Salekh Fan Fic- Sadhna POV: Basically, Alekh is very busy at work..plus after chasing her around like a cat chases a mouse ever since their reunion and suhaag raat…Alekh wants to see Sadhna's reaction when he dodges some of her attempts to get intimate. However, Sadhna mistakes this as being a sign that Alekh is changing, perhaps having an affair (I know…don't worry guys she only has this thought for a few days), or that since she got burns on her back post foursome house fire, Alekh doesn't want to be close to her anymore. Sadhna is basically VERY hurt…so read on and find out what happens.
Something new: I'm gonna suggest a couple of songs for each fanfic I do now...maybe you guys could listen to them while you read!
Ok well for Part 1 of this fic- I think "Aa Paas Aa" from the movie "Ankahee" is a good one for Sadhna. It's sung by Shreya Ghoshal, whom I ADORE. Basically, I LOVE Shreya. "Saha na jai dooriyon ka gham...tujhe hai kasam..."
So anyway, here goes! REVIEW PLEASE!
"Wake up Alekh ji, you're going to be so late for work! Ranvir Ji is already finished with breakfast, Mummiji is worried you're not feeling well". He covered his head with his pillow and turned his back to me, and pulled the blanket over him. I heard him mumble something. "What was that, meri jaan?", I asked. "I'm FINE!", he moaned. Right that second he shot right up and went straight to the bathroom. I heard the shower go on. He came out half dressed, with water still sticking to his chest and hair. I didn't admire the sight for long, when my eyes landed on his face. "Alekh ji, please talk to me. What's wrong?", I asked. My husband looked completely spent. He looked so tired. I'd never seen him look so tired in my life. It sucked all the life out of me. Basically anytime I sensed anything was wrong with him, my body reacted violently. I just couldn't handle seeing him this way. It had been going on for a few days now. He was now in front of the mirror, trying to do something about his wet hair. I went over to him with a towel and hastily began to dry it. Then I grabbed the brush and combed his hair. After I was done, I looked into his beautiful eyes and he finally looked back at me. "Now tell me what's wrong, you know I can't bear to look at you like that", I told him, while I held his hand. "It's nothing Sadhna…I'm just a little snappy from lack of sleep. You know we've been putting extra time in at the office. I've been taking over some of Ranvir's work. He's my little brother. He's done enough for me in life. It's time to shoulder some of his burden. Plus, things were really out of order after Ranvir and I left the company. Naveen left a lot behind too", he said. He sighed and began walking out the room, when I held him back by grabbing on to his thumb.
"Alekh ji…", I smiled and looked down. I didn't know where to begin. After our suhaag raat, we hadn't had any private time together. Really it was the first time and then that's it. After that I was in the hospital, and when we came back to our home, Alekh ji became extremely busy with work. I didn't know how to phrase my desires, but I wanted us to actually have a 2nd night together. The first one will be something I'll never forget, but I was starting to hope every day that the 2nd one would come that night.
As I pondered what to say next, Alekh ji bent down and looked into my eyes, taking my breath away as always. Really, my reactions to him now were totally out of my control. How many simultaneous physical reactions could one person handle? He was looking at me as if he was trying to figure something out, then he smiled for a second, as if he was having a conversation with himself. I thought this meant that it was ok for me to have a word with him. I finally opened my mouth to say that I missed him, but he kissed my hand first, very sweetly, and said, "I have to go now Sadhna, I love you". I was a bit shocked at his sudden reaction and departure from the room; I looked as he walked out of the room. I went out and he wasn't there. He didn't even eat breakfast. He and Ranvir Ji went to work together now. They would leave in separate cars, since Alekh ji always made sure Ranvir Ji went home first, but drive to work together.
Our 2nd night could wait. I wanted him to catch up on his sleep. I would make sure when he came home tonight, I'd serve him dinner and rush him to bed, no more TV for you, my love. My own dreams could wait too. My husband's health, well being, and happiness were the most important thing in the world to me. I couldn't stand to see him this way. He was working too hard. I couldn't dissuade him from what he wanted to accomplish at work. Alekh ji was a force to be reckoned with when it came to work affairs, but I would make sure to take extra care of him at home.
