Elegy for the Damned
I'm dying. I am lying in my crimson blood and I am dying.
I can feel the Reaper's hands around my throat; I can taste the spices of Hell on my tongue; and my eyes are blinded with visions of the fiery realm that waits for me.
I've sinned so of course I'm going to Hell. I knew that from the start; but what I cannot bear is that I'm dying here and I'm alone. There is no sweet voice soothing my wounds with a final lullaby, nor is there a tear to fall on my crippled body. I just want one last kiss; a gentle caress on my unlovable form.
God how I wish I'd loved another. Truly and completely given myself to someone.
Typical; I am near death and now I realize what I had been born for. Not to kill but to love. Isn't that why I refused to kill John's son? Out of love for them both? I don't think it was an attempt to atone for my crimes; I'm beyond redemption. I allowed my love – my one love – to take control over my actions and now I lay here dying.
I'm losing consciousness now. I can feel myself slipping away, like missing a stair and taking the slow tumble down. I'm not scared. I'm not! I just…I just want another chance. It's not my fault I became a killer. I was a victim of anger.
God, you took my parents from me; you raped me of my innocence; you nurtured this assassin. You owe me. Save me. Save me from death and let me live the life you originally carved out for me. Let me erase the stains that taint my memory. Let me live…
Why am I praying? God doesn't exist.
But maybe all dying men find God in their dying breaths.
I don't know; I don't care. All thinking is pointless. The pain is numbing now. I'm on the cusp of death and soon I'd been in its clutches. I'm dying and soon Yassen Gregorovich, the name I wanted to live in infamy, will be nothing but stinging dust in the wind.
Yassen Gregorovich, rest in peace.
I'm not too sure about this. Do you think I should just leave it there or make it so Yassen is saved? It's up to you. Also if you don't like it, can you please tell me why so I can improve. Thanks. xxx