Disclaimer: I don't own ER or any of the characters…though I wish I did! J

Also i would like to thank carbylobsterandavrilfan for my one whole review about my poem "How do I Move On". I promise these next chapters will be better. They will actually have some carby action not just Abby's thoughts. And they will be much longer than the first chapter!

Rating: PG-13 to be on the safe side (mild cussing or well maybe more lol)

Spoilers: probably the first half of season 10 except there is no Kem and Carter came back shortly after the letter.

Summary: This is gonna be in Abby's pov and some of Carters also. Carter and Abby are friends and Abby wants a second chance but isn't sure if Carter wants the same.

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I turned over at the loud beeping sound of her alarm clock. "Uggg." I mumbled in a sleepy voice. I got up and found my way to the bathroom and took a hot shower. About thirty minutes later I was standing in front of the hospital ready to face yet another long day as a med student.

"hey" he said.

God I just loved the sound of his voice. "hey John, how are you?" I said trying to make the moment a little less awkward. He smiled. Man I loved that smile. And his eyes were so focused on me, I almost got lost in them.

"I'm fine." he said in his deep voice.

"That's good. Sooo…ummm do you want to have dinner later? I mean I kinda need to talk to you." which was true I really did. I was going to attempt to see where *we* are. But I might have to save that for later.

"Abby…Earth too Abby." he said

"Oh, sorry I just kind of spaced there for a minute."

"So I noticed. Anyways yeah I loved to have dinner."

"Great!" that was it. Somehow we had managed to walk all the way into the lounge and then to the nurses station. I picked up a chart and went on about my day.

I love watching him walk. He is so beautiful. I love him but he doesn't know it. Or maybe he does. I don't' know, I don't know much of anything anymore. The only thing I know for sure is that I love him. Man could this day go any slower. It's probably just the anticipation I have for talking to him.

"Abby…ABBY!" Susan is yelling. "Quite staring at Carter's ass and get yours in trauma 2! We need you!"

"I wasn't staring at his ass I was just thinking and his *ass* just happened to be there." okay so I was staring at his ass but that's beside the point. I was thinking to. Thinking if he loved me or not.

"Abby, you and I both know you were staring at his butt now would you please come on." Susan is saying in this half giggly and half exasperated voice.

"Okay, I'm coming!"

Okay time for lunch and he is right on time as always. I don't know if I can do this right now but I already made a choice to so I am going to do it.

"You ready?" he asks.

"Yep."

"So what is it that you wanted to talk to me about?"

Okay here we go. Everything I have been feeling all this time suddenly comes back. The love, the hate, the frustration, and the exhaustion. It all comes flooding back. I hated him for that letter. I was frustrated when he wouldn't tell me what was wrong and when he ran off to Africa. I was exhausted after trying to work things out before Africa. And before all that I loved him for him and I still do. The love is one thing that hasn't changed. The frustration is back to, as I am trying to tell him the way I feel. Its so hard to do it. Maybe this isn't the right place or the right time but my heart is telling me it is. It is as right as day and night, as right as the sun and moon. Its all just there. That's when I decide to tell him everything.

"I wanted to talk to you about us." There it is. It's out. The look on his face tells me he wants to talk about us too. He just looks surprised I guess. Maybe he is feeling the same feelings I am right now.

"That's good because I wanted to talk about us also." he said in a hushed tone. Almost a whisper but not quite.

"Really?" I sound surprised but I'm not. I could see in his face earlier this morning that he wanted to talk also. Now it's out there and there is no turning back. We can't just stop and pretended this conversation didn't happen. Okay maybe we can but it wouldn't benefit either of us. It would just ruin us completely and I don't think either of us could stand loosing one another. Well I couldn't stand loosing him. I just hope he feels the same way about me.

"Yeah. I mean, I think I know how you feel about me but I don't know if its right. At least not yet. I don't think I am ready yet."

"What do you mean your not ready?" I was getting mad but I'm not showing it. I don't want him to think I am mad. I don't want to make it worse than it already is.

"I'm not ready for an us. Maybe in few months but not yet." Damit! I wish I could just tell her I loved her. But here is not the time nor the place. And We need a while yet. If we jumped back in right now it just wouldn't work out. I couldn't stand to be without her so for right now being friends with the possibility of something more later is best. But I wish I could tell her I love her.

"Okay. I don't really understand but okay." Somehow though, in his eyes, I can tell this is hurting him as much as it is me right now. I can't bring myself to tell him now, not after that bombshell. His eyes are saying everything that he isn't right now. I don't think he knows this but I see it. I always have. He loves me. His eyes are so deep and meaningful all the time and this time they are saying I love you. I feel a little better knowing he loves me, even if he doesn't tell me.

"look Abby, I have to get back to work. When are you off?" I know she knows. She can see it in my eyes. She is the only one who has been able to look in my eyes and know exactly what i am thinking or feeling at that one moment. She knows I love her. I feel a little more at peace knowing she can read me like this but I can also read her eyes. Hers are saying the same thing as mine. She loves me.

"Umm…I have to work a double so not till morning. Maybe we can get together tomorrow night after I have had some sleep if that's okay with you?" I hope he says yes. We need as much time as we can get together right now if there is ever a chance for us.

"Sure. Is your place okay or would you rather mine?" Her place. I just seem to feel more comfortable there since my place is the mansion. But whatever she decides is fine with me.

"Mine. I am guessing all you have is your mansion right?" I sort of answer that myself in my head and of course I continue. "Yeah my place. I will see you tomorrow night then."

I walk the opposite direction as he heads toward his mansion and I head back to the hospital. This is gonna be long night.

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I hope you enjoyed that chapter. Please review and no flames since this is only my 1st story. I do have a sort of poem that I posted before this but this is 1st real story.

Thanks for reading. More to come when I get a chance which might not be too soon with school and everything. But I will do my best.