rising, fangs erupting out. Soufehla clenched her fists, felt her claws digging in.
"We don't know what you'll face – carry it with you." He continued, ignoring the grimace that must be plain on her face.
"Commander-"
"It can't hurt. I know it is foolish, but… I'd feel better if I knew you were carrying this Lavellan."
She glared at the philter, at the blue liquid. She sensed the throbbing power, the sweet, sick song calling out from the vial.
"I'm not asking you to use it. Just… just in case, Lavellan. Return it to me later if… well…"
If you're able to.
A Templar's lyrium. The Commander's lyrium.
"Will you be alright without it, Commander?" She asked, watching him grimace as well.
"I'll make do."
"…I'll return it."
She laid her hand over his, grasping the warm vial. She placed it in her breast pocket before standing, watching him stand up as well. It was time to burst out of this quiet bubble and return to reality – to Haven.