Easier to run
Ciel remembers all the things that happened, every moment is pain, each passing second only passes in agony, he can't help but think it would be easier to run, but he knows he can't run, he has to stay, he has to fight he has to avenge them, he has to. he has to because what does he have if not revenge? what is there for him? who is there for him? no one. no one anymore, just empty and hollow memories that bring no more confort than drilling nails through ones palms, one is only as strong as their will to live, and Ciel has a will as bright as a burning bonfire, but what happens when the rain comes?
"young master, i've brought you tea..." "Sebastian, do demons feel?" "feel?" Sebastian smiled "yes, young master, all we are is slightly more durable humans." Ciel frowned "do you ever feel guilty? taking life from those people?" sebastian didn't meet Ciels eyes, "only the ones worth feeling guilty over..." "how many were there?" "how many masters? or how many i felt bad draining the life from?" "how many did you regret? how many did you miss? how many made you think this wasn't worth it?" Sebastian didn't answer for a while, staying silent, still un-able to look at his master. "only one." "one...out of how many?" "hundreds...? thousands maybe? i've lost count..." "and only one?" "yes...young master...he was a boy, when we first met, but as we neared the end, i could see how much he had aged...i had grown too close to him. I know what worries you, Ciel, and you don't need to fear. contract or not. i will be there, i will protect you, you don't need to fight, you don't need to run, you just need to stay safely out of harms way and all will be well, i'll protect you, you need not fear, young master- I am a butler of the phantomhive house, easily, such things i can acomplish." he bowed low, hand over his heart.
"you know what troubles me, huh?" Ciels heart pounded painfully in his chest with everybreath, he stood from the windowsill and walked to Sebastian, who stood straight with a breezy smile on his face, "yes, young master...i do..." "no...no you don't..." Ciel returned the smile in a much more empty way, "you couldn't, you only felt sorry once. and still you felt nothing. right?" Sebastians' eyes narrowed dangerously "do not speak to assume, young master, that you know anything about me..." "and you know much more about me, then?" Ciel was definatly past his limit, he was tired of this, his lonliness had swallowed him up, he knew Sebastians' care was no more than an act, and like a fool, he dared to think otherwise, even while knowing the truth. i fell into his web, caught like a fly, and he, the spider. No spider would ever spare their meal.
"young master...i do know you...far to well, i know your loneliness, your heartache, young master, i am a part of you, a peice inside and out, i am what's left-" "you're an infection! you spread like a virus and eat away what there was, what there is and what there will be! you're just a monster!" Sebastian drew silent, Ciels' eyes widened when he realized what he said, "i...s-sebastian...i didn't-" Sebastian grabbed Ciels' wrist, placing his hand where the demons heart would be, and to Ciels surprise, he felt a heartbeat, Sebastian swept his hand over Ciels face, removing the eyepatch, and then his own glove.
"look at me, Ciel..." ciel stared up into Sebastians wine droplet eyes, he placed his marked hand on Ciels chest, over the boys heart "listen...feel..." he could hear his own heartbeat, he could feel sebastians, beating in time with his, the mark on his eye burned, but not in an unpleasent way, it was the burning you feel when someones flesh brushes yours, and their warm, too warm, because you've gone cold, Ciel had always been cold, un-able to see Sebastian beyond more than a predator "he was a boy...a lonely boy looking for someone who understood what he had been through...I traveled to close...I spared his life." Ciels eyes were wide, when his heartbeat sped up, so did Sebastians, he could hear Sebastians thoughts, feel his emotions, the two of them perfectly in synch.
"i am here for you. i will always be here for you. you don't need to run anywhere but into my arms, you don't have to say a word, i'll understand everything, i am a part of you embedded deep, and i will not be removed. " Ciels eyes slid shut when Sebastians crashed down on his- ' i am not alone' "no, not anymore..." 'sebastian?' "yes?" 'is the boy...me?' "sigh, he was also incredibly oblivious, yes, you fool, it's you...'