Guilt
Summary: Dean punches Sam and feels bad about it now it's up to Bobby to make the guilt go away.
Warning: contains the H word…2 times
A/N: Story was written in response to a supernatural challenge on jets yahoo group Original posting by Uni states the story is to be written about a time when Dean punches Sam and someone (not John) spanks dean to help him get over his guilt
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"He's NOT dad!" The words echoed in his head. Sam had been right, Gordon wasn't John; he never would be, he never could be. No, Gordon had been a monster; killing things that didn't deserve to be killed.
But…oh, god, he'd been caught up in everything Gordon had said. Why? Was he, Jonathan Dean Winchester Jr., so desperate for a father figure that he'd follow a man like Gordon? Was he so desperate for someone else to take control that he was willing to…no…Dean closed his eyes, trying to fight the tears.
'I'm so sorry Sammy.' He looked over at his baby brother; the bruise was still there.
It wouldn't go away for at least a week. Why? What had possessed him to punch the one person who could make him smile? The one person he lived for? The one person he swore to protect at all cost? The one person no one was ever allowed to hurt?
'I hurt him' Dean thought, unable to stop the tears from flowing.
Seeing Sam start to stir Dean wiped the tears away. Never before had he felt so guilty. He knew that if he were alive John would have skinned him alive. Dean had raised Sam from infancy; he'd been all of eight when John gave him the power to spank then three year old Sam. Over the years he'd taken Sam over his lap multiple times but never had he just flat out hit him.
John had warned him over and over again, "If you ever hit your brother Jonathan Dean, I will spank you, bare bottom. Do you understand?"
The answer had always been yes, sir. As he got older, Dean had gotten angry when ever the question was asked. 'I'd never hit Sammy!' Dean had growled the answer many times and usually found him self spun around for a half dozen swats for being disrespectful but he never cared. He'd rather kill himself then hit Sam.
And now…Dean shook his head. Sam had forgiven him; Sam always forgave him. Dean had been extra nice to him but the guilt he felt wouldn't go away. Of course, when Sam thought he wasn't looking Dean could see the question in his eyes. 'Do you hate me?' Dean hated the unasked question. 'I could never hate you Sammy'.
Dean drove until the sun woke Sam up. "Dude, did you drive all night?" Sam looked at his older brother in shock. Normally they took turns, each driving for three hours at a time. He knew that ever since that night Dean had hit him, Dean had carried a burden of guilt but he didn't know how to help him. "Dean?"
Dean looked over at him and shrugged his shoulders. He wasn't tired; in fact driving kept him from thinking. A silence fell between them, one that wasn't uncomfortable but not quiet comfortable either. Sam looked over at him again when Dean pulled into a lane that had junked cars on either side of it. "What the hell Dean?"
Dean remained silent. He stared ahead as a thought popped in his mind. He frowned, 'Damn it, I should have called ahead.' Sam was too busy trying to figure out where they were to notice the look on his brother's face.
As they pulled up to a house Sam smiled, he knew where they were. He'd grown up here, it was here Dean gave him his first spanking; it was here he learned to shoot a gun, it was here Dean learned how to fix cars, it was here they first met Bobby Singer.
In the house Bobby had been trying to sort out his ledger, numbers had never been his strong suit, when he heard the car. His first reaction was to grab his gun but as the car drew closer he realized he knew the car. It wasn't hard really; the impala had a distinct sound. Of course, he knew who drove the impala…a smile crept to his lips…John Winchesters boys.
It had been a couple of months since he'd seen them last; the day Dean had finished fixing the car…a week after John had died. He wondered briefly what they were doing at his place. He rushed out the door waiting for the impala to come to a full stop and it's inhabitance to step out.
Dean was first and Bobby was shocked to see that he'd lost weight. There was a haggard look in the older boy's eyes. Sam stepped out and Bobby saw the cast; it had obviously seen its share of hunts.
Bobby stepped down and gave the younger boy a hug; a motion which Sam quickly mimicked. Bobby took a step back and grabbed Sam's chin in his hand, he tilted the boys head to the side and looked at the bruise, "Nice shiner their boy."
Sam smiled but Bobby noticed, from the corner of his eye, that Dean winced. "Thanks, Bobby; remind me and maybe I'll tell you the story behind it."
Sam gave Bobby his best smile and laughed. Bobby shook his head and walked to Dean. Knowing how Dean felt about hugs Bobby instead put an arm around his shoulders and led the two boys inside.
"Dean, how's the car working for you; any problems?" Dean shook his head in answer and Bobby sighed. What ever happened had to be bad if Dean wasn't talking.
Once in the house Bobby put some food on the table; only Sam ate. Looking at the youngest Winchester Bobby had to smile; Sam always had the ability to east twice the amount of any one person and yet never gain a pound.
Bobby turned his attention to Dean who refused to even look at the food let alone touch it. Wanting to gauge the older boys temper Bobby put some food on a plate and placed it in front of him, "Eat up Dean, it'll make you feel better."
Dean threw Bobby a murderous glare and shoved the plate away from him self and stood up. "I drove through the night; can I crash in our old room?" Dean started to feel slightly uncomfortable as Bobby frowned at him.
"Did you drive ALL night?" Dean nodded a look of confusion on his face. Bobby turned away and muttered under his breath before turning around to face Dean. "We'll talk about that later. Eat and then you can go to bed…now Jonathan Dean."
Sam said nothing as his brother did as he was told. After he ate Dean got up and left; Bobby and Sam could here the door slam. Bobby raised an eyebrow at Sam who shrugged his shoulders.
Bobby was starting to worry; the boys had been there for two whole days and Dean had only come out of his room for supper. Not even the prospect of a hunt could make him leave the room. It wasn't until the fourth day when things came to a head.
