Okay, I've had to put the rating on this to "R" as its smut orientated :O)
Remember I've said nothing *looks up innocently*; it's only your dirty minds that take you there.
Hehehehe, but it was fun writing this.
Thanks to Becky for Beta-ing :D
Spoilers: NIL- It is all my warped mind
*Sticky Situation*
Changing into his civvies, Jack couldn't wait to get home. He was physically drained. It wasn't as if today had been a particularly difficult day, but for some reason, he felt…old. His whole body ached, and all he wanted to do was head home, put his feet on the nearest coffee table, have a beer and watch a re-run of the Simpsons.
Closing the locker door, he slightly gyrated the lower part of his body, as an uncomfortably feeling washed over him. "Getting old, Jack!" he complained inwardly.
Ignoring the sensation in his trousers he walked out, heading home at long last. Waiting at the elevator, he heard heavy footsteps creeping up beside him.
"Hey, sir. Heading home?" Sam asked nonchalantly.
Turning round quickly at the sound of her voice, his jaw nearly hit the floor when he took in what she was wearing. Dressed in a burgundy leather top and pants, the outfit did nothing to conceal her figure.
"Hot date?" Jack asked regaining his composure.
"You could say that." Sam replied mysteriously; her blue eyes twinkling at the effect her clothing was having on him.
"Anyone I know?" Jack asked casually, unable to take his eyes off her.
"I…um… don't think so." Sam told him cagily, trying to keep the giggle out of her voice. Looking at him with all innocence, she didn't have the heart to tell him, the only date she had, was with her Harley. *And* it was more than likely that it would be the only hot thing she'd have between her legs for the foreseeable future. *But*, it was fun to keep him guessing. A girl has to keep some secrets after all.
Suddenly that uncomfortable feeling between his legs threatened to return full force if he didn't leave… and soon. Shuffling his feet slightly he had to try and control the beast. Placing his hands in his pockets to try and calm himself down, he looked around uncomfortably for signs of anyone else joining them. Lady luck however, obviously wasn't on his side tonight.
Noticing that Jack, seemed unsettled, she squinted upwards; a small frown appearing on her flawless face. "You okay, sir? You seem a bit…" Searching for the right words, nervous, unsettled, anxious…libidinous? She'd seen that look before, but never from Jack. Sure they'd played flirting games before, but it had never gotten to the stage were either one of them felt uncomfortable.
Snapping himself back to the present, he never expected her to notice. But, then again after seven years of working side by side, he assumed that she knew just about everything there was to know about him. "I'm fine, Carter, just a bit stiff…and sore." He finished uncomfortably.
Sam bit on her top lip to stop from laughing, as soon as the double meaning hit her. Turning away from him she tried to regain her composure. Unable to keep her smile at bay any longer, she grinned.
Jack shook his head; he was never going to live this down, if word of their conversation ever got out, he'd never hear the end of it. Thankfully he didn't have to wait long before he was put out of his misery as Sam remembered leaving some lab equipment on.
Rushing back to her lab to turn it off she berated herself for missing out on a good opportunity to tease him. "Oh well, there's always tomorrow." She acknowledged silently.
Sighing in relief, Jack headed home for an early night. He couldn't believe that, that had come out of his mouth. "Stiff and sore." Jack thought back to those faithful words, groaning inwardly at the thought of facing her tomorrow.
***
Arriving a few minutes late for the morning briefing, Jack noticed that Sam, Teal'c and Daniel were already there. "Great, just great!" Jack thought, hoping he could have a word with her before they all met up. This was not a good morning. First he'd hardly slept all night, then when he had finally gotten a few hours of sleep, he'd forgotten to set the alarm, and now…*this*!
"…Honest! That's what happened." Sam laughed heartily, watching a playful grin appear on Daniel's face.
"I don't believe it." Daniel exclaimed, shaking his head slightly.
"It's true." Sam replied convincingly.
"Morning." Jack replied brighter than he felt.
Daniel and Sam ominously cleared their throats, as if being caught with their hands in the cookie jar. Jack eyed them both suspiciously; a hint of paranoia began creeping up on him. Trying to push the dark suspicions to one side, she took a seat next to Sam before paranoia completely took hold.
"What's so funny?" Jack asked them casually.
"Nothing, much." Sam replied hurriedly, indicating silently to Daniel that he should follow suit.
"Nothing really." Daniel continued playfully. He didn't know what the joke was, but he was always willing to set up, Jack, if he could get away with it.
