Disclaimer: Super Smash Bros. and Bayonetta belong to Nintendo / Platinum Games respectively. GrimGrave owns nothing.
Commission by Dark Lord Link!
Kiss
Link let out a weary sigh as he ascended the stairs to the second floor. On that floor were the dorms for the participants of the Super Smash Bros. Tournament and, as he dragged his tired feet as quickly as he could, desperate as to not inhale the stench that hovered around him, the Hylian kept sighing in sheer frustration.
While victory in the recent battle had been his, having to endure being burnt by Bowser's Fire Breath, tripping on banana peels, getting hit by cans of dog-food, and being trapped in the wet, claustrophobically-small confines of Kirby's maw made the victory bittersweet at best.
And the smell.
Oh Goddesses, the smell! Had Kirby no knowledge about dental hygiene?!
…
Did the pink blob even have teeth?!
Link needed a new, fresh outfit, and quick – not to mention a shower, too.
Ignoring the odd looks he was receiving from fellow fighters, Link made his way to his room and stepped inside—
"…"
"…"
"…"
"Oh my. I didn't think you'd be back so soon."
"…"
What.
Standing at the far end of the room was the Umbra Witch, the temptress of a woman, the envy of women and igniter of lust in men, Bayonetta.
Bayonetta, wearing the Hero's Tunic, complete with the green cap and boots.
His spare clothes.
His only set of spare clothes.
Why was she here? How had she got in? Why was she wearing his clothes? How did they even fit her svelte, voluptuous form? Why did he feel the need to add those adjectives to describe her? Link's mind reeled as he struggled to make sense of the situation.
Ever a man of few words, Link stood there, brow furrowed with a dead-panned expression as he uttered, "What, why and how."
The Umbra Witch looked at him without a care, as if he was the one in the wrong, and calmly replied; "I lost my exclusive outfit that was based on yours, so I came here to find a replacement." She glanced down at her form, giving the tunic a slight tug. "Not the most comfortable fit – or at least not as comfortable as the outfit I lost –, but they'll do just nicely." She paused for a second. "As for the ´how´, a mere wooden door is not enough to keep me out. Or a window for that matter."
Patience is a virtue, one that Link no longer possessed as he groaned out loud, jerking his thumb over his shoulder. "Out. And leave the clothes."
Far too late did he realize his mistake; it was a well-known fact that the Witch loved to tease people, getting the final say and getting under people's skin.
"Oh my." The way the Witch spoke sent burning heat across the Hylian's face. "You're such a naughty boy, demanding a lady undresses for his oh-so-hungry eyes, and then force her to leave." She winked at the boy, pouting her lips. "Really, have you no shame, boy? Then again, I like a brash man."
"…"
"Are you going to wear these, too? Is it your goal to have my scent all over your body, my warmth engulfing you?"
"…"
Unbelievable.
"Besides, these kinds of clothes suit me well." Bayonetta smirked as she puffed out her chest and extended a leg to show off the clothes (and her figure.) "They'd look alright on most people, I wager. Perhaps that slip-of-a-girl…what was her name again? The bounty hunter, either way." She paused again, mind seemingly at work as she clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth, her gaze drifting to nowhere in particular. "These clothes are very unisex-esque, now that I think about it."
Muscles tensed as Link went rigid, scowling at the woman before him. People had told him to simply ignore Bayonetta when she was like this, but it was far easier said than done. The only thing you could do was to not get involved with her in the first place.
Then again, who'd expect her to be in your room?
"Only thing lacking is proper pants to go with the tunic…Makes you wonder if these were actually designed for women." She peered back at the Hylian, a slight smile curving her lips as she noticed him scowling. "You may come clean to me. I won't judge."
Cheeks hot with shame, Link sputtered; "T-They are not women's garments!"
Honestly, what was wrong with this woman?! So much for not fuelling her teasing.
"Are you sure? Because I honestly think these looks way better on me than on you." She contemplated. "So you aren't a crossdresser then? Like I said, I won't judge."
"I am NOT!"
"Truly? You're a man wearing tights instead of pants, then? Oh! You're a flat-chested woman, is that it?"
"Yes, no, and NO!"
This was absurd! She had to be messing with him, right? There was no way Bayonetta could be serious about this…Well, of course she was messing with him! Or was she actually serious?
"I'm sure these would fit that so-called princess quite well," Bayonetta continued, ignoring the poor Hylian. "Yes. Definitely unisex. That Goddess and Angel duo might be able to pull this off, too."
Then again, it would seem that she was, in fact, serious. OR she really wanted to get under his skin.
She was doing a great job to achieve that either way.
Link groaned and turned on his heel. There was no point lingering here; let the Umbra Witch keep the damn clothes, there were other, less effective alternatives.
"Where are you going now, boy?" she asked. Why did she care? It was better to leave the Umbra Witch to her own devises and solve this situation differently.
"Laundromat," he answered without looking back. "Cleaning my clothes."
At least this couldn't get any worse.
…Right?
x.x.x
"…"
"…"
Link sighed, breaking the awkward silence. "Why are you here?"
"I was bored, and you prove to be effective entertainment."
Of course. Silly of him to ask.