So there I was, alone yet again. It had become a routine for me. I would go to Jiji's room. She'd tidy up her room and I would sit on the bed and watch. Then I'd go back and fix up my own room. Then both of us would go to the kitchen and begin cooking. Mummiji would spend half the day with us, a quarter of it outside dealing with any people that were related to the family business, and once she was back, the remainder of her time would be with Papaji and her sons. Mummiji was completely different now. She adored us both. She was a mother and a friend to us now. She would help out with the cooking. She would sit and joke around with us. Sometimes she even gave us fashion advice. She always paid particular attention to me and what I was up to.
I was absolutely happy. My family life was perfect. I thanked God every day. What more could I want? My sister and I were going to be together for the rest of our lives. My in-laws were adoring and caring, my devar was like a guardian angel, constantly brightening my day with the way he cared for my sister, and how much he cared for my Alekh ji. And of course, there was Alekh ji.
My husband was my very world. He was my world since the day we got married, but somehow my love for him, as impossible at it seemed to me, was growing. The past few weeks, I spent most of my days daydreaming about him. I would imagine him in front of me while I cooked, cleaned, ate, and slept. One day I was cutting fruits for a fruit salad. Mummiji and Jiji were sitting on the kitchen table in front of me, talking animatedly about something. I got lost in my world again. By my world of course, I mean my Alekh ji.
My thoughts went to the most magical night of my life; Our first night. Our suhaag raat was the most amazing night of my life. I was in awe of what was happening between us that night, while it was happening. It felt like even more of a dream whenever I thought of it afterwards. But it wasn't a dream. The way he touched me was real. The way our breathing was totally in sync with one another was real. The way he'd been so close to me, that I'd heard his heart beat was real too. The way I'd touched him was real too. Every single moment when we had become one was real! The silence, coupled by the sounds of breathing from him and me, it was all a reality. I closed my eyes and saw his face in front of me…the way he'd kissed my forehead, my cheeks, my eyes, my lips, my neck, my shoulders, my arms, my hands, my stomach….I could still feel his lips on every single spot they'd been. My heart began beating fast as I thought of that night again.
I wanted to feel that way again. I wanted him to touch me that way and look at me that way. I wanted to be close to him again. I knew the 2nd time would be easier for both of us, physically. We were both equally nervous that first night. I know my Alekh ji, he tried to hide his nerves but we were both very transparent to each other. He was a bit scared too. He made every single move carefully.
He had made that night all about me. I wanted to make our 2nd night about him. My mind was filled with images from that night. I just needed it to happen again. I wouldn't try tonight, but perhaps this weekend. Yes, that was appropriate. Alekh ji and I had no plans this weekend. Maybe after he got some sleep, it would be ok if I tried. But trying; now that was the hard part. Sadhna Rajvansh was still the shyest girl on the planet. What should I do to show him what I wanted? Should I dress up any different?
"Sadhna, what are you thinking?", Jiji suddenly asked. "You're so lost. You look like you're somewhere else…are you thinking of Jija ji? Huh? I know that face my Sadhna. You thinking of Jija Ji! I know it!". She nudged me in my arm and smiled at me. I blushed and looked down.
"Stop it Jiji. I was not thinking of Alekh Ji".
"Oh Sadhna, please…I know you…and I know that look too…now tell me, what were you thinking about him?". Jiji had a smile on her face as she asked this.
"Jiji! Stop it! Mummiji is right here". I looked at the table and Mummiji was busy reading a book. She hadn't noticed us. Thank God! How embarrassing for me to be caught at a moment like this.
"Sadhna…I know Jija Ji is very busy these days. Ranvir tries reasoning with him but he has put his foot down completely. I know that's hard for you. He isn't getting much sleep and he comes home late every night. I know you miss him." Jiji was serious now. She had a concerned look on her face.
Mummiji looked up from her book. "Yes Sadhna, Alekh looked so tired this morning. He didn't have breakfast either. Make sure this doesn't happen again", she said sternly. But then she smiled at me. "I know you miss him too".
Oh my God. I was so easy to read.
"Sadhna, wear that purple sari tonight, the silk one. Please! I see Jija Ji's reaction when you wear that, trust me it never fails!", she wiggled her eyebrows and said.
