Pairing: slight Ryan/Summer, very slight Ryan/Marissa, and very slight Seth/Summer
Summary: Maybe he didn't realise that not everything she did had ulterior motives. Maybe he just didn't know her at all.
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He'd rejected her at that party, and there was no sidestepping that, or glossing over it. He'd pushed her arms off him like she was something gross with tentacles. Like an octopus. So what if he did it for noble reasons. It still happened, and he still didn't want her. Maybe she didn't really want him for the right reasons at the time, but it was her first rejection. And it burned. Maybe it was nothing to do with her at all, and maybe her humiliation had nothing to do with him at all either. Maybe the circumstances were just all wrong, and he hadn't really wanted to reject her. Maybe she'd never know.
She remembered the day when she'd found out about the 'group hang.' She'd smiled softly, but brightly and said, "Hey Ryan." So maybe it hurt that he just said an obligatory 'hey.' Maybe he thought she was just being friendly to draw a contrast between that and the way she had coolly greeted Seth. And maybe it stung even more when his face broke out into a lazy grin when Marissa walked up and joined the group. Maybe he didn't realise that not everything she did had ulterior motives. Maybe he just didn't know her at all.
"Marissa Cooper, are you doing coke?"
"What, no, no we're –""We're helping Trey."
"Helping him what, score?"
"Stay out of prison, I'm gonna do a lap."
His response dripped with impatience and annoyance. It was like she was just too shallow and immature to understand. She stared down, dejected, and maybe when she was picking the petals off that flower, she wasn't just thinking about Seth. Maybe she was thinking about Ryan too, and the fact that he just simply didn't like her.
Maybe she should just give up on the idea of being Ryan's friend. He was just one of those people who she really liked but couldn't talk to. It was hard though, especially when she thought about how much they had in common. Both had to protect Marissa. Both had been abandoned by their mothers, their family. Both were close to Seth. Sometimes she'd think and it just wouldn't make sense, and angry tears would burn in her eyes. That just made her all the more confused, because she didn't know why she cared so much. It was like she was desperately seeking his approval. She just wanted him to like her, and she didn't understand how he could make her feel so small without even trying.
Everyday she'd try, and everyday she'd fail. She never got any closer to being his friend, and maybe that would never change. Maybe Ryan was too good a person. Too good to be friends with someone like Summer. Maybe Summer was just paranoid. She told herself that it didn't matter what he thought, because she had Marissa, and she had Seth, and Zach, and numerous other friends who thought that she was a good person, a fun person, a person worthy of their friendship. It still hurt though, and everyday something would happen to remind her that they weren't friends and that stung. The rejection still burned, and always would, because he was the first. Maybe one day she'd ask Seth why Ryan didn't like her. Maybe she'd ask Marissa. Maybe one day, she'd get so drunk that she'd ask Ryan why he didn't like her. Although maybe, she mused, maybe she'd never know.