Hi, I'm Stewie Griffin, and this is my complete dissing of Fan Fiction and its' writers. I mean, the writers all have stupid names, I hate the way they portray us, and language, man, language! This stuff is just unacceptable! I mean, you'd think they'd come from Canada, or Sweden, or Mexico, you know, one of the lower countries on the show. Anyway, let's begin paragraph 2.
My first reason I hate Fan Fiction is because the writers all have peanut-brained names. You know, names like Bhaal, or PhantomPhan111, or aldavas. Now, you can see why most of them are underlined in red when you type them on Microsoft Office. I mean, even I think my name's (bleep). It's not perfect, but it's definitely better than CartoonCrazy96.
Okay, now second, I hate the way they portray us. I mean, they have us doing stuff Seth MacFarlane would never ever even mention! Here are some examples: Meg marrying an angel, Lois committing suicide, and me becoming a soul reaper! What in God's name is a soul reaper? You know what, I can't even talk about this, so (bleep) you.
Okay, Fan Fiction writers, don't go bonkers and throw your Laptop at your fish tank, then eat the fish, because we're almost done, here: My final thing is, ahem, LANGUAGE! Let me say this straight, you probably can talk plainly, but you can't write if it meant your life! Here, let me read you an excerpt from Stewie Has Amnesia, by twizz613, (still can't get over that name.) Warning: Literature experts, please, please, don't get mad, rent a German tank, drive it into twizz613's house, kidnap him, take him to Egypt, drown him in the Nile River, then take the body to the Republic of the Congo, where they'll probably use him as a model in a no-budget science class, because I cannot bear that thought, so please don't do that.
Ahem! "Stewie was about to kill Lois well all of a sudden Fat Man came in (Peter). Peter came in ignored Stewie was Lois, and went to get a cookie, in left under his bed."
What? You know what, this has made me even more angry at Fan Fiction! And something else, you are OK to do that by me, in fact, I encourage you to do all that stuff, maybe even adding a medieval rack into it! Ah, just kidding, can you imagine if I was like that? I've turned over a new leaf, anyway, so twizz613, unless we meet in a dark alley with a black market merchant that sells silenced weapons nearby, we're cool, we're cool.
Well, that concludes my expository essay of Fan Fiction writers and their mental health issues. So… "Hulk smash!" (crash!) "Peter, for the last time, they are not remaking The Incredible Hulk, and you are not angered David Banner, you're a 43-year-old, 280-pound, Caucasian, Catholic male, named Peter Lowenbrau Griffin from Quahog, Rhode Island, USA!" Oh, sorry, guys, but I have to team up with Brian for another road-to episode, (my personal favorites.)
The End?