Slowly I lift the sponge and let the water spill down over my body, feeling gradually more at peace with myself.
I believe my cleansing ritual stems from when I first became a Companion. We were always taught that we must mentally distance ourselves from our Clients. For the time we are engaged, then we can connect, but once the liaison is over with, then we must break off any attachment we feel to that person. Back in Madrassa House, I used to take a long hot shower. It served a dual purpose. Firstly it allowed me to refresh myself physically, but secondly, feeling the hot water running down my body somehow allowed me to re-focus on being myself, and not what my Client wanted me to be.
Of course, I realised when I started renting the shuttle on Serenity that I would not be able to continue my ritual in its usual form. As, of course, there are no showers on a ship.
I had to go back to more primitive methods of washing. But something about rubbing myself all over with a wet cloth just didn't seem right. It wasn't until we were browsing planetside, I forget now what planet we were on, and I saw the bowl and the sponge in a shop that the idea came to me.
I wasn't sure that my idea would work, but that evening I returned to the ship with my new purchases, intent on trying them out.
The water was cool, there was no way to heat it up. But the feeling of each drop making it's way to the ground over my flesh was unlike anything I'd ever experienced before. Even the shower I used to take never gave me this sensation.
When I looked back on what I had felt, I realised that the hot water of the shower allowed me to focus on myself simply because the sheer heat of the water drove all other thoughts than those about myself from my mind. Almost as if I were punishing myself for doing something wrong, making myself think about my transgressions. But the cool water I have to use on Serenity. Well, it's a much more tranquil feeling. Sometimes I close my eyes and can almost believe that I'm somewhere else, somewhere the world can't affect me. Somewhere I can be myself.