A/N- this is my first fanfic, and I greatly appreciate your opinions. Hope you enjoy. Also, might have OOC; however, I view that with the passage of time and experience a person changes sometimes quite dramatically sometimes not.

Chapter 1

Have you ever lost the will to live? Seto ponders the question as he stares at the laptop, the book Hamlet open to Ophelia's demise, as he studies his homework which is uncharacteristically late. Because I think I have. Never could he commit suicide as Ophelia has, that would devastate Mokuba excruciatingly so. Beyond these walls of his house, everyone sees him as an icy hearted genius; they do not see the pain which he shields the world from. However, being as intelligent as he is he knows how to cease living without actually taking such a drastic step. After all, the CEO of Kaiba Corp is supposed to be perfect.

Seto eats once a day because he needs to, but truthfully he tastes nothing. He sleeps as much as possible now so he can escape the real world. What happens when reality becomes so unbearable that you do anything to no longer connect with it without shutting down completely? Do you realize that your will to live is greatly diminished when you just stop caring about yourself? He looks out upon the dismal sky and frowns thoughtfully. Would anyone realize if you ceased to live without actually dying? That only a shell remains? Can those which claim friendship tell that each day lowers your expectations? Can an outsider truly know when all hope is lost?

Too distracted to finish his essay beyond his name, Seto drops onto his bed hoping that Mokuba doesn't discover him in this state. He's trying desperately to hide this cold truth from his brother; to lose this façade would mean the end. Light reflects bitterly on the silver frame and he's forced to gaze upon the very reason for his situation. Pain nearly doubles him over as he traces his puppy's goofy grin. "Why?" He chokes on tears threatening to dampen his face. At least he knows the answer to that question. Because Joey deserves to be taken out on dates, to be cuddled and be called endearing names, that's the answer. "I never meant it. You're not stupid, you're not worthless. I need you back, pup." He knows that is impossible. Joey no longer even talks to him; not a single curse at him or to even call him moneybags, and he misses the sound of his voice so much with each passing day. Every once in awhile he notices the blonde's gaze fall upon him, but his expression is unreadable. "I miss you."

So, each day we pray someone will find us and hold us safe. Every moment of our lives, we hope to rediscover that spark which to ignite the fire of our souls again.

Seconds tick by yet only he knows the devastation such a small amount of time does to his soul. What had made that last fight so different, so final? Two months, six days, and seven hours ago. The usual insults had been tossed carelessly back and forth and all because his puppy had asked, no begged, if perhaps they could do something together for once. Yet he had so much work to do, not so much where it would be impossible to spare even ten minutes, yet he refused, which of course brought out the blonde's quick fire anger. His puppy had shouted that he was uncaring, an ice prince. He had yelled back, for once losing his temper, "You worthless mutt. Why don't you grow up and stop being so damn stupid? Some of us work for a living." So close to falling apart.

Is it up to those around us to make sure we do not shatter? For once something is shattered; no means of repair are available. So we hope that we only break, for then we can be fixed.

All around him lays destruction. Seto's normally organized room is in disarray. Clothing just tossed carelessly about, shattered wine bottles fallen to the floor. He drank too many to recall how many exact bottles he broke. Shredded papers rest in piles. Bitterly he recognizes some as the deal he had been working on when Joey left him.

"I can't do this anymore, Kaiba. I wont stay here, and be treated like somethin' to be hidden away. You remember when we first got together how you said if we last a year, then we'd go public? Well, it's nearly been two years. We graduate in a few months, and I'm moving." Cold blues had raise to his puppy's amber orbs. No way could the dog actually leave me. But Joey had left. Not another word, just one last pained look and a fleeting kiss to his cheek as the blond dropped a set of keys onto his lap. "You walk out that door; you better not bother coming back." Finally Joey spoke, low and full of defeat, "Didn't plan on it, Kaiba."

