Forgetting Queen Susan
Disclaimer: All characters belong to C.S. Lewis and his grandson ( I think?). I'm just borrowing them for a while.
A/N: Okay, apologies for not updating my Lost stories – but right now my laptop is in for repairs, and I won't get it back for another week (all my work/fanfiction is on there) I promise I will update as soon as it's returned to me! Meanwhile I decided to try something a little different.
I never forgot Narnia. Not really – not like the others seem to think I have. How could I ever forget such a land, honestly? I admit I tried, though. I tried harder than you could possibly understand or know. I would watch them swapping stories and memories of Narnia – envying them for their carefree ways. When they turned to me, perhaps to ask me to fill in the blanks on a moment that we had all shared, I simply pretended to be either lost in some book or to be deep in thought, so Peter would eventually tire of asking me and leave me be.
After a while, they stopped mentioning Narnia altogether, cutting me out of their conversations, only to leave small reminders – subtle hints – probably in the hope that it would trigger something buried deep within me. Lucy would hum a Narnian lullaby whenever she passed my room, Edmund left an archery competition form on the table, and Peter brought me a necklace with a lion's head on the chain for my twentieth. I have never worn the necklace – it lies locked in its box in my drawer, and Peter has long since stopped requesting I wear it. I did, however, enter the archery competition and went away with first prize. Lucy was almost bouncing with happiness; sure I'd 'reclaimed' myself and was 'ready to believe in Narnia' once again. I saw how her face fell when she watched me putting the trophy in the back of my cupboard – out of sight.
They still try sometimes to bring me into their conversations, but I can tell that they are giving up. I'm glad. I can put my memories aside and concentrate on living this life, not the life of 'Queen Susan the Gentle'. Why should my heart and soul be in a separate world than this one? I have seen Peter's face when he thinks of Narnia – sometimes it takes an hour or more to get him out of his trance – and that is if Edward or Lucy calls him 'King Peter'.
I will not be him – living in one world while dreaming of another. Dreams only die anyway, so why hold onto something I know can never be again? Narnia is long lost, and so am I. So here you have it, the ramblings of a self-denounced Queen. Maybe now you understand and maybe now I may sleep a little easier.
A/N: Okay, what did you think? I don't know whether to keep this as a one-shot or to turn it into a four part story, possibly a six, telling it from each of the children's view, and maybe their parents too. Let me know what you think. Or is it God-awful and I should just give up? Lol. R&R!