"Teal'c?"
"It is not worth mentioning, O'Neill. Major Carter was simply telling us what occurred last night."
"Carter?" Jack asked nervously, not really believing that she would tell the team what happened last night.
Sam's eyes twinkled with delight…this was fun. "What can I say, sir."
Jack shifted uncomfortably in his seat, watching her smile sweetly. Unfortunately he didn't get the chance to talk to her more, before General Hammond came in to begin the briefing.
Throughout the meeting, Jack squirmed in his seat every few minutes - something that didn't go un-noticed by Sam or the others.
"Colonel, are you all right?" General Hammond enquired with concern in his voice. "You seem a bit unsettled."
At the same moment, Sam had taken a drink of coffee, and nearly choked on its contents. Coughing and spluttering, the coffee spewed out of her mouth and nose onto the table below.
Startled and worried glances took their eyes off of Jack, to see Sam struggling to keep a straight face.
"Major! Are you okay?" George asked, watching Sam come to a standing position in an effort to control herself.
Trying to talk between choking and coughing was not productive. Berating herself for her silly childishness, she avoided everyone's gaze until she'd calmed down. "Sorry, sir. I don't know what happened."
"Hmpf, a likely story." Jack muttered under his breath. Shifting his butt in his seat once more, he had to resist the desire to stick his hands in his pocket and 'adjust himself'. Whatever was going on down there was starting to get on his nerves. Sam had never had this effect on him before, and he didn't have a clue why *this* was happening now.
Jack's indignant expression just made Sam's coughing fit worse. Ultimately it led to General Hammond abandoning the meeting, suggesting they meet up that afternoon instead.
Sam didn't have time to speak with him since he left the briefing, instead she decided to give him half an hour to calm down, then go and explain to Jack what Daniel and her had been discussing.
***
Sitting casually on his leather-backed couch in the corner of the room, Jack closed his eyes, thankful for a few minutes of privacy. A throbbing feeling erupted in his crotch, and the only thing he could do to rid himself of the pressure was to adjust the irritation. Knowing there was nothing else he could do for the moment apart from going to see the doc he undid trousers; slipping his hand downwards towards the source of discomfort, he gentle massaged himself until he found slight relief from the aching in his balls. Lost in the moment of easing the pressure that filled the lower half of his body, he failed to hear the door opening. Startled at the sudden arrival, he caught his hand in his pants, and tried to yank himself free.
Sam didn't know what to say. Her jaw dropped at the sight off her CO caught in a sense 'with his pants down'! This was certainly something she never expected to see…well… at least not yet.
"Sir! I'm so…um…sorry. I…um…didn't mean to… excuse me, I've…um… gotta go." Sam said hurriedly, not sure what to make of it. Rushing out of his office she quickly shut the door behind her before bringing her hand to her face. She wasn't sure what to think or how to react. This was just so…unexpected…and arousing at the same time. All she wanted to do was forget that she'd seen him in such a compromising position. Banging her head against the wall in shock, she felt as if her legs were pinned to the floor.
"Crap! Should've locked that damn door." Jack admonished to himself. Quickly doing up his flies, he raced after her. The last thing he wanted was for her to get the wrong impression. Unfortunately by the time he got to the corridor she was gone. Sighing to himself, he wasn't sure how he was going to fix this mess, but he knew he'd have to talk to her sooner or later, and the longer he left it, the harder it was going to be.
***
In complete shock, Sam didn't know what to think or how she would face him. Lost in thought, she failed to see Daniel turning the corner. As they collided, Sam felt herself falling to the ground. Landing with a thud on the solid concrete beneath her, she sighed, this day was not going as she expected.
"Sam. I'm sooo sorry, are you okay?" Daniel enquired, a frown forming between his eyes.
"It was my fault, Daniel, don't worry about it." She told him absently, her mind still on the image of Jack in his office. Dusting herself off, she muttered incoherently to herself before walking off, leaving a bewildered Daniel looking on.
Standing in the middle of the empty hallway, Daniel could've sworn he heard something else in her voice. He didn't have time to think anything more of it before Jack rounded the corner in a hurry.
"Daniel, have you seen Carter anywhere?" Jack asked, his voice slightly nervous.
"Yeah, she went past a few minutes ago."
"Did she seem…"
"Weird?"