Is there some guidebook on how to survive? Do you wait for the coiled viper to suddenly spring and finish you? Or do you wait for the loyal puppy to find you and vow loyalty? Can you beg a rainbow to chase away the overwhelming darkness?
Seeking refuge from the heartache, Seto hides within himself erecting steel cages around his mind so that no one will ever reach him again. He barely acknowledges the knocking on his bedroom door. "Big brother, there's someone here to see you," Pulling on every ounce of reserved strength that remains, he opens the door to gaze down upon his brother. A bit taller, a bit older, eyes a little more wise, yet still a child. "Who is it, Mokuba?" "Joey, he came to retrieve his deck." His heart cracks even more, yet his face remains impassive. "His deck" He can't keep all the disbelief out of his tone though. He only came for some damn cards. "I'll get them." He's unaware of how broken his voice sounds or how hollow his eyes have grown. Carefully he gathers the card, and then adds his Blue Eyes White Dragon card. He scrawls out I Give Up on a piece of scrap paper then hands both to Mokuba.

I've finally lost all will to live. I can no longer hang on to this pathetic excuse of a life. How can I see him every day knowing he hates me?

"Kaiba," soft, hesitant voice whispers and he whirls around to face his puppy. "Leave, please." "No can do, Kaiba. If ya hurt yourself, then I'm to blame. I wont be your excuse." "Like you care. You left me, remember?" "Damn it, Kaiba, I gave you how many chances? Did it ever occur to your self absorbed mind that maybe I didn't ask on a certain day of each month to go out or hell, to even stay in and be together because I wanted to be annoying? Never occurred to you that maybe that day was important, huh?" "What the hell are you talking about, mutt?" He notices Joey visibly wince and wishes he could take it back. He hadn't hurled that insult since they got together. "Never mind, moneybags. Today's the seventh, think what six days ago would have been. Then think to the day we split up." "I don't know. I don't have time to waste on dates that concern us." "From what I heard, there's no more Kaiba Corp to distract you so you have all the time in the world."

Something about the blonde's smile disturbs him. "You sold Kaiba Corp and didn't care who bought it, remember? I still had that twenty thousand you gave me on my birthday, Kaiba, and I bought your precious company. For being a worthless mutt and therefore stupid, it's a miracle that your former company is actually doing quite well." "Brother, you sold it? For such a small amount when you could have gotten millions?"

Shaking, he backs away from the disbelief and hopelessness in Mokuba's eyes. He hadn't remembered, just knew he was still CEO, but apparently the pup is his boss. But now, he recalls how he hadn't cared, he had blamed the company for him losing Joey so he sold it. "Get out, mutt." "Relax, you still have enough money to keep you content, and you still have a job, but I control the hours you work. However, now you have no excuse to ignore those important to you. I guess I wasn't important enough to help you understand, but I have to go. I told you I was moving once we graduated. By the way, here's your diploma." As the blond moves to leave, Seto staggers to his knees. "I'm sorry," he pleads but Joey's no longer listening.

He's not sure how long he sat like that with tears flooding down his face. "There's no changing his mind," Mokuba states kneeling beside him. "Why did he have to leave, just help me understand?" "Maybe because he never saw this side of you. He never saw your flaws, what makes you human."

Desperately he races to the phone and punches in the familiar numbers.

"Is he alright, Mokie?"

"I'm sorry, Joey, I'm so sorry."

"What for, Kaiba?"

"Everything. The fact that I hurt you, how I mistreated you, and most of all for holding on to some hope that you'll return. I'm trying, pup, to let go and to be strong, but you're my weakness. I know that you can't stay, I just wish you would."

"We've been through this a thousand times, but you never paid any attention. I wish you the best, Kaiba."

His pup hung up on him and he gazes tearfully at his little brother. "You knew?" "Seto, I was worried so I asked Joey to come see you before he left. I had hoped that he'd realize how broken you are without him." "Mokie, I failed you." "Never, big brother. You've failed yourself. Oh, this should help, the combination to your safe."