I was turning red as a cherry. Seriously could everyone read my thoughts? I playfully pushed Jiji and finished clearing the kitchen. Lunch was ready and dinner was already half prepared. I went into my room and lay down for a while. I had a habit now. Alekh ji slept on the left side of the bed, and I slept on the right. But in the afternoon while he'd be at work, sometimes I would take a short nap, and I'd always sleep on his side when I did that. But right now, lying on his side, on his pillow, all I could think of was him. I began to miss him. My desire for our physical closeness was becoming quiet a distraction. Really Sadhna, what's the matter with you? He's busy. You can wait! You waited more than two years for one night; you can wait a few more days. I sighed. But, should I try? Maybe if he was a bit less exhausted tonight, I would try. I guess I could wear that purple sari Jiji thinks Alekh Ji loves. How come I didn't notice his reaction to it? Wait, what was his reaction to it? Last time I wore it was the night we went out for dinner with Jiji and Ranvir Ji. I know Alekh Ji was very happy I wore it, because it was his birthday gift for me. Other than that, I don't remember anything different about his behavior. My gosh! I don't know men at all do I? Perhaps Jiji was right. I'd wear the sari tonight and see what happens.
It was definitely one of my favorites. It was very dark purple silk. The blouse was short sleeved with very intricate designs around the sleeves. The back was quiet revealing. The sari itself had silver designs on it. I walked over to the closet and took it out. The rest of my day was spent waiting for him to come home. I put the sari on at 8 and Jiji noticed, of course. She just laughed at me this time. I blushed uncontrollably. Ugh! How embarrassing. I was so desperate wasn't I? Instead of his usual 10pm entry, he came home that night at 9. He looked preoccupied but not as tired. When his eyes landed on me, I swear he looked at my body first, but I wasn't sure because he looked away pretty quickly, in the strangest manner, and went straight to the bedroom to change. My stomach was already doing flips. It was completely insane. I didn't expect such behavior out of myself. When we sat down at the dinner table, I served him and he smiled at me lightly. Was something bothering him? What was going on? His reactions seemed so controlled. This wasn't the usual behavior for him, especially around dinner time.
Jiji kept giving me mischievous looks during dinner. I tried my best to look angry but I couldn't keep that charade up with my beautiful sister for long. She only wanted my happiness. Of course the object of my happiness spent an awful amount of time looking at his plate, as if he was searching for something in there. Once he finished dinner he glanced at me casually and said, "Sadhna I'll be in the room. I want to lay down a while."
Ok. What was I going to do now? He went ahead and I stayed and cleared the table with Jiji. Mummiji had a few words with me and Jiji about an upcoming party, and then she and Papaji called it a night. Jiji was standing near the dinner table while I was wiping dishes. She walked up to me and whispered, "I think someone is waiting for you, Sadhna". I thought my cheeks would start gushing blood any minute because there was no way I could blush more than this. I rolled my eyes at Jiji and smiled. She hugged me lightly and said goodnight and went to her room.
I went up to my room, and slowly opened the door. Alekh Ji was sitting on the bed with paperwork sprawled all around him. Oh no, this was going to be extremely hard wasn't it? Ok Sadhna, do something! I pulled a chair and sat in front of him. He looked up for a second and smiled. Then he looked back down. Finally I spoke.
"Alekh Ji, why don't you take care of this over the weekend?".
"It's ok Sadhna, I just have to review a few deals, I'll be done soon."
Ok good! He was going to be done. But I still felt uneasy about his reactions. Why wasn't he even looking at me? Why was I being so self conscious anyway? What could I do to have another night like our suhaag raat with him? And another question which kept nagging me, did he want to…to have that with me again?
Maybe he was tired. Or, no Sadhna, don't think this. It goes against your nature, and most of all, Alekh Ji would never think this way. He loves you. As much as I knew and believed all this, the devil kept nagging me with one thought; the burn marks on my back were keeping him away. He had initially kept away from me to make sure he didn't hurt me, since the burns were so painful. But I thought we'd already discussed this. He'd seen my body already, even with the burn marks. He seemed to think nothing of it. STOP IT SADHNA! It's not the burn marks. Besides, they are already healing. The marks were now just that, marks. They weren't hideous anymore. The skin over them was beginning to smooth and flatten out too. Besides, none of this even mattered to me. But was he just being nice to me? Did it matter to HIM?
