Must Love Cats

A/N: Based off of a kink meme prompt for a fic based off of the manga "Love Neko", with USUK (in that specified order)… I took a bit of liberty and took elements from Love Neko and Absolute Boyfriend, and added a few things of my own; the only real part that stays true to the original manga is the concept... Hope the OP enjoys it anyways!

This is also my first true "M" story... So I apologize in advance for the fail! OTL

Summary: Tired of his friend's supposedly dead love life, Kiku gives Arthur an online questionnaire, with strict orders to fill it out. Arthur does so, if only to please his friend, and ends up in over his head when he's send a robotic "lover" named Alfred… with cat ears? Rated for future citrus!

~*~*~*~USUK~*~*~*~

Chapter One

Arthur sat back on his couch, leaning against the arm. His laptop was open on his lap, the quietly humming machinery feeling warm against his pajama-clad lap. Why Kiku had forced him to promise to fill this stupid thing out was beyond him, but he typed in the website address nonetheless.

The browser loaded quickly, and Arthur was left staring at a rather obnoxiously pink background, decorated with copious amounts of what seemed to be conversation hearts (the American candies he'd received from female classmates that tasted like chalk and had corny sayings such as "call me", "be mine", and "Yours 4-Ever" on them) scattered randomly across the background.

Sighing heavily, he ignored this abortion that dared to call itself a webpage design, and clicked on a button in the upper right corner, proclaiming in flowery script, "Begin here!" A form popped up, with check-boxes next to multiple-choice answers. The beginning questions were rather basic, and Arthur could answer them quickly and simply:

What are you looking for in a relationship?

After reading over the options, he clicked on the one closest to his own beliefs: Someone that completes me.

Do you believe in love at first sight?

This one was a little trickier – not because the question was difficult, but because he was embarrassed to admit what he really thought. Blushing softly, he checked the 'yes' box, cursing his inner romantic, and moved on.

What is the most attractive part of the human body to you?

Arthur felt his face flush more heavily with some of the options, but settled for something he usually noticed first about each person he met: "eyes".

What color hair do you find most attractive?

In truth, he didn't truly care about this. So long as a person was pleasant to have a conversation with, he didn't care much about their looks. He checked "blonde" and moved on.

What color eyes do you find most enticing?

This question was similar to the question about hair color. He checked "blue" and moved on again.

Do you prefer your partner to be taller, shorter, or the same height as you?

Arthur checked "Anything is fine" at the end of the choice list, and continued on with different questions until he reached the final few.

What nationality or race do you find most attractive?

Arthur wasn't big for the strange race-fetishes some people had. He clicked the first on the list ("American", he later found it to be) and moved on.

What is your favorite animal?

Arthur looked over at the silver tabby he had been given as a present on his last birthday. The beautiful cat stretched, as if sensing his gaze, and she looked over her shoulder at him, yawning, showing him her pearly-white fangs. He smiled. While he didn't particularly like animals all that much, he adored Victoria. She was darling, and he knew that he spoiled her rotten.

He checked "cats", then "submit". Yes, any prospective lover must love cats – there was no way he was getting rid of Victoria.

Another, this time smaller, form came up, with only three questions:

What age group are you looking for?

Do you want them to be experienced, intermediate, or new in terms of relationships?

And, finally, Have you read our Terms and Conditions, and agreed to them?

Arthur clicked on the group he himself fell into—"18-24". It seemed stupid to pick anyone older. To his surprise, though, there had been a group for those "15-18". What kind of perverts came to this site?

He clicked on "intermediate", mainly for the reason that he himself was not very well-rehearsed in relationships. He knew how they should work, how they were supposed to run their course. But all the contact he had with the fairer sex as of yet had been platonic. He'd never really believed in the philosophy that there could be sex without love; it seemed wrong to him. Making love was meant to be an expression of trust and love between two people. It wasn't a selfish act made for the pure pleasure aspect of it. Call him sentimental, call him a romantic, that was his belief.

Knowing that the "terms and conditions" would be the same legal garble that every other site had in order to keep from getting sued, he clicked "yes" without bothering to read it.

The last form was all on his personal specifics. His height, weight, hair and eye colors, his likes and dislikes… As well as his mailing address (a note stating that his personal information would not, in any way, shape or form, become public knowledge) for bill payments. The basic things that everyone put down in dating site profiles, he was rather sure. He filled it out accordingly, and clicked "continue".

A screen popped up, the word "Congratulations!" spelled out in the same annoyingly flowery print as the beginning button, on top of the rest of the message.

"Click here for a free 6-month trial!" it claimed, blinking irritatingly.

"At least it's free," Arthur grumbled darkly. "Damn it, Kiku. I don't need a damn dating site. I don't even need a relationship." Knowing full well that the Japanese male couldn't hear him in the apartment next door, he continued grumbling complains as he clicked on the final button that sealed his fate.

~*~*~*~USUK~*~*~*~

Two weeks later, Arthur was sitting at his kitchen table, nursing a cup of tea in his hands. The warm porcelain felt good against his cold hands. Sighing softly, he continued his relaxing ritual. He always had a nice hot cup of tea after a day at school. He was in his senior year at college, though he was easily one of the older men in his year. He had skipped two years between high school and college in order to travel abroad.

While he'd learned many interesting things while visiting the many countries he'd been to, he'd also rather exhausted his pocket book. As a result, he lived very frugally now. But he didn't regret his travels in the slightest – sometimes, he thought, he wished he could go back. And maybe he would, after he paid off his student loans. It sounded nice – a reward, almost.

