ALRIGHT YA'LL! THIS IS IMPORTANT!
Okay, so CheekyBrunette is going away, and she was absent from school for two days, and she has a giant speech she hasn't even started yet, and a maths project my teacher just SPRUNG on us today due tomorrow, and youth group is at my house tonight so it's not like I just can't go! GAH! So sorry if I'm a fail at getting back to you and reviewing and stuff. SO BUSY, NO TIME TO EVEN BREATHE!
I don't own Justin Bieber, guys. (Oh my gosh, I so wish I did, though.)
It was the average day at the Palm Woods, except for the fact that Kendall was furious. Okay, maybe that wasn't a complete shock for Hollywood's latest and greatest bad boy, but this time was different. This time he was completely and utterly foot-stomping, head-smashing, pencil-breaking angry, and he didn't know why. Currently, he was sitting at the kitchen table, watching as Logan helped James and Carlos with their homework and feigning to be making an attempt on his own. He observed almost helplessly as Logan answered all his friends questions, giving them answers that made their eyes light up in understanding. Something about it was just eating him alive. It was almost like he was...
Jealous.
See, Kendall was the leader of Big Time Rush. He was supposed to be the one the guys went to when they needed help, not Logan. It was supposed to be him who guided and directed them. Kendall was the one who was supposed to be needed because, honestly, Kendall needed to be needed. If Kendall was being honest, which he wasn't exactly known for, he might admit being slightly envious of the brainy boy. If he was being really honest, he might say something about how much he wished he was as smart as Logan was so maybe his friends would look up to him more. And if Kendall was being painfully, boarder-line-too-personally, absolutely honest, he might tell you that, for a really long time, they blonde had felt insecure as a leader because he didn't think he was intelligent enough. Especially not with Logan hanging around.
Really, how could he possibly compete? Logan could figure out the answer to every math problem, take care of any injury or illness, and just... explain the world to them. And God knows that Carlos and James needed someone to tell them it all. Why would anyone want to follow or look up to a guy who was barely getting geometry, alarmed by the sight of blood, and had as many questions about life as they did? Kendall tried so hard to look confident, but sometimes it was just so difficult. He wanted so badly for Carlos, James, and Logan to look at him as the strong one because, frankly, Kendall just craved to support and protect them. He just... he loved his friends so much. He had to be there for them, the maternal instinct to take care of all three boys was so strong.
So there was Logan, leaning over Carlos, highlighter in hand, reading the textbook open in front of them and explaining it all. Carlos looked up at him, comprehension clicking in his grateful eyes, making Kendall's stomach churn. He watched as Logan started reviewing James's math homework, acting only on the sight of the heart throb chewing his lip in confusion. It was the final straw. Kendall stood up quickly, hands banging on the kitchen table, eyes on fire. He left as fast as he could, but not before recognizing the look on all their faces.
Fear.
His friends could tell when he was mad at the drop of a hat, and as soon as it registered, they all got this deer in headlights expression that made Kendall want to tear his hair out. He hated how his anger could scare them. He stormed off to their room, growing angrier as he thought about it and craving some alone time desperately. Of course, only milliseconds after he slammed the door close, Logan had to go and reopen it. Of. Freaking. Course. Who else would the guys ask to take care of things for them? The blonde flopped on his bed and glared at the pale boy. "What?" he asked venomously, liking and hating the way Logan was squirming before him. When he didn't answer, Kendall just scowled. "Why are you even here?"
"Cause James and Carlos sent me," he said timidly, the taller boy's frown deepening. "They said I should come see if you were okay cause James gets mad when he tries to make sure people are alright and Carlos doesn't ever know what to do, so they said I should see if you were okay cause they can't and, um, well, are you okay?" Logan babbled, ending his little speech with a wince at his dumb question. Kendall, however, peaked a little at what the shorter boy was saying. He shook his head.
"Everything's fine," he lied, still acting like the big, strong leader even when he didn't feel like one. Logan eyed him warily, and came over to sit at the end of his bunk, folding his hands in his lap and pressed his lips together, rubbing the back of his neck like he always did when he felt awkward. Kendall hated to see his friend so uncomfortable around him, but he was just so mad at him right now, that he didn't care.
