Alright, I wrote this when I was very bored. Boredom + writing = okay story. But it turned out better than I thought it would. The beginning's a bit dry, so please bear with me. I hope you get a laugh out of it! Owl Watcher

Lancelot's Quest for Happiness

Lancelot was unhappy. He had been unhappy for a very long time. He wanted to fill that gaping hole in his heart that had been there for a very long time. Hey! Ever since he'd started to be unhappy! Why hadn't he noticed that before?

One day, Lancelot was sitting out in the courtyard, pondering just how long he had been so very unhappy, when Merlin appeared next to him.

"Hello there, Lancelot!" the young warlock greeted him. "Why the long face?"

Lancelot sighed dramatically. "I'm sad."

"Really?" Merlin said sarcastically. "I never would have guessed!"

"I know," Lancelot sighed. He sighed a lot. It made him feel better about himself.

"Let me help cheer you up," Merlin offered. "You've been long-facey far too much for my liking, and you're getting very depressing to be around."

Lancelot sighed. "Nothing can cheer me up."

"Well, what got you so sad in the first place?" Merlin inquired.

Lancelot sighed. "Ever since-"

"Please stop sighing. It's getting annoying."

Lancelot sighed. "Ever since Gwen dumped me-"

"Wait," Merlin interrupted. "Didn't you dump Gwen so that she could have a long and happy relationship with Arthur?"

Lancelot sighed. "Yes. Ever since I dumped Gwen, I've been so unhappy, and I don't like it."

"I thought you enjoyed the attention," Merlin said. "But okay. If you say so. How about I take you on a quest. A quest for happiness."

Lancelot sighed. "That sounds like a grand idea."

"I know just what you need," Merlin said.

"Me, too," Lancelot sighed. "Gwen."

"Nooooo," Merlin said. "You don't need a lady to be happy. You need magic!"

He held out a hand, grandly proclaimed a spell, and a ball of fire appeared above his hand. He grinned at Lancelot, then sighed himself when the knight wasn't paying attention.

"Let's go to the market," Merlin suggested. "Let's see if we can find your happiness there."

So they went to the market, Lancelot sighing - I mean, sagging behind. First, they stopped by the bakery. Merlin bought Lancelot a lot of sweet bun and several sugar-coated pastries. Lancelot ate them.

But the sweets didn't make him happy.

At the market, they ran into Gwaine.

"Tally-ho, there, Merlin!" Gwaine proclaimed merrily. "Greetings, Lancelot. What brings you to the market on this cloudy day?"

"I'm trying to make Lancelot happy," Merlin explained, "but he isn't cheering up. I've tried magic, and sweets, but they don't work."

"I say!" Gwaine exclaimed. "Never give a knight sweets. They make him soft, and then he'll never be able to defend the kingdom. No, what he needs is to get good and drunk."

And so Gwaine dragged Lancelot off to the tavern and ordered them both several large tankards of mead and ale. Soon enough, they were stone drunk. Sadly, Lancelot was a sad drunk.

And so drinking did not make him happy.

While leaving the tavern, they ran into Percival.

"Hi, everyone," Percival greeted them quietly.

"Hiccup! Hey, Percy!" Gwaine guffawed, still very drunk. "I'm trying to make Lancey here happy hehehe! But drinking – Hiccup! - doesn't work. Got any hehehe suggestions?"

"Well, when I'm sad, I read history volumes," Percival said thoughtfully. "Here, I'll take you to the library."

And so Percival led a sobbing, drunk Lancelot to the library. He showed Lancelot books on the Great Purge and some of the greatest battles in Camelot's history. But this was all very boring, and the battles made Lancelot feel hollow inside.

So reading history volumes didn't make him happy.

As they were leaving the library, they came upon Leon.

"Greetings, fellow knights!" Leon said grandly.

"Hello, Leon," Percival said. "I'm trying to make Lancelot happy, but my history volume technique isn't working. What would you suggest we do?"

Leon thought for a moment. "Well, when I'm upset, I try to think optimistically. Like when the Great Dragon attacked Camelot, and all was thought to be lost, I kept thinking, 'Well, at least I won't have to kiss up to Uther anymore!' And when I-"

But Leon's happiness just made Lancelot even more unhappy, and he burst into soppy tears.

So optimism didn't make him happy.

Lancelot's sobs drew the attention of Elyan, and the blacksmith-made-knight came over to investigate as Percival fled from Lancelot's sadness.

"Oi there, chaps!" Elyan greeted them.

"Hello, Elyan," Leon said. "I'm trying to make Lancelot happy, but my optimism didn't work. What should we do?"

"Well, whenever I'm upset, I make a new sword and run practice dummies through with them," Elyan said.

And so Elyan took Lancelot to his forge and gave him a very sharp sword. Lancelot examined the sword. It was very sharp. Lancelot stabbed the nearest dummy through with it.

"Whoops!" he exclaimed. "Sorry, Uther!"

"No problem," Uther said with his last breath.

And running Uther through with his very sharp sword made him happy.

The End

Sorry to any psycho Uther fans. But hey, at least Uther was fine with it! Please review!