hey everyone, i'm here again. I bring this story i wrote last year... It's odd, because I was watching Supernatural and I was trying to relate with Sam. (for some odd reason, it's hard for me). So I did actually relate, and i wrote this. I guess you can call it brothers-angst, because i guess it hase both... hmmm...
Oh, this takes place in the first season... hmm, maybe after Nightmare...but I guess it can fall in anywhere in the first season.
I DO NOT own ANYTHING! I never do. I never will. I know this saddens you greatly, but I speak the truth.
Sam Winchester sat at the end of his bed, his chin resting in his hands and his eyes locked on the TV set. He and Dean had just finished a job, and after they had some breakfast, they would be ditching their current motel and hitting the road. In fact, Dean had stepped out to pick up some food. It wasn't the wisest choice, to let Dean go alone to pick up breakfast, the most important meal of the day, but Sam felt weary and wasn't up to giving Dean yet another lecture about healthy food and how they should eat better. Even when he did feel like it, all Dean did was tune him out anyway.
But at the moment, Sam's mind was on the television. Everywhere he flipped, he would find some reality show, or some soap opera. Before, he had been stuck watching The Brady Bunch and some teen drama. Now, he was watching another show he couldn't name.
But watching all this TV, it made him think. After sitting there, watching shows that were supposed to be based on everyday, normal life… He kept thinking back on what he and Dean do, and then found himself thinking about his old life at Stanford. God, he missed normal. He missed not having anything paranormal to hunt, he missed having friends, and most of all, he missed Jess. He missed it all terribly. Missing all those things, it felt like homesickness—some plague that seemed to eat him up inside until he couldn't take it anymore.
All Sam wanted to do was to end it all, to kill the demon, and then just go back to being Normal Sam. Not Demon-Hunter Sam, and definitely not Psychic-Wonder Sam, but just plain, normal Sam.
And if only he could get rid of My-Baby-Brother-Sammy Sam, which is what he always felt like to Dean.
As if Sam had summoned him with just his thoughts, the door to the motel room opened and Dean came in, hands full of who-knows-what. He closed the door with his foot and tossed the car keys on the table. "Breakfast is served," he announced, tossing Sam a box of crackers and ripping open a bag of Peanut M&Ms for himself.
Sam turned off the TV and stared at the crackers incredulously. I'd be happy if I could at least have a normal breakfast for once, he thought sullenly, missing the times when Jess would make him pancakes or eggs. "This is breakfast?" he asked his brother.
"It was the healthiest thing I could find," Dean replied defensively. "I'm sorry if I can't live up to your standards, Princess Samantha." He popped a few M&Ms in his mouth.
Sam sighed and shook his head, setting the crackers aside.
Dean stared at him, eyebrows raised. "You're rather dismal this morning. What's up?"
Sam glanced over to him, but quickly withdrew his look. "Just… Nothing, okay?"
Dean set his candy down and frowned, his seemingly cheery mood diminished. "What is it?"
This is so stupid, Sam thought, a quirky smile tugging at his lips. "Do…do you ever watch TV?" He paused, trying to see Dean's reaction. But Dean's face was emotionless as ever, so Sam continued. "Have you ever watched a show where only normal things happen?"
"Yeah."
A beat.
"It's crap." Dean opened his arms wide. "But, Sam, I'm serious. If you ever try to watch One Tree Hill without me again, there'll be a serious kink in our relationship."
Sam snorted. "But… When you watch TV… Don't you ever get jealous?"
Dean's eyebrows creased. "Jealous of what? Fictional characters?" He shook his head. "Sam, I know you want to be normal, but what you see on TV—that's not normal."
"I know… But it's not just that, okay? I—I get so envious when I see normal people—real people. Their lives are…I mean…they're so…so normal!"
"I bet their lives aren't as normal as you think."
"No, our lives aren't normal. I'm sorry if I get a little envious when I see a group of friends just hanging out and having fun. They just sit there and laugh their lives away, and they're so carefree! They don't have to worry about anything supernatural, because to them, supernatural doesn't exist!"
