All dapper-looking in his winter school uniform, Futaba entered Calipse University with a host of well-warranted apprehensions.
It was the first time in his young life (twelve thousand years was young for his people) to attend school. While he wasn't the only nonhuman at CalU, he was the only Shadow Angel amongst the student population. The vast majority was "wingless ones": humans (or beings close enough), the natural prey of his kind.
Naturally, they all hated his guts.
His elders warned him endlessly and thoroughly. Futaba was not ignorant, having watched and tormented these same humans through Atlantis' dimensional mirrors. He now regretted those childish actions as the perfect excuse for his new classmates to kill him.
Futaba would bodily enter enemy territory per the peace treaty with the wingless ones. Toma-sama and the others would not be able to protect him there, so Futaba needed to be careful. Knowledge was half the battle. Among the reminders:
"Their scent is terrible."
Futaba reeled. On his left, muscle-bound Hanma Baki reeked of sweat and dirt and machismo. On his right, Fllay Alster exuded a perfume so powerful that it could be classified as a chemical warfare weapon forbidden by the humans' Geneva Conventions.
Redheads must be the most evil of the wingless ones' ilk, he thought in a stupefied daze.
"They continuously desecrate the sacred mouth."
All around the disgusted Futaba, students indulged on flesh of questionable freshness and edibility mixed together and burned at varying temperatures into what passed as "meals".
He knew for sure that the humans' command of language was strange. For example: how can a long cylindrical piece of meat incorporating ground beef, pork, chicken and kangaroo (he was sure of that last) meat be called a "hot dog" when there wasn't even a shred of dog meat in it?
The humans would even fight and kill each other for half-spoiled leftovers– as the gunshot piercing the morning bustle evidenced.
"I demand a French roll! Hand over a French roll quietly or I will shoot you…"
Futaba narrowly avoided getting stampeded. Animals, they're absolutely vicious animals…
"They are terrible creatures subject to base instincts."
Copious amounts of saliva pooled beneath Hitotose Chitose's half-open mouth. A bubble of snot decorating his nose alternated in expanding and contracting with every snore. The vice class representative bashed him awake.
Meanwhile the blue-haired class representative used a tessen on her overprotective classmate with the cross scar on his face for his latest round of idiocy (the French roll shoot-out/stampede).
Outside, an alien girl in a brief two-piece tiger-striped bikini chased a madly running boy.
If these are what the wingless ones call loveFutaba thought with a shudder, I do not want to see what their hate looks like…
"They hate us."
Yuumura Kirika intently watched Futaba. So did Sagara Sousuke even as he munched on a French roll recently wrested from the local bread stand. Futaba could smell the blood on them. Not to mention gunpowder and metal.
Looking away didn't offer salvation. When he shifted his gaze on Chise by accident, the girl blushed and hid behind her boyfriend Shuji, who immediately glared at Futaba. Meanwhile, a voice intruded inside the Shadow Angel's head.
If you threaten me or Shuji, the Saishuu Heiki Kanojo grimly intoned, I will kill you.
It wasn't just his classmates. Though some teachers stood beyond such biases, others– like Professor Of Anime (what was anime) Studies Person with many aliases (Futaba thought it a stupid name even for humans)– shared their students' opinions and vocally expressed them.
Then there was Science Teacher, Ninomai Kisaragi, definitely no human, whose only cryptic comment about Futaba was "Dissection", a word he did understand. The Shadow Angel boy steered clear of that pale-haired, pale-faced alien professor.
Even humans who didn't express hatred for him puzzled him. "It's a conspiracy," a hauntingly beautiful and kind senior told him while Futaba pondered upon the "convenience" of having a city-killing cyborg, an ace mercenary pilot and a world-renowned assassin in his class. "Everything is a conspiracy by the Nihon Hikikomori Kyokai."
What's the Nihon Hiki– eh?
Finally, there was Sohryu Asuka Langley, who spared no deceit but simply marched up to Futaba on Day One, thrust her face almost into his and declared, "I hate your guts, Angel, and the first chance I get, I'll decimate you with my beautiful EVA 2!!!"
What's an EVA
"Do I have to go to school?" he pleaded with Toma the day before Day One.
"Yes."
Futaba hated his "father" ever since.
"Hey. You."
Futaba was completely miserable. He was forbidden to use his powers or summon hundred feet tall Cherubim soldier robots for amusement or protection. He was force-fed the strangest ideas about bigoted human history, environmentally-destructive human science, boring human psyche and calligraphy.
One thing he had learned for sure, an opinion shared by a good number of his human classmates: school sucks.
Something whacked the back of his head.
"OW!" Rubbing his sore cranium, Futaba turned to glare. The treaty said I wouldn't be assaulted! Damned traitorous wingless ones!
His attacker, fists planted on her hips, wasn't one of his classmates. The girl wore a yellow ribbon on her somewhat short hair, a red armband that said COMMANDER in the Japanese language and a cocky smirk on her face.
"You're not human, are you?" she demanded.
He blinked. Her question was brusque and forward, but strangely not insulting. He couldn't think of a comment for that paradox, much more the girl herself.
"Well? Are you or aren't you?"
"I'm a Shadow Angel," Futaba grumbled at last. "I'm nothing like you humans."
"Excellent!"
He stared, confused. The girl looked quite happy. "As of this moment, you are now the first shadow angel member of the SOS-dan!"
"The what?"
"You heard me the first time! Anyway, it's time for today's afternoon meeting, so come on!"
She grabbed him by the abominable human adornment they call a "necktie". He tried to pull away, was shocked at the girl's inhuman strength that actually surpassed him. Grinning, she bodily dragged him out of the classroom.
"Let go, you! Ah! Toma-sama! Help me!"
"Oh, stow it!" Suzumiya Haruhi grinned at the terrified Futaba. A real live angel! Wait till the other guys get a load of you!
Calipse University
(CalU)
a mega crossover story with no end in sight
Episode 01
First Day
Anime Mentioned:
Full Metal Panic: Fumoffu – Sagara Sousuke
Gundam Seed – Fllay Alster
Grappler Baki – Hanma Baki
Happy Lesson – Hitotose Chitose, Nanakorobi Fumitsuki, Ninomai Kisaragi
Neon Genesis Evangelion – Sohryu Asuka Langley
Noir – Yuumura Kirika
Saishuheiki Kanojo (Saikano) – Chise, Shuuji
Sousei No Aquarion – Futaba
Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuuutsu – Suzumiya Haruhi
Urusei Yatsura – Lum, Moroboshi Ataru
Welcome to the NHK – Hitomi Kashiwa