"Are you sure?" Logan asked suddenly, sounding very unconvinced of Kendall's answer but also pretty nervous about pressing him. It was sort of a known fact that making Kendall do things generally ended up in disaster. "Because you seemed pretty mad earlier, and we can always tell when you're mad, just like you can tell when we're mad, and I don't want you to be mad all by yourself because for you mad is just like your sad and stuff because you're all, I don't know, tough, so you don't really get upset and cry-y like we do, you just get sort of angry and angsty, which isn't bad or anything, it's just what makes you Kendall and stuff, so I just wanted to make sure you were-"
"LOGAN!" Kendall yelled to get his attention, cutting him off. "The reason I'm mad is because of you," he explained, ignoring the way the smaller boy paled at the words. "You just have to be such a smarty-pants all the time, and it's so annoying. Like, gosh, can't you turn it down or something? You just have to be such an annoying little genius constantly." He looked up from the spot on the wall he had been staring at to see the hurt in Logan's eyes, highlighted by tears. The shorter boy gulped, letting his trail of sight fall to his hands and shifting on the bed awkwardly.
"Oh," he said simply, trying to stay cool, but obviously torn up inside. Kendall sighed. This isn't what he wanted.
"Look," he started, absolutely hating the words about to come out of his mouth. "I don't want to be the leader anymore, okay? You should do it." He almost gagged at what he had just said, considering the absolute last thing Kendall wanted to do was officially give up his roll to Logan. Speaking of, he was currently floundering on the end of his bed, mouth gaping like a fish. He shook his head, trying to get himself out of his fog.
"But I... I can't be leader!" he said, looking absolutely horrified. Kendall just shrugged his shoulders and rolled over, turning to face the wall. He tried to ignore Logan's presence on the foot of his bed, but a loud sniff caught his attention. He turned around to see Logan sobbing, and he immediately sat up, wrapping an arm around his friend's thin shoulders. Logan bit his lip and forced himself to look at Kendall with big, scared, brown eyes. He somehow made himself choke out, "I-I c-can't b-be the-the..." He couldn't finish, but Kendall did it for him.
"Yes you can, Logan. You'd be great at it," Kendall reassured him quietly, feeling a little conflicted about what was going on. On the one hand, he loved this feeling of Logan needing him like this. On the other hand, the circumstances were horrible. What are you doing? Kendall screamed to himself. Just take it back, this is not what you want! Don't just shove it off on Logan and give it all up!
"No," Logan said in a tone so serious, Kendall almost jumped back a little in surprise. "You have to do it." Before he could stop him, Logan pressed on, tears still rolling down his cheeks. "You have to do it because I can't do," he wiggled his fingers at Kendall's nearly permanent stoney expression, "all that. I can't be strong, Kendall. I can't handle pressure, I can't make decisions, and I can't be brave like you can. You can't just give up on us, you have to be the leader." They taller boy's heart fluttered like a little girl's meeting Justin Bieber. He tried to bite back the grin threatening to form on his lips.
"Yeah, but I'm not smart," he admitted quietly, earning a confused look from Logan.
"What are you talking about?" the raven-haired boy asked, eyes highlighted with confusion. Kendall groaned.
"You're just... gah! Logan, you're a genius, how am I supposed to compete with that? I can't act as a leader when the people I'm trying to lead are smarter than me. It's so... degrading," he explained, proud of pulling the great vocabulary word out of no where. "You can do all that problem solving stuff and planning so much better than I can." Logan looked at him. Hard.
"Is this what this is about? You're not just... you're not bailing out on us?" he asked, and Kendall shook his head. Logan gaped. "Look, I can think through a hypothetical situation, Kendall, but I'm no you. I'm not someone people go to for advice or look up to. I'm just... I'm just Logan. I don't know how to be like you, all strong and good with making up your mind and keeping cool under extreme circumstances. That's what people want for a leader, Kendall, not someone who can explain their homework to them. I mean, sure, that kind of person is nice to have around and stuff, at least I hope so, but us panicky types aren't who people want to put their undying trust in." Kendall had absorbed all he had to say, but one thing struck out to him the most.
"You have undying trust in me?" he asked with a small smile forming at the corners of his mouth. Logan smirked and nudged him in the side.
"Of course I do. We all do," he reassured him and then raised an eyebrow. "So... does this mean I don't have to be the leader?" he asked, unsure.
Kendall gagged at the thought of anything otherwise.
The original copy of this just PALED in comparison. Like, I don't even know what I was thinking. It got to be too Logan-y, I guess. But that's okay. It's called practice (cause I'm honestly not that prepped in Kendall angst and emotions) and it payed off. Well, I mean, enough that it stinks less than the first one.
Guys, what is with everybody thinking Kendall today? Like, I swear, it's on everyone's brain. Including me!