Dean was silent for a long time, his face a complete blank. He then made his way over to Sam's bed and carefully sat down next to his brother. He looked down, and didn't even try to meet Sam's eyes. What could he really say to his brother? He hadn't ever had a real taste of normal—at least, not in the last twenty-two years. What could he say? 'Don't worry, you won't even care in twenty years or so?' No, that would never work…
"Sam. I'm sorry, I really am," he finally said. "I'm sorry you can't be normal, like you want. But right now, you just have to be happy with what fate dealt you, okay? Be happy that you at least got to be normal for a few years of your life. Don't tell me that you're not thankful for that."
Sam froze, shooting Dean a look that clearly said I didn't think of that. "I…I am thankful for that…"
"And…remember, you said…uh, you know, you'll be normal again when this is over…"
"Yeah…yeah I will be…" Sam took a deep breath, and let it out again, slowly. He gave a half smile as he rubbed his forehead. "I can't wait until this is over. This whole job—it's torture."
Dean's mouth opened, but nothing came out. Eventually, he tilted his head to one side and replied, "Maybe."
"I'm sorry for dumping on you, man," Sam apologized. "It's just… I miss it so much."
Dean nodded mutely, and he wondered if he missed it too. It was a long time ago, but still…
"But I guess that one saying is right. It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all… Except it's not love, not really. It's just normality."
"That's my positive brother. And it'll be like you never lost it in the first place, since you'll be getting it back."
"Yeah…you're right." He stood up and clapped Dean on the shoulder, letting a bright smile pass his face. "Thanks, man."
Dean didn't move for a minute or two. He rubbed the back of his head, and kept his eyes downward. "You…you know I'm sorry, right?" he asked to Sam's back.
Sam turned around, his smile turning into a look of confusion. "What?"
"I'm sorry for the apparent hell you went through when you were younger… I'm sorry I couldn't give you everything you wanted—everything normal."
Sam paused for a moment. Then something hit him. "Dean, what about you?"
"What about me?"
"Don't you want to be normal too? You're always saying how you wished life could've…would be…better for me, but don't you want it for yourself too?"
"I never said I didn't want to be normal," Dean stated bluntly, successfully keeping his expression completely unreadable. "But for me, this 'job' is kind of like a life-sentence. I have an obligation, Sam. And even after we kill the demon that killed Mom and Jessica, and even after you and Dad stop hunting, I won't—I can't, okay? Because there is plenty more where that evil son of a bitch came from."
Sam's eyes widened at the thought of Dean spending the rest of his life hunting—literally. His brother would always be living for someone else, and never himself… The last thing Sam wanted was his brother getting killed in a hunt, and dying screaming. "Dean… God, don't spend the rest of your life like this," Sam pleaded quietly. "I know I want to be normal, but I also want you to be normal too. I was us to have a real life."
"Then your life will have to be real enough for both of us. Don't worry, Sammy, I'll visit." Dean winked halfheartedly at his younger brother, before getting up himself and heading towards his duffle bag.
Sam came up to Dean and stopped him by placing both hands on his older brother's shoulders, ignoring how Dean tensed up beneath his touch. "Dean…please…don't."
Dean didn't answer, didn't even look at him.
"Promise me you'll stop hunting too when this is over. Promise me that we'll be normal. That we'll be normal together."
"I promise, Sam. I promise to make sure you get the life you deserve. As for me… I can't promise that I'll stop hunting. It's my life, Sam. There is nothing else for me. There is nothing else I can do…"
"You could go to college, and then get a job…and—"
Dean shook his head, chuckling as he shrugged off Sam's hands. "Are you kidding me?" He turned his back on his brother. "You know me, I barely made it through high school." He grabbed his already-packed duffle bag. "Just—just come on, okay? It's time to leave." And before Sam could stop him, Dean left the room, striding off to where the Impala waited and obviously counting on Sam to check them out of the motel.
Sam stood there, in the center of the room, alone. Earlier, he had missed being normal. How he missed everything normal… But now, he only missed the times when he had felt he had really completely understood his brother, or the times when Dean felt that he had completely understood him.
No, they didn't understand each other very well anymore.
But maybe they could work on that.
that's that.
please review, it makes me so very happy.
(By the way, those who are waiting for an update on Escape, I shall try to do that soon. I am kinda at a standstill in the story, and I want to get through that before posting more.)