"Julia..." I hadn't said her name in the longest time... not since that
day. It hurts to remember, but I do it anyways. After I got back on the
BeBop I recalled what Jet had said to me earlier. He had said that I always
told him to forget his past, to live in the present. In the end he was
right. He was right when he told me that I was really the one who was
clinging to the past. It's because of her, of Julia, that I can't forget
the past. I'll never forget the look in her eyes as she fell. I want to
forget, but I don't. I live in the past and I can't forget it... not
ever...
So here I lay, staring up at the ceiling fan. Bored as ever trying to sleep over the noise of Faye singing and Jet cooking. That's when I had thought of her... of Julia. It's funny how five little letters can cause so much emotion inside of me. I regret watching her fall, and yet I'm glad I was there to hold her when she left this world. But WHY though?! I get up and slam my fist into the table beside me as furious tears gather in my eyes. I'm glad there's no one here to see me cry. I let the tears flow, hoping they will wash away the pain of losing her. "Why dammit why!?" I shout to the ceiling as I collapse back onto the couch. Why did she have to leave? Why couldn't I have gone with her? It isn't fair that I survived when she didn't. I loved her more than anything... more than life itself. I'd die for her and technically I did, twice in fact.
Once all those years ago, and another time just one month ago. One month ago I had left the BeBop and my friends. It's funny that I consider someone like Faye my friend and I actually miss Ed and Ein. When I had left, I had planned to never see any of them again. I planned to finish my battle with Vicious then and there and I didn't care if I came out alive. I met up with Julia in our place and just as we planned, we were going to get out. But first we needed to finish off Vicious...
Well, that part I had gotten done, but now, as I look back on that night, it crushes me to think that I had actually lived through it. I was supposed to die dammit! I was supposed to die and live on with Julia in our next life. But that didn't work out... I hear a noise in the hall and look up. There's Jet, looking for us to call us to dinner. It's funny, he acts like a parent sometimes, but others he's a great friend, then he's competition. I wonder why he always wears those sunglasses when he cooks.
"Hey Spike, where's Faye?" He knows I've been going through this slow and it's been tough, but he's been easy on me.
"I don't know, I think she's somewhere in the ship dock with her radio. I think she's washing Redwing."
"Can you tell her dinner's ready?" I nod and watch as he goes back into our small kitchen. After what happened with the rock lobster, I'll never trust myself with cooking again. So I get up off the couch and head towards the source of the music. Another thing that's kind of funny... ever since that day... when I lost her...
I remember telling Faye about one of my eyes not being real. It was pretty nice being that close to her again. I thought I could get by with one little thing before going off to live with Julia until the end of my days. But that didn't happen... I trudge down the hallways, an unlit cigarette hanging from my mouth as I reach the ship dock and open the door. Her obnoxious music greets me at full volume.
"Faye... FAYE!" She can't hear me, so I throw something in her general direction and finally catch her attention. She looks up at me and turns down her music. Faye's also been a lot easier on me since I got back. She seemed really happy that I was okay too, which is pretty weird in itself.
"What's up Spike, need anything?" She gives me a funny look and I can' help but laugh at her little comment. I shake my head no and tell her dinner's ready, she gets up and follows me out of the room. As we are nearing the living room, I feel her slip both arms around my waist.
"Erm... Faye?" She doesn't answer right away; she simply lays her forehead against my back.
"Spike... you need to move on... I know it's painful for you to lose her, but it was a month ago. She isn't coming back, and you need to just move on." Then she left, she simply let me go and walked on ahead towards Jet's bell peppers and beef. Except this time, he actually bought beef. So here we all are, sitting around the coffee table eating in silence, not a good silence either. It's quiet here without Ed. We all miss her and Ein. They were pretty much the glue that held this ship and these people together. I keep glancing at Faye and Jet and I know they are doing the same thing. Finally the silence gets too unbearable and Jet slams his chopsticks down on the table.
"Dammit Spike, I know this may seem harsh but Faye is right. We hardy pull in any more bounties because you sit here moping about Julia. She's dead Spike, dead and gone and she isn't coming back, so get your act together or get out!" It shocked me, his words. I had never heard him be so harsh and it hurt. I just watched in silence as he finished his food and stormed out, saying he was going to try to get a new bounty head, as long as no one else was going to bother to get money.
I looked up at Faye, who seemed just as shocked as I was about Jet's uncharacteristic severe outburst. She looked so sweet sitting there, trying to figure out what she should do or say. It was then that I just couldn't take it anymore, all the tears, all the emotions I have been holding back since that day came flooding through my eyes. Almost automatically she stood and come over to me. Placing her arms around me and my head on her shoulder, she allowed me to cry out my pain and my sorrow at losing the one I loved the most. This was strange for Faye, I had always though she hadn't me, but here I am, crying my eyes out over Julia... Why is it that I can't forget her? I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to simply get over it.
As I cry harder for my losses and everything that's happened in my life, Faye tightens her gripe around me. I'm glad she's here for me this time. I'm glad she's here to hold me when I cry. She's what I need right now, and that's someone who understands being alone and not having someone to call your own or losing that someone. Thank you Faye...