I started feeling really anxious so I got up and decided to change into something more comfortable for the night. I wasn't going to get what I wanted tonight. I went over to my dresser and saw that my eyes were red. I must have been getting really emotional back there. I sighed. Please Sadhna, these thought will eat you up. You have never cared about your looks before and Alekh Ji already assured you that the burns don't matter. But, then why didn't he want me? Why wasn't he even touching me? Why were his reactions odd and unlike him? I sat down in front of my dresser and began to take my jewelry off. Why couldn't he look at me that way again? The way he looked at me for the past few months. It was a look of love and desire in his eyes. It was look which let me know that he saw me, and only me. As I was removing my necklace, I turned around for a second and saw that his eyes were on me, but then he quickly looked down again. Hurt began to build in the pit of my stomach. I couldn't handle these emotions anymore. Everything I was feeling was unlike me! This was making me feel all the more worst.
I went into the bathroom without looking at him again. I closed the door and undressed and took a shower. While showering, I examined the marks on my body. The ones on my back were only visible if someone held a mirror behind me. I had Jiji do it for me and I knew there was one big one, but the rest had already faded. Then there was one on the left side of my waist. That one was now light brown. The skin there was beginning to smooth over. The mark, at least to me, wasn't so hideous anymore.
I came out of the shower and dressed in a simple kurta for the night. It was something Jiji begged me to buy. I got one in white and one is black. The first time I wore it, Alekh Ji couldn't take his eyes off me. It was V-neck, and my legs were also completely bare underneath it. It had two slits on the sides. Tonight I just wore it because it was comfortable. I didn't wear to get a reaction out of him. Besides, I hated how much skin it showed. I hated that my legs were completely bare. Sigh.
I had to sleep this hurt off. Maybe I was misunderstanding Alekh Ji. Maybe I was just overreacting. I dried my hair without looking at him. I know he noticed I was quiet. I hoped the hurt wasn't so visible on my face. I walked over to our bed and he was putting away all his paperwork into files. I lay down and turned away from him. I couldn't show him my face right now. I knew for sure that I still felt hurt, and it would show on my face. I was just being so immature. That part was killing me too. Why was I all of a sudden so desperate for his attention? Ugh, Sadhna.
I felt him lay down on the bed beside me. He turned in my direction and put his hand on my shoulder. "Goodnight Sadhna", he said. "Goodnight…"
I fell asleep immediately. In the morning I woke up feeling miserable. I had a headache. My body felt tired. Alekh Ji woke up before me and was already out of the shower when I awoke. I went in and tried freshening up, but I still didn't feel refreshed. I came out and he was already dressed. I went up to him and lightly touched his hand. "Good morning Alekh Ji, did you sleep well?", I asked.
"Yes Sadhna, I actually slept great. Did you sleep well?", he asked. "I did…". He turned around and looked at me. "You look tired Sadhna, and depressed. Yes, you look very depressed. What's wrong?" he asked with a very concerned look on his face. To my own shock, my eyes began welling up with tears at this question. I turned around and went over to the bed pretending to fix it. "I'm ok Alekh Ji." He didn't reply. But his eyes lingered on me for a minute. I looked at him and he met my eyes with, what seemed to be a bit of guilt. I smiled at him reassuringly. "It's ok, hurry up. You're going to be late".
The following 10 days, things began taking an even stranger turn. Alekh Ji began sleeping before me every night. He also came home from work even later than normal. At dinner he would barely look at me. His interactions with me included only his 2 minute call everyday when he reached work, greetings upon coming home, in the morning, and before going to sleep. He touched me less and less. He hadn't kissed me or even held my hand in days.
I was feeling completely broken up. Jiji was noticing my pain and she tried getting the whole story out of me, but I refused to burden her with it.
The worst part of all this was me and my own thoughts. Number one, I still couldn't get rid of the desire to get close to him every night. In fact now it was even more severe. I hoped every night he would approach me, but it didn't happen. Occasionally while in bed, I would feel his eyes on me. But that was it. Was he hiding something? That's where my second fear came in.