Haunt You Every Day, song by Weezer.
I wrote this last MAY! Can you believe it? MAY! Ahh! I found it in the back of a spiral and I was like 'Oh yeah… I remember that!'
So now I am posting!
I am giving thanks to Xluv4lukeX, who just reviewed practically all of my RFR stories! I wasn't going to type this until later, but this person seemed so enthusiastic and happy about my stories, which inspired me to put Fruits Basket aside and go back to my roots of RFR! Fruits Basket will of course come back… but not right now!
One-shot.
Haunt You Every Day: (Future, Kim's POV)
So many emotions were trying to burst out of me, but as much as they tried they were non-existent. Maybe they were there, but they were like the air. You couldn't tell if they were or not, and so they were left unnoticed, taken for granted, just like so many other things in life. Unnoticed. Transparent. Gone. Forgotten. Dead.
I don't feel the joy, I don't feel the pain,
You were just a toy, I am just insane.
Of course he didn't know I was there, but I was watching him as I sat on the edge of the prison cell window. He still resembled the boy of 14 I had met and known for the first time so many years ago. His puffy brown hair had become much shorter over the past six or seven years, and the beautiful eyes that used to be filled with laughing and happiness were now overcome by sadness and regret.
I wanted to reach out to him, hug him and tell him I knew he didn't do it on purpose. But since my emotions did not exist anymore, all I felt was a sensation that may have been regret. I had regretted everything I had said to him that day, and I regretted driving away so fast. It was not his fault. More or less, it was mine.
Walking on my own, leaving you behind,
You were crying out that you need to speak your mind.
He lay down on the flat mattress he was supposed to call his bed for the next five years and three months. He cried; well, that's all he had been doing for the past three weeks. If I had been at his trial, I would have told them the car accident was just that: an accident. There was no way Robbie, my Robbie, would try… want to kill me.
It was a stupid fight. I'd even forgotten what it was about. A stupid, typical, boyfriend/girlfriend fight. The only thing different about this argument was that one of us had ended up hurt… and one of us never woke up again.
I replayed the scene in my head almost a thousand times. We fought about something, and I got in my car and drove away as fast as I could. He followed. I happened upon a red light, and hit the brakes. Unfortunately, he was driving just as fast as I was, and we collided. The last thing I remembered before the end of my 24 years dawned was seeing Robbie's panic-stricken, bleeding, crying face, and hearing him desperately out of breath, repeating my name over and over again. Now we were both alone. Me, just a spirit, watching over a half-dead boy.
Oh, so alone in love, so alone in love,
I'm going to haunt you every day, haunt you every day.
A lump I was sure I was imagining formed in my throat, causing my unnoticed 'breathing' to become heavier. If anyone deserves to be on the other side of the prison walls, it's me, I thought for a minute. But then the thought automatically erased, for I was going through the worst punishment of all. The lump in my throat dissolved. A spirit couldn't graduate college or become a teacher, as my goal had been. Now every dream I had had was useless and unrealistic.
And I… had managed to claim many more lives in a useless attempt to replace my own. I had led people to their deaths. Of course, it hadn't worked, and now I was left to cope with the fact that I was a murderer for the rest of eternity. There was no place for me now, so I was left here… here to forever haunt my love. I only wished I could bring back the souls I had taken in my rage, and I knew Robbie felt the same.
I am gonna kill, when I need a thrill,
Beating at the heat, 'til I've had my fill.
That day had passed through my mind constantly during the last three weeks; it had passed through so many times that it had lost all meaning. The pain, the breaking windows, the crying… all of it was so overwhelming it almost seemed surreal, because I could no longer feel anything. I had been living a pointless life anyhow. Both of my parents had already died before my end, and I was sure their souls were somewhere that somebody wanted them. I guessed the consequence of the crash was one nobody had expected.
There were so many things I hadn't learned, and so many places I hadn't gone. Of course I could go to those places now, but it would never be the same. Hate washed over me and I wondered… was hate an emotion? If so, hate was the only thing that kept me burning. It was the only reason I had made it as a spirit—and evil spirit—for the past three weeks.
Hate was such an ugly word for such an ugly thing, that nobody wanted. I decided I must now be an ugly thing, an evil thing, and right then and there, I renamed myself Hate.
When will stupid learn? Fire's gonna burn,
Think of consequence, then you move when it's your turn.
Robbie's crying had slowed down and had made him tired. He lay miserably on the mattress and tried to rest his eyes, with an occasional whimper. He curled himself into a ball and pulled the paper-thin sheet over him. I hated watching him. I hated watching him cry and suffer. I clenched my fists in anger, deciding that I didn't want him there. I wanted him to be in the comfort of his own home. I wanted to be alive, right there next to him. I wanted anything but reality.
I shut my eyes tightly and could feel my fists shaking. When I got over my minute of controllable anger, I opened my eyes once again and saw that I had completely gone through the prison wall and was now in the same room as half-asleep, half-dead Robbie.
Being in the same room, being so close yet so far away from him, had made me want to go back to the normal, old times even more. But at the same time, I felt even lonelier.
Oh, so alone in love, so alone in love
I'm going to haunt you every day, haunt you every day.
Before I could stop myself, I slowly walked over to Robbie, sat on the 'bed' next to him, and took his cold hand in mine. His eyes opened gradually, and he looked around without sitting up. He must have felt my hand, I assumed.
Was it possible?
"You… is it you?" he whispered. Although he could not see me, somehow he knew I was there.
I reluctantly kept my mouth shut, scared of what might happen if I tried to say something. Instead, I squeezed his hand harder.
"It really is you…" he marveled. He rubbed his eyes. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I never wanted this to happen!" he choked. "I love you! I love you! I want you back!"
I knew I felt the same, and I felt my heart skip, even though I thought I had lost it.
"I love you!" he cried feebly, and I knew he meant it.
"I love you too," I whispered, but unfortunately, he could not hear me. Holding back something trying to erupt inside of me, I squeezed his hand again.
"Come back… Don't leave me here… Come back…" he muttered as he drifted off into a painful sleep. I let go of his hand and stood up.
"I wish I could," I said, to myself because nobody else could ever hear me. I leaned over him and kissed him. "But maybe… you get what you deserve."
I turned away from him and found my way back through the prison window. I turned away from the jail and drifted off down the street.
Walking on my own, leaving you behind,
You were crying out that you need to speak your mind.
Maybe Robbie will move on, I secretly hoped, although I doubted it would happen. This stupid thing was going to screw up the rest of his life. I was not at the windowsill at that moment, but I knew I could always come back every day to watch him. I could be like… his guardian angel.
With that thought, a tear mixed with the bitter-sweetness of happiness and sadness fell down my transparent face. I wiped it away reluctantly and smiled.
Maybe spirits can have emotions, I thought. And maybe my name isn't Hate.
Oh, so alone in love, so alone in love,
I'm going to haunt you every day, haunt you every day…
Haunt you every day.
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