The day started out normal enough; Sam got on the computer looking for something to hunt and Bobby sat behind his desk trying once again to make his ledger balance out. It was a little after lunch time that Sam went back into the bedroom; ten minutes later Bobby could hear raised voices and got up to investigate. "What the hell is your problem Dean? You just sit there and do nothing; why?"
When Dean refused to answer Sam rushed to him and made him stand by grabbing the front of his shirt. He gave his older brother a slight shake but still Dean refused to talk. It was his eyes that made Sam drop him.
Bobby rushed forward and quickly separated the two; he knew that what ever was eating Dean would have to be dealt with and quickly. "Sam, take my truck into town and pick up my mail, then go put gas into it and wash it up. Your brother and I need to talk; give us an hour."
Sam wanted to protest but something in Bobby's demeanor stopped him. With a nod he left the house and drove away leaving his brother in Bobby's care. Bobby waited until he heard the truck pulling away before turning his attention back to Dean.
Bobby closed his eyes; he knew that getting Dean to talk would be as hard as getting him to the doctors so he mustered his inner John. "Jonathan Dean I want to know what's going on with you and you will tell me…that's an order young man."
Dean's head shot up, 'Oh, no…an order and full name…crap, so not good.' With a sad look Dean began telling Bobby about everything; how he ignored Sam, how they met Gordon, how Sam had known what Gordon was really like and how they fought.
Dean let his head fall until his chin touched his chest, "he yelled that Gordon wasn't dad and then I – I punched him."
Bobby was shocked by what he heard. He could see the guilt spewing from Dean. Though he didn't want to he knew that he had to make Dean feel better.
With that in mind he gripped Dean's chin in his hand and forced Dean to look at him. "Look at me and repeat that last part Jonathan Dean."
"I punched him; I gave him the black eye." Dean flinched under Bobby's gaze. Bobby was utterly flabbergasted as to what to do when a scene of a young Dean and John flashed in his mind.
"If you ever hit your brother Jonathan Dean, I will spank you, bare bottom. Do you understand?" "Yes, sir"
Bobby shook his head; the boy was too old for that. After another look at Dean, Bobby knew once again what had to be done.
"So you punched your kid brother for saying the truth?" Bobby watched Dean nod. "Now you feel guilty for it, don't you?" Dean nodded again, tears forming in his eyes. "Well son, I think I know how to rid you of your guilt."
Dean gave Bobby a dubious look. Before he could react he found himself being pulled across the older hunters lap.
Dean started to struggle not liking the position he placed into. Bobby gave him two hard swats, "I'd stop fighting now Dean or else once we're done I'll add some more."
Dean stopped suddenly; he knew he was getting what he deserved. With an ease that made him uncomfortable Bobby pulled his pants down to his knees and his boxers to just below his backside.
Bobby stared swatting Dean as soon as he had him repositioned. He started left to right, swatting one place three times before moving on. Soon Dean began making sounds of distress. Hoping to hurry things along Bobby dropped his left knee and raised his right, swatting the tender under curve of Dean's backside.
SWAT, SWAT, SWAT "Ow!" SWAT, SWAT, SWAT "B-bobby, please I'm sorry!" SWAT, SWAT, SWAT "no more! Please Bobby!"
Bobby dropped his right leg and began swatting at the meatier backside; he swatted harder and began to lecture.
"You don't ever hit your brother Jonathan Dean!" SWAT, SWAT, SWAT "I know he can be difficult at times and he doesn't always know when to just stop and leave well enough alone but that doesn't excuse your behavior." SWAT, SWAT, SWAT "If I ever find out that you hit him so help me Jonathan Dean, I'll take the hairbrush to you, do you understand?" SWAT, SWAT, SWAT
"Yes, sir," Dean began to sob.
The spanking hurt more then he remembered. Bobby seemed in no hurry to finish and before he could stop himself he threw his hands behind him but Bobby simply pinned them on the small of his back.
The swats seemed to get even harder (if that was possible) and Dean finally went limp and sobbed. After four more swats Bobby stopped and began rubbing Dean's back.
When Dean started to calm down Bobby drew up his boxers and pants and then sat him down on the bed. "It's ok Dean; Sam's ok. He forgave you; all you have to do is forgive yourself."
Dean started to cry again so Bobby hugged him. After a few minutes Bobby stood him up and helped out his jeans and into flannel pajama bottoms. After pulling back the covers he helped Dean lay down on his stomach and then covered him up again. Bobby sat down by the young man and kept talking in soothing tones and rubbing his back until he fell asleep.
Sam came home twenty minutes later to find Bobby in the kitchen cooking hamburgers and home made fries. Sam rose in eyebrow in question; Bobby simply smiled at him.
Sam started for the bedroom but Bobby stopped him. "Leave him be; he's sleeping."
Forty minutes later a tousled hair Dean walked into the kitchen, a smile on his face. "Dude, I can't believe you let me sleep that long." Bobby laughed and pointed to a chair which caused Dean to make a face. He sat gingerly and managed to not make a face. "Sam and I will be leaving tonight; I want to get started on that hunt he found."
Sam looked at his brother in shock. He didn't know what Bobby had said but it seemed to have worked. Sam looked closely at his brother, 'if I didn't know better I'd swear he'd been sp…Nah.' Sam shook his head at him self. Bobby's voice brought him out of his reverie.
"I think we need to talk about you driving ALL night. You know better then that Jonathan Dean; I think you need something to help you remember." Sam watched Dean pale at Bobby's words.
"Bobby, I swear dude, it won't happen again…" Dean continued to ramble until finally Bobby took pity on him.
"Your punishment is to make my ledger even it self out; after that you two can take off." Dean smiled a real smile for the first time in months. The three continued to talk and Sam knew that he had his big brother back.
THE END