A knock on the door interrupted his thoughts. Sighing, he set aside his cup onto its proper place in its saucer. "Coming," he called, stepping quickly across his sitting room to the front door. He opened the door, and stared in surprise at the two men who instantly pushed their way into the apartment, wheeling behind them a rather large crate. "E-excuse me, who are—"

"Arthur Kirkland?" One of the men, with slicked-back blonde hair, a rather miffed expression, and blue eyes looked over at him, holding up a clipboard. Arthur nodded hesitantly. "Sign here, please."

Arthur took the page, and recognized it as a delivery confirmation form. He signed it, his hand feeling slightly shaky. Had he ordered something while drunk again? Oh, God damn it…

"Thank you." The man took the board back, and disappeared out the door with a brisk step.

The second man smiled slightly. "Sorry about Ludwig," he stated, winking slightly. "His first day on the job, has to replace his hermano." In contrast to his coworker, this man was bright and sunny, with dark brown hair and olive-green eyes; he had a pleasant Spanish accent that reminded Arthur of his summer spend in Spain a few years back. "My name's Antonio. Nice to meet you, Mr. Kirkland. Anyways, adios for now… But if you have any troubles, we'll come to help you out, all right?" Without another word, Antonio disappeared after Ludwig, shouting at him to wait up.

Arthur stared at the open door for a few moments before slowly closed it, turning to face the monstrous box they had parked in front of his sofa. He tentatively walked over to it, running a hand along the smooth outside of it. Eventually, he found a small latch the stated "open here".

When he finally managed to wrench the side off, he was greeted with an avalanche of packing peanuts. Yelling in surprise, he struggled against something heavy that prevented him from moving up. He was completely surrounded in little shells of Styrofoam, having issues breathing and moving.

Somehow, he managed to half-drag, half-dig himself out of the small drift of a mess that was now all over his recently-vacuumed floors… And he instantly froze at what he saw.

Laying face-down in the packing peanuts was a man. Arthur wouldn't be able to tell until later that night, but he had a beautifully sculpted face, set with two sky-blue eyes and a wide, meaningful smile; messy caramel-blonde hair framed his face, sometimes falling over his eyes. His body was just as perfect – even now, Arthur could see the muscle underneath the tanned skin, toned and flawless.

His eyes widened greatly. What the hell? He'd just been sent a human being? What kind of place had he… What was this, a slave ring? He then noticed the fact that a pair of cat ears stuck out of the man's head, large and invitingly soft-looking. A tail to match stuck out from underneath him. An even more perverted than normal slave ring, then. He knelt down quickly, his hands fluttering, trying to figure out something to do. "H-hey, are you… are you okay?"

Oh God, oh God, he wasn't moving… He leaned down, rolling the man – whom he now realized was naked, thank you very much, and that just added to his "freak-out" level – onto his back. "Hey… come on, wake up…"

He reached over, cupping his cheek. He drew his hand back quickly. This man was freezing! He managed to half-drag him out of the peanut-drift, lying him flat on his back. He felt for breath in front of his mouth, and, feeling none, he checked for a pulse.

He thought he may have felt something, but he couldn't be sure. He leaned over the cold man's chest, pressing his hands together, one of top of the other, and pressed down on his chest five times. "Come on, damn it, breath!" He would never forgive himself if this man died. He had apparently ordered him… or something… He didn't know, but this was insane!

He moved over to the blonde's face, gulping slightly as he bent lower, pressing his lips to the others in an open-mouthed CPR position—

Just to hear a strange whirring noise, and suddenly feel a tongue invade his mouth, strong arms wrapping around his back, pulling him closer as beautiful baby-blues looked on at him with something Arthur could only akin to awe. They slipped closed, their owner enjoying the kiss.

Arthur, for one, was too shocked to pull back at first. It took him until he felt a now-warming hand slipping up his sweater vest to gain control of himself and push him away, his hand falling in a stinging arc to land squarely on the cheek of the once-inanimate man. "What the hell, fucking pervert!" he screamed, ignoring the clueless look sent his way.

He managed to push his way away from the confused-looking man, who was still obliviously sitting in Arthur's living room in all his naked glory, and retreat so that his back was against the nearest wall, his chest heaving.

The mysterious blonde suddenly smiled widely, a good-natured personality shining through. "Lip scan recognized—Arthur Kirkland, my new master!" If possible, his grin grew wider. "I look forward to being of use to you…" Arthur felt his heart leap into his throat as the man stood, moving closer, faster than he would have thought possible. The man had him against the wall, an arm on either side of his head. "…Artie." He leaned forward, brushing his lips against the confused-as-bloody-hell Briton's, his hand going up to cup the back of his head. Arthur pushed against his shoulders, but was met with a new adversary—a hand had somehow found its way into his shirt, and was slowly crawling up his chest.

He screamed in protest, kneeing the man in the groin. He pulled back, looking more surprised than anything, and made a sound of confusion and almost disappointment when Arthur sprinted through the nearest door – to the bathroom. He slammed the door behind him, locking it firmly. His chest was rising and falling quickly as he attempted to catch his breath, and he found himself going into shock.

There was a crazy man in his house. A crazy perverted man wearing cat ears and a tail, who seemed intent on having his way with him. And he'd forgotten his damn mobile on the kitchen table, so he was unable to call for help.

Just lovely.