Two is company
The snow drifted onto the ground. It would soon envelope everything in sight in pristine white… and for once, I wished it would… mayhap it shall hide the pain I carry as well… I sighed as I looked down at my hands, hidden amidst the many folds of my kimono. These very hands had held him close many times before… and now they remain empty…I felt a tear drop down on my hand. I had promised not to cry. I had promised to live on… for his sake. My eyes fell on the silver haired hanyou who was my son…
"He shall be called Inuyasha!"
His amber eyes locked with mine and he smiled… and I smiled in return. He looked exactly like his father…
"Haha-ue, can I go play?" living in the outskirts of the village, I tried to limit his contact with the other children as much as I could. And it stung me every time I saw him look at the other children with longing. In their games and leisure, he wanted to be a part. Was that such great a crime? No… he hadn't been the one who had sinned. It had been me…. I had sinned by loving. I had sinned by showing compassion. I had sinned by the mere act of existence.
I shook my head sadly as I beckoned him closer. And he came. His silver hair glinting in the light of the sun enchanting me… exactly like how his father had.
My lord…
"Why can't I go, haha-ue?" his eyes looked at me imploringly. I ran a hand through his hair, smiling at him as I did.
"You can play here, Inuyasha." His face fell a little as he lowered his eyes. It hurt me to see him thus…
"Who will I play with?" his words pierced me like darts. My hold around him tightened instinctively as he clung to me, his tiny fists clutching my kimono. I was the reason he wouldn't be accepted in this world… hated by demons for being half-human and abhorred by humans for being half-demon… I had sealed his fate in darkness by the mere act of conceiving him. Tears stung my eyes as I caressed the silver head.
"Go on, Inuyasha." I whispered. He looked up at me, his golden eyes shining with happiness.
"Really haha-ue?" I sensed earnestness in his voice and smiled.
"Yes. But be careful and come back before it is too late, Inuyasha." He nodded as though he still couldn't believe I had given him the assent he was waiting for. And I watched my son run out the door, his silver hair shimmering in the sun light.
It had been well nigh three hours and he was yet to return. And to say that I was anxious would be an understatement. I paced the room as I tried to calm myself. He had promised to stay out of trouble and not to get into fights. And I trusted him enough to know that he would stick to his word. But the other kids… the far more 'human' ones were the ones I did not trust. Being human myself, I knew how the human heart can turn worse than a demon's under prejudice and vanity. And my poor innocent son… he would bear the brunt of it all… all because his mother fell in love with a demon.
I sighed as I walked out of the house, my trembling hands hidden inside the many folds of my kimono, in search of my son.
As I felt the village getting closer and closer…I felt my anxiety increase. Normally, my son could sense my scent accurately and would come running towards me. But this time, I walked on, my path unhindered by any half-demon who ran up to me.
The sounds of children's laughter grew louder as my steps grew more hurried. Where was he? Were the children making fun of him? Was my son being ridiculed by the entire village?
All of a sudden the sight unfolded in front of me as I stepped from behind the bamboo. The children were playing in front of the shrine; their laughter seemed to reflect their joy as the ball passed from one person to another. The adults had also decided to join their little ones for I saw fathers playing with sons and for one painful moment, I remembered him. If only he had been alive, my son would never have to face the disgrace he faced now.
My love…
Then all of a sudden, there was silence. I broke away from my thoughts to find Inuyasha in the middle of the play. His eyes shone with such earnestness as he stood there, hoping to be included in the enjoyment. The children had stopped playing and the ball was in the hands of one of the priests of the shrine. A moment's silence passed as the man glared at my son, as though my son had committed a sin so heinous just by existing there. Then without a word, he threw the ball away from the gathering… towards me and turning around, walked away. My heart felt such pain as I saw Inuyasha rush towards the ball, retrieving it with as much earnestness as a puppy playing with his master. Then as he turned around with the ball clutched in his hands, the glow in his eyes seemed to fade… he was all alone in that courtyard. The 'humans' had moved away.
I sighed as I felt tears struggling to break free. I had never cried in front of my son. For I did not want him thinking that I was ashamed of what had happened in my life… meeting his father, loving him, having his child…but I did not know if I could restrain the rivulets any longer. I lowered my eyes to the ground as I wiped my tears away. When I raised my eyes again, he was staring at me. The ball fell from his tiny hands as he ran towards me and hugged my legs tightly. I knew the hurt that stabbed my son's heart that day and those rivulets ran down my face unrestrained. My hands enveloped his tiny body in a tight hug as he clung on to me.
He looked up at me and his eyes stilled with shock as I cried before my son for the first time. I smiled at him as my fingers caressed that cheek.
"Aren't you hungry Inuyasha?" he nodded mutely and clutching my hand, walked with me back home.
And for once, the company of just the two of us seemed so much warmer than a million of those who proclaimed themselves 'human'.
Owari…
Author's Note: Sigh… I'm always touched by Inuyasha's childhood. And this is my 'tribute' to the way he's turned up good even when he had all the reasons in the world not to! And I'm sure the only reason is because he had his mother Izayoi with him. In many ways, she's a very strong character, ne? And in that way, this story is also a tribute to all the single mothers out there…You women are the ones who define strength!
Oh well… Hope you guys liked reading it as much as I did writing it!
Ja ne… Do review!
Yours in fellowship,
Anarya of Lorien.