4.1.3. his safe opens easily. He pulls out a letter and settles on his bed.

Seto,

If you're reading this, it means I've actually left. You have no idea how much this hurts. Almost as much as the fact that two years ago today you promised to make me happy and you've broken that vow repeatedly. I'm going home to try and heal. It might take some time, but I have to. I wish things had been different, and maybe one day I'll realize you were always right. I wonder if this is what you wanted. For us to be over? You know, even though, you destroyed me, that you're still the best I've ever had. If there's still a slight chance that you still love me, then will you please meet me at the tree outside the cafeteria? If not, then I'll know all my efforts were in vain. I still love you, Seto Kaiba. I just can't be with you if you're going to treat me like this.

Love Joey, always your puppy.

"I saw him out by that tree and ignored him. He was giving me a second chance and pride got in the way. I screwed up." Shortly afterwards, despair over came pride and he stopped going to school and work cept once a week to collect homework. I asked him out at that tree. How could I have been so stupid? I remember, Joey. I know now why you use to get so upset.

His pup had thought it had been a prank. Some stupid April Fool's joke. Hell, he hadn't even realized what day it had been. Nor was he the prankster type. It had been fresh bruises littering Joey's form that urged him to take the boy aside. "Who hurt you, puppy?' No angry outbursts, no fury within amber orbs, just tragedy. So he had in a way untied the weights holding back his emotions and gathered the blond in his arms. "Be mine, puppy. It's time for your master to take you home." Timid lips had pressed to his as Joey whispered, "Sure, Kaiba, I'd love to be your boyfriend."

April 1st at 3 o'clock he had asked Joey Wheeler out. He had made so many useless promises then. He never fulfilled a single one. It's time for a change, a drastic one, to get his life and puppy back.

"Mokie, can you get me a large garbage bag and probably disinfectant?" His brother runs out the room and returns moments later with a pail, rubber gloves, cleaning products and garbage bags. "Mokie, I can't live like this anymore. How do I live for someone else if I'm barely alive?"

Afterwards, Seto surveys his work. Once again the room is spotless. After two days of not showering, he feels disgusting, and jumps into scalding water. Quickly he dresses in grey slacks and a thin, light blue button up. He fixes his hair and notes he's in desperate need of a trim.

"Big brother, what exactly do you plan on doing?" He notices the boy standing awkwardly on the stairs and ruffles his hair. "Getting my puppy back." He ignores the sorrow claiming his siblings eyes and races to his car.

Nearly every one of their friends stands outside the airport. Yugi openly sniffling against Yami while Ryou, gazes at the doors with something akin to regret. Malik pouts as his eyes flicker between Ryou and the doors. Yami reassures Yugi with soothing hands rubbing circles on his look a-like's back. Bakura growls low in his throat as he wraps a protective yet possessive arm around his hikari. Only Marik seems bored. "Ry-Ry, don't start crying," Malik begs. "What's going on?" They turn, startled by Seto's voice. "The dog left." He nearly punches Marik. "Because of you," Ryou adds heatedly. The snow haired youth moves away from his yami and whispers, "Do you know how many days I watched him cry? Do you know how many nights he refused to sleep?" He had never heard such hostility in the usually placid boy's voice. They walk away, shutting him out. Briefly Malik pauses and hisses, "I should rip your heart out, but then I remember you don't have one. After Joey left you, Ryou was the only one that gave you the benefit of the doubt. He believed you would realize your mistake and change for Joey. He's not that naïve anymore. For some reason, Joey showed up at Ryou's doorstep that night. Ry-Ry took him in. Hurt Ryou again and I'll carve out that frozen heart and put it in the damn microwave to see if it'll actually defrost."

Gazing up at the departing planes, Seto wonders which holds his puppy. "I'll get you back, pup, and that's one promise I can keep." With renewed determination, he stalks back to his car.