He was supposed to be stronger than this. Deep down he knew that if he picked up his phone his family would come running but he also knew they wouldn't make it in time. He didn't have it in him – not this time.
The fight; the will to fight, it wasn't there. Spencer needed – craved – a reprieve from the world and his life just for a moment. He'd fought for ten years through some of the hardest times of his life and managed to stay sober only for it to be snatched away by Cat Adams. She took the one thing that was most valuable to him like it was nothing. His sobriety was his freedom.
Thinking about it infuriated him but it also made him long for the drug that had control over him and by extension meant Cat had did, because she did this to him. Reduced him to this. He had to admit she had played her game well and as much as he hated her he couldn't help but want to play another game with her. It was dangerous and the stakes were always high, it gave him a high, winning at her games that he couldn't get anywhere else. He couldn't help but wonder if some of what he'd said to her was true. Though he didn't let his thoughts venture too far down that path – JJ had told him he was going to be fine. The team were happy he was back.
One injection and maybe he could feel the same.
Reid prepared the needle with well-practised ease. He'd lost count of the minutes he'd spent sitting there trying to talk himself out of taking the Dilaudid, but he knew he'd lost the battle as soon as he'd gotten himself prepared. It was effort he supposed. As he inserted the needle into his arm, the faces of his team members – both old and new – flashed through his mind. Disappointed. Hurt.
They blurred until he could no longer see them, a fact he was grateful for and as he was slipping into oblivion – his sweet nothingness, he thought he heard a knock and his name. In his head it sounded like Morgan, but that was impossible. The genius didn't ponder it much further, the drug taking effect and dragging him down. His last thought:
They're always too late.