"Well I was going to say 'Okay' but…" Jack hesitated for a moment, before realising he needed to speak to someone, and since Daniel was the only human male he could confide in, apart from Hammond. BUT, he just didn't want to go there. "Um… Daniel, have you…um… got a minute?"
"Why are you looking at me like that?" Daniel asked worriedly.
"Like what?" Jack asked perplexed.
"Like that! The *look* that says I'm in big trouble and I need you to bail me out."
"I've never asked you to bail me out?"
Daniel, stared at him, reminding him of the time the two of them had got into trouble with some of the natives, because of a remark he'd made.
"Apart from that one time. Anyway, forget about that, I need your advice. It's kind of…um…personal."
"Oh. Okay." Daniel replied a hint of a smile forming on his lips.
Moving him over to a quiet corner of the corridor, Jack brought his voice down to whisper. "I've got a bit of a problem with…um…Junior."
Daniel was confused, "Why would you have a problem with Teal'c's symbiote? Sure it's not the most pleasant thing, but…"
"Not *that* Junior!" Jack told him in a forced whisper.
"Then what are you…"Daniel started before the sudden realisation hit him. "Oh! OH! I see." Daniel replied with full comprehension; a nervousness settling in his stomach. Crossing his arms defensively he was unsure where this conversation would take them. He wanted Jack to know that he could confide in him with anything, but still felt a bit uncomfortable at the prospect. It wasn't like Jack to discuss *these* sorts of matters with him, and was slightly nervous at giving him the right advice; whatever the problem might be. "So…um…what seems to be the problem?" He continued; sounding more like a doctor than an archaeologist.
"It's a bit embarrassing really."
"Does it have something to do with Sam?"
"Carter? Um…why, why would you ask that?" Jack said nervously, shuffling slightly.
"Lets just say I had a feeling."
Sighing, Jack felt slightly despondent, how the hell him and Sam were going to carry on working together now. "You're not the only one!" Jack muttered before continuing. "Anyway, getting back to my original problem. I've been getting these…um…feelings."
"From Sam?" Daniel asked uncertainly.
"No!" Jack said getting exasperated. "From 'Junior'. It's not a comfortable feeling either. When I tried to find a bit of…relief." Jack continued trying to find the right words. "Sam walked in while I was…adjusting myself."
"Oh, that is a bit of a… sticky situation." Daniel remarked. Seeing that Jack wasn't impressed with his choice of words, he added, "Not that…I meant that…"
"It wasn't like *that* Daniel. They hurt, and I was trying to get comfortable, she just walked in at the wrong moment and must've thought that, well…"
Not knowing what to say to his friend he asked, "Have you seen the Doc, about this…problem?"
"You think I should?"
"Well, yeah, if it's causing this many problems."
"It's a bit embarrassing talking to the Doc about this sort of thing."
"You're talking to me about it aren't you?" Daniel remarked.
"Good point. So you think I should just…"
"Yeah." Daniel answered finally, relieved that he didn't have to discuss this further.
"Right, well I'll catch you later then. Thanks, and not a word to anyone." Jack answered finally, before heading off to the infirmary.
***
"So, Colonel, what can I do for you?" Doctor Fraiser asked as Jack perched himself onto one of the gurney's.
"It's a bit embarrassing actually."
"Colonel, I've seen and heard everything, nothing you say could embarrass or shock me. *And* just to remind you, I have seen your body before, ALL of it. Also, if it makes you feel any better, it's all confidential." Janet advised him, hoping that it would alleviate any problems before hand.
Jack squirmed once more, and for a few seconds while he debated whether to tell her, silence filled the empty sickbay. She was right though, why should he be embarrassed, hell it couldn't be as bad as what had happened earlier with Carter.
Janet pr-empting what the colonel was going to say, she asked the question without any hint of nervousness, "You have problem with your genitalia?"
"Um…something like that. It's not a problem really, I've been feeling a bit "off" these last couple of days and my…um…things hurt."
"Your scrotum?"
"Yes, my scrotum, it feels like they're going to…burst."
Janet tried to hide the smile from her lips, "Well, Colonel, I don't think there's any likelihood of them…bursting. Why don't I examine you thoroughly, and we'll go from there. Okay?"
Jack nodded simply, he hated this; being stuck in the infirmary with no chance to escape.
***
Sam wandered aimlessly around her lab, trying to distract herself from what happened earlier. She began tinkering with some inanimate object, hoping to take her mind of things, but it didn't seem to working. After several minutes of frustrating herself, she walked out of her lab, bumping into Daniel en-route.
