DISCLAIMER: The rights to all copyrighted material mention henceforth in this document are owned by their respective owners.
The title of this story was inspired by the Why? song "Women Eye, NO!" of of the album Oaklandazulasylum.
I write a lot of stuff based off of Why?. I'm going to have to write a fic based of a Ghsotface song to balance things out.
Even though I don't respond to reviews for the most part, they are greatly appreciated.
As always, please point out any errors to me.
This is impossible.
That's all Soifon could think as she stood staring at the row of books on the shelf in front of her.
There is no way It's going to be that easy. To think such a book even exists!
And yet it sat there, on the top self of the fourth row of books in the Karakura Books store. "The Whole Lesbian Sex Book" sat there, as if it were taunting her.
Of all the secrets of the Second Division, Soifon's sexual preference was the closest guarded. The fact that she was a lesbian was something she had not told anyone. It simply was not necessary for anyone other than her to know, nor was it the business of anyone other than herself. She hadn't even told Yoruichi, the one person privy to every aspect of her life and the only person she considered a friend.
Yoruichi-sama…
Soifon could feel you pulse quicken as her thoughts turned to the caramel-skinned goddess. The last thing she wanted was for her to find out. Soifon wouldn't be able to stand it if she disapproved of such a thing and no longer wanted to spend time with her, especially after she had just re-entered her life and made amends. She had decided long ago that her love for her former senpai would go unrequited and that friendship was better than nothing.
Continuing to stare at the book in a mixture of shock and horror, Soifon began to question her motivations for this endeavourer.
I am, if nothing else, proficient, she galvanized herself. To have any one skill set in my life lacking is unacceptable, even if it is a set of skills I have no intention of using in the near or distant future.
Extending her arm to retrieve the book, Soifon was dismayed to find her reach fall short. In her gigai, she couldn't jump high enough to reach it and there was nothing around for her to stack to make a pedestal to boost herself with. The shelves were too thin to climb as well. The realization that occurred horrified the petite woman.
I'm going to have to ask someone for help.
Looking around the store, she found an employee shelving books. She approached him.
"You, boy." She did her best to sound commanding even though she was thoroughly mortified. The boy turned around.
"Can I help you, ma'am?" He said with absolutely no emotion.
"Yes, I can't reach a book." She led the boy over to the shelf she was at only moments before.
"Which one?" He asked in the same expressionless voice; as if her were completely disinterested in everything around him.
"That one." She pointed in the books general direction. The clerk reached up and grabbed the book to the left, a cook book. "No, the one…to…the right." She mumbled as her faced turned red. The boy handed the hard-back manual to her and returned to his work without another word. Soifon cracked to book open to find pictures and illustrations of women engaging in various sex acts with lengthy blocks of text next to each picture. Satisfied that that she had found what she was looking for; she clutched the book tightly to her chest to conceal the cover and made her way to the exit.
"Do you plan on buying that book, ma'am?" Soifon turned around to see a cashier and a line of customers eying her suspiciously. She blushed as the eyes fell on her, trying to figure out what she was holding. She had forgotten that she had to purchase to book and paled as she realized that someone else had to see it. Looking at the price tag, she prepared the exact amount of currency and waited impatiently for her turn. When her turn finally came, she handed the cashier the money and started to leave.
"Hold on a sec, I have to scan it." The cashier said before she could get away.
"Scan it?" Soifon asked, anxious for this whole ordeal to be over.
"Yeah, for the price." The cashier held up a small device that emitted a red beam.
"But I gave you how much it cost." Irritation was overriding embarrassment at this point.
"But I have to add taxes to that. Plus, it's for our inventory check." The cashier held out her hand for the book. Sighing in defeat, Soifon handed the book over to the woman, not making eye contact as she did so. "Alright, you still owe me ¥560." Soifon dug into her pockets and handed the girl a ¥2000 note and stood there anxiously as the cashier bagged the book and handed over her change. "Thank you!" The cashier said with a smile as Soifon took the bag and left.
Soifon breathed a sigh of relief as she exited the store. With the book now in an opaque bag, she regaining her usual confident stride and began her trek back to the Senkaimon.
"Just what do you think you're doing showing up in town and not telling me?" Soifon froze in place as she heard the voice that, under any other circumstances, she would have been almost ecstatic to hear. But now, all she wanted to do was run away from the woman that she knew was standing behind her and stow the lewd book away.
"Yoruichi-sama." Soifon said less enthusiastically than she wanted too. She turned around slowly, hoping that she had imagined the voice, but sure enough, the Goddess of Flash stood before her, smiling, wearing an orange tank top with a very low neckline. The top also didn't come down to her waist, leaving a strip of skin between her shirt and the tight denim capris she was wearing. On her feet were tennis shoes.
"Whatcha' got there?" Yoruichi pointed to the bag.
"Nothing!" Soifon answered quickly and defensively.
"It's clearly something." Yoruichi teased.
"It's just a book. That's why I came here." Soifon gripped the bag tight, her nerves going wild. "But I have to be getting back soon."
"So you don't have time to grab some lunch with an old friend?" Yoruichi mocked a hurt expression.
"I suppose I have time to grab a quick bite." Soifon cursed herself for being unable to say "no" to the woman. As the two walked down the sidewalk together, Soifon became aware that Yoruichi's eyes kept flicking over in her direction. Suspicious, she switched the bag from the hand closest to Yourichi to the other. After a short time, Yoruichi picked out a sandwich shop. They were quickly seated and given menus. Soifon set the book next to her in the booth.
"Can I get start you off with something to drink?" Their perky waitress asked.
"I want a chocolate milkshake." Yoruichi ordered.
"Water." Soifon said after Yoruichi. The waitress left and returned with their drinks.