Were the Goddesses being cruel to him? Had he wronged them somehow? There had to be some kind of explanation to this, it just had to!
Otherwise Link, Hyrule's Chosen Hero, wouldn't be in this situation right now!
He sighed, opting not to comment, and stared at the machine in front of him.
The laundromat – a building with advanced technology Link hadn't seen anywhere in his adventures – was cold. The floor was a chilly nightmare on his feet and he rubbed his arms, the friction creating little heat that in the long run did nothing to raise his body temperature.
The nifty machines were easy to use, he had been taught; simply throw your dirty clothes inside the cube-shaped machine (NO metal object or other items allowed!) add the fine powder that supposedly would clean the garments, press a few buttons and you're done!
Unfortunately, it left the Hylian with only his underwear as he waited.
And waited.
And waited some more.
And waited longer, still.
"At least I now know you're not a liar. I can see that you're a man."
How astute of the Witch! All it took was to getting undressed to only undergarments for her to come to that realization!
Link grumbled as he shivered. Where did this draft come from?!
"Damn drafts…"
The Umbra Witch was standing next to him, leaning against one of the pillars that held up the roof as she eyed him. He stared back, shooting daggers. What diabolical plan was she scheming? What kind of comment was she about to utter to further entertain herself at the cost of Link's already diminished dignity?
Ruby-red lips parted as the silence in the otherwise empty laundromat was broken by the Witch's laugh, a pitiful gleam in her eyes as she did.
"Look at you, squirming and freezing in your underwear. Perhaps your princess has a pair of tights you can borrow."
´Oh Goddesses, kill me now.´
"You're getting quite red around the cheeks."
Too bad the warm shame didn't actually shield him from the chilly drafts.
Another chortle. "It's cute, you know."
Let this torment end already?! How many more minutes until he could take out his clothes and hang them up to dry?
…
37 out of 40 minutes left to go.
Horse-plop.
Link sneezed, shuddering. No, seriously, where did this damn draft come from?!
"…"
This was embarrassing. Utterly, completely, definitely, embarrassing.
"Oh dear, you're shivering. Must be really cold without your clothes."
How observant of her.
Link quivered, still rubbing his arms as he huddled up on the spot. How this could rival the coldness of Snowpeak, he would never know.
And the humiliation…Standing near-nude, waiting for his clothes to be cleaned, while an older woman mocked him. If anyone saw this…well, it'd be some next-level shame. And this place had its fair share of gossipers, far worse than the rumoured Gossip Stones of ancient Hyrule past. Word travelled fast, too; once, King Dedede had brought a plushie hammer to a 1-v-1 match, and not even an hour after it ended the whole roster of fighters knew.
"…"
A sigh. A lump of air swallowed down hard.
"…Hey."
The Umbra Witch turned towards him, looking as smug as ever. "Hm?"
Damn this woman for getting to him. Better to just give in.
"…You can keep the clothes."
Her eyes brightened. The smugness vanished immediately as she smiled and patted the younger fighter on the head. "You're letting me keep these as my new exclusive outfit? Thank you!" She laughed and curtsied before the Hylian. "My Hero!"
Ugh.
"…Just don't tell anyone about this." His cheeks flared up with shame, gaze cast to the floor. "Please."
Well, here it comes; the snarky comeback, the mocking laughter, the shaming comment—
"Of course I won't – this is my entertainment and mine alone. I demand something in return, however."
Blink.
Wait what?
The Hylian turned to meet the Witch's eyes, and what he saw surprised him. There was no wickedness in those twin pools, no mischievous grin or playful smirk curving her lips. No, the Umbra Witch was smiling at him.
Smiling. Genuinely!
"If you were to give me a kiss," she purred. "My lips are sealed."
Suddenly, the icy atmosphere turned hotter than Death Mountain's mines.
"A…k-kiss?"
What's going on?
"A kiss," Bayonetta repeated. "Nothing more, nothing less. Surely you're man enough to not deny a lady's request?"
This had to be a joke…right?
His mind reeled, barely processing what was happening. A kiss – she wanted a kiss. It was supposed to be simple, so why was it so damn difficult to initiate? Thoughts about Zelda entered Link's mind, but it didn't make any sense; he didn't like her that way, and as far as he knew Zelda wasn't romantically interested in him either. So why—
"It's rude to keep a woman waiting, you know."
Suddenly the Witch was at the same level as him, still smiling as fingers cupped his chin and the Hylian leant in, heart beating double-speed and the sound of blood pumping in his ears…
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
It was…nice. Chaste, warm, and pleasant. Romantic, even. Bayonetta's lips were soft, Link noted, as he reciprocated the petting with genuine enthusiasm
Link didn't know how long they stood there but Bayonetta was the one who withdrew, a pleased smile on her face as she eyed him.
"A deal is a deal," she said, turning on her heel. "I'll leave you alone for now, but don't worry; no-one will know. See you later, Linkly." She strode across the room, pausing at the doorway as she glanced back at him over her shoulder. "Thank you again for lending me these clothes, my darling Hero."
And as the Witch left, clearly pleased, Link tightened his lips to suppress a small smile as he fanned himself. Where was that damn draft now?!