"We must stop meeting like this, Sam, people will talk." Daniel laughed. Sam though, didn't seem to be in the jovial mood that he'd anticipated.
"Sorry Daniel, I'm just a bit out of sorts today."
"You're not the only one." Daniel muttered.
"What do you mean?" Sam enquired nervously.
"Nothing." Daniel replied too quickly, then seeing Sam's glare he continued, "I…um… didn't expect you to hear me."
"Well you shouldn't have said anything, then." Sam admonished him. *But,* now that he had said something, she wanted more. "Are you talking about the, Colonel?"
"Maybe? Why is he out of sorts today as well?" Daniel continued cagily, hoping that she'd tell him what Jack wouldn't.
"What's he told you?"
"Nothing much, just that he wasn't feeling himself today." Daniel replied honestly, not realising what he'd said until the words had tumbled out of his mouth.
"He told you!" Sam remarked, flabbergasted. Her cheeks growing rosy at the thought that someone else knew.
"Sam, it wasn't like that. He was worried and didn't have anyone else to confide in. Look, why don't you go visit him in the infirmary."
"I can't, it's too embarr… He's in the infirmary?" Sam asked, now slightly concerned. Why would he need to go to the infirmary? He wasn't sick…was he?
"Yeah, he is. I told him to speak to Janet."
"Right. Sounds sensible. I might just do that, thanks, Daniel." Sam answered finally before heading towards the infirmary.
Daniel stood once more in the emptiness of the corridors, smiling to himself and thinking that he might change vocations. "A counsellor?" He mused as he walked down the dank grey corridor.
***
After examining him thoroughly, Janet had one more question, "Have you had a sore throat lately, Colonel?"
"A little bit, why?" Jack asked putting his shirt back on.
"Well, I think I know what's wrong with you."
"You do? So, what is it?" Jack asked, relieved.
"You have the Mumps." Janet declared.
"The Mumps? You're sure?" Jack asked, sighing with relief that he hadn't turned into some oversexed teenager.
"About 99% sure, yes. The swelling in your groin, can be quite painful with Mumps, particularly in Adult males." Janet advised, watching the Colonel's reaction carefully. "You'll have to be placed on sick leave of course for the next few weeks, until everything settles down. Then I'll need you to come back and see me, as occasionally there can be certain side effects."
"What sort of side effects?" Jack asked, now slightly concerned.
"Well, it some cases it can cause sterility."
"Sterility? But, that would mean that…" Jack started, but realised who he was talking to and decided against it.
"I'm sorry, Colonel, it is very rare that it happens. *But,* I just thought I'd advise you, just incase you decided to have a family in the future."
Jack laughed nervously, sure he'd thought about having kids one day with someone special, but the thought that he might not be able to now, made him feel slightly bitter at the thought.
Sam walked into the infirmary, just in time to see the Colonel gingerly get off the bed and thank, Janet.
//Oh well//, Sam thought, //it's now or never//.
"Carter! Hey! I was just…coming to see you." Jack said hesitantly, unable to look directly at her.
"Daniel told me where you were."
"He did, did he?" Jack continued apprehensively, not sure how much information Daniel had given her. "Look…Sam. About my earlier behaviour…"
"Why don't we forget about it?" Sam replied softly unable to meet his gaze.
"When you walked in on me…"
"Sir, please, I'd rather not talk about it, if it's all the same with you." Sam continued hurriedly.
"I know, but I want you to know the reason why I was so…uncomfortable." He wanted her to know the real reason, even if it killed him with embarrassment.
"Really, sir. You don't owe me any explanation."
"I have Mumps, Carter."
Sam's head jerked upwards, finally meeting his eyes. Silence filled the empty void between them as he moved closer towards her.
"Mumps?" Sam replied breathlessly. "So, that time by the elevator, in the briefing and in your office was because…"
"Of the Mumps, yes." Jack answered for her.
"No… other reason?" Sam responded, uncertainly on how far she should push things.
Jack simply smiled at her, his eyes hinting that there was more, particularly when he'd first seen her in the burgundy leathers. Instead he decided it was best to let her wonder…for now. Now though he was on sick leave for the next few weeks. And if he was very lucky, he might get a few visitors to take care of him.
Sam watched, speechless as her CO walked out of the infirmary, she knew there was more than met the eye, and she was determined this wouldn't be the end of their conversation.
THE END