"And what would you like to eat this afternoon?" The waitress prepared a note pad. Without looking at the menu, Yoruichi ordered.
"I want a chicken caesar salad." Not knowing what was offered; Soifon opened the menu and raised it to get a better look at the selections. After scanning it for a moment, she chose.
"A fish sandwich." The waitress recorded the orders and left. Soifon lowered her menu back to the table to find Yoruichi scanning over a book and the table; a book that had been previously sitting next to her. Simultaneously, her face paled and blushed. After looking over the book for several moments, Yoruichi finally broke the silence.
"Huh, you learn something new every day." Yoruichi said as she closed the book. "Soi, I know you like fish, but I didn't think you liked it that much." Yoruichi smiled slyly. Soifon tried to respond, but her mouth wouldn't form words.
"I…you…but…" Soifon stammered, still shocked that Yoruichi had managed to get the book without her noticing. Yoruichi started to laugh. Before anything else was said, the waitress brought out the food. They started their meal in an awkward silence before Yoruichi spoke.
"So, are you…?" Yoruichi didn't need to finish the sentence.
"Yes." Soifon answered without looking up from her sandwich.
"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" Yoruichi asked.
"I didn't know how you would react?" Soifon answered meekly.
"I'm okay with it. I don't judge people because of that type of stuff." Yourichi took a bite of her salad. Soifon sighed in relief and smiled, wondering if there was any way Yoruichi could be a better person.
"So, is there anyone you're going to try this stuff out on?" Yoruichi pointed at the book. Soifon nearly choked on her food at the question.
"Yoruichi-sama!" Soifon managed to spit out.
"I'll take that as a no." Yoruichi laughed. "Is there anyone you're looking to try this stuff out on?"
"Yoruichi-sama! I hardly have time to ogle…" Yoruichi cut her off.
"Nonsense, everyone has time to look." Yoruichi grabbed her milkshake and sipped it. "The question is; what do you like to look at?"
"What do you mean?" Soifon asked, wonder where this was going.
"What type of girls are you into?" Yoruichi asked.
"Yoruichi-sama!" Soifon squeaked.
"Relax, I know the types of guys all my girl friends are into, why shouldn't I know what type of girls you're into?" Yoruichi took a bite from her salad. "So, how do you like your women?"
"I don't know, I haven't thought about it." Soifon half-lied. She didn't know the type of girl she liked, just the girl.
"Well let's find out." Yoruichi finished her salad and put down her utensils.
"How?" Soifon asked, a little worried.
"I'm just going to ask you some questions, that's all." Yoruichi wiped her hand with her napkin. "First off; what's your favorite part of a woman?"
"What do you mean?" Soifon stalled.
"Do you like boobs, butts, legs…" Rather than bringing her milkshake to her, Yoruichi leaned forward and took the straw in her mouth, giving Soifon a perfect view of her cleavage, which she was helpless to stare at.
"B…Breasts…I…suppose." Soifon managed to stutter, still enamored by the magnificence she just be held.
"Do you like them big or small?" Yoruichi moved her hands in front of her chest to mimic the sizes.
"It…depends on the woman's proportions." Soifon answered truthfully.
"Well, do you like 'em curvy or slender?" Yoruichi traced the outlines of both choices in the air with her hands.
"Somewhere in between." Soifon was felling very uncomfortable. She didn't like discussion such things with anyone, but she was helpless to answer Yoruichi's questions. "But on the slender side."
"So you want a girl that can keep up?" Yoruichi asked slyly, her voice dripping with innuendo.
"Sure…I guess." Soifon realized that she had hardly touched her food.
"So what size do you like on that shape girl?" Yoruichi sipped her milkshake.
"On the larger size." Soifon blushed furiously. Her heart race quickened as she realized that she was describing the woman in front of her.
"Do you like fair or dark skin?" Soifon stood up before she answered the damning question.
"I'm sorry Yoruichi-sama, but I must get going. I didn't plan on staying this long and I don't trust Omeada to run the Division." She gave Yoruichi a short bow and grabbed her book. "I enjoyed seeing you again." She left hurriedly.
"Oka, I'll see you later!" Soifon was almost out of the door before she heard Yoruichi's disappointed goodbye. Once outside, she breathed a heavy sigh of relief and hopped Yoruichi wouldn't think about what she said too much.
Urahara entered the sitting room to find a dejected looking Yoruichi sprawled out over the couch.
"No luck, I presume?" He asked to woman.
"Well, yes and know." Yoruichi sat up. "She's gay, that's confirmed, and when I asked her what her 'type' was, she basically described me to me..." Yoruichi trailed off.
"But?" Urahara asked.
"But, she seems unable to pick up a hint. I mean look at this!" She pointed to her neck line. "Is this what you wear to go hang out with a friend?"
"See, I told you that you should have gone with my plan." Urahara fanned himself.
"How would shooting her with a net gun help this situation?" Yoruichi asked exasperatedly.
"I didn't say shoot her, I said shoot you two." Urahara corrected.
"I still don't follow you." Yoruichi looked at the man, confused.
"Remember that lovely couple I accidentally shot with the thing when I first made it?" Urahara asked.
"Yeah." Yoruichi nodded.
"I saw their wedding announcement in the paper last week." Urahara said as if he had just made a brilliant point.
"You ever think that maybe they were engaged before you shot them with the net gun?" Yoruichi asked.
"Perhaps. Or perhaps spending all that time close, all tangled up in each other showed them how perfect they were for each other." Urahara continued to fan himself. Yoruichi thought about what he just said for a moment. What he was implying was completely preposterous, but the idea of being "tangled up in" Soifon was not at all unappealing.
"Fine, next time we'll use the net gun.