So what do you think of the first chapter? I hope you like it, but please review. Flames are also welcomed because I find them amusing. I'll update once I get at least 3 reviews or more. Thanks! ~Aurora
So here I lay, staring up at the ceiling fan. Bored as ever trying to sleep over the noise of Faye singing and Jet cooking. That's when I had thought of her... of Julia. It's funny how five little letters can cause so much emotion inside of me. I regret watching her fall, and yet I'm glad I was there to hold her when she left this world. But WHY though?! I get up and slam my fist into the table beside me as furious tears gather in my eyes. I'm glad there's no one here to see me cry. I let the tears flow, hoping they will wash away the pain of losing her. "Why dammit why!?" I shout to the ceiling as I collapse back onto the couch. Why did she have to leave? Why couldn't I have gone with her? It isn't fair that I survived when she didn't. I loved her more than anything... more than life itself. I'd die for her and technically I did, twice in fact.
Once all those years ago, and another time just one month ago. One month ago I had left the BeBop and my friends. It's funny that I consider someone like Faye my friend and I actually miss Ed and Ein. When I had left, I had planned to never see any of them again. I planned to finish my battle with Vicious then and there and I didn't care if I came out alive. I met up with Julia in our place and just as we planned, we were going to get out. But first we needed to finish off Vicious...
Well, that part I had gotten done, but now, as I look back on that night, it crushes me to think that I had actually lived through it. I was supposed to die dammit! I was supposed to die and live on with Julia in our next life. But that didn't work out... I hear a noise in the hall and look up. There's Jet, looking for us to call us to dinner. It's funny, he acts like a parent sometimes, but others he's a great friend, then he's competition. I wonder why he always wears those sunglasses when he cooks.
"Hey Spike, where's Faye?" He knows I've been going through this slow and it's been tough, but he's been easy on me.
"I don't know, I think she's somewhere in the ship dock with her radio. I think she's washing Redwing."
"Can you tell her dinner's ready?" I nod and watch as he goes back into our small kitchen. After what happened with the rock lobster, I'll never trust myself with cooking again. So I get up off the couch and head towards the source of the music. Another thing that's kind of funny... ever since that day... when I lost her...
I remember telling Faye about one of my eyes not being real. It was pretty nice being that close to her again. I thought I could get by with one little thing before going off to live with Julia until the end of my days. But that didn't happen... I trudge down the hallways, an unlit cigarette hanging from my mouth as I reach the ship dock and open the door. Her obnoxious music greets me at full volume.
"Faye... FAYE!" She can't hear me, so I throw something in her general direction and finally catch her attention. She looks up at me and turns down her music. Faye's also been a lot easier on me since I got back. She seemed really happy that I was okay too, which is pretty weird in itself.
"What's up Spike, need anything?" She gives me a funny look and I can' help but laugh at her little comment. I shake my head no and tell her dinner's ready, she gets up and follows me out of the room. As we are nearing the living room, I feel her slip both arms around my waist.
"Erm... Faye?" She doesn't answer right away; she simply lays her forehead against my back.
"Spike... you need to move on... I know it's painful for you to lose her, but it was a month ago. She isn't coming back, and you need to just move on." Then she left, she simply let me go and walked on ahead towards Jet's bell peppers and beef. Except this time, he actually bought beef. So here we all are, sitting around the coffee table eating in silence, not a good silence either. It's quiet here without Ed. We all miss her and Ein. They were pretty much the glue that held this ship and these people together. I keep glancing at Faye and Jet and I know they are doing the same thing. Finally the silence gets too unbearable and Jet slams his chopsticks down on the table.
"Dammit Spike, I know this may seem harsh but Faye is right. We hardy pull in any more bounties because you sit here moping about Julia. She's dead Spike, dead and gone and she isn't coming back, so get your act together or get out!" It shocked me, his words. I had never heard him be so harsh and it hurt. I just watched in silence as he finished his food and stormed out, saying he was going to try to get a new bounty head, as long as no one else was going to bother to get money.
I looked up at Faye, who seemed just as shocked as I was about Jet's uncharacteristic severe outburst. She looked so sweet sitting there, trying to figure out what she should do or say. It was then that I just couldn't take it anymore, all the tears, all the emotions I have been holding back since that day came flooding through my eyes. Almost automatically she stood and come over to me. Placing her arms around me and my head on her shoulder, she allowed me to cry out my pain and my sorrow at losing the one I loved the most. This was strange for Faye, I had always though she hadn't me, but here I am, crying my eyes out over Julia... Why is it that I can't forget her? I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to simply get over it.
As I cry harder for my losses and everything that's happened in my life, Faye tightens her gripe around me. I'm glad she's here for me this time. I'm glad she's here to hold me when I cry. She's what I need right now, and that's someone who understands being alone and not having someone to call your own or losing that someone. Thank you Faye...
So what do you think of the first chapter? I hope you like it, but please review. Flames are also welcomed because I find them amusing. I'll update once I get at least 3 reviews or more. Thanks! ~Aurora